I couldn't look at him in the eyes. I feel the familiar shame crawl up my body, making me curl up on the corner of the room. It doesn't help that its completely dark out and the only light we both rely on was the one coming from the living room. I hugged my knees closer, tighter. Shielding myself from the bad memories that seemed to haunt me every time it rains.

I hate the rain. I hate that it reminds me of being stuck in that forsaken place. I hate that whenever I hear the thunder roar, I shiver in fear. I hate that every drop of the rain reminds me of the long days and weeks I had to endure. I hate that the smell it emits after it rains makes me want to vomit as it reminds me of the smell of the room when he.. when he did that.

"Shortcake." I hear him call me. Dy's voice isn't moving away from me. It was closer than I imagined. He didn't run when I woke up shouting from my nightmares. He didn't leave. He's still here.

"Baby girl. Calm down." Alec. My poor brother who had to endure sleepless nights and long talks just to help me get better. He would drive from his university and back home whenever it was too much for me. Whenever I thought of finally ending the suffering that seemed to plague me day and night. He endured everything so I can somehow be normal again.

He endured sleepless nights for the first month I was finally home from the hospital. It was bad back then. His voice. His touches. It plagues my mind like a disease. It felt like I was reliving it. I could even hear the sound of his boots, heavy and loud. I could see him staring down at me with a satisfied smile as he watched me shake in fear of him. His huge body towering over my cowering one. The laugh he makes whenever he lands a strike at me. It was terrible.

Beautiful. He called me that every time he would come in the room. Every time he would say it, it felt like he was mocking me. Every time he referred to me in with that word, my skin crawls. Disgusted to the bone. I hate that word. I hate it when I think back to what it was like being called as such.

I don't remember when or how Alec found me. But I remember being in so much pain from the recent beating the man gave me. I remember squirming in pain, wondering if it would finally end. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, I gave up on thinking anyone would save after the third time he beat the crap out of me.

That was when I heard his voice. Frantic and loud, so close to where I was. I can hear him clearly followed by the thunderous steps that seemed to surround me. Then hands touched my face, removing the dirty hair off of my face, I saw Alec's face clearly. I felt like I could finally breathe at that moment. I was grateful that I could see him, even if it was the last time. Even if it was my imagination. I was relieved.

But it wasn't.

It was real and I was still alive.

The reality of what happened hit me hard when I woke up in the hospital bed with Alec sitting on his chair. I remember the way his eyes widen. The way a smile lit up his whole face as he saw my eyes opened. Despite being alive, I couldn't move from my positions due to the casts I have on my arm and leg. I could barely see anything through my hazy eyesight. But Alec, he saved me and he continued to save me long after that incident.

Alec did everything for me.

I don't know why I said what I said. I never thought I blamed Alec for anything. Not Alec. Alec saved me. He does everything in his power to give me the security that I needed long after that traumatic incident. He even went to therapy sessions with me.

I never blamed him for anything. At least I don't think I do.

I crawl to closer to them. Dy is offering his hand to me, with Alec beside me. Slowly, I take that hand. Suddenly, tiredness came over me. My eyes felt heavy and my body felt sore. I succumb to the darkness and comfort it offers of finally closing my eyes from my nightmare.

When I next opened my eyes, Dustyn was placing a glass of water on the bedside table. There are dark circles under his eyes. His hair is disheveled and his clothes are wrinkled. He looked like he had a rough night.

Guilt runs through me as last night's events run through my mind.

The rain. It was raining last night when I woke up but in a daze of a nightmare. In my head, I was brought back to the basement of that house. No windows. No source of light. No one around but myself and that man.

I can't remember much of what was said last night, but I remember seeing the guilt stiffened face of Alec as he looked away from me. I know, deep inside, he has always blamed himself for what happened.

"A--lec.." I called his name, my voice broken from the dryness of my throat. Right. I screamed my head off last night. My hand cups my throat, before forcing myself to call for my older brother once again. "Al..."

I looked up to Dustyn to call him for help. I find his eyes already on me. Kind eyes with a relieved smile. He grabs the glass of water he just placed on the bedside table and hands it to me. He helps me drink some water carefully, without spilling a drop.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, his voice full of concern as his eyes scan my face for any form of discomfort. He lifts his hand and as if on reflex, I flinch away from him.

My eyes widened in horror as my action sets down on me. "Dy.. I.." I said, still not looking at him but completely at a loss for words. It's been years since I flinched away from someone, specially a male. I thought I had it controlled until now.

"Hey. It's okay, shortcake." His voice is still kind. Not an ounce of hate or regret for comforting me. I hope he stays despite my issues. "Should I go get Alec?"

I nod my head. My shame prohibiting me on once again meeting those kind eyes filled with love and comfort. I hear him leave the room and close the door behind him. Voices are heard from outside the door, before the door opened again. This time, I wasn't hesitant to meet the eyes of the one who entered the room.

Dark gray eyes met my lighter ones. Tears sprung to my eyes as I watch his eyes widen in relief. I lift my arms up in a hug to Alec. He doesn't waste a second, as he runs to engulf me in the warmness of his arms. A sense of security instantly flows through my body.

"Hush now, baby girl." He said, stroking my hair in comfort as I cry in his arms. "You're okay."

"I'm s-sorry. I- I didn't mean any of it!" I cried hysterically. Willing myself to force out the words my brother needed to hear.

I was thankful that he found me that day. I was more than relieved when I heard his voice. It was frantic and loud, but full of hope. A far cry from his usually calm and collected self. As he burst inside the room, I saw the final string of hope that I clung to, finally attached itself to him. He found me, after weeks of hoping and praying that someone would, he finally did.

I never, not once, blamed Alec for anything. Far from it. I was - still am - more than grateful that he found me when he did. I still wonder every day what would've happened if he didn't. If the next cycle of beatings would be my last or if I would live till the end and finally be saved.

"Mmm." He hums. "I know baby girl. You don't have to worry about that, okay?"

How can I be so lucky to have him as a brother?

Yes. Alec is over protective and sometimes, he comes off as obsessive with his talking skills. He doesn't always tell me everything but he makes sure I am safe. He could be an idiot sometimes but Alec would never really abandon me. He makes decisions I don't agree with but every decision is for my benefit.

Alec still does everything for me until now. No matter how much older I have become, I can't deny that I've always relied on Alec whenever things got too hard. He's my shoulder to cry on but I have never seen him cry.

I pull back from him, hastily wiping away my tears to get a better view of his face. "I never blamed you." I cried out.

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Don't you?"

My eyes widen at his question. "What?"

I called him out on not being there. Last night, I remember the haze and the words I uttered as they pursue to get me out of my state and into reality. I said things without thinking. When that man took me, all I could think about is whether or not Alec and Dustyn would come to rescue me like they always do. But as days passed by, the man slowly started to hit me. It started with a slap. Then the hair pulling. Then the kicking began, he would kick me on every part of my body, not caring whether I would die. Then, he resorted to punching the living daylights at of it.

At that point, I wished for Alec to come sooner. For anyone to come save me. I wasn't keeping the cries down whenever he hits me, I was shouting at the top of my lungs. Both in pain and in hope. Hope that someone would hear my cries and call for help. But no one did.

A sad smile blossomed on his face. "It's okay if you do, Mara. You begged me not to go, remember? You said you weren't ready for me to leave you but I.." He sighed and looked away from me. "I thought you were going to be fine. With Dad looking after you."

I did, didn't I? I tried to stop him from leaving because I was scared I would be nothing without Alec and Dustyn both watching behind me. I was so used from their helping hands that it suddenly felt like everything was being taken away from me.

I was a selfish kid. I know that. But Alec has always been the parental figure that I constantly had growing up. It was strange to do things without him. Like a leg being cut off of me.

He shook his head as if he still couldn't believe the decisions he has made in the past. "I should've stayed beside you, baby girl. But I didn't and now look at what happened?"

"Al, it was not your fault. You saved me." I said through my tears. I'm crying because Alec can't. Because he wouldn't let out all of these emotions bottled up inside of him. Because this is the first time I'm hearing my brother get so emotional and truthful with his feelings. The first time.

"Mara, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took so long before I could save you from that hell. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you erase those memories." He said. His eyes became glassy but with one deep breathe, his tears are gone again. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I promised, this time I would protect you for sure."

I smiled at my tough brother. "Thank you Alec. For everything you have done and still doing for me. I love you."

I don't know what caused it. My gratitude or my love for him. But for the first time in my life, I saw tears slid down my brother's eyes.