AN:

It didn't take me long to walk to Austin's house. I barely glanced around my surroundings as I focused on the way my feet were hitting the pavement. It was quiet. Only the comfortingly predictable sound of the voice of Siri guiding my way to the pin that Austin sent me of his location. Austin lived in my neighbourhood, as it turns out. Who knew? I had called him as soon as I hung up on Zane. Austin couldn't pick me up because he's been drinking. Which only gave me more motivation to be wherever he is.

I paused as I reached my destination, according to my phone. I don't know why I was surprised at the lavishness of Austin's house. Everyone who went to our stupid fucking school was rich. Maybe that's why they all were horrible people.

I didn't think of much as I pushed through the gates of his property. I noticed the goosebumps on my skin as my arms came into view. Was it cold? I hadn't noticed. I pondered on whether I was making a good decision right now. Now, for a typical teenage girl, walking into a guy's house alone to buy drugs was not a good decision.

I wasn't a typical teenage girl, however. I think I'm finally starting to realize that. I wasn't typical and I'd never be typical. Whether Jax had fucked up my life or not, I think I was always destined for the same thing. To be fucked up and alone. Oh, and tragically sad.

Maybe that could be my personality, the one that Austin told me I should get. Beautiful, sad, and completely, throughly mentally fucked up.

I guess it was better than nothing.

It was better than the illusion I had been wasting my time in for the past week or so. The illusion in which I held a speck of hope. That hope wasn't real. That hope was Zane. I had been confusing the two. When Zane was here I was better, but only because he made me better. Zane's light had lit my own. Like the flame of a cigarette lighting the end of another one. The problem, was my own flame wasn't self sustainable. If you don't inhale the cigarette from the other end, the flame simply dies.

Zane's flame wasn't my own. No matter how much I wish it could be. It wasn't, and it would never be.

My flame was always destined to burn out. It was always just a matter of when.

And maybe who. Who's dampened breath would be the one to blow out my flame?

We all know the answer to that.

But maybe, I have to consider if his breath was simply the final gust of wind to take my flame away. Maybe my life was simply a collection of attempts, breaths coming from the many mouths that surrounded me. My flame had held on, slowed many times, but it still had glowing embers.

It didn't, anymore.

"Are you going to come in, or just stand there like a fucking weirdo?" Austin's voice made me see through my own eyes again, instead of only through the eye in my mind. I was standing on his porch, my hand raised in a fist like I had intended to knock on the door. Austin was standing in front of me, the handle of the now open door in his hand.

"Oh." I said simply, lowering my fist and stepping into his house. "Sorry."

"You know, sometimes I worry about you." Austin closed the door behind me. He titled his head at me, looking me up and down.

"Yeah." I do, too. Well, I did. Not anymore. I was done worrying. About anything.

"You good?" Austin asked me. I wish people would stop asking me that. Austin continued after I nodded. "You just came to pick up, or you want to chill?"

"I can chill." Not only did I have nothing better to do, there's only one thing I wanted to do. I wanted to consume so many mind altering substances that my brain stops working. Maybe for good.

Austin led me through the elegantly decorated house. The floors were a beautiful white marble that made me think of snow. I could hear the thumping bass of music being played become louder with every step I took.

"Where are your parents?" I asked Austin, noticing the music was becoming loud enough that it would have surely been a nuisance to anyone else in the house.

"What month is it? October?" Austin mused, his voice was light and airy, but I could hear the undercurrent of annoyance passing through it. "They're usually in the south of France this time of year."

"Sounds nice." I muttered out.

"Must be. I wouldn't know." Austin told me as he pushed opened a set of double doors. He walked in first, leaving me to take in the view of the room we were walking into.

The room was a smoky haze, that was the first thing I noticed. The smell of the smoke was mixed. The beautiful aroma of my favourite green plant was the most fragrant, but I could make out the cigarette smoke that was mixing around with it. Already, I felt better.

There was a pool table in the middle of the room, which was being played on by three other teenage boys. I barely let my eyes run over each of them. I didn't care, they all looked the same to me. They all had the same look in their eyes as they observed me. Surprise.

"My friends, Seren." Austin said as he gestured towards the boys. "Levi, Isaac and Trenton."

"Hi." I said blankly, following Austin, who had walked over to the bar like counter on the far left wall.

"Vodka?" Austin asked me as I approached him. He patted the barstool beside him, which I didn't hesitate before climbing onto.

"You remember." I said, watching as he poured a glass full of the magical liquid. I took it from him eagerly, downing it in one go. My mouth barely curled at the taste. I held it back out. Austin only raised his eyebrows at me before complying with my silent request, filling my class back up.

"Of course I remember. Although, that night was stressful. You know I searched for almost an hour for you?" Austin told me as he twisted the lid back on the bottle of vodka.

"No, I didn't." I wondered why he cared enough.

Austin nodded as he took a joint out of a small bowl on the counter top. I did a double take. Austin had a bowl of already rolled joints just sitting there. Maybe I had to take notes. He lit it, only taking a singular inhale before offering it to me.

"You sure have the kids at our school in a spin." I heard one of the other guys say. I didn't know what his name is. I didn't care. Though I felt my chest unravel it's tight spool of anxiety with each inhale of the joint, even being high couldn't spark an interest in these guys.

"Me?" I turned my head to look at him. I hadn't noticed the three of them had surrounded Austin and I. "Why?"

"Your two boyfriends fighting each other in the middle of the hall?" The guy looked at me like he couldn't believe I didn't know what he was talking about.

Oh. That. Thanks, nameless boy for reminding me. Had that really only happened earlier today? Time was losing its meaning, lately.

"They're not my boyfriends." I said simply, and I took another long drink of vodka.

"Oh, really? So you're single?" Another one of the guys asked me. He inched closer to me, the lust was clear in his eyes. As was what I think he thought was charm. It wasn't, though, but I don't think he knew that.

"Lay off her." Austin grunted to him.

The guy looked surprised at Austin's words. "Austin, that's you?"

"No." Austin rolled his eyes. I was lost.

"What?" I asked them.

"You and my boy Austin?" He answered my question with a question.

I couldn't hold back the chuckle that escaped my lips. I glanced at Austin, feeling bad. Yet I still couldn't stop giggling at the thought. "No. Austin won't even admit that we're friends."

"Because we're not." Austin shrugged.

"Yet, here I am. With your other friends. In your house." I gestured around the room.

"Drinking your booze and smoking your weed." Austin's friend added.

"Doesn't make us friends." Austin held his hand out for the joint that I was still smoking, but sighed in annoyance when I handed it back and he realized it was almost done. "She's like a kicked puppy I found on the street. I feel bad for her. I let her follow me around even when she's annoying the shit out of me."

"You feel bad for me?" I wondered if I should be offended by that. I wasn't though.

"Your eyes are just so fucking sad all of the time." Austin muttered as he lit another joint.

And due to the weed and the alcohol that was running rampant in my system, I laughed. My eyes were fucking sad all of the time.

I felt the same sort of freedom I usually felt when I was around Austin for the rest of the night. It's nice to be around people who really didn't care that I was obviously not okay. They weren't trying to fix me. They weren't trying to pull the vodka from my hands, telling me that I've had enough. They didn't question why I wasn't answering my phone, which had been ringing almost non stop. Zane, Cassidy, my dad, all of their names taking their turns flashing across my screen.

The drunker I got, the funnier they were. The more I smoked, the more amusing their stories were. And, probably due to the fact that no one was monitoring my liquor intake, they way that someone usually was, I had found myself completely and totally incapacitated.

"Alright, drunky, you're not walking home tonight." Austin said as he pulled me towards one of the couches in the room. "Levi, grab me a blanket and a pillow."

Was passing out drunk in a room full of teenage boys making the right decision Dad?

I could feel the room spinning, so I closed my eyes as tightly as possible. I felt someone lay a blanket over me. I felt someone lift my head up, depositing a pillow under me before resting my head back on it. I kept my eyes closed, not caring about what it was.

I've always heard people say that they don't understand how people can become alcoholics or drug addicts. I've always understood. It's this moment right here. You don't care about anything.

I was on the precipice of sleep, when I heard my phone ring again. I made no moves to answer it. I didn't care. Even when I heard Austin's voice answer it, I still didn't care.

"Seren's phone. No she's... indisposed of. Sleeping. Austin. Yeah, she's at my house. Okay, bro. She's fine. Don't worry about it."