It was true, I didn't have a home. Lately my apartment felt strange, because I was more at Lukas's than there and whenever we were at his I didn't only have a boyfriend but also a sister. That's what Mia was becoming, more than a friend, she was family and now I don't have anything left. Her parents are probably so mad at me but what does it matter, Lukas will pick her side if she asks him to. When I finally felt like I belonged, like I had people who loved me unconditionally it got ruined like my perfect house of cards being blown by a single breeze, a breeze I caused by being ignorant thinking keeping secrets was best. It wasn't and I should have known, Lukas should have known. I should be mad at him, and maybe I am but if I lose him too, I'll drown because I'll just give up swimming.

His hand pushed my hair over my shoulders, his finger softly caressing my bare skin. "Yes you do. I'm your home, that's never going to change." He whispered softly, and even without looking at him I felt the sincerity in his words, but it wasn't enough to pull me out of my own negativity.

I shook away his hand from my neck, wanting to be close to him but left alone at the same time. I was lost, lost in thought and lost on my way to happiness. "I ruined everything." I sobbed, trying to get air but unsure if that was what I really needed. Did I even want air, what for? What was the point.

Whether I wanted it or not he put his arms around me and pulled me close to him, holding me so tight I couldn't shrug him off. "You didn't snowflake. I know it seems like it right now but it's not." He whispered into my hair before kissing it softly.

I shook my head at his words not believing any word against better judgement. I wanted to believe him, but I just couldn't... not after the hurtful words my mind was busy processing. "I ruined the only friendship I ever had, I ruined brunch, I ruined us." I yelled in my hands, covering my face with them.

"Don't say that. How could you have ruined us?" He said his voice completely taken over by worry, my words hurting him more than I expected, and I felt his grip around me tighten. Yes, I doubted my decisions, maybe even us, how strong was our relationship? Strong enough to survive what my friendship with Mia couldn't?

"She's still your sister, if she asks you to choose between me or her, you'll choose her, she's family. I wouldn't even blame you." I shrugged my shoulders, my hands still covering my face. At my words he let go of me and I thought that those few were all it took to push him away for good but instead of going for the hills he sat in front of me, taking my wrists softly in his hands to pull my face away from my barrier, so he couldn't finally meet my sad teary eyes.

"Hey, hey now." His soft breath fanned my lips, his hair still wet and dangling on his forehead. "That's a choice I'll never make because it's not the same. She's my sister, but you're my girlfriend those are two completely different things. Don't ever think I'll just leave you over something like this." He tried to convince me, change my way of thinking but it was going to take more than words. Even I wasn't able to convince myself as my sobs wouldn't fade. "Baby, I won't leave you, if that's what you're afraid of." He whispered, pulling up his brows with worry, his eyes asking me a thousand questions at once. "And my parents they aren't mad, they love you, trust me." And at that I released a deep sob, a gush of air I didn't know I was holding. The thought of being loved by his parents a relief but still not enough to make the sadness go away. "Come here." He whispered as his strong arms scooped me up like a feather and left our bags at the doorstep. He walked us to his car, my face buried in his neck.

"Lukas I lost my only friend." I whispered, tears salty on my lips as I watched his house from the driveway over his shoulder.

"You didn't lose her, she just needs time." He tried not to feed my desperation by saying something safe, but I didn't need safe. I needed my friend back.

"Eternity is time too." I cried, shaking almost as I tried to catch a breath through my sobs.

"She won't need that long. Trust me I know her." Lukas whispered trying to open the door of his car on the passenger side and when he finally did, he slowly lowered me until I felt the leather seats cushion my back. He leaned in, his face aligned with mine as he looked at me with despair and sadness on his face. His eyes were glassy, trying to hide he was just as sad as I was. "Now baby stop crying, it hurts." His voice cracked, his fingers seeking the comfort of my cheeks as he caressed them but how could they provide comfort to him when I was comfortless, only focusing on the bleak words Mia threw at me, like our friendship meant nothing, but then again it was all my fault, our fault.

"I need to cry Lukas, let me cry. Please." I cried, shaking my head and doing so I made his hand leave my cheek, the disappointment on his face clear as day as he let his head hang low, avoiding my gaze. I only want to cry.

"Alright, I'll get our bags." He faintly said, shaking his head as he disappeared to gather our things from the doorstep. I watched him, his shirt and hair still wet. Mia took it out on me, only me, while I was willing to tell her the truth. I could have told her the truth any time, I didn't need permission to do so, I could have and I didn't, so I'm to blame for my mistakes, not him, but still it felt like the opposite because I'm the one losing my best friend. It's not right, not fair. My thoughts wandered off to all the moments I could have told her, all our conversations and I felt the guilt steal my happiness. The guilt made me sick but the thought of Lukas ever cheating on my made me nauseous.

I let my head rest against the side window, tears still flowing from my eyes like an uncontrollable mess. I'm a mess. I was too unbothered to look up, buried in my thoughts, when Lukas closed the door and sat down behind the wheel. I was aware if his fingers pushing the hair away from my face but aware was all I was at this point. I wanted to be alone, be sad and think about how I went from the happiest of my life to the absolute low since I started college while I never remembered stepping into a rollercoaster. I let I spin out of control.

Lukas sighed, taking his hand from my face to the wheel, uncomfortably letting his eyes linger on the side of me as he made the engine purr. This is going to be a long three hours.

While I let out ten years' worth of tears, I heard Lukas sigh and mutter under his breath. Frustratedly wanting to say something, his words stuck as he drove us home, or whatever it was after this. My face left its cold spot against the window to look at him starting with his fingers laced around the wheel. The ink on his fingers always seemed to fascinate me and now that fascination pulled me out of my thoughts.

My bottom lip was trembling, my mind filled with brighter memories as I watched his fingers, but still I wasn't ready to let go of the heartbreak. I couldn't imagine his hands being on anyone else but me, pushing away someone else's hair from her face, his fingers flicking some other girl's nose, his eyes lighting up when he sees her face. My stomach turned and my breathing quickened thinking about it, his dark eyes meeting mine the moment I wanted to close them.

His face filled with worry kept me captive, unable to move, only capable of staring at his thundercloud eyes. "Bells, I love you. You know Mia is wrong right, I won't cheat on you..." He whispered like he was reading my mind, her words nagging at him just as much.

"Never say never." I huffed, wanting to say I believed him but how could I be sure.

His brows on top of his stormy eyes frowned and he quickly looked at the road to return to me, his mouth parting after biting down on his lip. "What's that supposed to mean." He scoffed, still trying to be soft but yeah that was a scoff.

"That you just can't promise me that." I raised my voice, turning the sadness into anger and letting it all out on him. Wrong I know. "They, Mia and Jason, told each other I love you at one point. They're just hollow words that don't mean anything. It's easy to say them but to act on it it's a different thing. You'll get sick of me one day." I shook my head, looking out of the window, wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

"Hey look at me!" He said when I tried to avoid his gaze. Clenching my jaw, I turned to meet his eyes again and what they held was something different. He was angry, I could tell, and I wish I never opened my mouth in the first place. "They do mean much to me! I have never said it to anyone, hell I never even loved myself." He raised his voice, his eyes desperately holding on to mine, his hands tightening around the wheel. "So, when I say it to you it means everything! Fucking hell Isabella!" He quickly threw his hand through his hair, ruffling the damp strands up into a mess. "I get you're mad at the world right now but don't try to pick fights with me. For gods' sakes, it's killing me so see you this sad, so don't fucking tell me that when I say I love you it's just hollow words forming a sentence when it's exactly how I feel!" He shook his head, alternating his gaze to me and the road, knowing he rather keep it with me. "If I really would have to choose between her and you, I would pick you! But I can't admit it without feeling incredibly guilty about it!" The way his words floated through the car and finally hit my ears was enough to make me let go of the worry in my chest and a breath I had been holding ever since we left the house.

I shook my head, looking at my lap, knowing taking it out on him wasn't what I needed right now, if anything I need him most. "I'm sorry I'm just..."

"Hurt...I know." His hand slid over the back of my neck, his fingers going through my roots. He knew exactly what to do to make me look at him, his eyes were wet, and it made me think he was about to cry. "So is Mia. And when you're hurt you say things you don't always mean. She'll come around Bells just give her time to get over that scumbag first and then she'll see you didn't mean to hurt her." He said, his voice almost cracking.

"I hope so." I smiled at him, wiping the last of my tears away with my fingers while I enjoyed the warmth of his hand against my skin.

"She's Mia, she's the world's biggest drama queen and I know she has a soft spot for you somewhere in her heart, she's a Davis, apparently we all have it." He laughed his eyes glassy and his smile enough to melt the north pole keeping my heart together. Melted being a whole lot better than broken.

And with his smile he quickly returned his eyes to the road, his hand quickly letting go of the wheel to wipe the corner of his eye. "Lukas are you crying?" I carefully asked, leaning forward to see his face, his eyes softly teared up.

"Now, you're being a drama queen." He shook his head, letting out a breath as his finger left his eye.

"You know I'm not." I smiled, leaning in further to indeed see the skin under his eye glistening with tears. "Babe? Be honest."

"Maybe, yes." His words turned into a smile when he turned to look at me, his hand sliding away from my neck to wipe at his eyes again, keeping another tear from escaping. I couldn't help it but it made me smile, a sense of happiness at the pit of my stomach awakening my familiar butterflies. "It kills me to see you this sad okay...it really hurts." And at his words I took his hand and laced my fingers with his. "Especially since it's my fault. You have every right to blame me Bells, I should have listened to you. I'm sorry." He shook his head, clearly beating himself up over this.

"We both made mistakes. You shouldn't have made me promise not to tell her, but I chose not to tell her which is on me." I said, and it was more than the truth, everyone makes mistakes and blaming Lukas would be hypocrite. I had a mouth; I should have used it. I knew keeping secrets, especially this one, isn't okay, but all I had been doing my entire life is keeping secrets. It became my new normal.

"I know but still, I'm sorry. I'm going to make it up to you." He said and as sweet as his words as curious my mind.

"Lukas, what are you going to do?" I said as I could only read mischief on his face, his crooked smile feeding my curiosity.

"Just sit back and relax for the next hour, okay?" He said looking at me with that familiar love in his eyes as he took a sharp left turn on the road, heading an entirely different direction as we came.

"Where are we going?" I couldn't help but ask with wide eyes.

"Do you trust me?" He said, before biting his lip, and I wanted to kiss him then and there, pull his lip from between his teeth to have him all to myself.

"Lukas where?" I laughed, cocking my head to the side with surprise.

"You'll see." He smiled, and that was it, all I needed to forget about problems, feelings, tears and words. All I needed to get through the hard parts of life. All I needed, to find friendship in someone other than Mia. To find friendship in him, although I already knew what he was to me.

"I love you." I smiled, while shaking my head at him, the smile he gave me in return confirming all of my thoughts. He's my everything.

❤️

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