《D for Depression》Chapter 20: A bit of truth
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Sitting on the old couch I wait patiently for Isaac to finally speak. It's been almost 15 minutes and he is already in the third bottle.
''So...''' I say, looking at him sipping his beer.
He doesn't answer making me slightly frustrated.
''Are you gonna talk or not?''
''Calm your tits baby.'' He says, with a raspy voice.
''My tits are perfectly fine. Thank you.'' I respond ironically.
''Sure, they are.'' He comments glancing at my form, his eyes stopping at my chest.
I look at him dumbfounded.
''Hey! My eyes are up here!'' I yell throwing a pillow at him.
He laughs for a moment making me smile.
I remember, this is the second time I hear his laugh.
It's deep and husky, like his voice.
Right now, he looks like a little kid and I catch myself enjoying the picture.
Shit. Snap out of it, Daphne!
''Talk or I'll leave.''
''Are you threating me babygirl? Let me remind you. You came to me, not the other way around.''
I stay silent. He is right. I need him, if I want to know more about Jackson.
He is my only chance.
''Whatever.'' I whisper, taking a sip from my beer.
''That's more how I like it. Obedient.''
I snap my gaze at him, pretending I didn't catch the double meaning of his words.
''Please. I don't have all day. My parents don't even know I left.''
''Why not?''
''Because I was sick. And I'm supposed to rest.''
Staring at me blankly, he brings the bottle to his lips once again.
''Jackson Wald. That's his full name. Although, I'm pretty sure you already know that.'' He says, pointing at my necklace.
I automatically touch the round stone Jackson gave to me.
''I guess you really blowed up his mind, to give you this.''
''Why?''
''Because, it's his symbol.''
''Symbol?'' I ask confused.
''Every member of the gang has a necklace like that. These three lines and the black stone are Jacksons symbols. It means that the person who wears it is protected by the gang. No one can touch or mess with you. So, whoever sees the stone and recognize it, he'll know you are Jackson's.''
''Jackson's?'' I say raising an eyebrow.
Like a property?
''He basically claimed you.''
Isaac's words bring a tingly feeling in my stomach. Claimed? He owns me now?
The feminist inside me fights for the so called ''claimed'' title, but I can't help and feel a little flustered by it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Isaac seems to notice my expression and I hear a snort coming off his mouth.
''All you girls are the same. Stupid enough to fall for the bad guy and think it's the best thing that happened to you.''
''I d-don't...''
''Save it. You can lie as much as you want. I don't really care.''
Trying to play it off he huffs annoyed, although his face says a different story.
''Do you have one?'' I ask.
''What?''
''Necklace.''
''I do.'' He exclaims, after a pause. ''But I don't use it.''
''Why not?''
''I didn't find anyone deserved to be given.''
I see him staring at me intensely and I can't help but feel a little anxious.
The effect he has on me is hard to describe. It makes me want to hide from his eyes and at the same time challenge him to see how far he will go.
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No Daphne. Don't think like that.
I cough to clear my throat and take another sip of my beer.
''He is the second in command.'' Isaac says.
''Second in command, l-like in the....''
''Drug network.'' He fills my sentence.
I take a deep breath and nod.
''Who is the first?''
''The man who aimed the gun to us.'' He says nonchalantly.
I recall the incident of that night. His dark eyes flashing in front of my eyes. It's not like I could forget about this. It was the scariest moment of my life.
Remembering the coldblooded look on his face, I feel a little shiver down my spine.
He looked...empty.
''What's his name?''
''You don't need that.'' Isaac answers. ''The less you know about him, the better.''
I nod again, waiting for him to continue.
''Jackson is like his watch dog. He never deals directly with the drugs. He is more like the coordinator. He has all the information about the cartel. List of names, locations, product, enemies...Everything. That's why he rarely shows up during drug trafficking, they can't risk him to get caught. He is more valuable than that.''
I look at him with a socked expression. The truth is I never thought he had such a position inside the group.
Although, I should have seen it from the way everyone reacted during the ''garage incident.''
His presence itself was enough to shut everybody down.
''That's why it sounds strange to me, the fact he was at a college drug dealing.''
He adds with a curious expression. ''Can you think of a good reason?''
I shake my head negatively.
Silence fills the room and I take the opportunity to ask him what I want.
''You seem to know him well. Were you perhaps...friends?''
He chuckles at my words. ''Friends? No, thank God. We barely can see each other without throwing punches.''
''Why?''
''Because...We are different animals.''
I look at him confused. ''What's that supposed to mean?''
He huffs again, clearly annoyed by my questioning.
''Jackson is an alpha dog. He likes being in control. He enjoys having power over the others even though he pretends the opposite. He walks around taking care of the business as if it is a huge burden for him, but in reality he IS the job himself. You get it now?''
''A-and that makes you angry?'' I ask hesitant.
''No. It makes me annoyed. I can't stand people like that. Playing the sheep keeper, when the truth is, he is the wolf dressed up. I'm not saying I'm a good guy. Hell, I'm one of the worst. But at least I have the guts to admit that. Doing whatever I have to get what I want, always putting myself first. I'm a selfish prick. I don't play anything else.''
His words take me by surprise. This is the longest I heard him speak and it was to take Jackson down. I can sense there is more he won't tell me, but I decide to not push him.
''Was he already in command when you came in?''
I see him taking a deep breath, trying to ease his nerves.
''Yes.''
''When did that happen?''
''Two years ago.''
''The paly guy. He is your brother, right? Did he put you in it?''
I sense him tense up in the reference of his brother. His expression softens, but not enough to change the stiffness of his posture.
''Kind of. I saved his boss's life and he offered me a job as a reward. Brody just happened to be there.''
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''So, you didn't know your brother was working for him?''
''No. I hadn't spoken to him for a long time, before that.''
It's not hard to see there is a conflict between the two siblings. But I know better to not push him for more details.
''Jackson was already working for him. I met him a few times, most of them in gatherings of the gang or random places. I knew he was important, since the boss took him everywhere with him, but he also had a freedom no one else did. Ditching meetings, talking back to him, stuff like that.''
''He values him.'' I whisper more to myself, but Isaac catches my words.
''Yeah. I heard that they know each other for a long time. They were childhood friends.''
That explains a lot.
''You don't know anything about their past?''
''No. Not really. They are not the type of people you want to search for Daphne. Believe me.''
I nod again, my head already a mess.
''And that's all I can share.''
''What about you?'' I ask.
''What about me?''
''You said you start working for them after saving that man's life. How did that happen?''
''That doesn't concern you.'' He responds in a cold manner.
''Okay...'' I whisper, looking at my lap.
Silence fills the room once again, until a can't help but break it.
''Why are you doing this? If you despise them so much, why working for them?''
Isaac holds my gaze, thinking hard what to answer. I probably took him by surprise asking something so personal.
Yes, I came here for Jackson, but I can't lie and pretend that I am not intrigued by him.
It's like the more he's trying to hide, the most I want to know.
''The money is good.'' He says simply.
I raise an eyebrow looking around.
''If you get payed so well why do you keep living here?''
I can see him tense up at my question. His eyes flicker on me, a glimpse of anger in them.
But I don't care. It's the truth. This is a shithole compared into what Brody has, or even Jackson.
I understand he is in the lowest level of the gang, but still. He got two thousand grand the last time I was with him. And he is doing this for the last two years. It doesn't make sense.
''I'm not obliged to answer you. Fuck I don't even need to tell you anything...''
''Isaac...''
''You are really a brat. Aren't you? I don't know why I waste my time with you...
''Isaac...''
''Now get out of here before I...''
''ISAAC!'' I yell stopping him. ''Your shirt...''
My eyes lock at the red spot across his rib. Oh my God.
Is that blood?
I move forward to touch him, but he steps back.
''Leave.'' He orders, walking away from me.
I stand there, dumfounded.
What the hell did just happened?
My curiosity takes the best of me and I find myself standing outside his room.
Ok, rather do it Daphne or get out of here.
Taking a deep breath, I turn the doorknob and get inside the room.
The view in front of me twists my guts, making me sick.
Isaac's back is facing me. There are deep cuts across his shoulder blades, as if he was hanging naked from somewhere. There are also, a lot of bruises and cuts with blood that remind me the hit of a whip.
He holds a cloth against his lower abdomen, socked with blood. When he removes it to check the wound I gasp.
''What the hell are you doing here? I told you to leave.''
His words leave me unaffected. I step closer standing in front of him.
I lift my hand to touch him, but he catches it stopping me.
''Don't.''
''He d-did this t-to you?'' I ask chocking on my own words.
''Daphne leave.'' He says looking anywhere but me.
I can tell he feels uncomfortable around me like this. He doesn't seem like a person who asks for help, but right now I don't give a damn about it. I can't leave him.
''You didn't clean your wounds right. They can get effected. Let me help you.''
His gaze snaps at me surprised. I know crazy right? Having someone to care for you.
''I d-don't need help...''
Did he just stuttered? Wow...
''Yes, you do. I'm not going to discuss it farther. Do you have a first aid kit?'' I ask determined.
He looks at me for a moment, studding my face. I wait for him to yell or try to stop me, but he doesn't do anything. He just nods to the bathroom.
''In there.''
Taking what I need, I step outside finding Isaac sitting on the bed. Ι cautiously move behind him, staring at his back. This looks so painful. How the hell does he manage to walk around?
I take a clean washcloth and start cleaning his wounds.
He flinches with the first brush, but holds it in.
''I'm sorry.'' I whisper.
''It's okay.''
''I'm s-sorry for leaving...''I finally say.
He tenses up, before he moves his face sideways to answer me.
''Don't. You wouldn't be able to do anything.''
''But...''
''No. Besides, I wanted you to leave. I'm not sure what he would do to you if you'd stayed. Although I believe Jackson would have find an excuse to get you out of there anyway.''
I stop what I'm doing for a second.
''Is that why you told me to go with him? Because you knew he wouldn't hurt me?''
''Yes.''
His answer makes me feel even more guilty. He saved my life. He didn't even know me and still put his own self on risk.
''That's pretty altruistic for someone who claims he is a selfish prick.''
I say teasing him.
He doesn't answer, although I see him sifting awkwardly in his sit.
Putting some ointment on a cotton, I grab gently his upper arm to steady myself.
I try to ignore the warmness of his skin in my palm or the way his body reacted on my touch.
''That's going to hurt.'' I whisper.
He flinches again in pain his back muscles tense up trying to hold everything in.
''I'm sorry.''
''St-top saying that.'' He says, struggling to spit the words.
I finish my job, putting some bandages.
''It's ok for now, but you have to change them to prevent any infection.''
''Ok doc.''
''Let's do the front now.''
''No need. I got it.''
''No, you don't. I saw the cut. It's pretty deep, let me treat you.''
''I'm not your Grey's Anatomy puppet. And you are not a doctor.'' He says, standing up.
''You just called me doctor ten seconds ago.''
I answer stubbornly, crossing my hands in front of my chest.
''You are really annoying you know that?''
''And you are an asshole. Just let me help you!'' I yell frustrated.
He looks at me blankly, holding back a smile.
''Okay.''
I move forward to check the wound when I finally realize.
He is naked.
I didn't see his torso before, or pay attention to it honestly, but right now I can't look away.
I gulp hard trying not to stare at him. The paleness of his skin cuts me off guard every time. Especially now that he stands only with his sweatpants in front of me.
I take the washcloth again, repeating my actions, only this time is harder, as I can feel his eyes burning holes at me.
Cleaning the wound, I try to keep my hand steady since the area is more fleshy than the back.
''You can touch me.'' He says looking at me struggling.
I try to hide my blushing cheeks and put my hand against the side of his belly, just above his hip.
Finishing the task as fast as I could, I put a bandage on it and step away.
''Done.''
''Already? Just as I started to like it.''
I snap my head looking at him smiling teasingly. Feeling my cheeks heat up I look around awkwardly.
''I'll get you home.'' He says, moving to change a shirt.
''You d-don't have to. I'll c-call an uber.''
Putting on a jacket he grabs lazily a pair of keys, ignoring my comment.
''Come on Dr. Grey.''
''I didn't know you had a car.'' I say looking outside the red truck we were currently in.
''I had it at the engineer for the past couple of weeks. It's pretty old so I need to fix it every now and then.''
''Not buying a new one?'' I ask raising an eyebrow.
''Nope. Don't have the money for that kind of expense.'' He answers smiling ironically at me.
I huff annoyed. ''Don't forget to change your bandage in two days.''
''Are you not going to do that for me?'' He teases.
''I'm not your nurse. Besides, I can't come here every day.''
''I'll come to your place.''
''Don't you dare!'' I say looking at him strictly.
''Haha... You are cute when you try to be tough.''
''Whatever.'' I mumble.
''Although I wouldn't like to come face to face with Jackson. So, I may just stay away.''
I tense hearing his name.
''H-he doesn't come to my house. He may as well never show up again. It happened the last time.'' I add looking down at my lap.
''Believe me. He will.''
The coldness of his voice never fails to surprise me. He really hates him huh?
''The real question is what you will do when he shows up. Now that you know most of the truth.''
My heart quivers at his words. What am I really going to do when that moment comes?
I want to say that I'll send him away and forget about his existence. But how can I lie like that, when just the thought of never seen him again, is enough to break me down?
The feelings he brings me are so hard to describe, and even harder to ignore.
There is no way I'll be able to resist him.
Do I really want to though? Or is just a lame excuse to hide the fact, I still want him? Even now that I know he is a drug dealer, a dangerous one... I still feel the need to see him, touch him, be around him.
I'm really fucked up. Aren't I?
''What are you thinking Daphne?''
''Nothing.'' I say, shaking my head.
''It's him, isn't it?'' Isaac asks, stopping the car in front of my house.
''N-no... I wasn't...''
''There. It's him. He is here.''
I snap my head quickly looking ahead. The view makes my stomach flip.
Resting against his motorcycle is Jackson, wearing his signature dark clothing. His hair is slightly wet, probably from the shower and his eyes are locked to my doorstep.
I feel my heart beating with the speed of the light and my hands getting sweaty from the excitement. My mouth is so dry, I have to lick my lips, while I hold the handle of the door for dear life.
One part of me wishes to disappear and not let him see me, while the other waits impatiently for his eyes to find me.
And he does.
As soon as his eyes lock with mine nothing else seems to matter. I forget about everything Isaac told me, my mind and soul only looking at him.
And at that exact moment I know.
I'm crazily in love with him.
❤
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