There is pin drop silence in the room, Hunter, Siara and I concentrating on the screen.

The screen shows information that involves Bianca, from the day she was born to the day she died.

The memories we shared come to me when I see a picture of her, my focus on her brown long hair, which I loved to caress. Her eyes have a sparkle and her lips have a smile; no one could tell that the girl had so much evil within her, not even I could tell.

She put a beautiful mask on her face while her heart carried nothing but evil. The signs were there but I chose to ignore them.

Was it because I lacked love when I was growing up?

My mind always has that one question whenever I think about Bianca, and I never have the answer to it.

Ignorance is one emotion I hate and love. I ignore things that have no value to me, but I also ignore things that can ruin me.

The people that birthed me left this view in my head which believes that love is toxic. They would always say they loved me in their own way everytime they hit me. It is like being toxic to me was their way of showing love.

At first I believed them, but then I remember telling my current theripist about how they treated me, and I also remember defending them when he told me that that was not love.

"But everyone has a different way of showing love," I stated looking at him with frustration.

The two might have disowned me, but I still had respect for them.

"That's true. But love isn't suppose to be toxic. It's better to love someone in silence then hitting them. There are men who hit women with the aim of disciplining them. But if they end up killing that woman they claim to love, will you say it was love? When a parent beats a child for every little mistake will you say that the parent loves the child?"

I became silent when I heard the question, my mind failing to come up with an answer. The theripist must have taken that as an answer because he continued speaking.

"Sometimes we might love someone with our whole heart, but hurting that person will never be right. Hurting someone unintentionally is understandable, but when you hurt that person more than once it becomes a habit. You might hurt someone physically and a scar might remain, the person might take that scar as a strength or it might ruin them. Hurting someone verbally or physically will never fix a person. That bitterness that is thrown at the abused person will end up ruining them, even if it isn't your internation. The mind is very twisted, it starts building up a lot of thoughts, and those thoughts will end up hurting someone. And that someone might be the victim or the culprit."

The people that raised me made me think everything toxic was alright. Being abused physically and mentally was very normal to me. And that is why I let Bianca off the hook a lot.

Bianca was always manipulative, she made everything seem alright. I caught her cheating and she made me think the guy was the one that forced himself on her. She said some sweet things to me and I would forgive her, because I was used to being treated like shit.

"I think we should turn to the other page, this page is just an intro." I hear Ms Rowland say, making Hunter and I nod in agreement.

We skip to the next page, each one of us reading the words that are written on the screen.

Emotions build up inside me when I see the information.

"I was such a fool," I whisper under my breathe, chuckling.

Hunter and Ms Rowland turn to look at me, but I do not pay any attention to them. I feel nothing but anger when I see the pictures that are at the bottom of the screen.

"Did you know about this?" I ask, my question directed at Hunter. "Did you know that she had a child with someone else?" I question trying to calm myself.

The screen shows Bianca and a little boy that looks to be four, both having similar eyes and hair. There are words at the bottom that say Angelo's mommy.

"I didn't know any of this," Hunter states as I close my eyes, taking deep calm breathes.

"Why was I such a fool?" I ask feeling hurt. The feeling of hatred towards Bianca becoming strong. I can feel my heart beat rising as I feel my head warming up.

Everyone is silent, it is like we are all trying to find answers.

"Does it say who the father is?" I ask trying to act normal. I do not need to let them see that I am affected by what I have seen.

It does not hurt me that she had a child before or after we got together. It hurts me that she lied to me.

"Yes.... I think it's on the other page." Ms Rowland says slowly, I can hear the nervousness in her voice.

I decide to not dwell on it though, my focus on the screen. I want to know what else she hid.

Another page opens, but this one has her medical reports instead. I really want to skip them and I think the others do as well, but I stop Ms Rowland before she can turn to the next page.

"I need to see this, she might have had a contagious disease or something." Ms Rowland nods at me. I look at the screen again, releasing a sigh of relief when I see nothing serious.

But I see a sentence that breaks and angers me. Bianca had an abortion two years before she died.

My mind wonders, thinking about the possibility of the child being mine. Even if the child was her lover's, the child did not deserve to die.

It hurts thinking about the life the child would have had. It is crazy how many people want children while she killed her own offspring.

I feel suffocated when I think about the possibility of losing two children. My head feels like it will explode, I need to calm myself before my anger controls me.

I find myself standing up from my seat, my legs carrying me out of the room with no destination in mind.

AUTHOR'S NOTE.

Hello!