I awoke to a blinding light. Fumbling blindly with my covers, I wrestled them off my body and shielded my eyes. The curtains had been open all night – and the sun was giving me a rather bitter welcome to the world again.

I dragged myself out of bed, showered and brushed my teeth. I typed a quick text to Kayla, but she didn't reply. No wonder. I dressed and hesitated before opening the door an inch. I stuck my head out and pricked my ear – silence. What did you expect? Shouting and screaming? The smash of glass and crying?

I ended up eating breakfast alone; it seemed the rest of the house was silent after yesterday evening's events. There was no sound from upstairs or any signs of movement outside despite it being midday.

"April." I froze. That one beautiful voice I'd been seeking.

I made no move to speak, but my eyes raked him from head to toe to see if he was hurt. He looked rough, but he was functioning and didn't look like he had broken any bones. He jerked his head in the direction of the door, an indication for me to follow. I dropped my spoon into my unfinished bowl of cereal and followed as though in a trance.

We reached further out into the clearing before he turned and stared at me. I smiled weakly.

He didn't smile in response.

I shifted awkwardly on the spot, avoiding eye contact as I fretted for something to say. "Where were you?" I tried to sound unconcerned but it failed when my eyes met him.

"I told you, I had things to sort out." He explained patiently.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I made a little noise of approval. "I'm sorry I left so soon. That – was a dick move." Aiden spoke very quietly, his eyes trained intently on me, never once leaving my face.

"Please don't leave me again."

He smiled sadly. "I won't." Then, his expression changed.

"Why did you make me promise you April? Why did you put me in that position?" He turned away from me.

"You act on impulse and I didn't want things to get worse."

"Well, how did you know I would keep that promise? What if I snapped and killed that... that bastard." He spat. "You knew I could have flipped and turned right then. But you still put your trust in me. Why?"

"Because you're not a god damn monster, Aiden. Stop acting like one. You have control over yourself. So I trusted you."

"Well maybe you shouldn't."

"But I do." I countered, my fists tightening by my side as I glared up at him in incredulity; he was resorting back to his old ways. I took a step closer to him.

"Noah tried to kill you and Nina. How is that justifiable by any right?"

"You... You killed his brother, right?"

Aiden stiffened. He nodded. "And I know that I wouldn't forgive anyone if they did what I did. Regardless of my side of it, regardless of whether my hand was forced. I accept that and I'll live with the fact that I murdered someone. But I'll never expect to be forgiven for it. That sin will weight on my shoulders until I die."

"He tried to kill you first. If you didn't act in self-defence, he would have snapped your neck and revenge would probably just be taken on Noah's pack instead. It's an endless, vicious cycle where anger and revenge always wins, don't you see that?" I insisted. "Noah acted out of grief; and he suffered for it every day those 6 months. He's learnt, he's accepted the fact that what he did was unforgivable. But he had the guts to admit it us – he had the guts to say it to our face and deal with the consequences." I held my breath. "Surely, he deserves some respect for that?"

"He should have taken his revenge out on me. Not you. You and Nina didn't deserve that! I killed his brother. He should have tried to kill me, the bastard. Not go for two innocent people."

"I know," I agreed, "but if you can move on from things you've done, why can't he? Why live the rest of your life hating someone who's succumbed to their own guilt? It's futile, and I'm sorry, but if I've accepted it, then I see no reason why you shouldn't."

He turned sharply to me. "He tried to kill my mate and very nearly did. If he killed you April –" he broke off, shaking his head in despair. "I – I don't know what I would do. I can't lose you – not now, not ever." He said firmly, his eyes turning to mine. My breath hitched in my throat as his hands reached up to cup my face despite the anger that seared his words red.

I had no idea how to reply to that.

I was speechless. And boy, was that the best feeling in the world. I felt the knot in my chest loosen as I stared down at my shoes. If I could blush, I'm guessing I would have probably been beet red then.

"Okay... Are you going to keep staring at your shoes or reply? Because I mean, that was a pretty sissy thing for me to admit back there." He trailed off, the familiar cynical tone creeping back into his voice.

I scowled. "Way to ruin a moment, Jerkface."

I was amazed that he'd shrugged the issue off so quickly. But I was damn glad too; if I had to persuade him any longer to leave the matter alone, we would probably be old and grey. I froze as he leaned forward and kissed me gently before he drew back, cupping my face gently.

"Well, I've made my mind up about the issue. I'll keep my promise – but I'm sorting this out my way now." I swallowed, dread filling my stomach again.

"What are you going to do?" I asked quietly, fearing what his answer would be. Fearing I wouldn't be able to sway him again.

"You can't just expect me to let him get away with that – I'm sorry, but all I can promise is I won't kill him, I owe that to you. But the rest... I'm sure me and the boys can handle it with his pack. I never target someone alone – I'd rather let them kill me first – a fight's fair one on one only." He explained tenuously. "You may have forgiven him, but I won't. If I lost you..." he trailed off and I interrupted.

"Well, you didn't. I'm here. I'm alive and well and very much real –" I poked him playfully to prove my point. "So stop thinking about what could have been because that's in the past. What matters now is that Nina and I are healthy and alive."

He scowled darkly at me. "April. I've already promised you that I won't hurt him. Much." He frowned at me then, his expression shifting. "I fail to see why you keep trying to protect him; he shifted into wolf form, ran in front of your car and caused you and your best friend off the bridge into freezing water. Both of you nearly died. If you died, what would become of your family, your friends?" Me, he added on silently. That addition was just another unspoken innuendo. "Sometimes, I just don't get you."

I sighed and rubbed the sides of my temple. How many times would I need to explain myself? True, I had every right to be angry... But I wasn't. And that puzzled me as much as it puzzled others and I, myself didn't know the answer to a question people were so adamant to know. Noah may not have killed me, but I was sure as hell suffering for it now – doctor's appointments, waiting in hospital rooms, opening rectangular brown envelope's whilst holding my breath, waiting for bad news.

If anything, living in fear is worse than not living at all.

Death didn't seem to faze me, despite me staring it in the eye. And that scared me.

But how could I explain myself? Justify how my thinking went? I didn't like to think people were evil; I liked to think things made them evil – and I hated the thought of continuing that hate myself. I'd done bad things and I'd hoped people would forgive me. They weren't as extreme as Noah's, but I didn't have the energy to hate him. I couldn't.

The only thing I felt panicked about was the fact that I would leave my friends, my family, my dreams – Aiden. I would disappear and eventually be forgotten about; where would I go? What would I feel if I wasn't alive any longer? The unknown scared me, but I faced it feeling numbness. I guess in that way me and Noah were similar. We cared about the people we loved and would do anything for them – even if it meant revenge. And I could understand him on that level. I could understand what he felt.

But Aiden doesn't get that.

Instead, I said: "There will always be a part of me that hates the fact that Noah could have taken me and Nina from the people we loved. But I can't hate him, because I understand him. We're too similar for me to spend the rest of my life living with that inside of me. I'm too tired to act upon mistakes people have made, Aiden. Whether or not you understand that is up to you – but I'm not explaining myself to anyone any longer."

He nodded as though he'd expected my answer. "Okay, but I'm acting on it my way now. I'm not as... understanding as you.We may be mates but we sure as hell have different ideas about pity and morality."

I sighed and gave in. I couldn't force people to see things the way I did. Now that was a dictatorship I recalled, remembering how Aiden had joked about it before the bombshell was dropped.

"So that's that? You keep your promise?" Aiden wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my trust in him – the trust I'd only just allowed myself to place in him. He wasn't heartless. I was convinced of that after he didn't kill Noah the first chance he got. No. He knew what he wanted and he was going to make sure he got it without breaking his promise.

He nodded firmly. "That's that."