Only three days had gone by, but the effects of the needing was taking its toll on me. I couldn't retain focus. My mind kept falling back to a particular hot-blooded female holed up in my cabin. I didn't know what I was doing.

"How is she?"

Of course, he knew where to find me.

"How are the other Recruits?" I asked, avoiding his question.

I kept an eye on my men trekking around the perimeter on silent feet. Solkolov and Jamison were barely visible in the dark as they took in the landscape with expert eyes. Unease rippled from them. I was more than aware that they already caught the scent of roses. It was the needing scent. I didn't care less that they could easily smell it, but I was aware that Aella would not like the fact my men were aware of the aroma.

They knew there was a woman in the cabin with me, but they didn't ask questions. I knew Jamison knew who it was from the confused look he threw my way upon arrival. After all, he and Alexei had been the men I delegated the task to escort Aella to the cabin.

I wasn't exactly hiding it but it was none of their business whether I was entertaining someone or not.

They knew their duty.

However, I knew once they returned, Solkolov was prone to tell the other five men in the circle about how their Alpha was servicing a female. My only small mercy was Jamison. He didn't bother himself with small talk, but he wouldn't shut Solkolov up either.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, feeling my stress levels spike.

My men were good Enforcers, but they were worse than a bunch of teen girls at a slumber party. They were loyal, better than I could've asked for, but this was like throwing a piece of juicy steak to a bunch of ravenous hyenas.

"Jude."

I slowly placed my mug of steaming coffee down. I hopped off the rail framing the porch.

Everything is clear Alpha. Solkolov's voice rang through the link.

Thank you. Take leave.

I waited until they were gone before I entertained Seamus. The man always knew when something was amiss. He'd been close to dad, best friends even through high school. It was the only reason why he never feared me. However, the man knew me since my diaper days. The man was ageless and still looked like he was only in his mid-twenties.

Per usual, the man was impeccably dressed. He stood beside me, taking in the view of our Territory our ancestors long conquered and settled into. Despite its gory history, the terrain of the Shadow Hunters bred the best warriors of our race with the blood of Uriel coursing through it.

"You don't give a shit about the other Recruits. From what I've been witnessing, only one girl has been catching your attention. Wanna tell me why?" He asked, pulling out a cigarette and flicking a flame to the bud with grace you'd know he'd done it so many times.

It was almost comical in the way he phrased his question. He knew perfectly well what was happening but as usual, he wanted me to say it. Seamus had a way of forcing confessions from my lips. He'd been a pro when I was nothing but a rebellious teen wanting to escape the shackles of the Alpha title.

"The Moon Goddess has gifted me with a mate." I told him.

A Tinkerbell.

I refrained for saying the name aloud. Knowing Seamus, he'd demand where I left my balls.

"The pairing isn't ideal?" He took a long drag, watching me like an owl. If anything, I was more than aware that he knew everything. I was sure the man knew it all, but he wanted me to confirm his findings.

There were a lot of things that weren't settling the way it should have. The last few days had been a mess. My wolf was vulnerable in her presence. Control was slipping away fast, and it was hard every time she reached for me.

"You remind me of your father a lot these days." Seamus sighed, massaging his temples. He flicked his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Suddenly, the man who watched me grow appeared older than usual.

My throat tightened, "How are the guests?" I redirected the conversation, remembering the visitors who'd arrived weeks ago. Initially, I didn't want the Pack to know of their arrival, but it was inevitable to keep their presence a complete secret. Wolves had the instinct of knowing when someone powerful was in their midst and The Eye was a formidable ally. They had been patient but that soon would dissolve if I didn't provide them with a plan. I had little time to speak with them and they were growing impatient.

"Pack members know they're dangerous. They're just wondering why they're here in our Territory. You knew the risks of bringing them here and some members are beginning to feel uneasy with their wolves. They know something isn't right."

"We need him to banish those pests from here. I don't need more men on my side falling prey to those poisonous changelings. Have they done anything to threaten the safety of our Pack?"

"No. They mostly keep to their own, but the leader has been asking around about you. My guess, he's trying to build a rapport. He made the mistake of asking Jamison. You can imagine how that went."

My skin prickled at the idea. "Inform him that our meeting will be delayed for a few more days."

"He is aware. They have been peaceful since their arrival, but I have some men keeping an eye on them. I'm sure they have eyes all around our Territory."

I was aware of that risk too, but I had my men on high alert. I didn't expose anything in my Pack, that I didn't want people to know. I didn't need people delving deep into the intricacies of how my Pack operated. That also included my Pack members. I was their haven, the keeper to their safety. I took the responsibility seriously.

"He is The Eye for a reason."

Seamus merely hummed his sentiment. Seamus was the type to give zero shits concerning other men who weren't in their Pack. It was one of the reasons I wanted him in charge of the Recruits. He wasn't biased and he didn't play favourites among students. He evaluated each person at face value. Rarely, did he do otherwise.

"I'll be back into normal routine tomorrow. Her needing period is almost finished."

"You admit to servicing her?"

"Don't be blind Seamus, you know who she is to me."

"But I don't sense true happiness in you Jude."

"I won't force her hand, but I won't be begging to be loved. I won't put myself through that. Or her."

"She may not deserve you Jude. Then again, I don't think anyone is worthy to have you. I see you like my son. If she hurts you, I'll deal with her. You're under my protection. Anyone who dares otherwise will be punished."

I trusted Seamus; he was one of the few men I could.

"Be wise Jude. You deserve happiness."

***

Moonlight filtered through the flimsy curtains, into the room. I had been awake since I felt Jude leave. He'd been outside for a while, silent.

I scented Seamus the moment his first steps creaked upon the stairs.

Despite their soft words, I could hear Jude and Seamus speaking outside. It was about an hour later when he came back inside. He didn't look up as he entered the room. He simply closed the door behind him softly until it clicked in place.

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Maybe you should go back to the Pack House. I'll be fine here. There's more important things you need to do."

"You need me." He stood at the door, obscured in the shadows. He was always in the shadows. "You don't know when the next wave of heat will come, and I refuse for anyone else to service you."

"Jude." I pleaded, sitting up. "I'll be fine. I am fine. It's just a needing. When the next wave hits, I'll be okay." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, him or me but even to my own ears, I sounded full of shit.

For a minute, he didn't speak but I felt his wolf. He wasn't agreeing with him, but I didn't want to be a burden. Now that I wasn't drowning in the need for touch, I was fine despite the warm shocks still traveling along my skin. I could withstand another pulse. I could. I would.

"I'll be gone tomorrow morning." He finally relented.

I avoided his gaze, staring at my fingers tugging aimlessly along my sleeve. "Okay."

"Pathetic." He whispered.

I bit my lip, hiding the flinch in my expression.

My body jerked as Jude abruptly rounded the bed, furious. I'd never seen him so riled up in such a short span of time. He paused at the edge of the mattress, raking a hand through his thick hair, "You're not even going to fight for this thing between us, are you?"

"You don't understand." I backed away, feeling smaller under his puzzled scrutiny.

"Make me understand dammit." He growled, his eyes flashing with frustration.

How did we suddenly start arguing?

"Y-you're an Alpha!" I blurted, getting out of bed. I couldn't sit still under his glare. He moved towards me, but I brushed his touch away, "We're not from the same Packs."

"You'll move into this Pack if this reunion is successful."

"What if I refuse?"

"I'll make it work. You would just have to trust me." He sighed.

Double fuck. Who was this man? It was pointless trying to argue with him because he was being reasonable. I looked like the crazy one, blurting statements straight out of my ass like they were legitimately cons for why we couldn't be together. My issues ran deeper, and he'd have to kill me before I willingly opened my mouth to confess them all.

"If I wasn't your mate, if I wasn't chosen by the Moon Goddess to be your mate, would I matter this much to you? Answer me that Jude." I asked in a whisper. I was afraid he hadn't heard the first-time round, but the little twitch of his ear said otherwise.

As expected, Jude had no answer.

From my peripheral, he opened his mouth, but no words left. Not even a single sound.

"See?" I smiled, albeit weakly, "Just because the Moon Goddess put us together or whatever the crap she does, it doesn't mean we're meant to be. My mom was supposed to be Alpha Bennett's mate, but they didn't officiate it. My mom pined for someone else who was never going to be her mate and Alpha Bennett put her through hell for not accepting the bond. If you take the bond away from us, what are we left with? Nothing. You don't know me well enough Jude and I don't know you well enough."

"So, you don't want to get to know me?"

I opened my mouth to reply but snapped it shut when his question sank in. I couldn't give him an answer.

"Sounds more like an excuse to run from this thing between us." Jude said quietly. "I didn't think you would take the coward's way out Aella."

My vision blurred. "Call me whatever you want but it doesn't negate the fact that I don't believe in mating bonds."

"And you won't take the chance."

He couldn't know how much mating bonds scared me. He could call me a coward, but I wasn't going to be a foolish coward.

I wasn't going to allow the Moon Goddess to fuck me over.

"Have you ever liked someone or fallen in love with them Jude?"

His answer was direct, without hesitation. "No."

"When you first saw me, what was your first impression of me before the mating bond flared?"

He hesitated then.

Now why did my heart ache?

"You see? I don't believe in mating bonds but I do believe that you can find someone you can fall in love with, just not someone the Moon Goddess gives to you just because. Is it so bad to want to choose a mate for yourself rather than let some deity figure it out all for you?"

"I need to think. Allow me that Aella." He didn't look at me as he whispered this.

I turned away. I heard Jude leave the room. His wolf howled as he raced away in his changeling skin. He went further into the darkness. I wiped a trembling hand over my face and stared blankly at the ceiling. I didn't want to hurt him, but I wouldn't hurt me either.

But he had to know that he wasn't the problem.

I wanted to ask the Moon Goddess herself why she bothered with the whole soulmate thing since it didn't work sometimes. People thought it was guaranteed when mates were manifested. A sure thing. No one doubted, usually. Once you found your mate, that was it. I couldn't help but feel cheated from my own choice to choose the person I wanted to love. Ma never liked Alpha Bennett. They weren't a match. There were times where I'd catch him being decent but when it came to Ma, his gears switched and suddenly he was someone else. He turned a blind eye to the abundant scorns Ma received. No one could convince me that that was what mates did to each other. Plus, I knew Ma longed for the man who had a hand in creating me. It just sucked she didn't speak of him. I never dared to ask too many questions because her aura would suddenly take a nosedive and I'd be left seeing her fake her smiles throughout the day as she tried to forget a man I never knew.

With Jude gone, I didn't sleep. I couldn't.

When the sun came up, I distracted myself with tidying up the place.

I spent time cleaning the little cottage, wiping surfaces, dusting away cobwebs, bleaching sinks and gathering rubbish into massive garbage bags.

Night came fast, so I prepared one last dinner for Jude. It was lasagne, garlic bread and some green salad. The candle flickered, shedding light on the steaming food on the table. The clock ticked. I caught the time on the wall.

It was already past 9.

He had to be back soon.

I waited in the kitchen, my stomach protesting from hunger.

Today, the needing hadn't been too intense. It was a tolerable hum. It was a sign that the needing period was almost finished.

This perfect little bubble of peace we had was going to burst once the sun rose.

I waited for Jude to come back.

He didn't.