I didn’t expect Wes to be so nervous, but he’s sitting here on my couch with his leg shaking up and down like an autumn leaf not ready to fall. Finally, he takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

“I don’t know why it happened, but that night I saw you at the bar and you fell right into me, I felt a way that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt with a woman before. I knew that I needed to chase this feeling and I needed to see where it took us. You were gorgeous, funny, successful. You check every fucking box, Holly.”

Although I’m flattered at his compliments, I can’t muster up much of a response just yet, so I let him continue.

“But the truth is that deep down inside of everything I’m exactly what you said I was. I’m a coward. And not because I had a secret girlfriend at home, but because when things got way too serious, too soon and I realized I was going to have to tell you about my daughter, I ran.”

Frustrated, I throw my hands up in the air, “That is what I don’t understand, Wes. Do you think that I wouldn’t want to be with you if you had a kid? Did you think I’d try to kidnap her or something, shit? Why didn’t you just tell me about her in MANY of the conversations we had about things going on in our lives. We’re not teenagers, Wes, it isn’t unusual for people our age to histories like previous relationships and even kids.”

He hangs his head, “I know I could have, that’s where I totally fucked up. I just liked you so much and yeah, I was a little worried that maybe you wouldn’t want a guy with a daughter at home.” He looks back up at me with a level of vulnerability in his face. “Even worse, the thought kept crossing my mind that what if we did date and the two of you got close and shit didn’t work out. Then what?”

“I don’t know, Wes.”

“She’s already had one woman walk out on her,” he says quietly.

“What?”

“Her mom. Although I hate using the name mom because she doesn’t deserve that title.”

I sit up a little taller and push further, “Her mom isn’t in the picture?”

“Nope.” He says almost flippantly, popping the P sound at the end. “She dropped off Annabelle one day and said she couldn’t do it anymore. She just left, off into the horizon and gone. I wouldn’t even know how to get in touch with her if I had to.”

My body language softens a bit as Wes shares more of his personal story with me.

“And now Annabelle is at the age where she’s asking questions about her mom. I don’t know what to tell her and I usually avoid the questions. I freaked out because I saw you being all domestic at your house that night and the image ran through my head of the three of us and….I freaked out.”

“Before or after you managed to have sex with me?” I snap back at him.

“Don’t be like that, Holly.”

I was feeling bad for him, but now I’m kind off annoyed again. “Be like that? I apparently was too domestic to date and tell me about your daughter, but it didn’t freak you out enough that you didn’t bang me in the bedroom to get your jollies off.”

“I never said that,” he attempts to defend himself.

“You didn’t have to say that, Wes. Your actions said that.” I stand up from the couch and turn to the door. “I think you should go.”

Wes stands up too, “I haven’t even said everything I came here to say!”

“I think you said enough.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“That’s not fair, Holly.” Wes reaches over and grabs my elbow, “Darling, listen.”

I snap my arm back from him. “No. I am not your darling. I am not your anything. You thought so little of me, Wes Brown, so freaking little. As if I couldn’t understand how it would have been like to be in a relationship with a guy with a kid. Do you think I’d want her to call my mommy and dress her up? Save her picture as my screen saver, tell her I love her and that she’s my little girl, and then drop off the face of the earth? Did you think I would do that?”

“No! I’d never think that of you. Shit, why do you think so low of ME?” He raises his voice slightly at me.

My voice raises to counteract. “Because you let me believe that you actually liked me and then you slept with me, all while apparently “freaking out” because you thought I was too domestic or some shit.” I use air quotes to emphasize his words. “And then let’s not forget the fact that instead of coming to me and talking to me about what was going on, you turned on your heels and ran out of here as quickly as you could and the sent me a TEXT message to tell me you didn’t want to continue whatever it was that we started that night.”

I put my hands up again, emotionally exhausted and slightly pissed off, “So tell me, Wes, tell me how I’m supposed to think of you?”

Wes and I stand toe to toe for a moment and he doesn’t respond. The tears are threatening again, but I have cried way too much over a man that wasn’t my boyfriend so I hold them in as tightly as I can. Silently, I open the door and don’t say anything as he walks out.

At the bottom of the staircase he looks back at me as if he’s going to say something, but I just slam the door and lean against it, pounding my head back. I feel like I probably overreacted, but in a way, I don’t care. I appreciated that he was open enough to tell me about Annebelle and her mom, but Wes has got some issues he needs to work through and they aren’t mine. I can’t take them on myself, he needs to do that work.

I take a shower and get ready for bed, but after tossing and turning for a couple of hours I decided that sleep isn’t something I’m going to get tonight. Instead, I toss on some old clothes and make my way down to the bakery to dive into some test batches of new recipes that have been floating in my head.

Some people stress clean, others stress eat. Me? I stress bake. So by the time the clock hits 4 am and Kathy enters the back kitchen I am already halfway through the items that need to be made for the day and I’ve also concocted a peach muffin that I’m going to test out for the next couple of days.

“Holly?” Kathy says my name with a bit of concern.

“Hey, Kathy!” I attempt to answer her in the most chipper way possible.

“Sweetheart, how long have you been down here?” She comes over and tries to step in front of me, but I’m too focused on my work to give her much time.

“A few hours. I’m fine. You should try this peach muffin, it’s amazing.”

“Uh-huh, I’ll try it later. I’m just a little worried about you. Why don’t you go lay down? I can man everything down here.”

I wave her off, “No, not needed I’m fine!”

“Holly.” She places both hands on my shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes. “I’m not saying I understand what you’re dealing with right now, but I love you and I can tell that right now the last place you need to be is down here. I have this covered, the main rush isn’t even until lunchtime and Maddie will be in.”

“Alright, but if anything happens.”

She nods her head, “If anything happens I can probably handle it. If not, I will call you because you’re a staircase away.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. Thanks, Kathy.” I grab a peach muffin and go back upstairs. I guess I’m starting over with this strategy. One day to be sad over Wes Brown…..check.