My feet feel cold against the marble floor of the bathroom. But I can't bring myself to move from my current position. I just stand there, looking at myself in the mirror and try not to cry.

That's the only thing I've done these past few days.

I wake up, take a shower, cry in there, then put some clothes on and move with my day like nothing happened. Like I didn't lose two of the most important people in my life at the same time.

Even though they are still out there, they are gone for me.

And what makes it even harder is that both of them don't seem to realise what they've done. Not my father, not him.

My dad has been calling me two days in a row, but watching how I didn't answer any of his calls he decided to text me instead. One single message.

''Don't tell your mom anything. It will only make things worse. I'll explain. I promise.''

Here's again the disgusting word.

Promise.

How can they use it so easily even though they know they won't keep it..It makes me sick. And tired.

I feel so tired. Of trying, believing...existing.

It's so hard to just exist sometimes. Harder than what people think.

And Jackson...well that's a different story.

''Daphne, your phone is ringing again.'' My mother says knocking on my bathroom door.

Truth is I haven't really talked to her. After what happened with dad I spent a couple of days at Bob's place. He was the one who came for me, while I waited outside Jackson's house. He didn't ask any questions. Just took my hand and drove me to his place.

Teddy wasn't there and he was kind enough to offer me his room while he slept in his roommate's.

When I finally came back home I couldn't bring myself to see her. It felt as if I was the one who lied to her and in some aspect, I was. Because even before my dad's message, I had already decided to keep what happened secret.

Right or wrong I didn't consider it. That was my way of protecting her from the heartbreak I went through. Because even though it was inevitable for her to find out the truth, at least I wouldn't be the one to hurt her.

''Just let it.'' I say behind the door.

It must be him again.

''Alright.'' She mumbles and walks away, while I wrap a towel around my body.

I don't want to hear him or see him for that matter.

It took three days to finally call me, making me feel even worse because at least in these three days I would think that she didn't tell him I went there. But the fact that she actually did and he chose to not reach out to me immediately...that was to me the most hurtful thing.

So I flipped him off. Let him taste his own medicine.

I've never been a revengeful person. But this time something changed inside of me.

I didn't deserve this.

They were wrong to me.

And I won't back down to make them feel better.

Neither him, nor my dad.

Leaving the shower, I take my phone from the nightstand. 25 voicemails. 15 texts.

''Great.'' I whisper, throwing it away.

My back touches the mattress and I'm well aware that I'm soaking it right now, but I don't really mind. I think of all the things that happened these past few days, how my world turned upside down once again and when I try to find something positive to change my mood, the only thing that appears in my head is him.

Automatically my fingers crawl across the mattress and I take my phone again in my hands. I debate on doing what I think of, but I can't help myself. The way I couldn't yesterday and the day before.

I open and read the messages.

''Baby I'm sorry. Work came up and I was out of town. I couldn't reach you. Please forgive me.''

That was the first one. The reason I became so frustrated. He kept lying. Even now that I knew that he was there.

''I know I am an asshole but I swear I really wasn't able to call you. Please answer me.''

''Daphne answer the phone, baby. ''

''Come on love, I'm sorry. You can punish me as you like when we meet.''

Punish him? Well yeah that's exactly what I intend to do. But now the way he wants to.

''Okay I know I screwed up. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please let me explain to you.''

So he knows he got caught in a lie. Olivia must have told him. I bet he wished he knew I heard him sooner. Before he blew up his cover.

The redhead's face comes to my mind and immediately a bitter feeling takes over. I never learned who she is.The only thing I got was a name. Although, by the way she carried herself around his house makes me think she is someone important.

I haven't seen Jackson with other people, but I'm pretty sure he is not the kind of person who lets anyone in his home.

That's another thing. I don't know any details about his life. Besides his work which is a tough topic we never discuss, there are not many things I can tell about his personal life.

I'm not sure if he has friends, or family. But she does.

Don't ask why. I just know she does. Her confidence in the way she spoke to me didn't come just by herself. He gave her that. The comfort of doing as she pleases inside his home.

And I would have been lying if I said it didn't hurt.

''Darling please, give me a chance. I'm begging you.''

''I just want to hear your voice. ''

I haven't responded to any of them. But then he appeared again in a completely different way.

''Where are you Daphne?''

''You haven't come home in two days. Where have you been staying?''

''I'm serious Daphne. Pick up the phone.''

Oh, it's Daphne now.

The fact that he was waiting for me made me uneasy and at the same time guilty. Because I did want to see him, but not yet. Not under his conditions.

I remember explaining the situation to Bob. He was livid.

''Just tell him where you are and when he comes here I'm going to beat him up with my bat.''

''You have a bat?''

''No I'm going to borrow my neighbour's.''

''Bob...''

''Fine, then just send him that you are okay. He is capable of ringing the bell if you don't answer.''

And like Bob had predicted that's exactly what he did.

''You are lucky no one was at your home. I will wait the whole day if I have to. I'm not kidding.''

''Pick up the damn phone Daphne.''

''Okay. As you wish. Your mom just parked the car.''

That was what shake me up immediately and I found myself typing with trembling hands.

''I'm fine. Please leave my house.''

''Fuck baby. You made me worried sick where are you?''

I hesitated to answer, but I decided it was better to put an end to both of our miseries.

''I'm at a friend's house. You don't need to worry about me.''

''No, don't say that. You know I can't help it. I needed to know that you are safe.''

''I am.''

''Darling, please let me explain. I just need you to give me a chance. I swear.''

''I will. But not now Jackson.''

''Then when. Please don't do this.''

And that's the last text I've read. Anything new I got, I let it slide and fought hard not to give in. Because it was true. I needed time to process what happened. Not only with him, but with my dad too.

It was all too much.

However, Jackson being himself didn't let it go. A day later I got a call from Zoey informing me how he came into her house looking for me.

''I explained to him that you weren't here. He asked if I knew where you could be but I told him no. Honestly, he looked like a mess Daphne. Almost like...''

''Like what?'' I asked, feeling anxious all of the sudden.

''Like he was sick or something.''

Her words made my stomach drop. Sick?

After that I couldn't help but call him. At the beginning it was pure frustration from the fact that he invaded my friend's privacy and mine. After I specifically told him I needed time, but also because I was worried. I needed to hear him too. Even for a little. To know that he is okay.

So I did.

''Baby.'' He exhaled deeply like he couldn't breath before that.

''Are you alright?'' I asked timidly.

''Now I am.'' The tone of his voice made me instantly feel guilty. ''Please tell me where you are.''

''Jackson...I told you I need time. Why did you go to Zoey's?''

''I'm sorry. I really am. When are you going to let me see you?'' He said disregarding my question.

''I-I don't know.''

''Are you staying with one of your other girlfriends?''

''Why are you planning to invade their homes too?''

A moment of silence passed by before I heard him whisper. ''I just want you to be safe.''

''I am. No one is going to hurt me here.''

''No one but you.'' And I immediately understood what he meant.

He was afraid of me. Of my panic attacks. The way my own mind was punishing me and my heart almost stopped listening to him groaning like he was in pain.

''Jackson...'' I said panicked.

''I'm here.''

''What's happening. Are you sick?''

''No it's fine.''

''You are lying.''

''Babe listen to me. I just want you to know that it was nothing you did wrong. It was me. I fucked up. Please tell me you understand that.''

''I do.'' I whispered.

''Good promise me something.''

''Jackson I said I'll call you.''

''No, it's not that. I want you to promise me that you will take care of yourself, yeah? No skipping meals or staying awake when you should be resting. Just focus on you.''

It always blew my mind how much he understood me. It was like he knew before me how bad this would affect me. And made his priority to not let it happen. That's why I felt myself whispering on the phone.

''Okay.''

''Good girl.''

''I'm g-going to hang up now.''

''Good night my love.''

And that was the last conversation we had. Over the phone, almost five days ago. I was afraid he would show up outside my house or at my university at some point but he didn't. And even though I was grateful that he respected my request, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed every time I walked outside and he wasn't there, waiting for me on his motorcycle.

Pretty fucked up. I know.

The knock on my door makes me turn around on the bed, watching my mom's slim figure walking inside.

''Don't you have classes today?'' She asks, baffled by my laying body all over the bed.

''Yes. But later.''

''Ok. I'm going to head out. Put the dishes back in their place will you? The dishwasher is almost done.''

''Alright.'' I mumble sitting up.

There is a pause in the conversation and I think that she probably left, but when I look in the mirror I see her studying me from the door.

''Is everything okay?'' She asks hesitant.

The question brings immediate tears in my eyes and the only thing that I want to do is cry. But I restrain myself.

''Yes.'' I say hugging the towel closer to my body. ''Do you mind? I want to get ready.''

Her eyes remain on me for a little longer, until she nods her head closing the door behind her.

Exhaling deeply I throw some clothes on, before I take my phone which rings for the second time today.

''Hey Bob.''

''How is my favorite brat?''

''Fine.''

''I don't like that fine.''

''Well that's the only thing I've got in the moment.''

''Will you go to your uni today?''

''No. I have something else to do.''

''Do you want me to come with you?''

''No thank you. I have to do it alone.''

''Okay. If you need anything, call me. And please pick up your phone. I've been calling you all morning.''

''Oh it was you?'' A small feeling of sadness overcomes me. He didn't call.

''Yeah. I wanted to check on you.''

''Thanks Bob. I really appreciate it. I promise I'll call you later.''

''You better.''

Ending the call, I take a breath and get myself ready for what I am about to do.

Time to get your shit together.

I had already memorised the route to the hotel, so when I finally made it there I was much calmer than the last time I saw him.

Without farther delay I knock on the door embracing myself with the possibility of getting crushed once again.

My father welcomes me inside looking anything but happy about my presence here.

He was the one who wanted to talk...

''What are you doing here?'' He asks almost apologetically.

''You said that you would explain. So let's hear it.'' I say sitting on a chair with my hands crossed in front of my chest.

I know my position screams defensive from miles away, but I can't help it. I need to protect myself because no one else is going to do it for me.

''I was planning to call you later.''

''Why is your girlfriend coming?'' I spat bitterly.

''No Daphne.'' He exclaims, exhausted. ''You got it all wrong.''

''Okay. Then tell me. I want to know. All of it.''

Walking towards the large window, my father looks away. His eyes are closed as if he is in some sort of dream or a nightmare to be more precise. The slight furrowing on his forehead gives away his anxiety. He is always like this when he gets stressed or disappointed.

And I'm not sure what he is at the moment.

''I'm not cheating on your mom.'' He says after a while.

''If you are going to lie I better..''

''No Daphne. I'm not lying. It's the truth. I don't have an affair.''

''Then who was the woman I saw you with?'' I accuse him, arching an eyebrow.

''That was Carla. She is one of my oldest friends. Your mom knows her as well. We've been working together for years and before that we were classmates in college''

His answer leaves dumbfounded and highly confused. ''So what does this mean? You are not cheating but what? Why all the lies about your work trips?''

''They weren't lies. At least not all of them. Just the recent one. I needed to get away from Florence. We had a fight and...I know I shouldn't have but I wanted space.''

''You made up a work trip because you were too coward to actually confront her?'' I ask baffled.

His eyes find mine and the moment we look at each other he turns away embarrassed.

''I know..'' He mumbles.

''What's Carla's involvement in any of this?''

''She...'' He starts but doesn't finish his sentence as if it's too torturing for him.

''What dad?''

''It's complicated.''

''Is it? Because it seems to me like you are lying again.''

''I'm not, I swear. I just...there are things that you don't know. Things I'm not even sure if I could tell you.''

''Why?'' I ask worried.

''Because...I promised your mom that I would leave it behind.''

''Leave what behind? Speak clearly dad.''

My anxiety battles again to come through and I need to swallow the nauseous feeling in my stomach. What was so important that made my mom treat him like that?

His face contrasts in pure agony, begging me with his eyes to not pressure him, but this reaction itself is what makes me want to know even more. I've never seen him so anxious about something and a million thoughts come through my head.

''Dad please. Where did this get us anyway? You see it yourself. Every lie leads to a bigger destruction and everything comes to light someday.''

Exhaling deeply he sits opposite to me grabbing a bottle of whisky from the cabinet. My eyes follow his movements and I feel like I'm going to get sick from the view in front of me. My father rarely drinks and watching him pouring himself alcohol before noon scares me.

This is not him.

''I promised to her that you would never know. But I also promised a lot of things to both of you and didn't keep my promises. So what's one more right?'' He says laughing bitterly, while I watch him consume the whiskey in his glass.

''Things were not always like this, Daphne. Not for her, not for me.''

''What do you mean?''

''Have you ever wondered why your mom doesn't have a relationship with her parents?''

His question catches me off guard. ''Grandpa is dead. And grandma lives in Canada.'' I answer confused.

''Yes, that's true. But their relationship failed long before that.''

''Why?''

''Because of me. They didn't want me for their daughter. And honestly I don't blame them. I was nobody. I couldn't even pay for my own rent when I met her. I was drowning in my student lawns and looking for a chance to make some easy money.'' His face drops at the memories of his early years.

''And there was your mother, a high class girl. She was going to study architecture and had a brilliant future ahead of her. Financial stability, great friends, loving parents. The only thing she didn't have was thrill. That's what she was looking for. A thrill to wake her up for a phenomenal boring and set up life. Sounds like a perfect love story for a movie right?''

His question is clearly rhetorical but I find myself nodding unintentionally. It does sound like a movie plot.

''What happened?'' I ask hesitant.

''We fell in love, she gave up everything and we left Canada together. Her parents warned her about the kind of hardships she would face with a guy like me but she didn't listen. And I bet she is regretting it till this day.''

''Dad...'' I say in a way to comfort him but he cuts me off pouring another glass of whisky.

''No Daphne. It's the truth. And when you hear the rest of it you are probably going to agree with her. I just hope you don't judge me too hard.''

His words make me shudder and I can't help but give in to the familiar feeling of my anxiety. Breathing slowly I try to calm myself down enough to continue this conversation without having a panic attack.

''At the beginning things were okay. We both did two different jobs to manage it but no matter how hard we were trying it was as if destiny didn't want us to pull through this. We were delayed in our payments and got kicked out from five houses over the course of a year. I was used to it but your mother wasn't. And she still didn't say a word. She followed me everywhere, never complained about my lack of ability to stay in a job for more than three months. I was a stupid kid Daphne. Immature, full of anger for all the things that went wrong in my life and so disappointed. Then the fights start coming. She offered to ask her dad for a job, truth is I was sure he would help us for her. But I didn't let her. My ego was bigger than that.''

His grasp on the glass became tighter, making me afraid that he would break it and hurt himself. But he didn't seem to understand. He was a goner.

Lost in his own thoughts and memories.

''And then the most unexpected thing happened. She got pregnant.'' His eyes gloss at the memory.