his skin as white as snow, but when he sees me, I swear he lights up like a Christmas tree.

Adam and Elizabeth slip away, so I step into the room and close the door behind me. It's quiet in here, nothing but the beep of Elliot's pulse on the monitor. It ascends with every step I take toward his bed.

His stare flits from my eyes to the doll in my hands. Before coming in, I ran to the gift shop and grabbed him something. Because that's what he'd do for me. I figured, after all this time, I could try returning some of the sweetness he's given me.

Elliot takes the stuffed animal and puts it on his lap, reminding me of a little boy, his childlike candor lighting up my whole heart. "It's a moose," he says.

"Yeah. Like... Elliot Moose."

"Really? I didn't quite catch that part."

I grumble. "Shut up. It's not funny."

He hugs the moose. It's baby blue, probably meant for a child, but I love it with him. I hope he keeps it forever.

"I think I'm still a bit high, to be honest," he says.

I glare. "That's not funny, either."

Elliot grins. "Wanna know how I survived?"

I nod.

"I bought these pills from my dealer, and he slipped some vitamin C in there. Doctor said if they'd all been real, I probably wouldn't have made it." He laughs. "On the plus side, I probably won't need to eat another orange for a while, which is good because I hate oranges."

I can't help but smile. "I know you do."

We fall quiet. I sit on the edge of the bed, close enough for his leg beneath the white sheet to brush my thigh. He stares up at me with tears welling in his blue eyes, making them look like puddles of rain. He's ghostly pale and I've never seen such black bags on his skin, but he's still so beautiful that it tears up my heart. I look away.

"Last night," he says. "I really scared you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

"I'm so sorry, Lucy. I'd never hurt you. You know that, right?"

"I know, El."

"I totally spazzed. I can't believe I threw something. If I'd hurt you, I can't even think about what I would've done."

"It couldn't be worse than what you did try to do."

He wipes away his tears, and I fidget with my fingers.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," I say. "I mean... I shouldn't have run away like that. You needed me and—"

"No, it was all me. I'd been plotting it for weeks. I knew I was screwed up and I didn't ask for help. It was bound to happen eventually. But... I feel different now." There's a warmth in his smile. "I feel okay, you know? And I'm ready to take the help I need so I can get better and focus on my hockey stuff."

"That makes me really happy, El."

"What about you? What'll you do?"

"Well..." I tuck my hair behind my ear and smile. "I'm actually turning eighteen tomorrow." With all the chaos going on, I didn't even realize it myself until now.

"No shit, really?" Elliot grins wide. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks. First things first, I have to stand on trial against Colt. But the cops say the case is strong—he's going to jail for sure. Aside from that, I have an inheritance coming in, and I'll be getting shares in my dad's company. I'm going to be well off, and I want to do something good with it."

"Like what?"

"I don't know... I mean, maybe this sounds stupid, but I could start a charity or something, you know? There are so many homeless kids in this city and I feel like we're not doing enough about it. We need more shelters, and I guess... I guess I just want to do something good with my money. I want to help people."

A bright, dopey smile stretches his face. "That's amazing, Lucy. You should totally do that."

"I will. I'll be broke for a little while longer, but I'm glad I made it to eighteen. There were times where I wasn't sure I would."

"Me too. I'm also glad to be here."

More silence seeps into the room, but it isn't tense. It's calming in here; the smell of incense comforts me. I can picture Elliot finding a balance in a place like this. I can picture him getting the help he needs. But it still hurts so much that I can't be here for him.

As much as I want this moment to last forever, sitting here stings, because this isn't a conversation; this is a goodbye. I have to say it, right? It's now or never.

I love you.

I love you.

But the words won't come out of my mouth; they're cemented to my throat.

He takes them from me.

"I love you, Lucy."

I meet his honest eyes, and I can't hold it down anymore. I let it all out and just cry. I cover my eyes with my hands and sob into them.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Elliot."

I love you too.

But it's too hard to say; it will only make it impossible to leave. I can't tell him, but maybe I don't need to. Maybe he already knows.

He grabs my hands, and I flinch at the familiar feeling of his warm skin on mine. "Hey, don't worry. You were really the best thing that ever happened to me too. I'll always love you, no matter what."

I stand. "I should go."

"Wait."

Dabbing my tears with the sleeve of my flannel, I try to calm my racing heart. "What is it?"

"I know that we're breaking up for good, but... can I at least get a hug or something?"

I laugh and rush up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he hugs me back, tighter than he ever has. We stand like that for what could be minutes or an eternity, but I have to go, so I pull away and press my lips to his forehead.

"See yah, Junior."

He smiles. "Later, Street Girl."

I run my hands along his shoulders, touching him one more time. I'll hold this memory of him forever; how his cheeks redden when he's nervous; how he smells like clean laundry and cinnamon spice. He's the only boy I've ever loved, and even if we're not together, he'll follow me. He'll motivate me to do better, to be better.

Because even though our relationship is over, our lives will go on. Because that's what eras do; they end. And that's okay. I'm ready to move on without him, and he's ready to move on without me.

I stop before the exit and give him one last smile. His grin is broken, but he waves to me anyway. With a nod, I open the door.

Once more, I leave him.

But this time, he lets me go.