《See Me》7
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As I stretched out on the beach chair in the back yard of Carter's house, I was lost in thought. Well, that's the expression anyways. I wasn't really lost in thought, my head was surprisingly empty.
I was focusing on the soft waves crashing against the dock. The whole group had left just ten minutes ago. I barely registered their curious glances at me. I just stared at them. They seemed so carefree. Is that what I usually looked like? Just a normal teenage girl, not a reasonable worry in my mind.
Maybe. I'm not sure if I've ever been that girl. At the least, I felt like I hadn't been her in a long time.
Music was playing loudly on my phone, which was resting on my stomach. It was playing at full volume, since no one was around to hear it anyways. Just me, all alone. For once, just like Olivia said. Or so I thought.
"This is the third time you've listened to this song." A deep voice came from behind me. I couldn't place it, and for a minute I thought it might be Jax. Maybe he somehow came back from the boating trip early, or didn't go at all. Which is a ludicrous thought, because I saw him get on the boat. He was hard to ignore, because he was staring at me the whole time.
I felt my body stiffen in fear, I didn't move an inch. I didn't know what the best course of action was.
"Seren?" The voice called. I heard footsteps, whoever it was was coming closer. I shot up in the chair, shifting my weight forward so that I could run if need be. A distant part of my brain registered the sound of my heartbeat thumping in my own ear.
"You good?" The voice asked me. From the change in volume, I could assume he was standing right behind me now. Still, I didn't turn. I wanted to, yet I couldn't will my body to move.
It wasn't until the person walked in front of me that I let out a sigh of relief.
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"Zane. You scared me." I muttered, rubbing my eyes. Zane was standing just a few feet away, looking down at me with concern in his eyes.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to." Zane replied, scratching his chin awkwardly. His eyes were darting around my face, and I suddenly felt painfully exposed. I had taken my sunglasses off, assuming I was safe from prying eyes. As subtly as I could manage, I turned my face away from him, grabbing the glasses that were laying to the side of me and sliding them back over my face. I felt safer immediately.
"So, I was hoping we could talk." Zane sounded nervous, which I think was abnormal for him. I couldn't be sure, of course, since I didn't pay much attention to him. From what I remember, he was always confident. I sat up in my chair, briefly adjusting the small bikini top, indicating I was listening. He titled his head at me, grabbing a chair and pulling it towards my own.
Usually hearing the words we need to talk in any phrasing made me nervous, especially when I didn't know what it could be about. Surprisingly, I didn't feel nervous. I didn't really feel anything. At all.
Zane was seated now, his legs spread apart and his elbows resting on each thigh. He was leaned over, still observing my face. When he didn't begin speaking, I grabbed the bottle of vodka that I had stashed beneath my chair and took a swig.
"It's a little early for straight vodka." Zane finally spoke.
I glanced at his face again, expecting to see judgement, but the concern was still written on his features as clear as day. I stared at him as I twisted the lid back on. I could certainly see why the girls at our school were fascinated by him. No one could question his attractiveness. With a sharp jaw, full lips, and bushy dark eyebrows framing his brown eyes. He had floppy brown hair that had to be pushed back every now and then.
I think he was waiting for me to speak, but I didn't. I had nothing to say. So we stared at each other.
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"I wanted to talk to you about last night." He finally broke the silence.
That got my attention.
I could feel my demeanour change. My back straightened, my jaw tensed, my eyes found his. He didn't mean....
He couldn't know. Could he? Did Jax tell him?
"What about it?" I managed to breathe out. I thought my voice would betray me, displaying how much anxiety and fear his question caused me. It didn't, however. It was flat as ever, it sounded like I was bored.
"At the dock." Zane briefly rubbed his head, like it was something that was bothering him.
I breathed a sigh of relief, flopping my body back against the back of the chair. He didn't know. He didn't know, so I officially didn't care about what he had to say.
"What about it?" I asked again.
"Well, uh, you said some concerning things, Seren. I just wanted to check in." Zane answered, his eyes never left my face.
"No, I didn't." Truthfully, I couldn't remember what I said. Not because I was so drunk that I was in a black out, but because anything that happened before him last night, was not important.
"Yes, you did." Zane challenged back. When I didn't answer, he probed further. "You were trying to jump into the water."
"I wanted to swim." I cocked my head at him. I felt my face remain rigid, not giving anything away in terms of expression.
"You asked me if I thought it would hurt to drown." He cocked his head right back at me, his tone serious.
Oh shit. I did ask that. Even though I felt a rush of embarrassment shoot through me, my face didn't change. "So? It's valid question."
His face dropped in confusion. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I wasn't. Was I?
Zane was silent for a moment, while I took the opportunity to have another gulp of vodka.
"I know we're not that close, Seren." He said slowly, his eyes darting between my face and the bottle in my hands.
"I barely know you." My tone was icy, and I saw a flicker of hurt flash through his eyes.
"Okay, but if you ever need to talk, or anything, I can listen." Zane's voice sounded genuine, but I was left wondering what his ulterior motive was. He had to have one.
"Why?" I asked him. I really was curious what had prompted this offer of his, but my voice still didn't convey any emotion.
"Just to help, I guess." Zane shrugged as he spoke. The shrug wasn't in a causal way, it was more like my words had left him wondering why he had offered in the first place.
"Why do you think I need help?" I asked, my words were sharp. He didn't know anything about me.
Zane studied what he could see of my face again, and I suddenly felt vulnerable. The way he looked at me was different than how I was usually looked at. Zane wasn't looking at me hungrily, eyes filled with lust or interest. He was staring at me like he was searching for truth.
"I think everyone needs help sometimes." He said finally.
I leaned fully back in the lounge chair, staring up at the sky. I had no idea what to make of this conversation, truthfully. I didn't need help. Especially not from Zane, who didn't know the first thing about me.
I expected him to leave, since my lack of participation in this conversation was clearly his cue. He didn't, however. My eyes were focused on the clouds floating above me, but from my peripheral vision, I could see he hadn't moved a muscle.
Sighing, I reached for my pack of cigarettes. I had already burned through four this morning, but I didn't care, truthfully. I flicked the lighter in my hand, watching as the small flame danced around the end of the cancer stick, lighting it instantly. Turning the once white paper shell into ash, into nothingness.
"Actually. I have one thing you can help me with."
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