•First Heartbreak by Tori Kelly•

Sweat soaked my skin as I stood over the body. Blood pooled under my feet and around the floor, so much of it. His face was turned towards me, eyes open and unseeing, skin pasty and lips blue.

I was screaming and screaming before my voice eventually fell silent. My vocal chords strained to make a sound but nothing came out.

He was dead, and it was my fault.

My fault.

My fault.

My fault.

I killed him, I finally snapped. But who was I to decide his fate? I was a murderer. And even though I wasn't really religious, I prayed to whoever was listening that they would understand.

I woke with a gasp, my breathing fast and skin sweaty. I couldn't breathe, I was too hot, too hot, too hot. I was going to burn alive. I rolled over and threw the covers off, falling out of the bed.

"Scout?" Evelyn's worried voice followed me all the way to the bathroom but I hardly heard it as I pushed open the shower door and fell in. The cold water was a blessing against my burning skin, and I leaned my head against the wall, fighting hot-cold flashes. My eyes fluttered shut and my chest heaved with sobs.

My clothes stuck to my skin and I couldn't breathe. "Oh baby." I hadn't heard the shower door open but a moment later her arms lifted me and cradled me against her chest.

I tried to protest, not wanting to get her clothes wet but she shushed me as she carried me to the bathtub and placed me in it. I gritted my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering as I watched her through slitted eyes.

"Wh-what a-are y-you d-d-doing?" I managed to chatter out. Her eyes met mine and I felt bad at the tiredness I saw in them but then they filled with love.

"I'm taking care of you." She said simply.

I didn't protest when her hands found the hem of the tank I wore and pulled it over my head. I didn't look away from her eyes and they never left mine either. I was slightly surprised when I didn't find myself self-conscious in front of her. I was wearing a sports bra, but I still attempted to cover myself.

"Can you stand?" She asked softly, throwing the soaked tank off to the side. I gripped the sides of the tub and lifted myself carefully, but my foot slipped. Her hands immediately gripped my waist and steadied me.

"Slowly." She cautioned, flexing her fingers slightly before releasing me. I managed to get to my feet and stood there shivering.

I almost jumped when her fingers suddenly appeared at the waist of my sleep shorts. My face burned but I held her gaze as she pulled them down and helped me step out of them. She tossed them over the side of the tub and turned towards the hot and cold knobs.

I gasped a little when cold water flooded my feet, but it quickly turned into a sigh as the water turned warmer. "Too hot?" I shook my head.

She turned again and grabbed a bottle and squirted a cream colored liquid into the water. A vanilla scent filled the air and immediately made me understand her a little better. Bubbles immediately erupted and filled the top of the water. She turned her back to me when the water rose high enough for me to be covered when I sank down into it.

I stripped the rest of my undergarments and slowly lowered myself into the warm water with a long sigh. "It's ok now." I spoke softly. She turned and grabbed the chair that sat at her vanity and pulled it over to the side of the tub.

I flicked my fingers over the side and she tangled hers in them. "Thank you." I whispered. She smiled softly and brought our tangled fingers up to place a kiss on my knuckles. My lashes fluttered at the feeling of her lips on my skin.

"You don't have to sit with me, you know." I said when she continued to watch me, a tender look on her lovely face.

"There is no where else I wish to be." She murmured.

Tears blurred my vision and I smiled at her even as they fell down my cheeks. She sighed and stood, untangling her fingers from mine as she stepped away. My mouth immediately curved into a frown. "Where are you-"

My sentence fell short as she suddenly pulled her shirt over her head and pulled her sleep pants down, revealing her toned legs and making her tan skin stand out in the black bra and underwear she wore. I tried not to stare, but her body is a masterpiece.

I sputtered in surprise when she suddenly stepped in behind me. "What are you doing?" She said nothing as she settled her front against my back in the tub, wrapping her arms around my waist. I choked on my breath at the feeling of her skin so intimately pressed against mine.

I flushed a bright red. I was naked after all, and I couldn't tell what she was thinking from this position. "Umm...." She chucked and the sound vibrated through my back. "Just relax love." She traced circles on my stomach under the water and I found myself immediately sinking further into her.

I'm not sure how long we sat there, resting against each other and just soaking in each other's presence. It had been three days since I'd told her my big secret and I'd been having nightmares ever since. They were always different memories of my experiences with Ezekiel.

I didn't know why they were coming back now, but I knew I needed to figure this out. I can't keep living like this. "I think.....I think I need to see a counselor." I sighed.

Evelyn's lips pressed against the skin of my shoulder as she tightened her hold on me. "I think that is a good idea." Her words didn't surprise me. I knew I needed help, I needed to realize that what happened to me wasn't my fault and that I didn't deserve it.

But I didn't know where or how to start.

"I will go with you tomorrow after school." I started to panic. So soon? I thought I'd give it another week, but even as I thought it I knew it wouldn't work. I knew myself, and I knew I would find excuses to put it off. I needed to tackle this thing head on.

"Can we go to bed?" I yawned. She pressed another kiss to my skin and her cheek rubbed against mine as she nodded. She helped me climb out and I didn't allow myself to be embarrassed as I stood completely naked in front of her. I'd bared my soul to this woman, and I knew now that she'd never hurt me.

"You're beautiful." She whispered, complete love and affection pouring from those eyes of hers. I smiled softly and looked up at her through my lashes, awestruck and still amazed that she was here, with me. And calling me beautiful even as she stood before me in her underwear, in all her glory.

The grey orbs held mine for a moment before she reached over and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my body. I gripped the front and padded out into her room and into her closet, leaving her to drain the tub. I found a tee and some shorts and pulled them on, sighing at the comfortable feeling. I turned at the sound of footsteps and choked on my air as she walked out of the bathroom in just a towel.

I blushed from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes and she laughed softly and sidled up to me to press a kiss into my hair. "I'll be right back." She promised. Breathless, all I could do was nod as she walked into the closet and out of sight.

I stared after her for a moment, a longing that I'd never felt before stirring in my gut, and eventually got myself to climb into the bed. I could hear her moving around and the sounds were soothing.

She joined me after a moment and I turned to face her, hardly being able to see her through the darkness. Her hands cupped my face softly and slowly guided my lips to hers. My eyes fluttered closed when they made contact, her lips were so so soft on mine and fit them perfectly.

My hands trailed over her stomach and toned thighs over and over again as I tried to map her out. My lungs were screaming for air by the time we pulled apart. Her eyes glittered at me in the dark and I took a deep breath, immediately returning my lips to hers.

This kiss was slightly more engaging and somewhere in the middle of it I had pressed myself completely into her, my body aching for her. I didn't fully understand, I've never been in love or experienced willing sexual encounters before, but with her I found I craved them even though I didn't fully understand what they were.

My hands roamed her sides and slid down and under her shirt. Her skin was searing into mine as I traveled my fingers up to her chest while our tongues danced in our mouths. My fingers brushed her bra and that's when she pulled away. I stopped immediately and waiting for her to say something.

She didn't for a long moment and I started to get worried. "Did.....did I do something wrong?" I whispered as I retracted my hands. She shook her head. "No, inima mea, you did everything right. But I do not think you are ready." She drew the 'y' out in a long sigh.

"Oh....um okay.." I didn't know what else to say. I was so embarrassed, I shouldn't have let myself get so carried away. "I'm sorry." I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. I wiped at them furiously and she immediately gathered me into her arms.

"Oh sweetheart it's not you, never you. You have no idea how badly I've wanted to make love to you, to help you understand what the touch of a real lover feels like, but I want you to be sure. I want you to be sure because when that time comes, you'll be calling all the shots."

I blinked back more tears at her soft words. I wasn't embarrassed anymore, not really. I was more embarrassed knowing that I didn't really know what to do, where to touch her, how to make sure she'd feel good. "I don't know how......"

Her arms tightened around me before she pulled back to cup my face. "It doesn't matter. Whenever you touch me, my skin ignites and smolders. My body trembles with desire, every time you walk by me my fingers twitch at my sides, wanting to pull you back to my side. It doesn't matter if you don't have the experience, because I love you, and I would never ask something of you when you weren't ready for it. And if anything, I'm glad to know that you don't know. Because then I can show you."

I sighed and buried my face into her neck. I was absolutely speechless, I mean, what could you say to something like that? My body still ached with need but it wasn't so powerful now. "I just.....didn't want to disappoint you."

I felt her lips press against my cheek before her forehead connected with mine. "You could never disappoint me." She murmured, running her fingers through my hair. My eyelids were dropping but I had so much more to say.

She chuckled, probably feeling me jerk slightly to stay awake. "Sleep Scout, and don't fret about us. When our time comes, it will be the most amazing night ever." I curled into her warmth and safety and immediately fell asleep.

😜