and promised myself I would not overthink today, but my promise was short-lived once I turned down Elijah's street and spotted his house at the end of the cul-de-sac.

I could not stay long because I had a shift at Ruby's, but I needed to talk to him today and clear things up before his thoughts festered. His car wasn't in the driveway, but it could have been in the garage. So, I parked on the road and walked to the front of the house, holding my breath.

"Hey, Sadie," Aiden answered the door with a smile.

"Hi, Aiden. I was coming to see Elijah. Is he in his room?"

"He's not home, actually. He is visiting his parents in New York."

I rubbed my neck. Was he gone? I did not realize when the guys said he was busy last night; they meant busy in a different state. "Oh, I didn't know. Do you know when he will be back?"

He frowned. "He didn't say, I'm sorry. Want me to shoot him a text for you?"

"No, that's alright. Thanks, Aiden. Have a nice day!" I turned on my heel and hurried to my car. My forehead burned, and I felt those vile emotions crawling up my throat in an attempt to take over.

Do not cry, Sadie. He was not ghosting me. He was spending time with his family, probably because I said I was soul searching instead of conversing with him about my fucked-up feelings.

Fighting tears, I turned up the music in my car, put my windows down, and sped toward Ruby's.

My manager was confused when I arrived an hour early, but he did not complain when I started working right away. Reva texted asking how the conversation went, and I told her we didn't have one before shoving my phone in the break room locker because I did not want it near me.

Now, it made more sense why Elijah had not texted back. Though, I did not think a simple "Hey, I'm at my parents" was too much to ask for. But I had not been very forthcoming with my feelings.

I waited on tables, making small talk with customers and my co-workers, faking smiles, and trying to distract myself from this week's mess.

As clouds blew in from the ocean's horizon and no light was left in the sky, I realized I had twenty minutes left in my shift, and I didn't want to leave yet. Leaving meant I had to go back to the apartment, lie in my bed, and think about waking up in Elijah's arms.

Leaning over the table, I vigorously wiped the laminate with a rag, then swatted the crumbs off the booth seat.

"Are you picturing my face right now, Van Gogh?"

I spun around, and my back straightened.

There he was. Elijah. Fucking. Preston.

He was in the booth behind me, alone. The white of his tee-shirt spanned over his perfect muscles. He leaned against the cushions, legs spread with one hand resting on the table while the other laid across the top of the backrest. And he watched me as if he had not ignored me for the past couple of days.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York."

"I just got back."

"I see that."

Not wanting him to see my disdain, I walked to the following empty table and began cleaning. He moved with me, sliding into the same booth. His presence was agonizing, his eyes boring into the side of my head. I curled my toes in my shoes to keep my cheeks from glowing red and did not make eye contact.

"I heard you were looking for me earlier," he said.

"Yeah, it was how I found out you were in New York."

"I have been working through some things."

A blunt laugh rippled out of me. I did not know where this sudden surge of anger was coming from, but it was rolling out of me in waves, and I could not find a way to reel it back in. Maybe it was his smugness provoking it.

"I have to work."

"Your shift is over in"—he checked his watch on his wrist—"Nine minutes. Let me take you home."

I glanced around the restaurant as if people were listening to our conversation or my boss could see us talking. However, nobody was left except for Elijah and a couple of lingering customers.

"I drove here."

"Let's drive back to your place or mine."

The push and pull between wanting to stay annoyed and finally talking things out with him were irritating. I knew the latter was the better option, the one I had woken up planning on doing today. My newfound annoyance was probably the new mask for my old fear.

I waited for a beat to reply, then picked up the dirty-dish bin. "I'll meet you in the parking lot."

I hustled to the back room. My manager let me clock out early, and I quickly looked myself over in the bathroom before heading to the parking lot where Elijah was waiting. He leaned against his car, parked directly beside mine, with folded arms as the ocean breeze blew his clothes awry. When he noticed me coming, he stood straight.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"I know we have a lot of talking to do. Do you want to come to my place or yours?"

Without thinking, I blurted, "Yours."

"Okay. Follow me there?"

I nodded. We walked side-by-side to my car, and our swinging hands brushed against each other but never connected. He opened my car door and did not try to kiss me goodbye as I climbed in. Instead, he tapped the hood and told me to drive safely.

I followed him through the winding roads, gripping the steering wheel strong enough that my bruised knuckles turned red. Shit, this was happening.

Before driving to his house this morning, I built enough courage for our conversation. Still, when I discovered he was gone, all of it dissipated into thin air. Now, I was grappling to find it again.

The house lights were off when we got out of our cars. There was no music, no sign of life, and no cars in the driveway.

"The guys are out at the bars, so we have the house to ourselves." Elijah read my mind as we walked to the front door. "We can talk in my room or the living room. Wherever you are more comfortable."

"It doesn't matter."

He stared at me for a beat, studying my face.

He twisted his key and pushed it into the foyer without another word. Kicking off his shoes, he flicked the light switch on. The house was a mess, and I assumed it was because Elijah was gone for a couple of days and probably was the roommate who kept things clean.

I trailed behind him as we ascended the stairs to his bedroom.

"Sorry, it's a mess," he said, kicking his suitcase off to the side and straitening his bedsheets. It looked like he had just gotten home. Feeling inconvenient, I kept my feet cemented in his doorway.

He must have sensed me not moving because he stopped cleaning and faced the doorway. His shoulders sagged, and his head tilted to the side. A knowing look. "Sadie." His voice was gentle, only making me more sensitive. "What's wrong?"

"You left without telling me, and you barely texted."

"I'm sorry."

My throat bobbed. "Was it because of me?"

"It was a combination of a lot of things."

Things. One of those things was me. I was a thing. My blood felt thick, and my skin tingled as my body tried to keep up with my pulsing veins. I needed to keep myself together, but my emotions climbed in my throat like bile. This was a mistake.

"We shouldn't have had sex," I said, turning on my heel before he saw the tears welling in my eyes.

"Woah, hey now." Big hands grabbed my shoulders, pulling me into a hug from behind. His warmth encapsulated me as he rocked me back and forth. "You don't get to say that and walk away. You need to talk to me. I deserve that because I need to know if this relationship is something you want."

The floodgates opened. Silent tears slid down my face. He was not Ben. These were my insecurities talking, I reminded myself. You need to speak to him and tell him how you feel without running away.

"I want to be with you. It's just me, and I'm a fuck-up. I planned everything I want to say to you, and I was so confident, and now that I'm here, I'm messing it all up."

He spun me around, but I did not meet his gaze. I couldn't.

"You're not a fuck-up, Sadie. You're stubborn as hell, but you are not a fuck-up."

I let his affirmations sink in while he grabbed a blanket off of his bed, walked toward his window, and held out his hand. "We're restarting this conversation on the roof. Do you need to take a moment to yourself in the bathroom?"

Not wanting to see myself in the mirror, I shook my head. He took that as an invitation to hold my hand and guide me out onto the rooftop, where we had our last conversation. I had never cried in front of him, and I did not think the first time would be over him.

He laid the blanket out and patted the spot beside him. I sat, and he pulled me snugly into his arm. Neither of us spoke. We stared at the swaying trees, the haste black moving clouds until my tears dried.

His voice cut through the silence. "Do you feel that way? That we shouldn't have had sex?"

I felt my heart break into two. "No, I don't regret it at all."

"Then why have you been acting differently?"

I took a calming breath. Here went nothing. "Remember when I said I was soul searching?" He nodded. "Well, the soul searching wasn't about my feelings for you. When I was a senior in high school, I met a guy. He was a freshman in college. We weren't officially dating, even though we had seen each other on and off for a while. One weekend, I visited him on campus, and he convinced me to have sex with him." Elijah's body tensed, and I added, "I wanted to. I thought it would bring us closer together."

I paused. "He took my virginity that night. I remember driving home on cloud nine, ready to tell my sister Leila. But, when I got home, he had me blocked on everything. Text message. Social Media. You name it." I chuckled humorlessly. "I tried reaching out, but he never replied. He completely ghosted me, and I still don't know why to this day."

"Jesus, Sadie. What the fuck?"

"Yeah, Reva, and I think it was a power trip. Since then, I've had trouble committing to relationships because it was hard not to convince myself they wouldn't all end up the same way. But I don't want this to sound like an excuse for my behavior, and I don't think all of it has to do with being ghosted."

I finally met his gaze and added, "I also think my insecurities have held me back. I need to spend some time working through them. But I want to be with you. I'm sorry I haven't communicated better. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had commitment issues sooner."

"Baby," he sighed. He brushed my hair from my forehead. "You don't have to apologize."

"I do, though. Because I've been comparing you to a ghost, which was unintentionally hurting me too."

His eyes searched my face earnestly, and he pulled me closer, pressing a lengthy kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes. And just like that, all of the tension and worry I had melted away like ice. He finally knew about Ben, and it was liberating. No more secrets. No more of my past. Only my present and future would control me now.

"I thought you were embarrassed to be with me for a second."

I pried myself out of his arms and faced him, feeling utterly terrible, and cupped his face. "God, no, Elijah. I'm not embarrassed to be with you, and that was never the problem. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

He gave a content smile. "So, did you come over this morning to tell me all of this?" he asked. I wondered how he knew that, and he must've read the confusion on my face because he added, "Aiden told me you came by. So, I stopped by your apartment to see you, and Reva told me you were at Ruby's."

"Yeah, that was the plan. Although, the speech I prepared this morning was much better than the one I gave." I ran my hands down my face, embarrassed by my lack of emotional control.

He laughed and opened his arms, signaling me to come closer. I obliged and climbed into his lap. "I'm glad you talked to me because I tried to give you space after you told me you were soul searching."

"I needed the space, even though I didn't like it."

"Do you still want space?" he asked in a murmur. Thunder cracked above us, and the dark clouds split open unexpectedly. Chilled droplets trickled onto us at an uneven pace, slowly gaining speed the longer we sat there, but we did not budge. I looked at him from my spot in his arms as the rain washed away all of my earlier tears.

He waited for a reply.

"No, I don't want space."

"So you'll be mine?"

A chaste smile appeared on my face, then on his, before I answered, "Yes, I'm yours. No more hiding."

His smile turned into a full-blown grin. He lowered his mouth to mine only to touch noses. I looped my hand behind his neck, wanting him closer without kissing him just yet. I wanted to savor this moment.

I was his.

And he was mine.

And there was no more hiding.

─── • ───

What is your favorite food?

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annasteffeyy

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