I slurred my words, instanly regretting coming over to this place again, the place where all the misery started. Dammit, why am I here?! His face was filled with surprise as if I was the last person he expected to see. It was also a miracle that it was him opening the door and not somebody else in the dreadful place, guess the universe wanted me to resolve something too.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Zach's mouth fell as his clear green eyes scanned my relaxed face and wobbly feet.

"I don't knoowww." I dragged my words, my lips too numb to speak correctly. I shook my head at myself, regretting the fact that my feet dragged me here instead of someplace else.

He shook his head as if he was disappointed to see me like this, drunk or heartbroken... I couldn't tell which one. "You're drunk, aren't you?" He pulled up his eyebrows before his hand nervously went through his caramel locks.

"Incredibly." I instantly said, my legs no longer knowing how to function, so I placed my head against the doorpost to keep myself from falling over.

"Bella..." He said with disappointment on his face and even worse, in his voice... I looked down to meet my feet, disappointed at myself for coming here... This is not the place I should be right now. My eyes fell on his shoeless feet, only wearing socks and back up to meet his soft eyes and messy looking hair. He looked casual wearing light grey sweats and a black t-shirt and it reminded me of Lukas. God did I love it when he'd wore that, something comfy and casual. The thought of him walking around like that at my place or his was sobering. I didn't want that... I didn't want to feel the pain, but my face was telling a different story.

"Lukas and I broke up..." I blurted out, tears instantly finding their way into my eyes and down my cheeks. Saying it out loud making it so much more painful.

Zach face instantly overcame with guilt and sadness, his brows in an evident frown. He sighed deeply as he watched me break down at his doorstep. "Come here...Come in." He said, something broken in his voice.

He grabbed my hand and guided me towards the staircase, memories of Lukas rejecting my kisses and touch the night of the party flooded my thoughts and made my eyes spill with tears even more. I was too drunk to question myself whether or not this was a good idea, all I knew was that there was some place I need to be more.

Zach opened the door to his bedroom and pulled me inside. I bit my lip trying not to fall apart but it was already too late. I tried the cover my face with my hands as I leaned my back against the door, pretty sure my legs were going to give out at any minute. I felt his arms slide around me as he pulled me into his warm chest, comforting at first but most of all painful when I thought of him as the reason of all the ache. "No! Don't touch me! This is your fault! You did this!" I pushed at his chest and he let me. "You had to kiss me! Why! Why did you have to mess things up! You were my friend Zach! Why wasn't that enough!" I was ranting at him, slapping my hands against his strong chest and he was just letting me, his face filled with worry and guilt.

As soon as I realized what I was doing, I broke once more. I took a step back, leaning against the door to take a deep breath, shaking my head as I cover my face with both hands. "Why does it hurt so much!" I cried into my hands. "I can't do this anymore." I whimpered, my legs giving out from under me as I felt myself slide down to the floor. Two arms quickly caught me and pulled me into the chest I had been taking my anger out on. "I can't take it anymore." I was gasping for air between my cries as Zach's hand was going up and down my back before pulling me closer. He held on to me for dear life while I sobbed into his chest, both of us sitting on the floor of his bedroom.

He buried his face into my hair, feeling his breath as he spoke. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, shaking his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean for you guys to... I just wasn't thinking I'm sorry I... I felt something in the moment, and I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry. I really am. Be mad at me, you should be." He swallowed his own pain to apologize and I believed him. He didn't choose to get feelings, he didn't choose to mess things up for me, he just couldn't lie to himself anymore and he regretted every bit of it.

I looked up, slightly pushing him back to meet his eyes. He was on the brink of letting go of some tears himself, hurt because he had hurt me in the process. "We were friends." I whimpered, almost whined at the thought of that stupid kiss ruining everything. He grimaced at my words and his hands squeezed me as an outlet of his pain at the thought of no longer being that.

"I...know." His voice broke when his eyes met mine and for a minute, we just stayed like that, looking at each other, trying to understand that we both got hurt losing our friendship over that mistake.

After some time, his arms let go of me and he got up, sticking out his hand for me to grab. The moment I was on my feet the room spun around and the alcohol certainly went to my head. "I'm not feeling so great." I felt my tongue slur again and I tried to focus.

"How much did you drink?" He frowned his brows, while his arms went around my waist, trying to keep me from having to stand on my wobbly legs.

"Clearly too much." I smirked, my eyes suddenly heavy from crying and intoxication. I was exhausted and Zach could tell. "A bottle, like yesterday and the day before... It makes me feel like it's just a bad fucking dream." I spoke honestly, trying to justify it. I helped me get through it, although I'm sure it didn't help me process. It just procrastinated the pain.

He shook his head as he looked down at me the worry in his face still present and his brows still in a guilty frown. "Bella that's not.."

"Not okay, I know." I rolled my eyes and I instantly regretted it as it made me almost lose consciousness. "I need to lay down." I whispered faintly as I tried to keep my eyes open.

Zach gazed down at me with concern before he shuffled me to his bed. The soft sheets hitting my back felt as if I was on a cloud. I sighed deeply before pulling him onto his bed next to me, my head instantly finding a spot on his chest. I wanted to feel comfortable even if it was for a minute, I wanted to be held the way Lukas always did when I felt lost. He always pulled me back to earth, making me see which road to take, never questioning the other option. He had always been my compass when I didn't know what to do. "Bella, are you sure you should be doing this?" He said softly holding his hands up so he wouldn't touch me, not sure if he should.

"Just please hold me, I don't want to feel alone for a minute." I whispered as I closed my eyes, his arms snaking around me reminding me of how it felt to be loved. "Zach?" I spoke quietly, my eyes still closed, waiting for him to answer but he just hummed as I curled up next to him, letting myself being swallowed by the comfort of his arms around me. "I hurt him so much...I broke up with him because he tried to kiss Jess for revenge in front of me... It ripped my heart out but imagine how he felt when he saw us." Zach arms tightened around me at the mention of our kiss.

"I kissed you, it wasn't your fault." He shook his head into his pillow, his thumb rubbing my shoulder through my sweater.

"Yet it is, because I let you, didn't I?" I looked up to meet his eyes but he just looked back at me, his hand finding a way to cup my cheek, his thumb desperately trying to wipe away the tears.

Caught by his gaze my mouth parted, trying to feel the softness of his thumb on my cheek. I swallowed when he propped himself up on his elbow halfway hoovering over me while his hand still cupped my face, pushing my hair softly away from my face. His messy hair dangled down while his eyes never left mine. They wandered to my lips while my fingers went through his hair at the back of his head, it was soft, familiar almost. I felt my eyes being pulled to his, trying to feel something real, a tingle, a shiver, anything, desperate to feel again. He smiled sweetly and as if in slow-motion he leaned in brushing his nose over the bridge of mine and I felt the warmth radiating from his face, the softness of his skin brushing over mine. The air between us got sucked away, both of us unable to move as my fingers fell from his soft hair. I felt his minty breath wave my face when he brushed over my nose again, his bottom lip nearly touching the top of mine. "Please don't..." I whispered softly against his lips, pulling his gaze to mine, trying to pull myself out of this mesmerizing tunnel before, the moment would catch up on us.

"I can't do this to you again, I know." He whispered; his voice broken as his forehead fell on mine. He sighed deeply before rolling back onto his back, his hands roughly rubbing his face. I bit my bottom lip watching him painfully trying to push away his feelings while I finally had an answer. I came here to figure out if I could have feelings for anybody else... And the answer was no. I could never feel what I felt for Lukas, what I still feel. What I had with Zach was pure attraction, getting sucked into the moment but nothing that involved heartbeats hammering in my chest or butterflies turning my stomach into a warzone. It was nothing like that, I felt nothing at all... What I felt for Lukas was deep and real. I realized the simple truth; one I had always known. I loved him... I needed him... and the biggest mistake of all was running away from him.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, trying to stop his hands away from frantically going over his face and into his hair.

He stopped, resting his hands into his hair as he looked up at the ceiling. "No, I am..." He looked back at me. "You're hurt and I almost took advantage of the situation. This is not like me... I'm sorry... You come to me as a friend and I almost ruined it. Again. You just... There's something about you that..." He grunted, conflicted by his own feelings, not finding a proper was to let them out. "I just fell for you hard...I'm sorry." He shook his head while the regret on his face was evident. I felt sorry for him knowing he felt that strongly about me but that my heart would always belong to somebody else.

"I don't know how to fix my mistake... I don't know how to make it right and I don't have anybody to talk to... Mia is trying not to pick sides I guess, and you always treated me right. You're still someone I trust, someone who will say the right thing even if it hurts." I sat up, looking at him but he kept looking up at the ceiling. "I broke up with him and he begged me to stay... Zach I was so angry at him for trying to hurt me on purpose that I didn't see how much he was hurting because of what I did. I was so cold towards him while he was trying to fix us... and now he's not even taking my calls or calling me back...I don't know what to do or how to feel. How do I move on from that...?" I pulled up my brows with despair.

"You don't..." He looked at me with a faint yet sincere smile on his face. "I want to be selfish now and say that he doesn't deserve you... That you're better off without him... But the truth is, you're not." He shook his head while he also sat up on the bed, the look on his face truthful even if it hurt his own feelings. "The two of you belong together." He looked at me before letting his head fall back into the pillow, rubbing his face once more.

He spoke so truthfully from the heart that it hurt. Even though he could have been selfish, he wasn't... He wanted me to be happy and if that meant hurting his own feelings, he would do it in a heartbeat and he did, I could tell by the painful look on his face. I felt my lips tremble at his words, and he was right. I can't be without him, I can't. I need to fix things. I laid back down on the pillow next to his, facing him as his green eyes observed my trembling lip. "I'm sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean for any of this to happen..." I sighed, looking at his face when it overcame with sorrow.

"I know." He whispered before his hand cupped my face once more, his finger pushing the corner of my mouth into a smile. "That's better." He softly smiled back at me. "Please, let me be your friend."

"Even if it hurts?" I instantly whispered back, trying to put myself in his shoes while my fingers intertwined with his around the corner of my mouth.

"It won't always hurt." He smiled at me satisfied, his thumb rubbing over the back of my hand before he it go. We were both lying on our sides, facing each other and I saw his eyes getting heavy.

"Can I get your advice?" I whispered before he would fall asleep and he nodded, trying to keep his eyes open. "How do I fix this mess? How do I get him back?" I was almost scared to ask him, knowing how he feels about me but he said it himself, Lukas and I belonged together... and I know that he was right.

Zach slowly opened his eyes before giving me a comforting smile. "Tell him how you feel... if you feel hurt, tell him you're hurt. If you want to fix things, tell him you want to fix things... Talk to him. I'm sure he will listen. He would be an idiot to let you go." He smiled again before snuggling his face into the pillow. He opened his eyes again before he spoke from the heart. "You both made mistakes but if you don't try to fix it, you'll never know if he's the right person for you. Try, I hate to so you so unhappy." He smiled at me before briefly pushing my hair behind my ear. I felt my face go painful, hurt by the fact somebody cared and by knowing I first handedly ruined the best thing in my life. He's right I needed to fix this.

"Thank you." I whispered, faintly smiling at him while his eyes were falling shut. "You're tired I'll go now and let you sleep, sorry for coming here to bother you with my mess." I whispered, my hand softly squeezing his shoulder, thankful for him still being my friend even if it squashed his heart.

His hand grabbed mine before I could get up from the bed, his eyes instantly opening. "Bella you're not walking home like this... You're still drunk..." He shook his head, maybe a little disappointed. "I'm happy you came to me, don't even think for a second you're bothering me...Stay, I'll take the floor." He smiled at me already sitting up, grabbing his pillow.

"Zach you don't have to sleep on the floor, let me take the fl-"

"You're in this mess because of me too, it's the least I can do." He looked at me and smiled. "I don't think you slept at all the past days... Just sleep okay?" He said with worry in his voice as he got up and let his pillow fall on the carpeted floor.

"Thank you." I whispered while he laid down, letting me have the bed.

I tried to get comfortable, snuggling my face into his soft sheets when Zach's voice made me look over the edge of the bed. "Bella?" He whispered before his face met mine. "I really hope you'll find your way back to him." He smiled sincerely and it made me realize what I promised Lukas; that no matter what happened we would always find our way back. Coming here was exactly what I needed to realize that only one person could truly make me happy, and he was probably hurting just as much as me, trying to find the way back.

"Thank you..." I smiled at Zach who tried to get comfortable on the floor. "Do you mind dropping me off at my place tomorrow morning, I need to get some things straight?" I whispered. I needed to do what I should have done three days ago, clear out the bottles of liquor in the sink and get my life back together, get my everything back.

"Yeah sure." He whispered; his voice tired. "Goodnight Rudolph." He barely whispered once more before I heard his breathing change.

"Goodnight." I smiled at the ceiling, knowing exactly what to do next. I grabbed my phone from my back-pocket and did what I should have done a lot sooner.

: Hi... I'm sorry to text you this late but I was thinking about you... I'm so sorry for that voicemail I left you, I should have never said the things I said... I was drunk, hurt, I missed you. I still miss you Lukas...Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I ever made, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you the way I did. Please can we talk about this? I need to know if I still have a chance, I need to know if you still love me... Please hear me out. Meet me at Polly's Diner at one p.m. please? I really want to see you... I want to make things right... I love you

I was staring at the send button on my screen and I didn't realize I started crying when I wrote down exactly how I felt, the pain in my heart stinging and the anxiety of him leaving me cold real. Just send it, if he doesn't show up you know it's over... But if he does at least you know there's still hope. Send. Please reply. I put the phone to my chest while I wiped away the tears from my face? All I did was hope while letting myself drift away, and with a bit of luck, into dreams where pain and heartbreak didn't exist.

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