I took a shower, a cold one.

A very cold one.

Did it help?

No.

Nothing would at this point. I was thinking of Vittore in ways I hadn't thought of anyone.

Ever.

I tried to distract myself when I reached the closet. Turns out, this room was now mine. I was living in the same space as the man who had me questioning my sanity and I didn't mind it at all. The problem was, most of the clothes here didn't fit me. The elegant and classy looking dresses did which was funny but nothing else.

The bras were too small, not my fault. The shirts were too tight, the pants, too small so I had resorted to just wearing sweats, the way I liked it. I threw my now shoulder length hair in a semi decent bun, my bags falling in my face. I liked them. Faye really had a talent when it came to cutting hair.

I walked back down the spiral staircase to the kitchen. I was hungry. After a snack, I'd get some sleep because I desperately needed it. I opened the fridge and it was fully stocked but I didn't know what I wanted. I kept my gaze out of the freezer because I'd be too tempted to just chew some ice and sleep.

I decided on a sandwich and pulled out what I needed. I'd fry some eggs with this if I wasn't so lazy at the moment. I was making a sandwich when someone walked into the kitchen. It was Alexa. Her brown hair was down, covering her face but it couldn't hide the black eye she was sporting.

"What happened to you?" I asked frowning. She looked up and when she saw me and sighed tiredly like she didn't even have the energy to argue or she was holding herself back.

"Vittore," she simply answered.

"He did that?" I asked slightly proud. That must have been one good hit. I wonder if he knocked her out. I'd punched her before. It didn't seem like a difficult task.

"Yeah. I wasn't in the mansion when the attack happened," she said taking a seat on the other side of the counter.

"Where were you then?" I asked.

"None of your business," she quickly retaliated, glaring at me. I held my hands up.

"Whatever. You act like if you answered, I'd give a fuck," I said slapping the last slice of bread on my sandwich. Alexa sighed.

"Where's Vittore?"

"Why do you need to know?" I asked cutting my sandwich into triangles.

"Well I have some papers to give him. His lawyer won't stop fucking calling me and I have better things to do."

I snorted. "You? Better things to do?"

"Not all of us just flash smiles at rich bastards and get what we want. Some of us have to work for it," Alexa snapped.

"You think just smiling at a guy will get you in their heads?" I asked with a roll of my eyes. "It's about seduction, manipulation. If you think you got that down, go smile at some random asshole but don't call me to help if you mess up."

Alexa looked like she was going to retaliate when Maddox walked in. He didn't look much different from the time I saw him. I wonder why he was here. I hadn't seen him since the heist.

"Hey Dalia!" He cheered, a smile on his ace as he walked over to us. I didn't match his energy as I bit into my sandwich.

"What do you want Maddox?" Alexa asked, venom in her tone. I just rolled my eyes.

"Nothing. I was just looking for the boss," he said, glancing around.

"He's not available at the moment. Why don't the two of you come back later. Preferably when I'm dead," I said the last part under my breath because I did not want company at the moment. Why didn't people get that after defeating a while mafia assassination team and almost dying of blood loss, a girl needed some "me" time.

"Just tell him I came by and his lawyer wants to know when he wants the contract forwarded," Alexa said sliding off her stool.

"What contract?" I asked, vaguely remembering Vittore offering me another contract the time I met Faye.

"You're super smart aren't you? Figure it out," Alexa shouted over her shoulder as she left the floor. Bitch.

All that was left was a very confused Maddox.

"What? Want me to chase you out?" I asked glaring at him.

"No uh... I just wanted to ask how you were doing," he said scratching the back of his head.

"I'm alive," I answered biting another piece of my sandwich.

"Alive, tired and in desperate need to be alone," I pressed. Did he not get the hint?

"Yeah yeah... I'll see you around," Maddox said, giving me a small, nervous smile and finally walking out. I sighed and finished the last of my sandwich.

I wondered why people were so difficult. I had my priorities straight already and everyone was just butting into my life. A certain Italian more than others. As I walked back to my new room, I thought everything over.

As soon as my leg was feeling better, the first thing I was going to do was track down my family and get my revenge. That was the most important thing. I was sure after that, things would wind down for me. I'd get a little more breathing space until the Crimson Raven contacted me with our next move.

Once Jordan was dead and everything was taken care of, my soul would be lighter. It wouldn't matter if I died immediately after or if Vittore decided to keep me in his mafia for the rest of my life, I'd finally be at rest.

The only problem I saw in my plans was the man clouding my thoughts. He was smart, he'd figure it ot eventually. Hiding everything I was doing from Vittore wold crash down at some point. The only way I could make sure I got what I wanted was to slightly include him in my plans.

That meant I had to gain his trust which would be hard and get close to him which for some reason, my heart skipped a beat at the thought. I could easily get into his head and use him to my advantage but something held me back. It was this small twisting feeling I got in my gut when I thought of betraying him, of tricking him like I'd done every other man in my way.

It just didn't sit right with me to play with his emotions but what else could I do?

In this life, you are always stuck between a rock and a hard place. Why did I feel bad about digging the ground to crawl out? Why did I feel bad about the possibility of hurting Vittore when all he's done is keep me in his mafia, a place I clearly did not want to be?

The thing is, if I hated him and his mafia so much, I would've left. I wouldn't have helped him steal from Elliot. In fact, I would've sabotaged the whole mission and used the men who talked about my sperm donor to find out where he was.

I would've but I didn't.

Why didn't I?

It could be that small ugly feeling I'd tried to bury. The feeling of being wanted, of being part of something. The selfless nature that had permanently been branded into my soul. The small parts of the innocent, beautiful and untainted parts that after all this time hadn't left.

I was grasping at straws when I had the ability to just yank and take them as I wished.

I guess every time I put on a hard mask, every time I acted like I didn't care about anyone or anything, I was trying to hide that little girl at the back of my mind. The girl that wanted to smile and laugh everyday because she was free from the dark. The girl that wanted to find her siblings and hug the life out of them, forgive them and get to know them after so long.

The girl who wanted nothing to do with this fucking world of money, guns and drugs. The girl who wanted to cry for hours because of everything she'd been through, everything she'd seen and faced. The girl who wanted to let someone in.

That's what I wanted.

To be that girl.

That beautiful, happy, free girl.

But I couldn't and it hurt.

It hurt every second of every day and I just wanted to let go but I'd let go before.

I'd let that happy, innocent, relived part of me out and it didn't go as well as I hoped. It backfired and I didn't want to feel that devastation again. That complete loss of hope that crushes your soul. I couldn't go through that again.

And I wouldn't.

I just had to keep the mask up. Keep it up and nothing will break through it.

Ever.