"So are you going to tell me what that was?"

Zane's car was parked outside my house now. I knew it was coming. I knew he wouldn't leave it be.

"Are you sure you don't know him?" Zane questioned.

"I don't know him Zane." I leaned my head against the window.

"Did he say something to you?" He continued.

"You were there the whole time." I reminded him.

"That's not an answer, Seren." He titled his head, and I could tell he wanted to roll his eyes at me.

"He didn't say anything to me."

Zane scratched his chin, and he was back to looking at me like I was lying. "So what was wrong? And don't say nothing."

"He just reminded me of someone." It's the truth, after all. Brandon didn't do anything to me at all.

"Of who?" Zane asked the one question I would never answer.

"Just someone. Someone I don't like." I muttered, reaching for the door handle, eager to exit this conversation.

Zane watched me wearily before examining the empty driveway. "You want me to come in with you? Wait for your dad with you?"

"I'll be fine." I sighed out, but for some reason I lessened the attitude in my voice at his concerned expression. "Seriously. I promise."

He looked like the last thing he wanted was to leave me here and drive away. "Okay. But if you need anything you can call me."

"Yeah, Zane. I'll call you if I feel the need to jump off my roof." I mumbled at him as I climbed out his car. When I looked back, I saw him flinch at my words. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow Seren." He smiled at me before I closed the door.

As I reached my door, I noticed I hadn't heard Zane's car leave, and when I turned back to investigate, I saw he was still staring at me. I gave him a quick wave before entering my house.

The lights were all off, no evidence of recent inhabitation existed. I often wondered why my dad had felt the need to buy a house so large, knowing only the two of us would live here. Maybe he had hopes of a happier future, for both of us. Maybe he imagined meeting someone, maybe he imagined me having brothers and sisters.

Maybe. I guess it didn't work out for either of us.

I couldn't help but feel a little bit lighter, tonight. The weight in my chest felt lessened. The ice in my veins felt melted, to a small degree. I felt better, and I wasn't lying this time.

I threw my purse on my bed in my room before changing into some shorts and oversized hoodie. When I came back to my bed, my attention was stolen by the small white envelope that had spilled onto my duvet with the rest of the contents of my purse. I had forgotten about finding it in my locker at school today. Probably because of Zane's company.

My brain was at war again, half of me wanting to throw it away without reading it, and the other half too curious to do such a thing. The curious side won, it seems, as I made my way to my bed and sat down.

I opened the envelope carefully. Inside was a handwritten note, on a piece of lined paper that looked like it had been ripped from a notebook. As my eyes scanned over the first few lines, I felt the bile rise into my throat as my hand covered my mouth in shock.

I remember the day I knew you loved me too, Seren. We were sitting in my car in front of your house. I had driven you home like I do all the time, after your piece of shit dad forgot about you, again. You looked so amazing that day. I could see the outline of your bra through your shirt, like you had worn it on purpose just to tease me. Anyways. You put your hand on my arm, laughing at something I just said. I knew the minute you touched me that we were meant to be. You finally knew it too.

My mind was spinning like I didn't know it was able to. It wasn't the way it spins when you have to much to drink, or the way it feels when you are reading a math problem you don't understand. It was spinning violently, uncontrollably. I couldn't pinpoint an exact thought. I couldn't.

I couldn't deal with this.

So I pulled out my phone and called the only person I thought would be able to help my mind slow down.

"Hey. Yeah. Can you meet me? Yeah? Okay."

Five minutes. He must not be that far away. I would be okay for five minutes.

I didn't even change before racing back down my stairs and sitting on the porch. I didn't want to allow my mind to think anything while I waited. But as my brain always did, it betrayed me.

It replayed the scene that Jax had written about. It was only two weeks before the lake house. I remember how normal I had felt in that car, joking with a friend. Laughing, having fun. He had been telling me a story about Tyler in the locker room. It was funny, so I laughed. I laughed and touched his arm. It was nothing.

It was nothing, right?

I could barely wait as the headlights turned into my drive way. I jumped to my feet, and it wasn't until my feet touched the hard asphalt that I realized I didn't have shoes on. I kept running anyways. I threw opened the door and jumped into the passenger seat.

"You okay? You look shaken." Austin asked me, canvassing behind me like I was running from something. His face somewhere between concern and disgust.

"Yeah, yeah." I nodded, closing the door behind me. "I'm fine."

"What do I owe the pleasure?" He was still looking at me like I was crazy.

"I just want to... uh." I struggled to find the words, my hands were moving around in the air. Do I normally move my hands around like this? I clasped them together and held them in my lap.

"Pick up? Yeah, alright." He leaned forward, looking into my house and then to the neighbours. "Can we drive somewhere?"

"Sure. Yeah." I stuttered out.

He drove for only a couple of minutes before pulling into an empty parking lot of a park. It was almost 11 now, so there was no one around.

Austin pulled out a joint from his pocket, lighting it and handing it to me. "You look like you need it."

I sighed, accepting it and inhaling quickly. This is what I wanted. This is what I needed, something to make my mind calm down. Austin was silent while I continued to take puffs of the joint, not bothering to pass it back to him.

Once I was sufficiently stoned, as I'm sure he could tell by the way I leaned back against the seat, letting my muscles finally unwind, he spoke again.

"So, Seren. Any kind of explanation would be okay, in this situation." He asked me as he took the joint back.

"Sorry. Something just spooked me. I didn't have my medication." Okay, so it wasn't my medication. Austin didn't have to know that.

"What medication?" Austin asked without a beat.

I hesitated, before deciding that Austin probably had enough reason to judge me already. "Ativan."

Austin's eyebrow raised before he let out a small chuckle. "Good old lorazepam. You're more messed up than I thought, Seren."

I didn't answer that, I just closed my eyes instead.

"Any chance you want to tell me what spooked you?" Austin asked me.

"Are drug dealers usually therapists?" I was taken back by his interest, to be honest.

"You'd be surprised." He laughed out. "It's fine if you don't. No worries."

I nodded, thankful. I don't think I could even say the words without freaking out. I just needed to ignore it. Forget it happened. Forget it all happened.

"So, what can I get you, then?" Austin continued.

"Oh." I raised my head back up. "I don't know."

Austin tilted his head. "You called me."

I just shrugged.

Austin laughed again, shaking his head and reaching into his backseat. He pulled a backpack into his lap, opening the zipper. "I should have known."

"Should have known what?" I asked him.

"Girls like you don't need to buy weed."

"Girls like me? What's that supposed to mean?" I hated when guys said that. Girls like me. What? Fucked in the head? "And clearly, I'm here, buying weed. So you're wrong."

"Sure I am." He pulled out a jar of the green plant. "How much?"

"Um." I wasn't sure of the exact terminology.

There was that laugh again, coming out of Austin's mouth. He plucked out a small amount, placing it in a small plastic bag and handing it to me. "Twenty bucks."

I nodded, fishing the crumpled bill I had shoved into my bra before I ran out of the house. He winked as he took it, placing it in the backpack along with the jar and placing it back in the backseat.

"How did you know where I lived?" I asked him curiously.

"I went to one of your parties last year. You were pretty wasted, you probably don't remember." Austin told me.

Well, he was right about that. Austin started the car again, pulling back on the road and driving back to my house. I was thankful, because I was high as a kite now. I could feel the way my eyes were squinting, and judging from the way Austin was smiling at me, I'm sure he could too.

"You have any friends, Seren? Besides the ones who you hang out with and barely talk to?" He asked as he pulled into my driveway.

"Hm? What? No." I giggled. Something about that question was hilarious to me, for some reason.

"Maybe you should get some." Austin told me.

"Yeah. Maybe. Thanks Alex." I said as I opened the door. "I mean, Austin."

He didn't wait for me to get in my house before he pulled away. My dad's car was in the driveway. I wasn't worried about him noticing I was high. He probably wouldn't even care.

I looked at the letter as I strolled into my bedroom. I stopped and stared at it for a minute, before picking it up and placing it in the drawer of my nightstand. I crawled into my bed, not bothering for any sort of nightly hygiene.

My eyes were pleasantly heavy as my head hit the pillow. This is what I like. This is what I need. To not feel. Anything.