《See Me》39
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As I slowly opened my eyes, there was one thing on my mind. There was one thing I wanted, in this moment. I had been thinking about it for days now, and I'm sure awakening on Zane's rock hard chest was only reminding me further.
I knew Zane was awake. I could practically hear the way the wheels in his mind were turning. I felt bad that he knew. I felt bad that I had burdened him with this.
But at the same time, I couldn't dismiss how much lighter I felt. Zane knew, and now I didn't have to lie. I didn't have to think about everything I did and everything I said. Maybe, around Zane, I could be fearless. I could be fearless like the day we went to the cliffs. My favourite day.
"Did you have a good sleep?" Zane asked. I briefly wondered how he knew I was awake. I hadn't moved a muscle since I opened my eyes. Then again, it's Zane we are talking about.
I pulled my body up, pulling the hair that had completely escaped the useless elastic band around me neck.
"Yeah." I smiled at him. "I had a dream about you."
"You did?" Zane's eyes flicked down towards my lips. "It looks like it was a good dream."
"It was." I titled my head at him. My dreams had been peaceful lately. I had almost been surprised at them, after reading that a lot of people who are assaulted relived their attack through nightmares. My dreams had all been calm, and quiet. This dream, though, had been my favourite.
"Are you going to tell me what it was about?" Zane asked, and I loved the way the edges of his lips kept rising. Every time I think Zane couldn't smile any bigger, he proved me wrong.
"Hmm..." I hummed as I grabbed Zane's hands, rubbing my fingertips along his palm. "Guess."
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"Guess?" Zane chuckled. "You're in a good mood."
"Like I said, I had a good dream." I rolled my lips together, trying to fight my own smile from getting bigger. "Guess."
"Okay. We stole a plane and flew to Paris." Zane said.
"Nope." I shook my head.
"Hmm... we robbed the party store and recreated the movie Up." He joked as he raised his eyebrow.
"No." I laughed as I said it.
"Can I have a hint?" Zane rolled his eyes at me.
"A hint?" I repeated. "Hmm. It's something we've done before."
"Something we've done before?" Zane narrowed his eyes, and scratched his chin. "Did we go to a party together and you completely ignored my existence? We've done that before, many times."
"Hey." I pushed on his chest playfully. "You can't hold that against me! But no."
"Okay. I give up." Zane grabbed my hands that were still resting on his chest.
"You give up?" I teased. I moved closer to him. The playful look on Zane's face disappeared as he watched me.
"Yeah. I give up." Zane admitted, he looked down at my lips again. I had always prided myself on being able to read a boys face. I couldn't do that with Zane.
"You want me to show you?" I asked him. We were only inches apart now, I had no doubt he could feel my breath on his skin.
"Show me?" Zane asked.
I was surprised that I was so clearly making a move, and Zane was giving me nothing in return. He had to know what I was getting at, right? I was being obvious.
I moved my hand to the back of his neck, pulling him towards me as I leaned in. Zane just stared at me, he looked confused. I don't know why he would be.
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"Seren. Stop." Zane put his hand on my shoulder, halting me from moving further.
"What?" I said stupidly as I stopped. I felt my face drop in humiliation. I quickly dropped my hand from his neck, quickly moving my body away from him.
"I'm so sorry." I rushed out. "I thought... I don't know. I thought you would want to."
I wanted to find a cave to crawl in, and never show my face around Zane again. Is this what rejection felt like? I covered my face with my hands.
"Hey." Zane pulled on my hands. "Of course I want to."
"What?" I asked again. I dropped my hands.
"I said of course I want to." Zane repeated. "It's just..."
"What? I'm damaged goods?" I felt the hurt in my voice.
Zane looked surprised at my words. "Damaged goods? What are you talking about?"
"I... don't know." I rushed out. "You know, I think I'm going to stay at my house tonight after all. I think my dad will be home now."
I started untangling my legs from the blankets, desperate to save myself from this embarrassment. I had never been rejected before. It sucks.
"Hey." Zane placed his hands on my legs that were kicking around the bed, trying to free themselves. "Seren. Stop."
"It's fine." I said.
"Seren. Of course I want to kiss you." Zane's voice was raised, and it made me snap my head towards him. "Of course I do." His voice softened.
"Then why didn't you?" I asked him. Zane wasn't making any sense at all.
"Seren, you've known me for a year and a half and never looked my way. Not once. You've never noticed me." Zane's voice was gentle again, the way it usually is.
I didn't know how to answer that. Doesn't he understand? I couldn't see him because I couldn't see anyone.
"I've been mesmerized by you since the day we met. Of course I want to kiss you. The other day when we were at the cliffs, I couldn't believe it when you kissed me. I felt like I had won the lottery." Zane told me.
"So... why can't I kiss you now?" I was so confused.
"Seren, I just can't help but think that you might be confused with everything that's happened. I know you're not in the best place right now. I don't want to take advantage of you." Zane frowned as he spoke.
"I'm not confused." I told him. I wasn't. I knew I wasn't.
"Okay." Zane said, and he smiled. "I'm not going anywhere. There's no rush. We can make sure this is what you want."
I nodded, looking down at my hands. They were fidgeting again. Zane made me nervous. A good nervous, I think.
"Cassidy told me that you told them about me that day." I said after a moment.
"What day?" Zane asked me.
"The day we met." I peaked up at him. He was still smiling.
Zane chuckled, raising a hand to his face like he was embarrassed. "Of course she did. Yeah. I guess I was a bit stunned by you."
"You were?" I found it hard to believe. He never let on that he even thought about me.
"Of course I was." Zane told me. "You're so beautiful. I've always seen it, Seren."
"You've always seen me." I remembered his words from earlier.
"Always."
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