Akira

Dahlia is no where to be seen. A month goes past. We exchange pleasantries but other than that, I can't seem to make her come out of that room. If I invite her out she's sick.

I try to get closer to her again, but she's distant. The gap between us seems insurmountable. I know I started this...but I didn't mean to be this way.

"Boss?"

I look around with a frown. "Uh...continue."

I can't pay attention. She was mine. She's mine. 8 days? That's all it took?

How dare she? Doesn't she know I love her? And haven't I given her everything she's asked of me and more?

I narrow my eyes, anger taking over me once more. If I thought I couldn't think with her there...my mind is scrambled. I can't seem to get a coherent thought together. I need things to go back to how they were.

Dahlia craved the stability I gave her. With one sign that could change she's locked herself away.

I open the door, shutting it behind me. "Dahlia?"

She looks up at me at the piano. "Yes?"

I smile. "Come back to bed, Dahlia."

She looks over me. "I'm not feeling good. I don't want to get you sick."

My control slips, I'm moving faster than I realize it, throwing her over my shoulder, despite her protest. Her fists bang against my back. I can't feel it. I carry her back to our bedroom where she belongs.

"Sit still or I'll demolish every other room in this house," I warn her.

She settles. I lay her on the bed, locking the door.

"What do you think you're doing, Akira?" She glared at me from the bed. What is she wearing? Where's her nightgown? I open the closet, pulling it out, throwing it on the bed.

"Put it on."

She frowns. She smells so good. Oh fuck. I inhale with a small smile.

I sit next to her, putting my neck to her shoulder. Dahlia looks away from me. I grab her face. Why can't she just forgive me already? I need her to forgive me already. I'm going to lose my mind.

Ha...

"Dahlia," she tried to look away.

"Dahlia...look at me...look at me ha..." I smile and swallow roughly. "I'm sorry. Okay. Let's go back to how we were. I won't do it okay. Huh? Yes?"

Dahlia is silent. Her eyes were full of love. All of this. For 8 days?

"Okay." She whispers. She reaches out, carefully taking her clothes off and putting her nightgown on. Yes...good. I'm so happy.

I smile laughing a bit. "Good. I'm so glad, Dahlia."

She looks different somehow. Her lips press against mine. They feel cold. I close my eyes tighter, pressing closer, pulling her underneath me.

She looks in my eyes. There's no smile. No warmth. None of that affection. She was full of it before, overwhelming. It made me delirious.

It's what I wanted. If it could just be a little less intense, that's what I wanted.

"It was just 8 days," I whisper helplessly.

Dahlia doesn't respond to that. Instead she puts a smile on her face, opening her legs. She doesn't even want me anymore does she? I can see it.

I feel sick. It's so different. She was so...vocal. She would grab at me, and hold me. She couldn't stay away from me. There's none of that now.

None of it. All of it gone, so quickly I could almost convince myself id imagined it. But I can't forget how good it felt. How warm it was. How we were.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay. I forgive you."

No she doesn't. Because I don't think she was ever angry at me. I think I just changed in her minds eye. I became someone unreliable. It was all it took. She believed in me, at first. I was safe for her.

And then...and now I'm not. All that love was tied to the fact she could depend on me.

I pull away from her. She kisses my shoulder. I sigh deeply. "How do I fix it, Dahlia."

"Nothing wrong," she whispers.

Yeah...that's what I was worried about. Nothing is wrong. She's just treating me how unreliable men are treated.

I look down at my hands. "I was wrong Dahlia. I felt I was losing myself. I was so engulfed in you. I just wanted to...but I'm still me. I'm still me, Dahlia I'm the same man I was before."

Dahlia is quiet. I guess she doesn't entrust her thoughts to me anymore. Maybe this is why she never mourns her husband. Hah...they were probably like this.

She didn't give him anything. She didn't trust him with anything so there was nothing to mourn.

Is that it? Is that where we are? Fucking...pleasantries and mindless sex? Can I even go back to that? After what we had?

She can.

I swallow. "I was worried I was losing myself, Dahlia. I didn't know what to do. And I didn't want to hurt you by telling you, because it didn't have anything to do with you. It was internal."

She just kisses my shoulder once more. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

"Okay?" I urge her.

"Okay."

I look back at her. She smiles softly. Did he believe it? This expression? I guess it's all he ever saw. If it's all you ever saw, I'm sure it's beautiful, this smile.

It's a dagger to my heart.

"I want to regain your trust, Dahlia," I murmur. "I want to become reliable to you again."

"You are reliable."

"I want you to love me again."

"I do love you."

I shut my mouth. There's nothing? Is there nothing I can do?

I swallow. Maybe not. There's no way to undo what's been done. I put in her mind the fact that me pulling away from her was a possibility. It had no outward influence or cause.

So to her, I suppose, at any time I may just choose to neglect her. That's a fact I've made real to her. There's nothing I can do or say to erase that experience.

I've been thinking just 8 days. But I don't speak to her, look at her, nothing for 8 days.

My shoulders drop. It's over. I lost.

I give in. "Let's...take a nap together." I offer.

She lays down. She's normally pull me back, snuggle under me, and over the course of the night, keep pulling me closer and closer until I'm on top of her.

I smile at the thought. I just want you close, she'd say. Now I pull her into my arms, and she remains as still as she can. Her hands don't even wrap around me.

There's no smile, no warmth, no giggling. There's just silence.

This is the new, how we are.