Loni

New Year is the one holiday I don't stay cooped up by myself. This is about getting fucked up, going crazy, and going into the new year with a bang. It's not about family, well for some it is I guess. But for me, it's ending the year and starting the new one with a killer hangover.

Jace invited me to the party he's going to tonight, but I turned him down. Was that a smart move? I'm not really sure. My feelings for him have gotten a little bit out of control. The other night, he slept over at my place after a night spent with his head between my legs. After multiple orgasms, I almost called off this whole thing and told him I wanted to be with him. Romance, flowers, dates, I wanted it all.

I'm weak.

I melt from the attention of a man. And the way he looks at me. Fuck. He could make me do anything. Like if he asked me to rob a bank for him, I would. Then I imagine us fucking and rolling around in the money.

Disgusting. I know.

Instead of telling him how I feel like a normal person would, I told him I'm not going to a New Year party with him. I also told him that he's allowed to have a New Year kiss with anyone he wants and I'll do the same. Regret creeps up the back of my throat at the thought of those words coming out of my mouth.

I couldn't help myself. Self-sabotage is my thing.

"If that's what you want," he said to me.

That's not what I want. But it's too late to back out now.

Hadley and I are in the back of an Uber heading to some random party.

She doesn't even know where we are going. She heard some of her sorority sisters talking about the parties going on tonight and she picked this one.

I try to look out the window, but it's pitch black outside. Where the hell are we?

"Put these on," Hadley commands, shoving a string of golden beads at me.

I laugh and put them around my neck. "Are we almost there?"

"I think so." But she's taking a selfie of us and doesn't even look at the GPS on the Uber driver's dash. "Say New Year!"

"New Year!" I cheer in my most enthusiastic voice.

"Here," she says, tossing her silver flask in my lap. "You need to loosen up a bit."

"I'm loose."

"I know you, babe. Drink up." She eyes me with arched brows.

She's right. I'm anything but loose. Thoughts of Jace and what he's doing right now cloud my mind. I open the flask and take a sip of— what is that— vodka? I don't care though. It burns the back of my throat and for a moment I think about the sting and not about Jace.

We pull up to a house that is completely lit and covered in Christmas lights. We step out of the car. Cheers from drunken college students echo around the busy street. On the front lawn, a group of people count down while a girl in a blue dress is doing a keg stand. The dress is past her shoulder and her whole ass is hanging out. But no one seems to care. Too drunk.

Hadley links her arm with mine and leads me up the wooden steps onto the deck. A few guys are playing beer pong outside and getting super into it when the little orange ball lands in the cup.

"Let's find some drinks!" Hadley shouts into my ear once we walk inside.

The house has no light on, except for the blue lights which make everyones' teeth glow. It's a cool ambiance I have to admit. There's even a DJ in the living room. Whoever is throwing this party really went all out.

"Wait, I have to pee." Hadley lets go of my arm. "You get some drinks and I'll meet up with you."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

The amount of people in this place is making me a little bit anxious. And looking around I can't say that I know any of them.

Hadley shakes her head. "I'll be fine. Go, have fun."

Before I can protest, Hadley is gone. Sucking in a breath, that smells like pure weed, I find my way to the kitchen where tons of liquor bottles occupy the counters.

I grab a Titos bottle, but it's empty. A majority of the bottles are empty. I wish I didn't give Hadley her flask back. I really need something to help me relax.

"What'll it be?" A guy slides in front of me. His dark hair is wet, slicked back, and his torso is bare and dripping like he was just swimming. He's wearing a friendly grin.

"I'll take anything. But it looks like I'm too late." I pick up an empty bottle and hold it out to show him.

"I got you." He nods, moving to the other side of the kitchen where a large Gatorade cooler sits. Grabbing a red solo cup, he fills it to the brim with a bright red liquid.

"What is this?" I ask when he hands it to me.

"Probably whatever was in these bottles." He laughs.

Without needing any further convincing, I take a sip. Wow. My face puckers, it's so fucking sour, but I can't taste any liquor. It tastes more like Hawaiian Punch and lemonade. After a few sips, it becomes more tolerable.

"Be careful. That stuff will sneak up on you." The shirtless guy says before he walks away.

But I need the buzz. I take bigger gulps. Finally, the night is getting better.

I play a couple rounds of beer pong with Hadley and a few guys wearing Beta Phi frat polos. I'm having a great fucking time I have to admit.

"I'm gonna get another drink. You want some?" I ask Hadley, but a guy is currently kissing on her neck so she just fluffs her hand at me.

I'll take that as a no.

I push my way back to the kitchen.

"Hi," A guy says to me as soon as I approach the kitchen counter. He's standing next to me, eyeing me up and down.

"Hello," I respond cheerily, feeling good from my first drink.

"I'm—" He says his name but it doesn't register in my mind.

"Hello," I say again and he chuckles.

He leans in, brushing his lips against my ear. "This might be forward," his voice is really loud in my ear even though the music is blaring. "But you are really beautiful."

I pull my head back to look at him and smile. "Thank you," I shout.

He grins and points to my empty cup. "Want another drink."

"Sure!"

I'm normally not this friendly to guys I just meet. But it's the alcohol. It makes me happy.

"What are you having?" He asks, standing up and walking around the other side of the counter.

"That." I point to the cooler across from him.

He nods, turning his back to me, getting me my drink.

"It's almost time for the countdown!" Someone screams and I turn to look at the commotion that breaks out.

People Surry around the house, finding a partner to lock lips with once the ball drops and the new year begins.

Can I really do this? Should I do this? Should I kiss someone else?

The guy I was talking to, approaches me with my cup in his hand. He places it down in front of me, leaning his elbows down on the counter. A smile plays on his lips and I can't help but blush.

My nerves are out of control.

This guy has nice lips. But not like Jace's. Honestly, the only person I can see myself kissing, starting the new year with, is Jace.

Unable to think about this anymore. I grab my cup and take a sip. My throat burns but it's not as sour as it was before. There's a bitterness to it now and I can't place it. But I take another big gulp. My heart is racing at the thought of this damn kiss.

My eyes water and I slam the empty cup down on the counter. Definitely drank that way too fast. Bubbles form in my stomach and I swallow down a burp that begins to form. Uneasiness fills my insides and a light sheen of sweat covers my body.

God, I don't feel good.

The thought of this kiss, just a damn kiss, is getting me all worked up. I blink my eyes hard, ridding them of a few unwanted tears. They feel hazy, burning, probably from all the smoke in this place. Finally, I regain some focus.

When I get somewhat of a hold on myself, the guy is staring at me. Smirking. His eyes trail down my body then back up to my lips. He doesn't have any contemplation about what he wants. He wants to kiss me.

Should I?

No.

I- I can't.

Jace.

Wait what the fuck? What-s going-

Hadley. Jace.

My thoughts are like a cluster. The music sounds a million miles away.

What the fuck.

I place my hands down on the counter but I can't feel anything. Tingling sensations pulse in my hands and travel all the way up my arms. The back of my throat prickles. My mouth goes dry.

What the hell is happening to me?

He's still smirking. Reaching out his hand, his fingers feel like needles against my skin.

My vision goes blurry, darkening the space around me, I try to look around the room. Everyone morphs into a blur of colors. I try to walk away, but my legs don't move.

Help me.

Fuck, move!

My mouth falls open. My tongue feels heavy, like it is about to slide out of my mouth. I can't fucking move. What the— Wha— fuck...