I stayed holed up in this stupid hotel room for a week.

I cried between sessions over losing Cody, but there wasn't much I could do, he was my job. That was all.

He wasn't my child, or a relative. But he was someone I had come to love and adore.

I saw Percy every day after he finished work and we started house hunting. A place to rent for a while.

Percy owned his apartment, but it was tiny, not big enough for two people full time.

We saw some charming little houses, nearly a good two hours away from Oliver Blacks' gigantic home.

The further away, the better.

We looked at each house, holding hands and pitching ideas about each room and what to buy. I tried so hard to be happy with what I have. I threw smiles and laughed at his jokes, even if they weren't funny.

Sometimes I had slipped and didn't smile quick enough and I saw it in Percy's eyes. He knew, without me saying so. He knew I wasn't exactly happy, I wasn't exactly all his, my heart wasn't 100% in it.

I felt empty. The days droned on in boredom as I no longer had a child to chase after.

I met Percy's parents and siblings at a lunch and was quite happy he had a nephew and niece. But it still didn't fill the emptiness. It was a temporary band aid. They weren't Cody.

We announced our prolonged engagement and said we were going to have a small wedding and reception.

After a lengthy discussion with Percy, we agreed to a handful of people, a time and a place.

It was in a week's time. I had assured Percy I was ready, I was committed. The sooner the better.

I had purchased a nice white garden dress, because I didn't want a proper and traditional wedding dress.

The wedding was in the middle of the week. I had deliberately chose that day. Late in the afternoon, about 4pm. I knew it wouldn't be interrupted at that time. Someone, as far as I knew, was a nanny down and would be too busy picking up his nephew from daycare.

An early spring wedding.

****

The week and a bit flew by in a blink and I couldn't believe it was here.

My wedding day.

I had butterflies and I was jittery, but I ignored it all. I didn't want to know why I have them. I didn't want to dwell on it.

I have to move forward. One step at a time. Even if it's with Percy. Move forward with my life, not sitting in the what ifs and maybes. I can't think of any possibilities that started with a maybe.

Now I stood in a little closed off tent, staring at myself in the body length mirror. A makeshift dressing room. I fidgeted constantly, paced the small tent and each time I walked past that blasted mirror, I saw my reflection, staring back at me. Eyes filling with tears more each time I looked. The sadness radiating off me. Did I really want this?

I had my hair in loose waves down my back and small flowers pinned in my hair. The sides of my hair loosely pinned to the back.

It was an untraditional wedding. Just me and Percy in front of a celebrant. His family as guests.

I peeked out the tent. People were mingling. There were only about twenty people invited. We were holding it in a beautiful park that was in flower with early bloomers.

The aroma was nice and sweet. The leaves were lovely shades of green. I closed the flap of the tent, sighing.

I checked myself out again. The dress is on. The hair is done. The make is light and natural, a bit too light, but done. I checked my wedges. Done. Jewellery minimal.

I took a deep breathe and looked in to my own eyes.

My long white dress was pretty, but plain and simple.

Everything I'm not.

The thin straps joined at the semi sweetheart cut that had a small dip at the cleavage. The dress hugged me on my stomach and flowed from my hips in a nice mesh. The attached slip dress underneath prevented it from being see through.

I waited until it was time to leave the tent. I could hear soft music in the background as some one paired their devices up to a Bluetooth speaker. It's getting closer to leave this tiny sanctuary.

I don't want to.

"Monty?"

"Don't come in!" I whispered as I went to the thin clothe wall.

"Are you sure?" Percy asked me. "Are you sure about all this? Getting married?"

Am I? I know I have told him several times that I am, but have I convinced myself?

I can't wait around forever.

I stuck my hand out the tent. "Of course I am." I replied as Percy weaved his fingers through mine.

I can't take a risk. I can't. I just can't.

"How much longer?" I asked him.

"About thirty minutes. I'm just waiting for a cousin."

"A cousin?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Her and my Aunt aren't exactly on speaking terms. She was like my best friend when we were children."

"She?" I had to do something to stop thinking. Listening to Percy helped.

"Yeah. She fell out with most of us after she got involved with drugs."

"That's horrible." I answered automatically. I felt Percy's fingers squeeze mine.

"Yeah. It's all in the past, my aunty wants to help her, but she can't forgive her daughter for giving her child up."

I froze. "What?"

"Sarah. She gave her child up for adoption."

The pieces were fitting together as I stared wide eyed at the clothe wall.

Sarah, Percy's cousin, does drugs, gave her child up for adoption.

Sarah, Cody's mother, does drugs, gave her child up for adoption.

No. No. No. "No." I whispered.

"Is everything alright?" Percy asked again. I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yeah." I can't tell him. It's not my place. It's none of my business. Cody needs to stay where he is. He is well looked after there. He is financially stable. He will have a well funded and bright future. He needs to stay in the care of Oliver Black.

"You don't sound so sure." I heard Percy's voice.

I tried to say I was fine, but nothing came out.

"I do have a confession to make, Monty." Percy suddenly announced. Our fingers dropped from each other as I waited for him to continue. The tent clothe was our wall between us still.

"About a week ago," Percy started as I held my breathe. I had a thousand and one guesses going around my head.

"I had a visitor come to my work site."

Okay...none of my guesses started this way. I looked at my hands shake.

"Demanded to see me and say that he couldn't work out why you agreed for us to get back together."

My eyebrows knitted together.

"He said he didn't know why. He couldn't understand why. But he demanded one thing out of me."

My heart has stopped.

"That visit had me thinking all week."

That's why he kept asking if I was ready and if I was sure about all this.

"I could see how much pain he was in."

I bit my bottom lip.

"He asked how you were doing."

Listening to Percy talk now made me think. Think of this huge decision I was making. This life changing decision. I always thought I would be married with my family in attendance, but they are lost to me.

"He said the kid misses you lots."

Oh Cody! My heart ached for him as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"He said that I didn't have to tell you that he came to see me."

He always was a bit of a gentleman - in his own way.

"So are you sure you want to do this?" Percy asked me again.

"What did he demand?" I asked Percy in a low tone. I tried not to sound as if I was about to cry, but I don't think that would be possible.

"That I take care of you and always do right by you before myself and I need to do everything in my power to make you happy, even if I lose you."

What did that mean?

"I... I don't understand." I mumbled more to myself as I felt myself hyperventilate.

Percy opened the tent as I stood there wide eyed.