After two shots, I'm not as much of a bitch as I usually am.

After four shots, there's typically a smile on my face.

After six, I start to feel that beautiful carelessness sweep through my body. I don't really care about anything. I don't care that people are touching me. I don't care that people are looking at me. I don't care that people are talking about me. I just... don't care.

It's bliss.

And it probably explains why I'm sitting in Carter's hot tub, with Jax's arm wrapped around me. His hand was rubbing circles on my shoulder. My head was tipped back and my eyes were closed, just feeling. I was feeling the swaying inside my head, no doubt caused by the vodka. I was feeling the warmth of the water against my almost bare body. I was feeling Jax's rough skin contrasting sharply against my soft skin. It's nice to feel again.

"Here, babe." Jax nudged me, and I raised my head back up, slowly opening my eyes and remembering where I was. Jax had a joint in his fingers, he was offering it to me. I smiled and took it from him, inhaling a few puffs and instantly feeling the effects in my body. Weed. They say it's bad, but how can something that makes you feel so good, really be bad?

I watched the smoke as I exhaled, swirling and mixing with the steam that was coming off the water. The way it danced around the air, changing and making shapes until it eventually disappeared into the wind. There's not much I find beautiful anymore, but that sight was pretty close.

I passed the joint to Olivia, who was of course straddling Noah. Those two were the poster children for PDA. Not that I particularly minded, they were clearly obsessed with each other. Sometimes I was even jealous, that Olivia had someone who looked at her like that. Like she was the most interesting person in the world. No one looks at me like that. They just look at me like they want to fuck me.

I let out a sigh as I felt the weed and the alcohol take it's course through my body, dulling and electrifying my senses all at the same time. I leaned my head on Jax's shoulder, to which he responded with a swift tug on my waist, pulling my body towards his. The music was blasting through the speakers, loud enough that I could just faintly hear Trinity's giggles as Tyler whispered into her ear.

"Yo, Seren." A deep voice filtered into my ear. It took me a second before I realized it was Carter speaking to me, a sly smile on his face. He was across from me in the hot tub, leaning backwards with both arms outstretched, resting on the edge.

"Carter." I slurred out in response, cocking my head and smiling at him.

"I don't think you've thanked me for the use of my house yet." Carter said, a cocky smirk on his lips.

"No?" I asked as I pushed off Jax's body and walked across the hot tub. It was a big fucking hot tub, so it took me a couple of steps. Carter outstretched his arms towards me as I placed my legs on either side of his lap, straddling him. I placed my arms around his neck and leaned into him, so I could whisper into his ear.

"Thank you, Carter." I placed a swift kiss to his jawline before flinging my body off him, and into the seat beside him. Carter chuckled as he brought his hand to my thigh, pulling my leg so it was draped over him.

"Remind me to never say no to you again, if this is how you show your gratitude." Carter said in a low voice, his fingers began drawing circles on my inner thigh, creeping higher and higher as he went.

"You never say no to me." I reminded him, grabbing his hand before it could move too high.

"Does anyone?" Carter was looking at me with darkened eyes, they flickered down to my lips as he inched closer. Yeah, I know that look. That unreadable expression that's really not unreadable at all.

Carter's hand grasped the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him as his lips brushed against mine. I didn't stop him, the vodka telling me it was just a kiss. Carter's lips were more controlled than I expected, slowly moving against my own. I'd never kissed Carter before, he wasn't bad. There was no sparks, no electricity shooting through us. I can't remember the last time I felt anything while I kissed someone.

"I've wanted to do that for so long, you have no idea." Carter whispered to me as he pulled away, his thumb dragging down my bottom lip as he looked at me with narrowed eyes. Admiration swimming in them this time, and lust. Of course.

"Yeah." I muttered as I started to pull myself out of the hot tub. "I'm getting a drink."

"You want me to get it?" Carter asked as he placed his hand on my arm. I shook my head as I slipped out of his grip. No, because I didn't just want one drink.

I grabbed my bottle of vodka from the table, noticing it was less full than when I left it. They just can't leave what's mine alone, I guess. I walked the opposite way from the hot tub, down towards the long dock that extended from the shore. I sighed a breath of relief that no one was down here. I crashed down on the dock and let my legs swing off the wood, my toes grazing the water below me. The air was still warm, thankfully as I was still in my bikini.

The vodka burned my throat as it went down and I mentally scolded myself for not bringing a chaser. I stared out at the calm water, untouched at this time of night. No evidence of human disruption. The reckless, drunk part of me wanted to jump in. That's one thing that most teenagers in a lakeside town are taught early on. Don't go swimming while you're drunk. I remember my own dad telling me the same. He told me a story about one of his friends that went swimming while he was drunk. His friend misjudged the depth of the water, diving in and hitting his head, knocking him out. The group of people he was with almost didn't notice their friend not surfacing from the water, but they did, before it was too late.

No one was here now, no one to save me if something went wrong. I doubted anyone even noticed I was gone. Yet I still wanted to.

I stood up, pacing the dock to find the perfect place to launch off from. I was just about to throw myself into the lake when someone interrupted me.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Seren." I spun around to find Zane standing a few feet away, he was watching me warily, like one would a wild animal; unsure of its next move.

"Yeah, that's what my brain said too." I could hear the drunken slur in my words. Even so, I turned back around, determined to feel the cool water on my skin.

"Alright, I think it's time for bed." Zane said as he quickly gripped my arms from behind, keeping me in place.

"You think it hurts to drown?" I muttered out, the question barely discernible. I was surprised at my own words. I hadn't meant to say them. I hadn't even realized I was thinking them.

"Uh. Yeah. I do." Zane stated, pulling my arms so I turned around. When I was facing the house, he began to gently push me so that I started to walk. He stayed behind me, his hands tightly clasped on me. I was thankful, because I could barely walk straight. He didn't say anything else, he just whisked me into to house. He led me up the stairs until we came to the guest room that I had claimed as mine earlier.

Zane opened the door and I staggered inside, making my way to the bed and crawling into the blankets. I didn't care to change, or brush my teeth. I just wanted to sleep. I could feel the swaying in my head, begging me to close my eyes.

"You okay?" Zane asked from the doorway, I hadn't even realized he was still there.

"Do you care?" I breathed out as I closed my eyes. I wasn't sure if he answered after that, because I was long gone.