I awoke early that morning, groaning as the barely risen sun shone through the window. It was bright and irritating, waking me up far earlier than I had intended to be up. I grumbled, knowing I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep after being fully conscious. I sat up, groaning and clutching me torso, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I looked down, finding several scars below my wrapped chest. Five in total, all pale impersonations of my skin.

I sighed, pressing my hand against the heart beating in my chest. It had healed completely, and was functioning as it normally did. My other hearts... their states were questionable. Hearts, unfortunately, can't be healed back to life. We had yet to see whether that was the case with some of these.

Because Ellie had begun healing all of us so quickly, she may have saved a few of mine. I'm still not sure. Even after three weeks, it was questionable whether I was going to make it out with more than one.

There was a small heartbeat in my lower abdomen, so one of my hearts was hopefully going to come back. I predicted three or four, but no more than that. Estarossa's Rebellion swords were hefty in terms of damage. I knew that as soon as the first one was punctured- it hurt way more than it should have.

I climbed out of bed, standing up. I stretched my arms upward, flinching lightly at the pain that ensued. I stretched out anyway, before sighing and leaving the room. I walked down the halls, moving slowly down the stairs before reaching the main bar room. Ellie and Hawk were setting up. As soon as she caught sight of me, she rushed over.

"(Y/N)! What are you doing? You're supposed to be resting!" Ellie huffed, pushing me toward the stairs.

"Oh, please," I grumbled, shooing her off. "I can't go out fighting right now- the least I can do is save the patrons from your terrible cooking. You're a great sous chef, but you're terrible at your own recipes."

She frowned, knowing I was right. Hawk interjected.

"Let her help! I want some decent scraps anyway," He huffed.

"Heyyyy," Ellie whined, turning and staring at Hawk. She turned around and looked at me, quite obviously hesitant. I raised and eyebrow, smiling at her. She sighed, "Fine... but please don't overwork yourself."

"It's cooking, hun, not training," I chuckled, walking over to the kitchen behind the bar.

She smiled, looking at me worriedly as I made my way over, tying the apron around my waist, being sure that it wasn't too loose or tight. When I turned around, still finding Ellie looking at me, I waved my hands in the air in a line. The words 'Stop Worrying So Much' appeared, the writing made up of flames.

She sighed, smiling at me all the same. She rolled her eyes, flipping the 'open' sign so that it was showing, not that it did much. Most of the patrons were unsuspecting Holy Knights, or those who knew where the bar was at all times.

The day was rather uneventful- about what I expected for a bar hiding out in the Forest of White Dreams. Patrons who came in were Holy Knights I actually recognized, mostly from the fight with Hendrickson. They all recognized me, though. It actually kind-of shocked me, how often people walked up to the bar to thank me.

Almost every single one of them came up to me personally, saying they looked up to and respected me for my sacrifices. There was a guy who said his kid wanted to be me when they grew up. I don't know how word got around about me, but I had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with Ellie. Whenever anyone thanked me, she didn't make any eye contact.

I made food all day, and I actually enjoyed it. It was relaxing. I liked mingling in the kitchen and tasting food and serving people, seeing them beam because they had actually gotten good food. It was very rewarding, seeing their faces when they tried the food and were happily surprised with the taste. I definitely wasn't as good of a cook as Ban, but...

Ahhh, the problem I had ignored all day.

The day was coming to an end and people were filing out. Ellie had gone upstairs to do her daily rounds, healing the injured Holy Knights as well as Meli and Elaine, who had yet to awaken. I was helping Hawk clean up, putting away washed dishes before going out and joining him.

While he cleaned the floor, I wiped the tables and chairs down. I hung every used pint glass up on the back wall, where there were hooks for the wooden pint glasses. I hung each of them by the handle, before returning back to returning to the table where I had gotten them.

As I was wiping one down, the door swung open. King was there floating, his pillow under his arm. He looked exhausted.

"Jesus, who hit you with a bus?" I asked, and he glared over at me. It took him a second, but after looking at me for a minute, his eyes widened.

"Oh, my goddesses," He murmured, the pillow under his arm dropping. His face scrunched up, and I could see the tears in his eyes.

"Aww, no," I laughed, walking over and pulling him into a hug. He stood while I held him in my arms, before hitting me in the side. I smiled leaning my cheek on top of his head.

"You're so stupid..." He sobbed, hitting me again with his other arm. "How could you do that..? Why did you do something so stupid?"

"Harlequin, it's okay," I hummed, "I'm back, I'm okay."

"I thought you were dead," he choked out, pulling away from the hug. He stared up at me, tears streaming down his face. "I thought you were..."

"Hey, hey, look at me," I said, grabbing him gently by the shoulders. "If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to make my terrible jokes. Where would you be if you didn't have me to worry about?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, smiling lopsidedly at him. He dove into my arms, hugging me as tight as he could. He sobbed into my shoulder, his entire body trembling as he did so. I rested my cheek on top of his head, rocking side to side. He kept sobbing, telling me how stupid I was for doing what I did. How much I made him worry. How much I made everyone worry. With the reaction I had gotten, I would argue they missed me more than the captain.

It took a while- maybe fifteen, twenty minutes before he finally stopped crying and pulled away from me. We sat down at a table, him across from me on his pillow, and I sitting on a chair.

"So, how's it out there? Who all is left?" I asked, looking at him.

"Everything's really spread out..." he sighed, "I know all of us Sins are out fighting. Ban just came back- he disappeared for a while. The Holy Knights are being tracked down- so only the really strong ones are left. I know Gilthunder, Hauser, Griamore, and Hendrickson are still out fighting for sure, though. Arthur, the king, is fighting as well."

"Ohhh, how's Hauser been?" I asked teasingly and he glared at me. I laughed, "How are you, King? You look dead."

"I haven't slept in a while," He admitted, looking off to the side. "That's why I stopped by."

"Not to see lil' old me?" I hummed, and he rolled his eyes.

"It hurt too much to come see you."

The room went quiet, and the lighthearted note I was trying so desperately to keep was gone. I reached out and grabbed his hand, making eye contact.

"Hey. I'm okay. I promise I'm okay."

"If you were okay, you wouldn't have flinched when I hit you in the stomach. And you wouldn't have had trouble walking over to the table," He countered, eyeing me. I deadpanned.

"Look, I said I was okay, not that I was at 100%," I grumbled, looking at him. He sighed, crossing his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm really worried about you, I have been since the Princess brought you back..." He looked at me, and I could tell. He was genuinely worried.

"Look, I get it, but I've still got one heart goin' strong," I grinned at him. His frown deepened and I clicked my tongue. "Lighten up! See, this is what happens when I'm gone. All of the sudden nobody knows how to smile anymore." I sighed dramatically, "It really is a burden to be the light of your lives."

He snorted, "Yeah, okay."

"Hey, it made you smile," I grinned at him, and he chuckled, looking down.

"You got me there," He hummed, smiling up at me. He looked happy to see me, but he was still worried. I knew that. But he was also tired as all hell.

"Hey, let's get you to a room so you can sleep," I smiled. "Ellie is up helping everyone, so I'll show you up to one of the free ones."

I stood up, starting to head toward the stairs, but he stopped me.

"Uh, no. You're going to stay here, sit down, and relax," he said, and I looked up at him with a deadpan.

"King, I need to go to my room anyway."

He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. I smirked, nodding in the direction of the stairs. He followed me, hovering on top of his pillow behind me. I was a bit slow up the stairs, and it was really annoying to be so out of it. Eventually, I got up, though. I said goodnight to King, then headed to my room, where I laid down on my bed and sighed.

Now was the difficult part- debating the Ban problem.

I guess I should start with a list of pros and cons, no?

Well, first off, he is terrible at talking about his emotions and what he's thinking. Not to mention he gets really defensive and snarky. Whenever he's upset, he gets quiet and sulky and refuses to talk about anything. He can't commit to anything or anyone as far as I've seen, and he really doesn't enjoy being around anyone if he is even remotely upset. He has an ego the size of my joke repertoire and can't handle criticism. He realizes things far too late and can never admit that he's in the wrong until it's way past the forgiveness period. Not only that but he never wears a shirt, which is great for me- but not great for literally any other female who decides to ogle him. Not to mention he gets way too jealous way too easily to date someone with a personality as flirty as mine.

But I love him. And he loves me.

That's what it always comes down to, isn't it? The heart and what it wants. I could cuss him out all day long and tell him everything that's wrong with him, but that won't change the fact that I am hopelessly in love with him. No matter how hard I try, I can never change that. Commitment and love like that doesn't just disappear.

No matter how toxic either of us are, we always gravitate back. We love each other- no matter who won't admit it at times. As soon as we start to get over the other, something happens and we've fallen right back.

I could go off with some guy and fall in love and get married, live happily ever after. But I have no doubt that everyday I would ask myself what if... What if I stayed with Ban and gave him another chance? What if I let him really love me the way he claims to? What if I let him prove myself?

If I say no now? That's it. We're over and done with forever. Neither of us could handle that rejection. Never. I would regret every second of it as the words came out of my mouth, and he would lose all hope in his chances with me.

And that, folks, is where the trouble is.

I can't trust myself to say no. Hell, I can't even bring myself to say it. I am like a lost puppy- my heart will never stop following him.

If you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. There was a no to counteract every yes I could think of. Other than how attractively muscular he is, but... that's beside the point.

The point is... I won't get over Ban. And judging from the whole fiasco last night, he won't get over me either. I could try. I could pretend. But it would never really happen. Not while either of us gave the other hope.

We were stuck in this loop together and there were two ways to break it. Two simple, simple ways that could be summed up in one question. A question more loaded than anyone could imagine and yet I find myself teetering on the edge of either answer. I wanted to be with him so back, I couldn't explain the desperation I have to stay with him. But before I could, I needed to know whether I was ready. Whether I could forgive him. Whether I could give him another chance. Whether I could answer the question.

Yes or no?