It was a calm tuesday afternoon. Of course me being a mess I can't go enjoy the hot weather by jogging or laying by the pool. I'm in the kitchen, with the same three day old sweatpants, messy hair and blunt in my mouth.

I'll be honest my life kind of sucks right now. I mean you probably already know that. I just fucking miss him. His beautiful smile and eyes and lips. my baby. I haven't tried going to his moms place like Vanessa has told me, i'm just scared of how he'll react. I hate rejection so much and i'd rather not receive it as I ask for the love of my life back.

I open the fridge and take out the half eaten chocolate cake I got yesterday. As you can tell I already sorta ate some, the sad life is taking a toll on me.

Putting out the blunt on the ash tray, I walk into the living room and plop my body back onto the couch, pressing play on the TV show "catfish".

I've also been writing break up music which is like putting alcohol on a fresh wound, but i mean it's there. The first one I wrote was "promise me.", it's a sad sad one but i sure do like it.

" Good morning Mr. Gilinsky how are you feeling today?" Vanessa asks as she comes down the stairs with broom and dustpan.

I shrug and sigh.

"Just peachy V. I'm eating a whole chocolate birthday cake in my three day old sweatpants and non shaven face laying on my couch, at 3 pm." I smile fakely.

She frowns at my response and sets the two items down. Walking to stand right in front of me.

She opens her arms, saying "Would you like a hug?"

Looking up at her, tears start to form in my eyes and i nod. I get up and hug her tightly.

"This just sucks Vanessa. Break ups are hard. I've always broken up with girls in high school and wouldn't think anything of it, but now! Holy shit this hurts so badly. Like what if he's already moved on? Waking up next to different guys everyday?" I sob into her red hair and Panic! at the disco hoodie.

"Oh trust me i've had my fair share. It's no walk in the park. But believe me he's just as heartbroken as you. Change isn't always terrible it's never been, but this isn't permanent, I feel it in my chest. You guys are fucking meant for each other." she softly speaks while rubbing my back.

"It's almost been a month G and it's good to say niether of you are enjoying this. He's the bread to your butter, the tequila to your lime, hell you both are named Jack! Just think about it. It doesn't have to be now, but you should visit him soon. Plus you both are adults, so perhaps it can be a civil conversation." She spoke.

"I don't know Vanessa. I don't like rejection. Argh fuck why is this so hard!" I groan pulling away and flopping on the couch.

She pouts and runs her hand down her face, walking back to go ahead and enter the kitchen.

I take a bite out of the cake and contiune to watch the show. Some guy thinks he's been talking to katy perry for years now and won't change his mind that it isn't actually her and it's really some not that bad looking girl. What the hell goes on in Florida?

Time passes by and she walks back out the kitchen and goes behind the couch. "Why hasn't Josh came back to get his phone? Its been a week, it's dead and I'd think he'd want it." V spoke holding up an iphone X with an ocean case.

Looking back, I realize it's Johnsons phone. "That's JJ's, not Joshs. He has an 8 plus and J just of course won't come back to get it." I scrunch my eyebrows together. She raises one brow. "Mmmm nope pretty positve it's Joshs. He was using it when you and J were just starting to fight, he'd do all kinds of shit with it." She explained.

"Oh come on I know what my lovers boyfriends phone looks like. See?" I show her a photo I have of Johnson in bed on his phone, ah my baby.

"So then why did I see Josh with it?" She questioned.

"And he had it during our fight right? Well ma-"

My heart dropped.

"Holy shit." I widened my eyes getting up.

"What? Oh. Oh wait god no, your'e telling me..." V begins to speak but I interrupt her.

"I need to go get ready." I said, turning my back and running to the stairs.

-

I got down from my car to head into a wallgreens to get stuff for my baby.

Feeling like shit for everything I caused is an understatement. I feel so bad for putting him through this and telling myself he posted the photo when he really didn't.

I got to say though I cleaned up pretty nicely. I did my hair and shaved, showered and put on nice clothes. Good job Gilinsky.

Walking into the store I don't really know what I'm looking for, I guess just 2 dozen roses and a bag of candy? I know what he likes like the back of my hand, but what screams the biggest apology ever told?

Picking up a basket to go shop, some people gasp and say hi to me. Almost forgot for split second I was famous, and that everyone knows now about me and J. I haven't done a public event since the meet and greet weeks ago, and I haven't been active on social media, so hopefully this goes okay. Of course I be sweet and say hi and how are you, usually they can be nice and respectful, so why should I be an ass?

Putting candy I know he really likes in the basket, I go to the alcohol section to get his favorite kind of wine. I'm scrolling on snapchat as I walk to the aisle, when all the sudden I hear a voice I know too well.

"Jack? Funny seeing you here!" Amber scholl smiles with a box of advil and a tube of mascara. And it's drugstore! A shocker might I say.

I roll my eyes, locking my phone and putting it in my pocket, "H-Hey amber, nice to see you too."

"It's been a hot minute since I've even heard of you hun, whats new? Oh yes, you came out as bisexual and dating our house cleaner, score!" She chuckles, hitting my shoulder playfully. Don't touch me but okay. "Haha yeah, is that a bad thing?" I don't bother bringing up me and jacks argument and uh, us breaking up because I won't stop till I make him mine again. I love him.

"Not exactly, its just weird like he went from feeding our dogs for money to probably feeding you strawberries in bed naked." She shrugged fixing her hair. How did I ever go out with her? Even her voice is so argh.

"Amber I am kind of in a hurry. Yes im doing fine, yes I am with him, and yes I love him. I hope you are doing okay now and are happier." I try to rush this sighing, i'd rather not speak to this bitch for the next 2 minutes.

She makes a face and is a bit taken back. "Jacky poo got a mouth now huh? Well it was great catching up and congrats on getting a great piece of meat! Or actually, congrats on JJ the pale little boy. Have a great day G." She scoffs, then smiles and walks away. She's walking differently to make her ass pop and yeah she's got a nice one but no, just no with everything else about her.

"Bye bye now." I smirk. If she's seen what i've seen, she'd know better than to joke on getting a great piece of meat.

If you know what I mean.

-

I arrived in front of his moms apartment complex, really fucking nervous might I say.

I took a deep breath in and started to gather all the goods, I got him wine, candy, and roses. I put it all in a basket that I found in the garage and opened the door.

"you got this gilinsky, nothing to be nervous about! Just play it cool." I smiled to myself in the mini mirror.

Wish me luck I guess?

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