"Alec..." I called his name, surprised to find him waiting on the couch dressed in his PJs. The coffee table is filled with food. But I'm more surprised at how messed up and broken he looked.

His eyes are red with unshed tears. Dark circles under his eyes that could only be from sleepless nights. His hair is all messed up.

"Mara. Come sit and eat with me." He said, forcing a fake smile up on his face and motioning his hand to the food in front of him. When I didn't move, he pats the space beside him as an invitation.

Still in shock with my brother's dishevelled appearance, I dropped my bag careless on the floor and absentmindedly sat beside him. My eyes never leaving his face and that fake smile on his lips. "Alec. What happened?" I asked him.

But my brother just flashes me another fake smile at me before turning his attention to the food in front of us. "I got chicken, pizza, ice cream, soft drinks and some other things I just bought from every store I passed on my way home earlier."

I just sat there listening to him ramble about our aunts and uncles and cousins back in Spain. I listened to him ramble about what he did there except.. He never really went into dull detail. He had food in his mouth. He smells like he's drunken bottles after bottles of an alcoholic drink. Even I know he's showered to at least look presentable in front of me.

"Alec. Look at me." I said, my hands going to his face. I could his stubble under my palms. My brother has not shaved today, it seems. And Alec always always shaves before he starts his day. "What happened?"

He smiles yet again. A sad smile graced his face and it was painful to watch. The only time I have ever seen him like this was when his wedding was cancelled. "I'm okay, baby girl." He said, patting my hand that is on his right cheek. "Eat up. We have an early day tomorrow. It's Mom's anniversary."

I didn't ask again. I could see the silent plea in his eyes. Pleading with me to let the subject drop for now. "Okay." I said, kissing his cheek before handing him a slice of pizza from the box. "Let's pig out."

We spent the rest of the evening eating the food Alec has prepared on the coffee table. We sat in complete silence with the random television show as our background noise. At some point, we had to call Emil and his companions so we can all finish the food.

a plain black shirt on. Tied my hair up in a ponytail and wore my black converse before leaving my room to meet Alec downstairs.

The skies are dark. Heavy with unshed rain. Fitting for the day I am having at the moment.

My heart feels heavy. Every year, we do this and every year I could not help but think of the number of things that I never got to experience with my mom. I don't know anything about her. I don't even know her on a level that everyone else got to. The things I know about her are the things that Alec or Dustyn or Dad told me about. I only know her face from the pictures. Her name from her headstone and nothing more.

I could say I miss her but I don't even know what it was like when she was still alive. I could say I love her, but I guess I am programmed to feel that even though I never actually met her.

I wonder what she thought was going to be my future when she gave birth to me. I wonder if she had any idea what I would become. If I was going to be someone she would be proud of. Or if she thought I would make the right decisions in life.

Sometimes I wonder if she would be proud of whom I am today. I wonder if things went differently if she's still alive. I wonder if we would have a close relationship like she seemed to have with Alec.

I wonder what she's like. I wonder if she really likes sweets like I do. Or if she does enjoy photography like I do now. I wonder if her hair is the same colour as mine in person. I wonder if she cares what I do when I am not home.

I wonder if she loves me. I wonder.

I could only wonder what it would've been like if she's present in my life now.

"Hey."

Alec's voice made me jumped. I looked back at him with wide eyes. Dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans.

"Hey." I said my voice low.

He smiles gently at me. No fake or sad smiles. Just genuine smile from my brother. "How're you feeling today?"

I don't know how, but Alec always knows. He knows whatever I feel, whenever I feel it. He just knows.

I smiled at him. He looks better than he did last night. "All good."

He tilts his head and smiles gently at me. "You know I can tell when you're lying right?" He asked, his hand ruffling the top of my head.

"Alec!" I said, slapping his hand away and brushing the ponytail back to its original place. "Stop doing that."

He slings his arm on my shoulder. "If you stop sulking. We're going to go see Mom. She'll hate to see you frowning."

"I wouldn't know." I whispered, looking down at my feet. The sad and horrible truth about losing my Mom before I even knew how to walk was the fact that I never knew her.

"Hey." Alec said, tapping my shoulder softly. "She loves you. Trust me on this."

"Okay. I just wished I met her, you know? I feel like I could have learned so much from her. Life might have been better for the both of us." I said, still mauling over the reality that Mom had to die too early in my life. Too early for me to remember or to feel like there's a hole in our family.

"Baby girl, she spent every possible minute she can when she was alive with us. Even if you can't remember it, I can. And I will be here to remind you how much she loves her little bundle of joy." He said looking sincerely at me.

"I'm sorry Al." I said, sighing at how I'm acting. Alec is feeling much worse. I think between the two of us, Alec feels the loss so much more than I do. He grew up with mom beside him. He grew up with her around and to suddenly wake up without her there. That must have been traumatizing to a kid.

"What? For what?" Alec asked, looking at me as if I have lost my mind.

"For always depending on you for everything. I feel like I've taken so much of your life from you. You have become my anchor and I feel like I continue to lean on you."

"Where is this crazy talk coming from?" Alec asked, pure concern written all over his face. "Mara, you can lean on me any time. I would always and always be here for you. None of that crazy talk okay? I love you and I will always be here for you. Brother or not."

We honestly looked crazy. Standing on top of the staircase, talking and being all dramatic. But there's just something about my relationship with Alec that went south ever since our argument that day when Rory was here. It was something I have always wanted to fix. I feel like this is the only time we ever really talked since then.

My relationship with Alec is of utmost importance to me. My brother might act like I don't know any better in life, but I know every decision he makes is for my own good. He's been through so much with me. He's been the only person to ever stay with me through my breakdowns and trauma. I would not be here without him.

He loves me. I know that. He just shows it differently than most brothers do. He's over protective and literally a mother hen ninety percent of the time. But I love him.

"We look stupid." I said, laughing at what we are doing. Being dramatic at the top of the stairs. Any of us could slip with one misstep.

"Come on. I asked Mrs. Aldour to prepare a picnic basket so we can eat breakfast with Mom." Alec said with a smile of his own and gently tugged me behind him as we descend from the second floor.

I was surprised to see the living room completely empty, except for Mrs. Aldour. Not even Emil is in sight. I'm not used to having the place look so big and empty. Usually, guards flocked the area. Sometimes, Nica and Emil would be dressed and waiting for me in here with serious looks on their faces.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, still in awe of the empty space

Smiling Alec stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Gave them a day off. Dustyn told me, well he yelled. Yelled at me to let you have a day without the bodyguards." He said, rolling his eyes at the fact that Dy yelled at him on my behalf.

I laughed at that. Dy yelling at Alec must've been something new to the both of them. It was usually Alec yelling at Dy whenever he let me do something that I shouldn't be doing. "I wished I was there."

Alec playfully glared at me. "Never going to happen, baby girl. Come on. Mom's waiting."

I snatched the basket of food from the counter and gave small smile thanking Mrs. Aldour for preparing them. I ran up to Alec who is already waiting for the elevator. He gives me another smile over his shoulder and grabs the basket from my hands.

"How has the wedding planning been?" Alec suddenly asked, taking a side glance at me.

I winced at the thought of it. The fact that I have to scare Stella away from Dy. And I made Clarrisse possibly loose an assistant is not a pleasant memory. "Fine."

Alec probably heard the uncertainty in my voice because the next thing he did was turn his body and properly examine my facial expressions. "Okay. Tell me what actually happened."

"W-what? I said its fine." I said, wincing as I stutter across the lie I'm trying to say to Alec.

He mocks me by saying the same thing I said and exaggerating his stuttering. "Yeah. Because you always stutter when you're fine."

"I might've scared away Clarrisse's assistant." I said, feeling ashamed of what I've done. Although Stella has made it pretty clear that her intention for working at this project is to try and seduce the shit out of Dy, it was still ruthless of me to rid her of her job. If I even did that. "But Stella is a real work. I-"

"Did you just say Stella? As in the woman Dy was on and off with in college?" Alec asked, his eyes wide with surprise. I don't even have the time to be shocked. Of course Alec knows her. Why wouldn't he? He's Dy's best friend. "What is that woman doing and working with Clarrisse?"

"Well, Clarrisse said that she's her assigned assistant for the wedding planning." I said, looking confused at the sudden burst of anger from Alec. Yet again, I have no clue as to why.

They both just like to keep secrets from me and keep most of the things that actually concerns me, hidden from me. I like to pretend that they're being honest with me. But I sometimes wonder if honesty includes generally not telling me anything. Because it definitely does not qualify them as liars.

"Huh. I didn't actually think she'll be working for someone who should be working for her." He said as the elevator doors open, leading the way to the garage.

"Wait, so Clarrisse works for her?" I asked, confused at how that works when Stella was acting such a lost puppy whenever Clarrisse asks her to do something. I don't peg Stella as a woman who follows others. She seems more of a leader than a follower with that attitude of hers.

Alec grunts as he puts the basket on the backseat. "Yeah. Their family owns the company Clarrisse is working for." Alec replied as he opens the passenger door for me and closes it after I've gotten inside the car. "Did they not tell?" He asked as soon as he got in the driver's seat.

I shook my head remembering the day we first found out that she would be working under Clarrisse. Even Dy was surprised by the sudden appearance of his ex-girlfriend or whatever she was to him. Even more surprised than I was. I guess, no one would really like for their current girlfriend -- fiancée, in my case -- to meet their ex. That's just calling for a disaster.

"I guess if she's training. But no worries." Alec says, smiling at me. "I'm sure she's too scared to show her face to you after what you did."

I shake my head at my brother. Amused at his acting skill. He was doing so well until he said that. He clearly knows what I did to Stella. Of course he does. Emil probably told him as part of hi 'daily report'. "You're good." I said, chuckling at him.

I can see the smile on his face as we enter the busy streets of New York. He doesn't say anything for a while but I continue to watch as he tries hard not to look so guilty about being caught.

My eyes, however, caught sight of a pair of black stilettoes in his backseat floor, just hiding underneath the seats. Not just that, but a little detail that tells me exactly who owns that pair of shoes.

"I sure do hope Rory doesn't miss her stilettoes sitting on your backseat floor." I said with sarcasm and let my eyes close. We won't be at the cemetery for at least an hour.