Dahlia

He's lounging next to me. His hand is bandaged and he's on the phone.

He's calm.

He's always calm, Akira, as if...there's nothing he doesn't know. As if nothing has surprised him.

He hands me his card and tells me to shop. It'll keep my mind off it. That we'll go out and explore when he's sure everything is safe.

Akira kisses my head. He hasn't left the room. Men flood in and out. They bow to me respectfully, before turning their attention back to him.

I think it's nice. The respect. They all seem...nice for criminals. Maybe because Akira's here. He seems to have a very low tolerance I think. Maybe that's why they respect him so much.

It's not the same for me. I test him, and I prod, and I push every boundary and he lets me. Takes it in stride. Like it's some musing, like it's a joke.

Maybe we both know it is. The day ticks by. I idly search through Amazon. I don't want to spend money for nothing.

We get a break for a moment. He kissed my cheek tenderly. His kisses feel like love.

I don't like that. But I...I also...

"Are you okay?" He takes my hand sitting next to me.

I nod. I'm still processing, I think. Everything that's happened. Akira is worried for me. He thinks I'm suicidal.

It's why he won't leave the room. He thinks I'm gonna off myself as soon as he does.

I'm not that kind of sad. I'm a...if a train was coming would I step it of the way? No.

But would I jump on the tracks? Also no.

I'm the passive kind of sad, that never goes away but does ease up. Flows to the back of your mind. Like a musical soundtrack. I can hear it, but it's faint. I'm in the scene now.

The scene now is Akira. I do like him. I have affection for him. Love, even. If that exists. Akira makes me want to hope it goes. I've spent these past weeks, living a dream.

No bills. No work. A man who adores me comes and holds me. We have sex if I ask, we cuddle if I don't.

And is there a nagging fear that he will grow tired of pretending to be human and unleash whatever matter of monster he must be?

Sure. But that comes with territory of men.

Of dating them, marrying them, being around them, being related to theme being in the same world as them, really.

A necessary evil. I want to think better of him. I do. I think better of him. I think whatever he is...is not so bad.

Even tolerable. It's the way of life. My mother taught it to me. Her mother taught to her.

Endure whatever man marries you and pray he dies first.

You may get some peace before you die. That was what my mother told me. What she said my grandmother told her.

Endure.

I don't endure Akira. I enjoy him. I like when he touches me. I like when he holds me. When he speaks to me.

My husband...ex-husband? Dead husband? He said he loved me. But I could tell, he was looking at himself in my eyes.

He wasn't...the worst. But I wouldn't say that he was what I wanted.

When he died I was sad. But I was also relieved. Because I could be alone. Never looking over my shoulder, never wondering whether a bad day would make him hurt me.

Peace. Akira kisses my cheek once more. He's frowning now, concerned for me.

I smile, and pat his cheek. "I'm fine. Really. Akira don't you have things to do?"

He looks over at me. "Nothing is more important than you."

I glance over at him, meeting his eye, before dropping down to our intertwined fingers. I press a kiss to his fingers.

"Don't let me hold you back. I'm really fine, Akira. Handle business." I nod to the door. "I'll be here when you get back."

He looks at the door dubiously. I smile and nod encouragingly. He frowns deeply, his dark hair falling into his eyes.

"It's urgent business isn't it?" I nudge him again.

He looks at the door. Back at me. "Of course."

He frowns before standing. Akira brushes a strong hand against my cheek in passing, opting the door.

Then he stops, his back tensing.

"I think...I'm becoming a worse person, Dahlia. I want to have you. All to myself. These thoughts...they're not like me."

I swallow roughly.

"I tend to do that."

He turns around. His hair is pulled back so I can see him. The disturbed look on his face.

"You didn't do this. You're not responsible for my character flaws, Dahlia. I love you, you know that don't you?"

Sometimes I think Akira is a better person than anyone I've met. Even knowing this. What he's leaving this room to do. It's another part of life.

Death. Crime.

"I know, Akira. I...love you too."

He raised his brows. And then he smiles. Such an innocent smile, grinning at me. My heart skips a bit.

"You've made me very happy," Akira grins, shutting the door behind me.