Damn, these men...they really knew how to fuck me into exhaustion. Thoughts were slipping away, and all I could do was lie boneless in the bed, trying to gather the strength I would need to get myself to the bathroom.

It turned out; I didn't need to.

Gideon's strong arms lifted me from the comfortable mattress, carried me into the bathroom, and sat me down on the toilet.

If I'd thought he would give me any privacy, I had hoped wrong. He retreated, sure, but only to the tub a few feet away and started filling it with water. I should be thankful the noise of the faucet drowned out the sound of me peeing, but the act of using the toilet with him in the room was still embarrassing. Especially when I often struggled to pee just knowing someone might be outside the room. Still, I'd done a lot worse; using the anal douche was the leading example of that something worse.

Drying my private parts, I wobbled to the sink to clean my hands. If I was feeling the effect of our rough tumble in the sheets so clearly now and I imagined I'd be achy as all hell tomorrow. It was worth it, without a doubt.

"Get in," Gideon ordered gruffly, and when I turned around to him, I was disappointed to see him still dressed. I guess he wouldn't be joining me then.

I stumbled on my way over, but he was quick to catch me before my head banged against the hard porcelain tub. Once again, I was in his arms, and he carefully put me down in the steamy water. The hot bath shocked my skin for only a moment, and then I relaxed underneath the bubbles of what smelled like coconut. It was a calming scent, and I found I liked it a lot.

Gideon had grabbed a bath sponge and was now dipping it into the water. He started cleaning my body with a gentle hand, beginning with the chest and then arms, before moving further down.

He was thorough as he washed me, not missing a single spot. A quiver ran through me when he moved the sponge between my legs; I was beyond sensitive after he'd edged me several times and the multiple orgasms.

"You pleased me today, baby girl," he whispered when he was done. The praise warmed me from the inside and made a home in my chest. When he'd asked me what ideas I'd found suitable for both reward and punishment, I had been completely honest. I thrived on positive reinforcements, and disapproval was hurt like a bitch.

Words could sting more than spanking could. Especially when spanking was something I enjoyed. Damn, I really was a pain slut, but while that might have shamed me before, it only settled inside me as the truth that it was.

It was always easy to forget the progress I'd made. But, I was also getting better at reminding myself of the enormous changes that had happened to me and my self-esteem in a matter of weeks. My men were a huge part of that.

I was pulled out of my thoughts to the feel of something wet wiping my face. Seeing the make-up on the wipe, I guessed that it was a make-up remover. I hadn't even thought about it, but thank God Gideon did; I hated waking up in the morning to yesterday's mess on my face.

He let me soak in the tub until I was good and ready to get out. And when I did, he toweled me off with care. I sighed at this gentle side of him. It was a side of him he rarely showed.

With not a drop left on my body, he treaded a long, black t-shirt on me. Smelling it discreetly, I happily realized it was his. The scent of tobacco, though muted as if it had been washed, filled my nose. I'd never been a fan of smoking, mainly because of cancer, but somehow, the smell of it only reminded me of Gideon. I hadn't known he smoked until today, so I hadn't been able to connect the smokey scent of him to the cigarettes before just now.

"Thank you," I murmured hoarsely. I'd screamed so loudly when he fucked me that I'd lost part of my voice, making it sound husky and rough.

When he started to lift me for the third time, I protested slightly. "I can walk." I think. And I could, but apparently not as sufficient as he would've liked, because, after a few steps, he had me back in his arms. Truth be told, I didn't know why I'd even protested against it; I liked feeling his arms around me–I liked being close to him.

We moved to the kitchen, and he sat me down as he started rummaging through the fridge. I hadn't known how hungry I was until a plate of two halves of a mouthwatering panini were in front of me. He'd also gotten me a huge glass of water with ice cubes.

"Eat," he grunted and went back to the kitchen to make food for himself as well.

The flavor of pesto, tomato, cheese, and chicken bombarded my taste buds, making me hum in contentment. God, this man could make some seriously tasty food.

Taking a seat on the other side of the table, he took a bite of his own panini. As always, the silence between us was relaxed, and while it was great, it didn't make me get to know him better other than knowing he disliked talking, which I'd learned the second I'd met him.

"So...I take it you won't be sleeping with me tonight?" I asked, trying to sound casual but probably failing miserably by the look of his narrowed eyes.

"You're right, I won't," Gideon said gruffly, and that small flame of hope I'd somehow kindled, extinguished. I must've failed to hide my own feelings because he continued, "But... I'll stay with you until you fall asleep." A compromise.

I gave him a tentative smile, feeling shy even after all that we'd done just moments earlier. While in a scene, I definitely felt self-conscious at first, but my dominants rarely let me stay in my mind for too long. This, though, Gideon reading me and my feelings so clearly made me feel bare in a whole other way.

With that settled, we finished up eating. I often looked at the man in front of me under my lashes, trying to read him like he did me, but without any luck. Gideon walls were a fortress I had a hard time breaking through.

My legs still shook as we made our way to my bedroom–shit, that was weird, my bedroom. When had I started considering it as mine? I left him on my bed as I brushed my teeth and flossed before joining him on the soft and luxurious mattress. My heart danced with joy when he gathered me in his embrace.

It hurt just a little knowing he would be gone as soon as I let sleep take me under, but for now, I was content with whatever he wanted–or could–give me. I already knew Gideon struggled, as said to me by himself and Mateo, so all I could do was appreciate that he was at least trying.

The feel of his heart beating against my back lulled me to sleep, even as I fought to stay awake just so I could have him hold me a little longer.