amelia pov

it had been over a week since mads' behaviour started being off and now i think that it's time to push to figure out what the problem is. as much as i've gently tried, mads won't budge, and not for zona either. i texted jo this morning to ask her to talk to mads when she comes into the hospital after school today so i'm just hoping that jo sees the message in time and manages to talk to her, at least try and get to the root of the problem.

madison's pov

after school, i see eden outside the school gates and instantly head straight towards her. my girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous. i give her a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing her hand and walking her home. this has become a daily routine now because eden can walk to my school after she finishes just in time for my finishing time and her house is on the way to the hospital. it's just perfect.

i drop eden off at her house, giving her a deep kiss before letting her walk off.

'bye maddy moo' she giggles.

'bye eddie' i smile back. her laugh is so cute.

after a few more minutes i make it to the hospital and head to the attendings lounge like i always do. soon enough, jo appears and comes to chat with me. we talk about the recent few days and just catch each other up on what we've missed. suddenly she asks a question that confuses me.

'what's going on with you mads?' she questions.

'what do you mean? nothing.' i reply

'you've been acting nothing like yourself for the past like week and a half and i know you so well mads don't try and deny it. i know when somethings wrong, and right now there's something wrong. please talk to me because i know amelia and arizona have both tried and you keep pushing them away.' wow okay then, guess there's no getting out of this one.

'look jo it's nothing that you can help with, okay? as much as i love you this isn't one of your areas of expertise and you would just worry. so please, leave it'

'so who can help? you need to talk to someone mads'

'okay i will, at some point later today. by 12am i promise i will have told someone.' i say hoping she'll accept this.

'pinky promise?' i hesitate before i hold out my pinky and link it with hers. guess i have to tell someone now...

as soon as i get home i head up to my room and begin to figure out how i'm going to tell mum what's going on. she's gonna hate me.

amelia's pov

jo texted me at the end of my shift to let me know that she talked to mads and got nothing out of her but made her pinky promise that she would tell someone by the end of the day. that means that she will probably tell me or zona. i wait all evening for something to be said, or for mads to just come downstairs but she never appears. she comes down for dinner but heads straight back up to her room as soon as we're done. i give her about 10 minutes before i follow her up to check on her.

'hey mads' i say as i knock on the door

'come in mum' she replies. good start, i think. 'everything okay?'

'yeah, i'm just...jo talked to me, about your chat earlier and i've been waiting for you to come to zona or i but you haven't and there's only about an hour and a half before we all head to bed so talk to me bubs, what's going on?' i try to be as loving as possible.

mads suddenly seems very overwhelmed and i can see tears forming in her eyes. i scoot over so that i'm sat down next to her and she quickly wraps her arms around me tightly before crying into my chest. something is obviously very wrong.

i stroke her head and rub her back until she calms down.

'i really...real... mum i want drugs, so bad' she murmurs quietly between tears. i continue stroking her head and pull her closer into me.

'mads, that's normal for people like us. why wouldn't you tell me?' i ask gently.

'because you would be disappointed in me. you never crave drugs and nobody wants a child who's such a difficulty to deal with' she sobs.

'calm down bubba. i'm never disappointed in you. you're the child i've always wanted and i'm so proud of you for so many things. never ever think that there's anything you could do that would make me disappointed in you. and you're not a difficultly to deal with. i love you with my whole heart.' she snuggles closer towards me, giving me the impression she's thankful for what i'm saying.

'secondly, i do crave drugs. sometimes when i'm going to sleep i think about doing drugs, or when i wake up, i think about doing drugs. sometimes even when i'm just cuddling with zona, i think about doing drugs. i may act like my addiction doesn't affect me, but it does, almost everyday. the thing about us is that we're strong and we push past the thoughts so that we don't relapse. be honest with me, have you done drugs over the past week?' i am really hoping that the answer is no.

'no, i haven't. but it's been really really hard mum. i promise i'm trying, but the longer i go on the harder is gets.' my poor baby. all she needs is someone by her side to help get her through this.

'i understand bubs. but i'm here okay? whenever you're craving, come to me and we can sort it out together. we just need to find a good way to distract you from everything in your head.'

'okay thank you mum. i love you.' i snuggle with her for a while before she calms down and eventually falls asleep in my arms. i love how much she trusts me once she allows herself to. despite how much i'm enjoying this, i slip out of her grip and tuck her in to bed.

i head downstairs and see zona on the sofa. i collapse down next to her and suddenly feel myself welling up. i cuddle up next to zona and she wraps her arms around me. i know she has heard my sniffles when she begins playing with my hair and holds my hand.

'talk to me, what happened?' she says kindly.

'she just reminds me of myself. i know how much she's struggling right now and i'm trying so hard to not let her suffer as much as i did, but she's been so used to having to hide all of this drug stuff that she struggles to tell anyone about it, including us. i love her so much zona and i just want her to have a better childhood than i did.' i sigh deeply before continuing. 'she's been craving drugs zona. she's not done anything but she's craving them. and if we don't intervene and find her a safe distraction, she's gonna relapse again.'

'hey hey hey mils, we can do this okay? she's not going to relapse because we're here to help her and get her through all of this. we're the best people for her and we will get her through this. i promise.' i squeeze zona's hand tightly and she leans her head on mind. we fall asleep cuddled up together on the sofa. my favourite place.