《First one》One hundred: note to self
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You're not thinking straight, you stupid. Get a grip it's Zach, not Lukas. I shook my head trying to stop my intoxicated head from spiraling out of control. "What are you doing here?" I said softly, taken aback by his closeness. He caged me with his arms on either side of me, but the fact that it didn't make me feel trapped was confusing me.
Zach frowned his eyebrows at my words, still leaning on the counter in front of me. "I live here. You don't remember?" He frowned some more. I was so worried about it being Drew's old frat house that I it didn't even occur to me it was Zach's one too.
"I forgot. Sorry." I smiled before looking away, trying to distract myself from being caught up in his eyes. I need to find Lukas.
"What were you doing up on the counter? You're lucky I was here." He looked at the side of my face as I kept looking away. He was right I was indeed lucky.
"Trying to wash away the taste of beer." I scrunched my nose again when the taste came back to me. "I couldn't reach for the glasses. Who puts them at the top shelve?" I playfully rolled my eyes and I saw Zach smirk.
"So, you are drunk?" He asked, curiosity evident in his voice. He suddenly pulled away from the counter, his hands leaving on either side of me. He stood back, the smirk on his face growing.
I wobbled my head, putting my lips into a busted smile. "A little..." I said, instantly starting to laugh. "Okay I'm pretty drunk." I admitted, his words making him shake his head with amusement. He gave me an innocent once over before reaching into the cupboard to get a glass from the top shelve. Of course he's tall enough to reach for it. I rolled my eyes at the fact he was able to get one without standing on his tip toes. I had to crawl a freaking mountain to get to them.
"So, I get to see unfiltered Isabella?" He smirked as he watched me while getting the glass. "Water, soda? What were you thinking crawling up here..." He shook his head with disbelief and drunk me wasn't going to apologize for misjudging my balance on the effects of beer.
I smirked at him when he stood tall in front of me. "You always get to see her... Just now, not completely in my right mind. Water is fine. Thanks." I said, watching him turn to the sink to get some tap water. I was looking at his back now to see the number 8 on the back of his jacket. The jacket suited him better than I thought it would, it made him look taller and more buff.
"Not in your right mind huh? As in?" He said turning around, his green eyes meeting mine once again. The smirk on his face hadn't disappeared yet and the way he was acting a little but looser yet intense, asking me anything on his mind, made me believe he was a little drunk too.
He walked back towards me, leaning his hands on the counter, this time next to me, instead of forming a cage around me, which made me feel relieved in some way. He put the glass next to me on the counter, the bottom of it between his thumb and index finger as his hand laid flat on the surface, his fingers almost touching mine. He looked up from the glass to me, and back to my hand, and chuckle leaving his lips made his chest move. That's when he shook his head as if he was having in internal battle with himself. The kitchen was silent and peaceful, and my eyes were focused on his hand mere inches away from mine. He looked back up, his intense eyes meeting mine. He looked as if the internal battle with himself had left some scars, his expression toned down and confused. He suddenly pushed the glass into my hand, our fingers sliding over each other and when he did my mouth instantly parted, so did his. This is wrong. "As in you're making me nervous with all these questions." I cut the silence, swiftly taking the glass from him to bring it to my lips. The defeat on his face clear as day when I left his touch and that's when I knew for sure. Fuck, this is not okay! He can't see me as something other than a friend. He can't because it's not going to happen. Lukas is my forever. He's my boyfriend for god's sake. Don't give him mix signals, not even when you're drunk. Don't. You don't want to lose him as a friend, and you don't want to lose Lukas as your everything.
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Zach pulled away from me, instantly giving me space. I could see on his face it hurt him more than he wanted to show. He knows I'm with Lukas, he knows we can't be anything other than friends. Does he? I do. He leaned against island, still facing me but now at a friendly distance as I took another sip. "Fine. Ask me one." He smiled. I was happy he was not just running out of the kitchen, hurt and defeated, he was still here, being my friend.
I nodded at his football jacket. "Thought you didn't like to be on the team." I smiled putting the now almost empty glass of water next to me on the counter.
Zach huffed at the mention of his jacket while putting his hands into the pockets of this jeans. "I didn't have a choice, they forced me into it." He playfully rolled his eyes.
"It looks good on you though." Damn it. See I'm unfiltered. "the thing about a jacket like that is that it's a magnet for chicks." I pulled up my eyebrows at him, suggesting him to focus his interest maybe on some other girl, one without a boyfriend... However, I couldn't say it out loud, not for the sake of our friendship and I guess he got the message anyways. So did I.
Zach instantly shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah like I'm one to walk around with a girl on each arm. Nhaa, not into that." He smiled at me, sweet as always.
"Good." I smiled back, and before a silence fell over us, maybe both of us a little confused, I hopped off the counter. "I need to go find Lukas. He's probably worrying about what's taking so long. See you later." I patted his shoulder when I passed him, his amical smile almost begging me not to go, or drag him with me. I felt bad leaving him in the kitchen by himself. He mentioned to me multiple times he felt like he didn't fit in with the rest of the team, and he even looked a little lost as I looked back at him. I'm sorry. I mouthed at him, but his face fell as soon as I walked into the other room, giving me the smallest smile.
I searched for Lukas at the beer pong game and on my way over I found Mia and Ben dancing, intertwined into a loving hug, their lips finding each other. Oh gosh, look at them! I didn't want to interrupt by just simply walking by them but as soon as I did Mia grabbed my hand, pulling me back, nearly giving me a whiplash. "Hey!!!" I yelled, however my face all smiles.
"Bella." She said putting both her hands on my cheeks, squishing my face with happiness. I had fallen victim to her joy and I couldn't be happier for her. "Will you tell Lukas we're going to go home?" She yelled over the music, her eyes wide telling me that that meant she was going to go home to Ben's place.
I suggestively wiggled my eyebrows at her before looking at Ben and then back to her. Ben's face turned into one big busted grin as I did, rubbing the back of his head to hide his nerves. "Yeah sure! If I can find him."
"I saw him standing by the staircase, he was looking for you." Ben said, nodding towards the stairs on the other side of the room. "Good luck, he's pretty drunk." Ben widened his eyes, which told me I was in for a ride, but nothing I hadn't handled before.
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I waved Ben and Mia off before making my way to Lukas and I indeed found him at the bottom of the staircase, I bottle of vodka losing hanging in his hand. Okay he might be really really drunk.
I walked over and his eyes were glassy and blank the moment he saw me. I smirked at his strange expression and I swung my arms around his neck. The moment I stood on my tip toes to kiss him he pushed his face sideways, preventing me from kissing him. What the hell. "What's wrong?" I immediately said, my brows pulled into a confused frown. "Lukas." I shook him a little using my hands at the back of his head. He just rolled his eyes before pushing me off him. I was caught off guard by his reaction as I just stood there, speechless, while his hand latched around the railing and he made his way up the stairs. What?
I looked around, my mouth open in awe, before I shook my head finding the courage to follow him. "Lukas wait!" I yelled after him, my heartbeat already hammering against my chest. "Lukas!" I yelled again when he disappeared into one of the rooms, and he loudly slammed the door behind him. I didn't hesitate to enter; I was desperate to know what was going on.
"What's wrong?" I raised my voice while holding up my hands in defeat. By now my heartbeat started to throb in my head. I was getting hot and my throat felt tight. I pushed my hair behind my shoulders to get it away from my flustered face.
He side-eyed me as he paced through the room, taking an agitated gulp form the bottle. "Don't pretend like you don't know." He scoffed at me, the annoyance and loath in his voice sending chills down my spine.
"I don't?" I help up my hands. I really don't know!
He snapped his head at me, dismissively shaking it. "Are you really that dumb?" He widened his eyes with a scoff. Dumb? Really? Lukas... I internally whimpered, disappointment flowing through me followed by a surge of anger.
I scoffed before I found the courage to speak. "Whoa, so you're back at insulting me. Dumb huh?" I narrowed my eyes at him as I walked over to him, lacing my hand around his arm. He wanted to pull away, but I held on to it tight. "Dumb, really?" I asked sternly as I squeezed his arm.
He narrowed his eyes at me while he looked down at my hand around his arm. He scoffed, pulling it away even though I was squeezing the hell out of it. As I stood there with empty hands, he took another sip of the bottle of vodka. "Yeah dumb, stupid, naïve, ignorant, foolish, dull, simple... Do I need to list up some more?" He spit his words at me and I don't know what hurt the most, the words itself or the way they came out of his mouth, sincere, frank and unaffected. I felt my bottom lip tremble as the hurt spread through my core, my chest tightening around my heart. He's doing this on purpose! He's doing this to hurt me! But what the hell did I do to deserve this.
I scoffed trying to hide my hurt with anger. "Note to self don't give Lukas alcohol because it turns him into an ass!" I slightly pushed at his chest as he stood in front of me, towering over me, but I wasn't feeling small.
He let out a laugh, one that wasn't intended to be funny but much more malicious. "Not to self don't give Bella alcohol because she forgets she has a boyfriend!" He rolled his eyes at me while he walked past me to the other side of the room, his shoulder bumping into my body sending me of balance. What the fuck?
I went after him, my hand taking his wrist, swiftly turning him around. If he wasn't so drunk I would have never been able to. Now he faced me I was starting to regret succeeding after all. The look on his face hurt me in dept as it displayed nothing but disgust. "Excuse me?" I asked, my tone begging for him to explain.
He scoffed right at my face, as if I meant nothing to him anymore and I fell myself sink into a hole. Sinking deeper by the second his thunder could eyes looked right through me. "I was worried, so I went looking for you and there you were chit chatting with Zach. I saw enough to get pissed off Isabella." He spit again before taking another sip. He never really said my full name unless he was angry with me or wanted to get met full attention. I'm very sure he was angry with me now.
"You've had enough Lukas! Stop drinking that shit!" I yelled at him while trying to grab the bottle from his hands. I instantly failed as he held it far above his head as his other hand pushed me away. "What did you see then?" I huffed, narrowing my eyes at him.
"That you didn't mind letting him a little bit too close for being just friends Isabella. I believed it, all the times reassuring me that he was just a friend. Fuck you! I bet he already did that at work didn't you?" He yelled at me, hit voice filled with anger and hate. I was taken aback for a second as I pulled my eyebrows up at him, so hurt by the tone of his voice I didn't even heard half he said.
"This is ridiculous. He was just getting me a glass of water and we talked!" To me this was the truth, the moment Zach lost control I pulled away before I was the one making a mistake. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I sure as hell don't have feelings for Zach, none other than friends. None, zero! And if I would, I would stop them before anything could happen, I'm not a cheater, and I especially would never cheat on Lukas! I have never loved someone so much!
"Is it? I saw the way you looked at him Bella." I instantly scoffed with disbelief. I don't necessarily have control over the way my eyes look but it couldn't have been anywhere near the way I look at Lukas.
"You're trying to pick a fight over something you think you saw! I'm telling you it wasn't like that!" I yelled, frustrated that he wouldn't take my word for it. "You know I love you! Why are you trying to hurt me!" I pleaded but he scoffed at me as if I was only telling lies. "You're drunk Lukas! Are you really trying to ruin tonight?" I tried to reach for him but he pulled away, my arms falling do my side as I wasn't able to hide my hurt anymore, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. He didn't look at me as if he didn't even care a little that his words were upsetting me.
"You already ruined it Bells." He said blankly while he avoided looking me in the eye. "You ruined everything!" The hole underneath my feet absorbed me, and It felt as if was never getting out.
"Really?" My voice cracked as I carefully asked him, crossing my arms in front of my chest to hug and comfort myself but that wasn't working, I needed him for that.
"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders, still not looking me in the eye while I wanted nothing more than for him to look at me so I could search for a little love in their greyness. "Just leave me alone, go talk to Zach or whoever." Lukas rolled his eyes at me, physically ignoring my presence as he shielded his body away from me.
"Lukas!" I yelled out loud, a certain need to my voice. I needed him to pay attention to me. To act normal, to talk not yell. But he just turned around, facing his back towards me.
I put my hand on his shoulder trying to make him turn around but I was startled by the volume of his voice, scaring me away. "Don't fucking touch me."
As If my heart wasn't already bleeding it was now ripped out of my chest as he was so close yet so far away. "Do you really have to act like a dick to me!" I spilled, I yelled, I needed him to turn around.
"That's right Zach is a lot nicer than me huh?" He huffed turning around, the look on his face even angrier than before as his jaw was clenched and every muscle in his face tense.
"You're acting like a child!" I threw my hands in the air between us with defeat.
"No, Isabella... You are!" He gritted trough his teeth and his mean words cut through me like a knife. "You are a child. You should grow up and decide whether it's me you want or not." He shook his head and I couldn't believe he even asked me that question.
I frowned my brows at him, the look on my face pure confusion. "You're blowing this way out of proportion! We talked about this! Zach and I are friends! I'm your girlfriend, of course it's you I want!" I grabbed the fabric of his sweater with both my hands promising myself that I wasn't going to let him push me away.
He gave me a disappointed smile before he swallowed the lump in his throat. "How long are you going to keep lying to yourself." His voice cracked, when he felt my hands against his chest. I could tell, he was hurting too...
"I'm not!" I reassured him I wasn't lying. Of course, I wasn't. The tears in my eyes proved that I didn't want anybody else, I wouldn't try so hard to make him see it if did. "Lukas come on don't be a jerk right now." I begged him as I still hung on to his sweater, the fabric clenched in my fists.
"If you can't handle it, leave me alone. Walk away." He pushed my hands from his chest with force before having another drink and it felt like my legs were going to give out from under me.
"Sure! Have another drink that will fix it!" I cried, raising my voice until it echoed through the room, but it still wasn't enough to stop this fight.
He looked at me while putting his lips to the bottle again, having another swing of liquor. "No but it sure cancels out the annoying noise that comes out of your mouth." He scoffed after the liquid went down his throat. That's all I am now, noise... I broke down as heat engulfed my face, as if I had a fever, as if my brain was on fire. It was becoming hard to breath and my fingers started to tingle, my legs weaker than ever.
"Noise..." I said under my breath and saying it out loud even made me feel worse, the heat in my face making me think I was about to faint. "I need to get some air." I breathed as I felt the lump in my throat swell up to the point I couldn't talk anymore, my voice cracking into a thousand pieces. I didn't do anything wrong. I stormed out of the room, Lukas having no intention in following me, seeing if I was okay, which added another crack to my heart.
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