I was meeting her today.

I had barely slept last night, knowing I would see her soon. My thoughts had plagued me all night, trying to find out what I should say to her–and it was a lot that needed to be said.

The second I'd gotten her text, I'd been bracing myself because this meeting could be what saved us, or broke us. I had made a decision in the early morning that might hunt me for the rest of my godawful life, but at least I would have some peace of mind knowing I did my best to right my wrongs. I was done being selfish and greedy, it was time that I put the ones I loved before myself, and I would do it, even if it would hurt like hell.

The truth was, I didn't deserve Emma, but my friends did, and I would do whatever I could to make her realize that too, even if it meant her choosing them and not me. That would be a bittersweet kind of torture, knowing the people I loved were happy without me.

Trying to distract myself from the pain I would surely experience soon enough, I went through a particularly grueling workout. I hadn't gone to my office today, knowing I wouldn't be able to get any work done in the state I was in. It was a miracle I had the energy to move, let alone train, after the sleepless nights I'd been having–the too many coffee cups I had this morning might've been the reason I wasn't sleeping while standing.

My thighs were shaking when I was done with my last set of deadlifts. I'd probably pushed myself too hard, but it was the only way to keep my thoughts away from the meeting. It was torture enough knowing what I had to do; it was worse spending time thinking about it too.

With sweat running down my chest, I placed the barbell back in its place and took off the weights. While it was my gym, I liked having everything clean and tidy for my next training session.

Just as I finished, the music from the stereo cut off as my phone rang. I hurried towards it, just in case it was Emma–even though I knew she wouldn't call.

I fucking smiled when I saw Mateo's name on the caller ID.

"Hi, you've reached the apologetic asshole who truly wishes he's been forgiven. How may I help you?" I joked, but at the same time, not really.

"Fuck you, shithead," Mateo laughed. "Yeah, I've come to my senses. You can thank our–Emma for that. She kind of gave me shit about being a hypocrite, and she was right. You guys withheld information from me, but we were doing the same to her, and if I want her to forgive me, then I should forgive you guys."

"Oh, thank god, I thought I had to send you some flowers and a card." I'd seriously considered it. Okay, maybe not flowers, but rent a suite for him at the Yankees' next game or something. I would've even added flowers. Hell, I'd thrown in some apology chocolate as well. Mateo didn't know what he was missing by forgiving me too soon.

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm sure you would've bought the ugliest flowers," he joked. "So, what's been happening since I last saw you?"

"Besides being punched by Emma's friend?" I asked.

"No shit! So that was your blood I saw in the hallway? Kevin punched me too. He's got a mean right hook; I hadn't expected that. He damn near broke my nose."

I shook my head at the balls of that guy. I respected him for standing up for Emma like that, especially when it was against men twice as big as he was.

Mateo filled in on his meeting with Emma yesterday. It turned out I was the only one left, and it felt like the weight of the upcoming conversation fell heavily on my shoulders. I couldn't fuck this up; my friends' happiness and the happiness of the girl that I loved were at stake. If I had to shoulder the whole fucking world so that they would be okay, then so be it. I didn't care about myself as long as they were fine.

Having Mateo forgiving us made it easier for the meeting I was about to have with Emma. It was like a band-aid on a big wound, but it helped.

It was crazy to think that this week, we were supposed to have a meeting and go through our arrangement. What Emma hadn't known was that the guys and I had talked, and we'd agreed that we wanted her as a submissive–permanently. We'd known she wasn't ready to be a slave, and maybe she never would be, but it hadn't mattered. Having her, in whatever shape and form that might be, was enough.

We were supposed to give up a part of ourselves for her. In the end, we did, only it was our hearts instead of our desires–and now, I would give up everything to make sure the people I cared about were happy.

I was resolute and keeping a tight rein of my emotions as I showed up at Kissena Park, where I knew she'd also met Mateo. The weather was on the colder side as fog swept through the park. It was a somber kind of weather, perfectly mirroring my own feelings.

Emma was standing stock-still by the lake, staring at the water, deep in thoughts. Her body stiffened the closer I got, and I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump I felt in my throat.

"Bella," I breathed, lost for words now that I was here with her. She finally turned around, meeting my eyes with hers. My breath caught, seeing so much of everything inside them. I saw her hesitation; her indecision; her pain–all of her thoughts and emotions swirled inside those beautiful blue orbits of hers.

She didn't move from her position by the railing, so I went to her instead. I kept a couple of feet between us, not wanting to overwhelm her and not knowing if my nearness would be appreciated.

For a moment, we didn't talk. All we did was stare out into the lake, watching the ducks swimming around in the water.

"You broke my trust," she finally said. Her voice was so small, so unlike the Emma I knew, my heart ached at the difference–because we were the reason for it.

My stomach knotted with the guilt; guilt for being the reason the guys might lose the one they were falling for. Guilt that Emma was hurt because of something I did. Guilt that our entire relationship was going to hell. If I could do something to make up for it–to both Emma and the guys–I would do it, even if it meant I had to bear the brunt of it all.

"I know." My grip on the railing tightened as I tried to center myself. I couldn't afford to be emotional, not when there was so much that needed to be said. God forbid I'd have another panic attack–that was the last thing she needed to deal with right now. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry."

"I know," she echoed. "But it doesn't make this any easier. What you guys did was not okay. You took information about me that I hadn't given to you–I didn't even know you yet. If you'd gotten any sensitive information, what would you have done then?"

"There wasn't. When I had my PI track you down, I asked him to stick to the basic, how old you were, where you lived, school, work...that kind of stuff. He wasn't allowed to dig any deeper than that. It doesn't excuse anything. I know it doesn't. What I did was wrong no matter what, and I realize that."

Emma nodded slowly. "That's good to know. Not that I actually have any sensitive information; it's still good to know you didn't go that far. But why did you do it? Why did you go through so much trouble to get to me?"

Wasn't that the question...

"When I met Mateo and Gideon, we were kids who all needed the connection only a strong friendship could provide. Mateo only had his sister, but he took care of her, protecting her from their home life, and no one had his back. I had my grandparents. While I love them, they didn't always have the energy to take care of a teenager with abandonment issues. Gideon...he didn't have anyone at all," I explained. "Our friendship filled a void we all felt, and so, when we discovered BDSM and realized that we were all masters, we decided we would share a slave. We didn't want several someones getting in between our bond–we were too loyal to one another to allow that to happen. We figured if we had one slave together, it could only strengthen the bond between us. For years we searched for that one person that would fit us perfectly–that one that wouldn't disrupt the flow but instead contribute to it."

Taking Emma's hands, I turned her towards me. I needed her to see the truth when I said it. "That's where you came it. We hadn't been able to find someone we all had an interest in until you. That night when you walked in...you stole our breaths. There was this instant connection we felt, even from a distance, and we couldn't ignore it. We panicked when you left, and we had no way of reaching you, so instead, I was the complete idiot who made the wrong choice because I couldn't let you slip through our fingers."

Her eyes widened as I spoke. The shock was written clearly in her expression like this wasn't the reason she'd expected.

"When we first talked to you, we just knew you were the right fit for us. Mateo might seem carefree, and for the most part, he is, but you brought out an inner peace in him I'd never seen before. Gideon's been through a lot, but it's like the weight of his past vanishes from his shoulders whenever you are near. And with me...you gave me everything I'd wished for and more, and for that, I can't thank you enough."

My eyes misted over as her own welled. We were both carrying so many emotions, they couldn't be contained in our bodies.

I could feel my heart breaking as I whispered, "Blame me." I squeezed her hands softly, taking in the feel of her skin against mine and memorizing it because it might be the last time I would ever get to. "I was the one calling the shots. I was the one who hired the private investigator and the one who chose not to share with the others that you were a student at Mateo's school and that you worked at Gideon's club. As much as I don't want to lose you, I don't deserve you–they do. So, blame me."

Emma shook her head as tears wetted her cheeks. "You might've been the one behind the trigger, but they are just as responsible for not telling me." She let go of one of my hands to palm my cheek. I leaned into her touch, soaking it up. "I could never choose between the three of you. It's all or nothing. I just need to figure out if I can risk putting myself in that position again. You broke me, Callan; you all did. If it were to happen again, I don't think I would ever get through it."

"It won't happen again," I said adamantly.

"Maybe not," she agreed. "But it already happened once...I don't know if I can risk a second time."

With a sad sigh, Emma broke our contact, distancing herself from me. "You've given me a lot to think about. I'll contact you guys when I've decided. Take care of yourself, Callan."

"Take care of yourself too, Bella," I whispered, my voice heavy with anguish.

It was hard letting her go, but I forced myself to stand still as she walked away from me. I didn't know what I should feel as I watched her disappear from view. I was partly hopeful and partly hopeless. I knew that she cared about us; I just prayed that would be enough.