I deadpanned, jaw nearly unhinged and eyes wide with shock. I stared up at the crimson-eyed asshole who had the audacity to come and save me after insulting my maturity, like the mangy little fucker he is. Then he springs this bullshittery on me like it's no shock to anyone, especially not me. Just casually reciprocating a crush, no biggie- you should've noticed by this point.

Sure, asswipe.

"Hah?" Was the only thing that escaped my mouth. I would cringe, because I probably looked like a brain-dead dumbass, but I was too ridden with shock to do anything but gape. He rolled his eyes, letting out an irritated groan.

"You know when someone saves you, there is something you should say," he hinted, raising a teasing eyebrow.

Mine furrowed, the response to my unadulterated shock snapping me back into reality. I gritted my teeth, now realizing what he had said, it's magnitude, and how monumentally pissed at him I was for fucking with me about something I took so seriously.

Now, it was my turn.

My hand made contact with his cheek, hard. It turned a light pink as his head snapped to the side. His expression didn't change, he just looked at me with the same, small smirk that he always had on his fucking face.

"You ass," I growled, "Now I know your purpose in life is to fuck with me!"

I fumbled backward out of his lap, trying to stand, but utterly failing. I fell back onto the ground with a loud thud, my head spinning lightly at the sudden and fast movement.

"You dumbass, you realize that you're still weak as hell, right?" Ban asked, walking over to me and crouching down.

"Fuck off, tree legs," I muttered, "You're the one who decided to come and save me just to fuck with me even more."

My words were laced with venom, and it looks could kill, no immortal could survive the glare I was wearing- everyone in a hundred mile radius would probably drop dead, too. Ban still wore that stupid, hot smirk that he always at on his stupid, hot face. Now he's being a stupid, hot asshole because he's still fucking with me in his stupid, hot way.

Have I mentioned how stupid, hot everything about him is?

"Get away from me," I snarled, "Go look for your ghost girlfriend."

"Last I heard you weren't exactly a ghost," he smirked. I nearly choked on air at the comment, my glare turning, yet again, into a look of dumbfounded surprise.

When the fuck did he get so smooth?

"But you don't like me," I spoke defensively, no longer wearing a glare, but an almost fearful expression. "You're just messing with me."

"You realize I just saved your ass, right?" He asked.

"Yeah but you would have done that for any one of the Sins."

"Mhm, definitely," he replied sarcastically.

"Look, Ban, I know you don't.... you don't... so why are you doing this?" My eyes scrunched up and my lip quivered for half a second. The asshole noticed my hesitation and my microsecond quiver. Of course he did.

"Come on," he sighed, walking over to the small table where my clothes and weapon were and bringing them over. He threw them at me, the shoes landing over my pelvis and the cloak slamming directly into my face. The whip-shot missed. "Everyone's bent on getting you back, and they probably already think someone kidnapped me too. So hurry the hell up."

I glared at him, but went along with it. I slipped my shoes on, much slower and with more difficulty than I would like to admit, as I grumbled to myself. The usual- 'asshole' this, 'asshole' that, although I did throw in the occasional 'fucktard' to spice things up. It took a minute or two, but I finally got all of my clothes on and my weapon secured. Now came the hard part- standing.

"I'll be up, just gimme a second," I mumbled, then groaned as I turned and started to push myself up. My arms shook under the weight of my body, and I could hardly move my legs up to support myself. But I eventually got it, and was on my hands and knees. Half way there, now comes the hard par-

The weight was lifted entirely off my arms, and for a moment I seriously considered that this was all a dream. I would wake up and find myself in this building, the four guys still stalking my sleeping form, and Ban wouldn't come to save me. I'd be at the mercy of four bounty hunters looking for a good fuck before they turn in a betrayer of the kingdom and got a particularly high payday. I whimpered at the thought, but quickly realized that that was not the case, in fact, far from it.

Ban had picked me up off the ground, his arms hooking in the bends of my knees and behind my back. I wiggled, attempting feebly to escape his grasp. He clutched me tighter.

"Would you stop it, flame brain? I'm trying to help you," He grumbled, walking through the doorframe. He probably would've kicked the door down, but it had come unhinged after his previous assault on it. He began walking down the empty street. It was well into the night. How long had I been there?

"How long have they had me?" I asked, staring up at the full moon as I echoed my thoughts.

"A few hours, four at the least."

"Four hours...?" I repeated, eyes scrunching up, then widening again. I clutched his jacket without thinking, the leather fabric weaving in between my fingers and within my palm. "Ban what if they-!"

"They didn't," he growled, immediately cutting me off. His hands clutched tighter to the sides of my knees and arms.

"But-!"

"They. Didn't." He repeated, his voice low. "I would've killed them before they had the chance."

I stayed quiet after that comment, giving up entirely at reasoning with him. I kept to myself, but my brain churned with his words. In fact, it hadn't stopped repeating them since he said them. It was annoying to say the least, because part of me believed that he meant it. I like you too, (y/n). Yeah, right.

I mean, he couldn't have meant it, right? This isn't some stupid fairy tail love story, where everyone lives happily ever after when the knight in shining, skin-tight leather pants saves his pathetic damsel in distress from being strongly violated by bounty-hunting assholes. That was too specific.

Ugh, back on track.

He doesn't like me back, and I know he doesn't. He sprang that on my after a good week of ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder. Even if he did that because he was trying to figure out his feelings (like girls do- not gender shaming or anything, but I'm 99% sure that Ban might have a pussy), he has his dead girlfriend who he's head-over-heels in love with and would do anything for. I bet he'd even try to kill Meli to bring her back!

I inadvertently clutched his shirt tighter.

Why would he do something like that? Is he that dead-set on destroying what little self-esteem I have? I mean, I may be a shallow bitch, but it's common knowledge that you don't do something like this to someone who likes you. No matter how much of an asshole you are, you don't mess with romantic feelings. Manipulative psychopath is the term I would use for people who do.

"Yo, (y/n), you okay?" Ban asked, causing me to look up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"No, you manipulative psychopath," I growled, "You just told me you liked me back just to fuck with my feelings. Of course I'm not okay."

Geez, I feel like a ten-year-old. You liked me back. What a kiddie thing to say.

"You're still stuck on that?" He asked, groaning, clearly feeling exasperated with the topic. "I didn't say it to 'fuck with your feelings.' I really do like you."

"No you don't," I spoke defensively, noticing vaguely that he was still carrying me like a bride down the abandoned streets of Belford. "You've been ignoring me and being an asshole for an entire week. This is your final plot to demolish my self-esteem." I huffed, "Joke's on you, I'm not falling for it."

"I don't get girls," he mumbled, then spoke up. "I don't know how many times I have to say it to get it through your thick head, but I do. King thinks I've fallen hard- I wouldn't go that far but..."

"You just insulted me!" I shrieked, searching desperately for any reason not to believe him. "If you liked me so much, you wouldn't say that! And King? What does he have to do with this? It's not like this was what you were..." I trailed off, eyes widening in realization. The argument- when I woke up late and found Ban holding King's collar, and it looked like they were arguing. That's why they were mad... "That's not why you guys were arguing a few days ago, was it?"

"Yup," he purred, turning onto another street, which was also relatively empty. He seemed to be keeping to the abandoned or mostly unpopulated streets, I noticed. "It made me realize what a dumbass I was being. Took way too long for me to take my head outta my ass and tell you. I'm sure the readers agree, too."

"You're lying! You don't like me and you never will!" My voice cracked half way through, and my eyes shimmered with frustration- or tears, whichever way you want to refer to it. "You don't!"

Ban sighed, mumbling something incoherent to himself. He then shook his head, staring to the side for a moment, then looked at me.

"It's annoying that I have to prove it to you," he mumbled, then leaned his head down, holding me up a bit higher in the process.

Everything moved in slow motion. My eyes widened in surprise, but my body seemed frozen solid. I wasn't moving- I couldn't move. It was really annoying.

Holy shit. Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

His lips were on mine before I could react, his eyes closing as mine stayed frozen wide open, my body rigid and my brain hardly processing what had just happened. Was this the Christmas dream? It felt like the Christmas dream. His lips were really soft, slightly chapped, but I wasn't complaining. It was sweet and innocent, his nose rubbing confidently against my cheek.

It ended too soon, and when he pulled away, my wide eyes were still trained on him. All that could leave my mouth was incoherent sputters as I tried to formulate the thoughts that were running through my head.

"You believe me now?" He purred, that stupid, hot smirk on his face. I felt my cheeks begin to grow hot as I stared up at him.

"You just- and I... what are... why- no... fuck- I... huh?" Words came out in singular syllables, and I couldn't put what was going through my brain into sentences.

Ban kissed me. The Ban, the selfish asshole who might not be fucking with me, just kissed me.

"I like you, (y/n) (l/n)," Ban announced jokingly, "And I don't give a shit about anyone else in the same way. Happy?"

"You're an ass," I grumbled, averting my gaze. "I don't know why I tolerate you."

"Probably because-"

Before he could finish, I wrapped my arms around his neck and lightly pressed my lips against his own. Now, I know what you're thinking. Weirdo bitch, you just spent like ten minutes convincing yourself he doesn't like you, and now you're kissing him? Anime logic! That's not how real life works! Just to let you know, I'm still not entirely convinced that he's telling the truth, or that this isn't some wack-job dream I'm having. I'm doing this because I can't let him one-up me. It is strictly that. Strictly. It's not like I'm doing it because I like the way his lips feel... or how his hair tickles my forehead, or how he inadvertently holds me tighter when we kiss... or how soft his skin is, or because I really want to believe it's true that he likes me back.

Definitely not.

I pulled away from the kiss, needing air. Ban looked down at me with a shit-eating grin, his cheeks entirely colorless while mine burned a bright red.

"Ya'know," he started, "You're not a bad kisser when you aren't gawking."

"Shut up," I muttered, "I just did it to one-up you..."

"Uh-huh," he purred, "Sure."

"Hey, asshole! I'll kill you!"

"Kinky~"

"SHUT IT!"

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