The room was still and quiet, no movement. The shutters on the windows were closed, the room dark, dreary, and heavy with sadness, emanating from your sickly body, which lay sprawled across the bed. The only sounds in the room were the quiet breathing from two people, not even the sounds of outside birds, construction, or bustling people could penetrate the thick cloud of dread that had settled comfortably over the room. It didn't seem to have any intention of leaving. Neither did Diane.

You hadn't moved in an hour. Neither had Diane.

Nobody was willing to give up on you just yet. So obviously, neither was Diane.

She was sitting patiently next to you in the bed, your hand clutched safely within her trembling one. She was scared- terrified. Your outburst from earlier... she hated to think it, but your tears didn't seem so irregular anymore. It seemed that you always found something to be sad about. She always wanted to help you get over it- she didn't need to know, she didn't need to talk, she didn't need to do anything. All she needed to do was get you out of whatever place was making you so upset; whatever mindset was making you feel such overwhelming despair that you wanted to just... give up.

However, this time it was different.

This time you were scared. There was something different about your tears.

This time... Diane needed to put you right back.

She wasn't going to deal with this bullshit anymore- she was sick of being so uninformed. She was going to know what caused that earthquake. She was going to know why you and the captain got so upset after feeling it. She was going to know how to stop it.

You were her best friend- never would she want to harm or upset you in any way- but she needed to know. She needed to know how and why she was going to protect you and the rest of the Sins.

Except maybe Ban.

Yeah, he can fend for himself.

Diane squeezed your hand tighter, more to reassure herself than anything. When she felt your hand twitch against hers, she quickly yanked her hand away, thinking she may have hurt you. She realized, much to her silent embarrassment and relief, that you were not injured, merely waking up.

You let out a groan, adjusting your limbs as you stretched. After a few moments of post-sleep contentment, your eyes shot open upon realization, your body sitting upward in fright as you panted, eyes darting around the room as you clutched your heart.

"Woah, calm down, (y/n), you're safe!" Diane ushered quickly, standing up and putting her hands on your shoulders.

"Where are we?" You demanded, your eyes fearful. "Where is everyone else- are they okay? Oh, fuck... are they already here? Please don't tell me their all dead..."

"What? No!" Diane said, face scrunched up in confusion. "We're in the tavern. Captain and the others are still in the Capitol- they definitely aren't dead." She paused, her face ridden with worry as she stared down at you. "...why would they be... dead?"

Your panting had calmed, but your eyes were wide and alert, darting occasionally to the windows and door. Your muscles were tensed, and even without hearing it, Diane could tell that your heart was beating fast enough to escape your chest. Your face was pale, almost no color on your bleak, (s/t) skin. You were terrified.

"Dee, these people, they're..." you clutched the sheets next to you tighter, staring at the bed the two of you sat on. Your voice broke, "they're evil, evil people... their power is beyond anything we can comprehend..."

"But how do you know it's them? Who even is them?! What if it was just an earthqu-"

"It was them," your voice had turned low and dangerous. You were speaking through gritted teeth, the aura surrounding you shifting from scared to angry and malicious. "I would recognize those bastards' signature anywhere."

The room went quiet- and Diane was now much more apprehensive about asking you who exactly these people were. You weren't one to be scared. Sure, you could play it up on the battlefield, just like you could feign weakness, or even loss- you were really good at it- but never were you truly scared.

You had the confidence of the Sin of Pride- it was weird seeing you like this. You rarely cried in front of others and you always seemed to be happy. Everyone was your friend, and you loved everyone. Never were you scared or sad.

It seemed that, after knowing you for so long, Diane was finally getting a glimpse at who you were behind closed doors. She wanted you to be happy- and clearly with 'them' around, that wasn't going to happen.

"(Y/N), who are they?" Diane asked calmly, softly clutching your hand, which still held the sheets in a death grip. You looked up at her, face solemn. When she gave you a reassuring smile, you sighed.

"The Ten Commandments," you said, flinching lightly at the name. "They're the highest ranking and most powerful demons in the demon realm- aside from the King himself."

"Demons?" Diane asked, her expression muddled with confusion. "Weren't they locked away?"

You pursed your lips, releasing the sheets and grasping her hand shakily. "I think... someone Hendrickson worked with opened the portal."

Her eyes widened, but she quickly but on a shaky smile.

Reassurance! She reminded herself, Reassurance and then questioning!

"W-well we can take them on!" Diane grinned, her confidence most certainly not solid, but she was trying to cheer you up. "We have everyone with us! We're gonna find Escanor real soon, and then we'll get Ba... everyone back together! It'll be fi-"

"Diane, you don't get it," you cut her off, "they fought against the Giants, Humans, Fairies, and Goddesses. They almost won. They've killed so many people..."

"But they've just been sitting in the demon realm, right?" Diane pushed, sounding more desperate than reassuring, "Its not like they've been slaughtering their own kind!"

Your grip suddenly tightened immensely against her hand.

"(Y/N), you shouldn't be scared! We have all of Liones with us, we can fight them easily. I bet you could take them on by yours-"

"Please stop."

You croaked out the words, and guilt swarmed over Diane as she noticed the tears falling onto the bed sheets below your face. Your grip within her hand was tight, but you were shaking too.

Why am I always crying? The thought stabbed through your head, gone as quick as it came, but leaving an salted wound about your weakness.

"What did I...?" Diane started, but stopped herself. What had she said to make you upset? Maybe she was being to pushy? Was she talking too much? Maybe... she just needed to reassure you... she could always ask Merlin about it...

"They were killing people," you cried, sniffling quietly. "Diane, they killed my people. All of my people."

"They killed the rest of the demons..?" She asked, eyes wide with shock. She couldn't help the words from blurting out...

"No, there are sub races- sort of a hierarchy- in the demon realm," you mumbled, then chuckled sadly, putting your hand on your forehead, dragging it down and wiping away your tears. You begged yourself to stop crying- to calm down and breathe. "I guess Meli never told you why I killed all those people, huh?"

"He just said it was justified..." she said quietly.

"Damn right," you breathed, leaning forward. Your shoulders were slumped in exhaustion and sadness, your face ridden with guilt and grief. Diane was filled with the same emotions- feeling horrible for making you go through this. She could just ask Merlin.

"(Y/N), you don't-"

"No, no," you sighed, looking up at her with a shaky grin. Your whole face was tired. You looked so, so tired. Overwhelmed with emotions that Diane could no longer identify. So many complex things were written all over your body language and shaky, fake smile. Grief, sadness, guilt, anger, self-deprecation, exhaustion, and... you still looked scared. "It'd be better for me to finally tell someone anyway."

Diane was hesitant to let you. You seemed to be in a place where your brain was so overwhelmed with emotion, that it just shut down, leaving you numb and without feeling.

In truth, you were scared. You were scared that they were all going to die because you couldn't protect them, just like everyone else. You did feel guilty. It was your fault your race died in the first place- and it would be your fault if the Sins died too. You were upset. Upset and despairing because you knew that you weren't good enough- not good enough for Ban, and not good enough to protect them. You were angry. Angry at yourself for not being able to fix this, or stop it in the first place; angry that you weren't and won't be able to protect the people you love. You were tired too; oh, so tired. You were tired of letting yourself and everyone else down, tired of crying and being sad, tired of hating yourself, tired of blocking out your emotions with a smile, tired of everything. You were tired of you.

"So, demons, yeah... let's talk about that. At the bottom are red demons," you started, "then grey demons, then blue demons, then the Commandments, then the Demon King. But... before the Commandments, there used to be the Tenebris, or Dark, Demons. We were the elite guard who handled everything below the King's pay-grade." You chuckled, "Everyone was so peaceful, though... even when we were fighting, we spared more people than we killed.

"But... then came the Holy War. I, uhm... I didn't fight with the demons. A-and my family did- everyone I knew did... my sister..." your voice broke, your grip on Diane's hand tightening. "God, I loved her so much... she was my everything. It was so dumb- we used to get into so much trouble together... but, uhm... the Commandments, they... they changed her. They told her I was a traitor and that I hated her- that she was nothing but a pawn to me. That everyone was just a pawn to me.

"So she fought. Everyone fought. And they... they lost. Everyone except me lost- so they were all banished to the demon realm... except for me. 'Cause I was a demon who 'turned good and realized the error of my ways'..." you chuckled bitterly, tears falling from your eyes once again. You hardly noticed it. Diane couldn't bear to hear it. You choked on your words, "God, I loved her so much... I loved her more than anything- and she hated me... she... she thought I was using her. I-I was... I was depressed. I had to watch her fade into the dark, realizing that her sister wasn't a bad guy... god, I didn't deserve her... she was so amazing...

"Fuck, if only I had lost with them..." you were sobbing now, wiping at your eyes with the base of your palm uselessly. "Then they... they wouldn't have died... they all died... be-because of me..."

You paused for a moment, and Diane was temped to intervene, but she found herself unable to speak.

"S-so, uhm... there was this village, and they... they took me in. I was, what? 925? Like eight in your years... they took me in and raised me. I was village's kid- everyone loved me..." you sniffled broadly, but continued, trying your hardest to keep yourself calm. It wasn't working very well, but you had disconnected form you emotions. You could hardly feel anything at thing point. Diane felt tears welling up in her own eyes. Had you really suffered this much..? "Every night, I would go to the edge of the woods where the demon territory used to be, and I would just sit there. I could feel everyone's magical signature better there. It was... comforting...

"But then, they all started disappearing... one by one, they all just... vanished..." your grip on Diane's hand was now merciless, the only thing keeping you from shattering her bones was the vigorous shaking and your weak state. Even then, it was extremely painful. "Everyone was just disappearing- they were all dying... every single one of them... and they saved Amelia for last. My own fucking sister- who never did anything wrong... had to watch everyone she loved die, all because her sister was too selfish to help the bad guys...

"That same day... thieves burned down the village and killed all of the adults."

"Oh, my god..." Diane whispered, a tear falling down her cheek as she watched you break down. You were shaking violently, droplets of snot and saliva, combined with your tears, falling from your strained, pink face.

"So I killed them," you continued, your voice strangely even for someone who was sobbing. It seemed the emotional disconnect had worked... mostly. "So I killed everyone. I just wanted the pain to stop- to make everyone feel just a little bit of the agony I was feeling. My first family was killed by people who I trusted... because of me... and my second family was killed because I was too sad about the first to protect them...

"I killed kids, man... kids... innocent children, and women, and men who didn't deserve it- who had nothing to do with my sadness..." there was a pause. Diane was crying silently, watching you break down in front of her. She could hardly handle it, but... you needed someone to be strong for you right now. She could tell. You needed someone to help you, who you could confide it. "I counted. I counted everyone. 1,457 Holy Knights, 963 Apprentices. 2,406 adult humans, 664 human children. 743 fairies. 571 giants. 3,046 villages burned down. 6,140 lives taken. Countless more ruined. All in three days, just because I couldn't handle being sad.

"So I was locked up. Everyday a new knight or civilian would come in and give me a taste of their pain. I was tortured, beaten, starved, deprived of every basic necessity. After everyone died off, Holy Knights came to me when they were bored or needed to blow off steam. For 2,964 out of my 3,920 years of life I was tortured.

"But I deserved it." You said, and Diane looked at you. She let out a small whimper, her quivering lip struggling to contain the sounds she wanted to let out. She finally knew what it felt like for you- even if it was on a much smaller scale. She could tell why you always thought you were the problem, why you always blamed yourself. Why you were so self-sacrificing and self-reliant. Never hesitant to make friends but always cautious when getting attached.

She understood. Maybe not fully, but she understood.

"I deserved all those years. I've taken so much from so many people," a small smile made its way to your lips. You still stared down at the sheets, where a large puddle of liquid had seeped in. "And I finally got to pay for it. I payed for all the pains and sadness I inflicted on others... I know I deserve more, I know... that I'm a bad person. I'm a horrible person. But... at least those people got their revenge. Now that the Commandments are back, they'll probably kill me... but at least I can protect you guys. I can do what I couldn't do for anyone else. I can... I can be useful and... protect my third family. I can... maybe I can save you all... just like you saved me.

"I know it probably won't happen, but maybe... maybe I can be a hero this time."