I stood in the elevator with Lukas holding my hand, my mind still trying to comprehend how that happened.

"I could use some more help." He said gently while rubbing his thumb against the palm of my hand, still leaning against the wall while I was standing two steps away from him. A little feeling inside my body wanted him to pull me into his arms so I could snuggle into his embrace. We stared at each other while the elevator was going up, his grey eyes still bloodshot from either crying or alcohol, maybe both. The staring made me extremely uncomfortable and remembered me why I wasn't good at flirting or talking to guys even. It made me nervous and quirky.

When the doors opened at his floor, thank god the elevator didn't get stuck like I wished upon Lukas, I stepped back pulling him out. "Okay, but you owe me." I said, opening the door of his apartment. "Is Mia home?" I whispered, guiding his hand towards his bedroom pushing open the door.

"She is at Jason's." He said, falling back against his mattress and letting go of my hand.

"Okay, I see you're all settled. I guess I can go now." I said while looking at his body spread out over the matrass with his eyes shut. I had never seen anyone so happy to lay on a bed.

"Don't go, stay?" He asks while sitting up and taking my hand back in his, pulling me closer to the bed but I stopped just before my knees were about to hit the edge of the matrass.

"Are you crazy! Yesterday you were insulting me, now you want me to spend the night!" I said pulling my hand from his, his mouth parted looking taken aback by my rejection.

"I don't want to sleep with you. You're not the kind of girl I want to dive between the sheets with, trust me." Oh well thanks for the insult, jerk. I couldn't help but to feel rejected. I mean I knew I wasn't as experienced as most of his usual skanks but nobody has ever told me repeatedly he wouldn't sleep with me. Not that I minded. Who are you kidding, that's not something you want to hear. "I want to talk." He said while taking of his jacket and throwing it on the floor with a thud before sitting with his back against the headboard.

"Yeah right. You. Want to talk?" I scoffed crossing my arms and taking a step back.

"I'm sorry for frightening you earlier in the car. I just didn't know how to tell you." He said nervously with a shaky voice.

"Tell me what?" I shrugged my shoulders, well aware of what he is talking about but I wasn't going to let him play me around.

"Why I am the way I am." He patted the empty space next to him on the bed and decided to take the offer against my better judgement. I didn't know whether it was because of interest in Lukas or because of my curious nature. Both and you know it. I sat down next to him stretching my legs in front of me and fidgeting with my fingers, not knowing what to do with them.

"It's Logan's birthday." He whispered, sadness coating his voice without a doubt. The sudden change in his demeanor caught me of guard but I decided not to interrupt him and let him tell his story. "He was my best friend. When he turned sixteen we went out and we drank, a lot..." He swallowed trying to chug away the emotion from escaping his mouth while his fingers trailed over the compass tattoo on the inside of his forearm. "He wanted to drive home, but he had way more to drink than me. So, I decide to drive even though I was also too drunk to get behind the wheel and I was aware of that but did it anyway." I saw he was struggling to tell me the rest of what happened so I took his hand and he flinched for a moment not expecting me to touch him in such a soft way. His grey eyes were filled with guilt and I felt like I knew how his story was going to end. I squeezed his hand and it gave him courage to continue while his hand tensed in mine causing the muscles in his arm to become more visible. "We got into an accident. I didn't have a scratch. Logan he...Logan died on his way to the hospital." His lip trembling trying to hold back from breaking down. With his free hand he rubbed his eyes trying to push back the tears. "When you told me you were going on a date with Drew, it got on my nerves because I told you to stay away and when I realized what day it was I just... I went to a bar and tried to forget about everything." He said while I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me and I felt tears welling up at the corner of my eyes. "That's who I am Isabella. I killed my best friend." He whispered, pushing me away slightly.

"That's not who you are Lukas. You were just a kid." I whispered before putting my hands on his cheeks and looking into his eyes which were trying there absolute best to hold back tears from falling down his cheeks. "Did you make a mistake? Yes. Should you feel guilty about it for the rest of your life? I don't believe so." He let his forehead fall against mine and I felt our surroundings slowly disappear. All the anger I felt towards him earlier vanished into thin air as he brushed his nose against mine.

"I ruin people, that's what I do." He whispers suddenly, his breath waving my face and I wanted to follow it from where it came. I felt it when my heart skipped a beat while his hand went up my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps along its way. His fingers made its way behind my ear, cupping my face and pulling me closer to him if that was even possible. I have no idea what to do, let alone where to put my hands so I do what feels natural and I put my hand on his wrist rubbing my thumb against his skin, trying to comfort him. I couldn't contain my nerves and bit down on my bottom lip while staring at his beautiful eyes. Grey as a cloudy day but filled with guilt.

"You just make bad choices." I whispered against his lips and I meant it. I truly believe he isn't a bad person, he couldn't be! He has this soft side to him I'm willingly swooning for at this very moment. For a minute I forgot about the insults and the moodiness he carries with him everywhere he goes. All that mattered was that he came to me to talk about his friend. Why? I have no idea but if he wanted to talk I was going to listen. I guess even though we don't even like each other in a friendly way we feel something that makes us spill our deepest secrets just like I told him about when I was drugged at a party. I had never told anyone and I had the feeling he never talked to anyone about how the accident made him feel guilty.

"You are too good, you know." He whispered against my lips and I felt the air leave the room while my heart was almost beating out of my chest. I was feeling shy by the fact his hand laid in my neck feeling my pulse quickening against his palm. My head even got a heartbeat of its own, beating uncontrollably and muting every other sound in the room. I wanted to kiss him and the temptation my body was feeling was insidious to what my mind was telling me. I couldn't kiss Lukas and Drew, not at the same time. I'm not someone who plays with another being's feelings. I was more concerned about Drew's feelings than about Lukas's, because I was sure he wasn't capable of having any, not romantically, he made that very clear. But my body just didn't want to comply. My hand tugged at the light fabric of his shirt pulling his body closer while his forehead still rested against mine. His lips were so close it was only a matter of inches for a kiss to happen. I looked down and my hand went up to do the thing it wanted to do since the first time I laid eyes on the tattoo in his neck. My fingertips trailed the colored line of the wing painted in his neck, which made him take a breath, surprised by the softness of my touch. His hand rose up only to take my trailing fingers and guide them down the hem of his T-shirt exploring the part of the tattoo that was hidden by the fabric, all while his grey eyes studied every inch of my face. His hand in my neck went up the back of my head to pull me in to an imminent kiss but as his hand touched the spot where my head hit the concrete earlier I winced and pulled back, a sharp pain racing through my skull. Lukas was startled by my sudden movement and pulled back completely putting distance between our bodies and letting go of my hand. The romance killed, done, murdered by one movement.

"What's wrong!" He asked worried with wide eyes.

"It hurts... Where I hit my head..." I almost stuttered, my mind still in a haze of what could have happened. Did I just almost, nearly, practically kiss Lukas? Shit.

"Oh." Is all he said while he stared in my green eyes, pulling his lip between his teeth, worried and also wondering about what almost went down. '

"I should go. Goodnight." I cleared my throat while getting of the bed and taking long strides towards the door. When I turned around I saw Lukas sitting with his head against the headboard, his eyes focused on the ceiling, indifferent and clearly not caring that I left, I guess. It was either that or he was still thinking about our almost kiss. He seemed to be completely swallowed by his thoughts when I shut the door and walked out of his apartment.

The entire walk home I was debating whether or not Drew was right. Was Lukas really a bad person. Or was there a reason Lukas didn't want me around Drew. Was he trying to protect me about something I was yet to discover? One thing was sure I had to keep my distance from Lukas because his presence was completely messing with my mind. When I got home I took a shower to clear my mind but that didn't do much. Even my soft pajamas and fluffy comforter couldn't sooth my thoughts.

"Damn, crap, shit." I mumbled to myself when I wanted to set my alarm for the next day. My phone. I didn't realize it was gone until I needed it. It was still in Lukas's jacket... Guess the universe was telling me the entire distance thing wasn't going to happen...

***