Draco was one of the first to enter the common room the next morning.

He hadn't had the best nights sleep to say the least. Every time he closed his eyes he would see Astrid's eyes. Her black swirling whirlpool eyes. And she was screaming. Screaming like she had done in the moments after she killed her step father.

He wandered up to breakfast before anyone else got up. Before she got up.

He was surprised to see someone already sat at the Slytherin table. It was that girl from the train, Astoria.

"Oh, hello!" she smiled, blushing slightly.

Draco sighed, he really wasn't in the mood to make conversation with anyone, but on the other hand, this girl seemed nice and for some reason he didn't want to offend her.

So he took the seat next to her, helping himself to a piece of toast.

"Sleep well?" she asked, nerves jangling her voice slightly. "I hear the Head Boy and Girl get their own private rooms."

Draco looked at her and she blushed furiously. He found himself trying to suppress a smirk.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, we do," he drawled, "Much better than having to endure Crabbe's incessant snoring."

She giggled shyly, and just as Draco was thinking how cute that was, a memory of him making Astrid laugh came flying to his mind. It was a couple of summers ago on the swings, and he discovered he had wanted to make her laugh again.

His heart twisted horribly as he realised just how much he missed her - how much he longed for her. For his old Astrid.

"Are you okay?"

Astoria had stopped giggling and was now looking at him in concern.

"Yeah," Draco muttered, throwing his toast back on his plate. "Just realised I'm not that hungry."

Disappointment flooded her face. "Oh."

Before he could explain any further, there was a loud screech from across the hall.

"Astoria! What do you think you're doing?"

Draco's head shot up to see Daphne marching towards them. To his dismay, Pansy and Astrid were following close behind.

"I'm having breakfast!" Astoria said irritably, "what does it look like?"

"It looks like my little sister is canoodling with my best friends ex boyfriend!"

Draco nearly spat his pumpkin juice out, thinking she was referring to Astrid, but then quickly realised she meant Pansy.

"So what if I am?" Astoria cried, making Draco look up in alarm. He felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden, especially with Astrid present.

He quickly shot up from his seat, trying his best not to look directly at Astrid. "Nothing is going on, Greengrass," he sneered, "and I would appreciate it if you and Parkinson keep out my business from now on!"

"Just so long as you keep out of my little sister!" Daphne spat, not bothering to lower her voice.

Draco suddenly felt furious. Grabbing Daphne's arm with his left hand, he pulled her to him so he could bring his lips close to her ear. "Don't forget who I am, Greengrass!" He snarled dangerously, as he dropped his eyes pointedly to his forearm.

But she just shrugged him off, laughing. "Yeah - we all know who you are, Malfoy. A Death Eater who's too chicken shit to use the Killing Curse!"

Draco flinched, and Pansy and Daphne both fell about in fits of hysteria.

Feeling his cheeks flame, Draco stormed away from the table, accidentally knocking his elbow into Astrid as he barged past. He heard her give a startled gasp as she fell into the table. The sound made him pause, his heart thudded crazily. He hesitated, part of him wanting to help her up, the other part not wanting to even look at her.

"You fucking prick!" He heard Pansy yell after him as he decided to continue on. "Don't you know who she is?!"

But sadly, no, he did not. Not anymore.

...

"The Dark Arts is the most important class you will attend here at Hogwarts," Amycus Carrow wheezed at the front of the class. "I will show you how to use them well."

Draco sighed at the back of the class. He wasn't going to learn shit at Hogwarts this year. Not in this class anyway.

He knew what Amycus was like. He'd spent enough time around him as a fellow Death Eater, after all.

No doubt he'll spend the lessons 'playing' with anyone who wasn't pureblood.

And sure enough, by the end of the first lesson he had used the Cruciatus Curse on two blood traitors and a half blood.

Astrid was sat two desks in front of him, next to Pansy (who looked delighted by her new best friend, as Daphne glowered from the desk behind), and he couldn't help but constantly glance up at her.

She could so easily be his Astrid from behind. The one he had loved. And he would have happily spent the entire lesson just thinking it was her, except that fucking Amycus had to go and ruin it.

"Miss Riddle, if you would please very kindly come and join me at the front of the class, your worship."

Draco's heart thudded anxiously as he watched Astrid slowly rise from her chair. He watched as she almost floated to where Amycus was stood. She started to turn to face the class and Draco dropped his eyes.

"As some of you may already know, Miss Riddle here is Hogwarts very first Head Torturer of Muggle-Borns and Blood Traitors!" Amycus said gleefully, beaming around at the class.

No one clapped except for Pansy.

"Anyone caught misbehaving and acting a little too pro-Muggle in my class will be dealt with by none other than the Dark Lord's daughter herself!" Amycus snarled, thrusting Astrid forwards by the shoulders.

Draco couldn't help but look up at her. And then wished he hadn't. It hurt to see her beautiful face, to see her standing there before him. But then he focused on her eyes - her eyes which were a swirling mass of blackness.

It was like looking at a stranger. She was a stranger. The Astrid he knew was killed up on stage that night. That thing up ahead was just a shell of her.

And still she said nothing.

Amycus didn't seem phased by her silence. In fact, come to think of it, Draco thought, no one did. Not even Pansy who seemed to spend hours on end incessantly rabbiting to her.

You didn't question the Dark Lord's daughter.

Not if you wanted to live to see another day.

...

I only feel it at certain times.

It's like clawing up from a deep, terrifying sleep, trying to prise my eyes open but failing to quite get there.

It's only when I'm near him. When I hear his voice.

I try to cry out to him but my voice makes no sound.

It's me, Draco. I'm here and I love you.

But then I'm drowning again. Lost in a place I can't escape. A darkness. A darkness so thick I can't see anything.

I'm lost. But I'm not gone. I'm still here somewhere.

I just don't know how to get out.