I felt dead inside the moment I realized it was all my fault. My words stinging my lips as they passed by them before floating in the air in front of me, shooting back at me like daggers. Lukas's eyes were like a blizzard piercing through my skin, lightning hitting every inch of me. His hand held tight onto the steering wheel, the blood on his busted knuckles glistening underneath the red light that engulfed us like fog.

"How could this be your fault?!" He said through his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tensed. The red cloud of light turned green and Lukas took of speeding away way over the permitted limit. "We need to go to the police and report the son of a bitch." He said looking at me, his expression still troubled.

"And say what?" I said blankly, no emotion straining my voice.

"I don't know...That he tried to fucking rape you!" He yelled, disbelief coating his voice and I couldn't blame him. Anyone else would have gone to the police, but not me. One, I had been there before, as a high schoolgirl telling them my story over and over again because they didn't even believe me at first. Until I went to the hospital for a rape kit. It was necessary but embarrassing at most... and what did it do? Absolutely nothing! Two days later I had to sit in class with him, my eyes fighting back tears every time he glanced my way, his eyes still filled with mischief while there was clear evidence against him laying around wasting in a laboratory. Two, the first thing they would do is call my parents and under no circumstance was I going to let that happen.

"No police." I said as I rolled down the window before sticking my head out, the wind blowing through my hair, blowing away Drew's scent.

"Bella... You have t-"

"No, Lukas I don't! No police!" I cut him off while turning my face to him, my tone sincere. The cool wind was making me shiver so I rolled the window back to its original position.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn! If you would have just listened to me! I told you to stay away from him. He's known for pulling this shit! Acting all nice at first but when you open up, he dives all the way in, literally! I tried to warn you. Why didn't you just fucking trust me!?" He kept yelling, guilt washing over me quickly. He was right and his words were a confirmation of what I kept telling myself...this is my fault...

"Because you acted like an asshole and you still are right now!" I yelled at him, tears welling up threatening to stream down my face for the first time I stepped in his car. "I know I should have listened; you don't need to rub it in!" I sobbed and his face turned towards me, his eyes filled with sadness and guilt as he saw my cheeks getting wet.

"Bella don't cry! I'm not angry with you..." He sighed while shaking his head. "This whole situation is just fucked up and I should have prevented it. I'm sorry!" He said, his tone filled with guilt as he put out his hand to grab mine. I pulled away before he could reach it, scared to being touched again. His hand fell from the air onto the gear stick, holding it firmly. "Don't cry." He whispered before swallowing down the guilt that was stuck at his throat. "If it's someone's fault, it's mine. If I wouldn't have been late none of this would have happened." He shrugged his shoulders as I let my head fall down against the window, my mind wandering off while I stared at the passing streetlights, tears still traveling down my face.

I blanked out, my thoughts trapped in a vicious circle of violent memories, until the point I heard Lukas's door slam shut behind him. Moments later he softly opened my door, my body almost falling out of the car before two arms scooped me up. I scrambled back onto my feet, but he wasn't letting me walk as both his arms swept me up, carrying me away from the car.

I let my head fall against his shoulder snuggling into the soft fabric of his light grey sweater, which reminded me of the color of his eyes when the sunlight hit his irises. I focused on his unsteady breathing and the warmth radiating from his body until I felt something soft hit my back. I opened my eyes before the sensation of his silk sheets underneath my fingertips hit all my senses. Lukas stood at the end of the bed, looking at me with tired eyes.

"You can sleep here; I'll sleep in Mia's bed. She's at Jason's tonight so that's not a problem." He said softly while he took long strides through the room, unsure how to posture himself.

"I can sleep in her bed; you don't have to-" I whispered.

"I want you to sleep in mine." He whispered his words while sitting down at the edge of the bed causing me to sit upright next to him. His comment made my heart fill back with the warmth Drew had drained away. But somehow, I knew I couldn't trust anyone, not after what happened tonight, not even Lukas. The thought of the assault made me wipe my eyes, trying to push back my imminent tears.

"I'm broken." I sighed at the thought of my past, everything that had happened to me. The violence always finding its way into my life. And I knew I had to cut ties with it but how hard I tried, it followed me wherever I went.

"What?" Lukas whispered, surprise dripping off his voice as he cocked his head to the side, his gaze looking deep into my forest green eyes.

"Broken, I'm broken..." I sighed, Lukas's eyebrows furrowing as a response. "I got roofied then, I get assaulted now... something's wrong with me..." and I didn't even mention my parents. I meant every word of it. How can I feel complete when my parents never loved me, when some guy had his way with me and when another almost did again because I fell for his mysterious eyes, trusting him without even knowing him. The common denominator with all the violence in my life was me. I had either caused it or unintentionally asked for it. This time Lukas even got hurt in the process, I thought as I noticed the cut on his cheekbone.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you Bella. Nothing, do you hear me?" He whispered while his hand cupped my face. His fingers brushing against my skin still made sparks fly and the room light up, that hadn't changed a bit. What had, was how protecting I was feeling over him. My hand latching onto his while my face leaned into his touch. My other hand lightly caressing the cut on his cheek as my eyes wandered over the blood splatters staining his sweater, sending shivers down my spine. He looked at me with adoration in his eyes, smoldering, caused by my thumb tracing the bruises on his face. My bottom lip started to tremble as it clearly knew what it had to pronounce.

"Lukas, I need space." I whispered, wanting nothing more but the words to be fade enough so he wouldn't hear. My hand leaving the tingly spot on his face before letting it fall onto my lap.

"Sure, I'll let you get a shower and you can go to sleep. You could use it." He whispered taking my hand in his, I didn't resist this time because I wanted to remember how it felt. The corners of his mouth tugging up as I intertwined my fingers with his.

"That's not what I meant." I whispered looking down at my hand caressing his which felt like heavenly bliss.

"What do you mean?" He said frowning his eyebrows while shaking his head. His hand squeezed mine and I could see him swallow; his body well aware of what I was about to do or say. For a moment I couldn't speak, I wanted to lean in and brush my nose against his but if I did, I was going to change my mind quicker that a rabbit disappearing down a hole.

"I mean..." My words got stuck at the back of my throat. Instead of pushing them back up I sighed doing what I wanted to do the most. The moment my nose brushed his I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, knowing I could touch someone, be close to someone, be intimate without feeling like my lungs were drained of oxygen, suffocating me slowly but surely. His touched lingered on my nose pulling me in like a magnet, our lips mere inches apart. My lips touched his while he rested his forehead against mine, waiting for me to make a move, letting me take back control and I loved him for that. I wanted nothing more but to crash into him, taking control, letting his touch fill all my senses, making me forget about Drew. But things don't work that way. My hands wrapped around the collar of his sweater, Lukas anticipating my kiss to engulf him, but a tear fell down my cheek, realizing this was hurting me more than I thought. I couldn't drag him into my meaningless life filled with violence.

"I can't be with you Lukas." I whispered, causing him to pull away from me entirely leaving my heart in ruins. He shook his head before swallowing hard and getting up from the bed, turning around just enough to face me. I had to say the one thing that was going to push him away completely. "You're not good for me. Guys like you will hurt me untill the point of no repair." I felt sick to my stomach as I was comparing him to Drew. He had been an asshole to me, yes. But he would never hurt me like that. I didn't and wouldn't believe that.

"Fuck Isabella, I know well enough I'm not fucking good enough for you." He cursed, balling his fist before slamming his already busted hand into his dresser. "Fuck!" He yelled, instantly regretting his actions. This isn't going like I thought. Honestly...What did I expect? I wanted to get up and take care of his hand, but I couldn't move, surprised by my sudden change of heart. But I knew well enough it wasn't what my heart wanted. At this point it was beating out of my chest. Stressed, wanting and anxious, three words summing up my state of mind while I looked at his face. His brows were furrowed, his lips in a straight line and his eyes glassy.

"I'm sorry, I can't be your girlfr-".

"I never said I wanted you to be! I'm nobody's boyfriend Bella. I don't do relationships and I certainly don't settle down with the girl next door." He gritted through his teeth and it were the most insincere words that had ever left his lips, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. "It was fun, but nothing more." His meaningless words hitting me like a meteor, not the context or the lack of sincerity but solely the syllables forming the word stabbing me in the back.

"Be my friend Lukas, instead of my enemy! Please!" I pleaded, regretted my decision as I felt the distance between us grow. I was still sitting on the bed the sight of Lukas leaning his back against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, mentally drawing me to him.

"Be your friend? Just remember this! When you're finally ready to acknowledge there's something more between us than friendship I won't be here waiting for you!" He raised his voice, his words cutting like a knife.

"God! Why are you so confusing! Do you want to be with me or not? Something more than friends...you just said it was just fun, but your own words contradict everything you said, yet you don't settle down for the plain girl next door." Sadness coating the inside of my throat, my lip trembling trying not to sob. "Explain, because I think I'm too stupid to understand." I said standing up facing him, my hands shaking.

"What's the fucking point!" He cursed at me before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The noise making my eardrums vibrate. For a couple of minutes, I just stood there, unable to move my feet. When my mind had settled down after repeatedly going over his words, I walked out of his bedroom and took long strides towards the bathroom. I slammed the door shut behind me after briefly getting a glance of Lukas sitting on the couch, his hands covering his face.

I took my clothes off one by one trying not to think of the way Drews hands slipped underneath my sweater and how his fingers fidgeted with the button of my jeans. My bra reminding me of how he cupped his hands over it. I stepped out of my underwear and pulled the shower curtain to the side before stepping into the shower turning the faucet all the way to the hottest temperature.

The hot water touching my skin felt like a thousand pins entering my body at once, it was the kind of self-harm I had sworn never to do, ever again. But desperate times ask for desperate measures. I cried at the thought I was relapsing into my old behaviors, taking a step closer towards a life I left behind. The thought of being trapped underneath Drew filled my head as steam filled my nostrils. The hot water turning my skin bright pink. I could still feel his hands on me and me, touching my delicate skin. My hand slid around my throat and my finger brushed the bruise he left in my neck. A sob escaped my lips, the first of many. When I found myself unable to stop crying, reliving the assault all over again, I let myself slide down against the wall, hot water incapable of washing away the feeling of his hands.

My thoughts were interrupted by a firm knock on the door followed by a worried and apologetic voice. "Bella, are you okay?" Lukas's voice echoed through the bathroom, bouncing on the walls until it pulled my out of my vicious circle.

"I'm fine." I yelled, trying to control my voice to the best of my abilities. I'm fine... that's what I said while in fact... I was not.... I'm not fine at all.