Nyx's pov

pain.

I can't really remember the first time I felt pain, it's like I was born with it, into it. I was accustomed to it. I knew pain, I knew what it felt like, sensed like, smelt like. Pain was with me, pain was me. I felt pain each time my father told me hurtful words, each time Alpha Titan had whipped and punished me and each time the pack members took their anger out on me. I felt it when ever Alpha Titan used me, I felt it whenever the unmated pack males used me and I felt it when Lycus voiced out that he will never want me.

I felt this thing called pain, emotionally, physically and mentally and it made me weak.

Rejection.

Would I say this was worse? I remember the first time I felt rejection unlike pain I remember this. I was six playing with fluffy just like Amara did these days and then just there in the lawn, my father walked up to me, drunk as hell telling me that I was a mistake, i killed my mother and he never wanted me. I was just six, the words stung, I understood them and I cried hard. Few days after that incident he gambled me off to the Alpha although young he was still cruel as hell. I grew up and found out he was my mate and that was when rejection happened again from my very first mate.

It was stupid of me to think he would love me after seeing we were mates. It was stupid of me thinking one would love me or ever want me.

A second chance mate was something I never expected but then it happened and I had hope which I shouldn't have. Having hope destroys you especially when you know the hope will amount to nothing. I found Lycus, I had hope, he burnt it out by rejecting me out rightly, well he never finished pronouncing the rejection. But Keeping me only so he wouldn't be weak and not wanting anything to do with me aside that was still rejection, right?

Fear.

This was something I felt all the time and I vividly remember the first time I felt fear. It was when I was handed over to Alpha Titan and that evil smirk on his lips had made me shiver and the phrase 'I will have so much fun with you' had twisted my insides and after that I felt fear everyday of my life, I grew accustomed to it, I felt fear when I was approached, when I was pushed in a room, when a male smiled at me and even when I was asleep, I felt fear not knowing what will happen next. I felt fear when I met Lycus, the way he acted towards me, I felt fear being in the cells and I felt fear anytime the cook or Beta approached me, I always felt fear.

love.

This was very foreign to me, I had never felt love and I don't think I will ever.

I think Hera likes me though, I wouldn't say love, I don't know how she stands being with a pathetic human like me. I wouldn't say love was how Andros cared for me back in the cells, I would call it like, he likes me.

I didn't know if to say that Amara loves me, she was my daughter. I don't know how she copes being with a mother everyone hates. But I know she cares, was it because she had no choice than to care? I know she cares cause of how she worries about me but I didn't know if to call it love.

And as I sat here while Helena gently brushed my hair humming a sweet tune. She did it with so much care as I would do for Amara. I wondered if she liked me, I wouldn't dare call it love. What she was doing was what you would do for someone you loved like I did for Amara.

But I didn't know if my mate's mother loved me but I will settle for the fact that she likes me.

"All set." She said sweetly standing up from the bed and I stood up too and walked to the mirror.

My hair was made up in a messy but cute bun, I wondered how she managed to do that with the messed up length. She only rubbed light powder on my face and drew glossy lip gloss on my lips. I still looked ugly seeing those scars that were always there to remind me that I will never be beautiful.

I smoothed my hands over the knee length flowery dress she had given me, my lower legs were left exposed and my injuries and scars were very visible, I didn't want to where this dress but I couldn't say no.

She was too kind.

I didn't want to go down for breakfast either and that fear crept over me again but I couldn't tell her no, like I said she was too kind. Lycus has instructed me not to leave the room and I had stayed here locked up only seeing Amara, Helena and sometimes the cook.

I was also managing the bad food brought to me daily, it was either that or nothing and actually, sometimes she brought nothing which made the thought of going down to a fresh breakfast very tempting.

"You are beautiful dear." She walked up to me placing her hands on my shoulders, "Do not think otherwise."

"He doesn't want me there." I mumbled, "No one does."

"Look Nyx." She turned me towards her and I met her gaze, "Lycus is just being stubborn, he will come around. There is a reason why he is like this but that isn't my story to tell but trust me when I say he will come around."

I didn't say anything, I only nodded trying to convince myself that he will come around too.

"Let's go dear." She said and was about to take my hand when I stopped her, "What is it?"

"How many people will be there?"

"It's a private dining hall." She smiled, "Just me, you, Lycus and other high rank members."

I gulped.

"Shall we?"

I nodded and followed her as she led me out the room, down the stairs and to the dining hall.

____________

I couldn't tear my gaze away from the ceilings as I gazed at the huge chandelier hanging from it, it was the most magnificent thing I had ever seen. The tiny bulbs shone like crystals illuminating the room.

I looked at the hall and took in it's appearance. It was huge and had a very long table in the middle with chairs which was far away from us as we stood at the entrance and on the left I saw two big oak doors which were closed and they were similar to the ones we just passed through.

I could see that some people were already seated and there was a chair at the head which I knew was reserved for Lycus as it was only fit for a king.

"Come on." Helena nudged me and we began approaching the table and all attention was turned to us.

"Your Highness." They stood up greeting her, I never knew she was addressed as such.

"You may sit." She smiled at them and they took their seats while still giving me weird looks.

She drew out a chair and sat on it and I located a chair which was really far away from them as i didn't feel comfortable sitting next to them with their piercing gazes.

"Come dear." She beckoned to me before I could sit, "Sit here." She said patting on a chair and I froze.

The chair was next to where Lycus would be seated on the side. I couldn't possibly sit there, it wouldn't be right.

She smiled at me reassuringly and I went to where she patted and sat on it.

"And who might you be?!" A woman at the table snarled at me and the power in her voice made me jump with a whimper.

"You shall address her with respect." Helena growled at her.

"But, she's an omega." The woman said and I hid my face knowing they all knew what I was, they could smell me.

"And I could easily have you demoted to that rank if I wanted!" She snapped at her and the woman kept shut and so did everyone at the table.

I wanted to leave, to run through those doors and never look back. I didn't belong here, they hated me.

"Hi…" Another voice said to me and I looked in the direction to see a girl of about my age smiling at me. She was seated at the opposite side of the table a bit far from me. She had red hair and pretty blue eyes.

She was pretty, everyone here had good looks apart from me.

"Hi." I managed to say.

"I am willow." She said, "The head warrior, you must be Nyx right? The Alpha's special guest."

Alpha's special guest? I was stunned.

"That's right dear." Helena smiled at her.

"Oh my." Willow chuckled outstretching her hand for me to take it. I hesitated a bit before doing so, "Nice to finally meet you Nyx."

"Yeah…" I trailed off awkwardly before withdrawing my hand.

The table went silent and soon servants came in laying the food on the table in covered dishes and after they did that, they began laying plates and cutlery in front of us.

I was sure it was when lycus came that we will begin to eat.

We all sat there in silence which was broken soon as the big doors on the left opened, when I had entered I wondered what the doors were for and now I knew why.

Out of them came my mate in all his majestic persona. His scent hit me and I tried not to sniff the air. Everyone at the table stood up including his mother and I.

It was a sign of respect.

I would have drowned myself in his charming looks and the grace in which he used to enter the hall if not for one thing.

The Beta was by his side with her arm looped around his, smiling up at him. They looked perfect with each other and my heart clutched tightly.

I should never have come down for breakfast.

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