4

"Hey, slow down," my cousin, Zion Petrakis, said as I swallowed another glass of whiskey in barely a minute. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"I'm so upset. My pride is crushed on the ground like shit."

I saw Gretchen and her husband a while ago in a charity event. She knew I would be there. She wore a very seductive dress and kept on battering her eyelashes on me. The little self control I had almost snapped when she deliberately pushed her breasts against my arm when she reached for a glass of wine on the table. She was tempting me and I was so vulnerable to her charms.

"Don't be stupid."

"That girl is a bitch. She's treating me like her boy toy." I stood up and I staggered. Fuck! I sat down again on the bar stool and ordered another glass of whiskey.

"No. Give him a beer," Zion instructed the bartender.

I was so bothered that I thought I'd go crazy. I needed someone to talk to and Zion was the only one I knew who I could trust. Since I reconnected with my relatives, the Petrakis, months ago, I've been hanging out with them often, particularly with Zion and my other cousin, Carter Monteiro.

"It's your fault. You allow yourself to be treated as one."

"How can I help it? I love her," I said in agony.

"That's bullshit. I don't think you even know what love is, Alessandro."

I frowned, giving him an odd expression. "Of course I know. Love is like A-B-C. So easy."

"Really? Okay, tell me. How do you define love?"

"Come on, Zion. I'm not a kid who doesn't know what love is. And stop acting like an English Literature professor. Love is how you feel every time you see her. Like you do with Claire."

"Like what exactly?"

"Like ah... you want to tear her clothes off and fuck her hard until she screams your name?"

I saw the disappointment in Zion's face. Then he put down his drink and stood up. "I'm out of here. You're useless."

"Hey! Don't leave me, man. Did I say something wrong?"

"Your definition of love is all wrong. What you feel is not love. It's lust!" He faced me squarely, clasping his arms together on his chest.

"You mean, I don't love Gretchen?"

"I don't know, figure it out yourself."

"How?"

"Love is not easy as F-U-C-K." Zion pursed his lips. "Love is when you can't stop thinking of her. You want to be with her always and do things together, going to the grocery store, watching movies, washing the dishes, sleeping together—not just making love. You want to be the reason why she smiles often. You're happy whenever she's happy and sad when she is."

"Huh?"

"You still don't get me, right?" He tapped my shoulder so hard that I flinched. "Love is that stupid thing your heart does when it won't listen to your brain yelling at it to shut up."

"Huh?" I asked again. What the hell is he talking about?

He shook his head, raising his hands as a gesture of giving up on me. "You're an idiot when it comes to love. Just stick to banking and finance."

"You have some sauce on your lips." I reached out to wipe the smudge of lobster sauce at the corner of Jason's lips.

"No, no, I'll do it." He evaded my hand and wiped his mouth with the table napkin.

He must be really hungry, he ordered too many dishes. Lobsters, caviar, sushi, Kobe beef, pule cheese, a golden opulence sundae and champagne, they're the most expensive dishes. At the back of my mind, I was thinking, how much would this cost me tonight?

But I should not think about the expenses. Money is just money. It can be earned. What is important is us. The fact that Jason ordered champagne meant that we're celebrating tonight.

I was very carefully eating the golden opulence sundae. What if he hid the engagement ring in it? I don't want to swallow it. But Jason was eating it too fast. I hardly even tasted that gold thingy in that one-thousand-dollar sundae and it was gone in seconds.

"I'm so full. Thank you. That is so delicious." Jason leaned back on his chair, rubbing his tummy. Awwee... he looked so adorable, like a young boy. His eyes were a bit sleepy already. I was glad I brought him in this restaurant. I was happy whenever he's happy.

"You're welcome. Anything for you, my lovey-dovey." I reached for his hand, but he moved it away, holding the bottle of champagne.

"Do you want another glass of this?"

"Um... sure! I love to." Yes! I realized he's going to make a toast for our life together – our future marriage and kids.

"Let's make a toast," Jason said, raising his glass.

See? I was right.

"For you, Lisa, who is so amazing. You're beautiful, kind, caring and loving. Any man would be so lucky to have you as a partner in life someday."

Awwwee.... My heart melted. I was really touched by his words. I felt so flattered that I blushed. "Thank you Jason. That's the most beautiful words I've ever heard. I feel so appreciated."

"You're welcome, Lisa. Let's drink for the future. May we continue our friendship forever."

Friendship? What does he mean by that? But they said that in order for a marriage couple to stay together forever, they should also treat each other as best friends. Maybe, that's what Jason meant?

"Cheers." I clicked my glass on his and we started laughing, talking about the funny moments we had before. Later, I asked him. "What is it that you want to say, Jason? You said you have an important thing to tell me."

His smile faded. He put down his glass on the table, running his fingers around the gold rim. "I don't know how to say this to you... you might get upset."

"Me?" I shrugged my shoulders. "You know me, I don't get upset easily. Tell me. I won't."

"Promise?"

"Okay... promise." I looked heavenward then smiled at him.

"I'm breaking up with you, Lisa."

"WHAT!? Why?" I was confused. I felt like I was in a horrible nightmare. All of my body went cold.

"I need to focus on my career."

"What are you talking about? I'm not holding you back from your career. You can do whatever you want. I don't understand..."

"That's the point. You don't understand me... and I don't understand myself either. I don't know what I want, and as long as I feel this way, its not fair to you. We need a break, Lisa. We're better off as friends."

I was speechless. The pain was too much to bear that my whole body felt numb. My heart was bleeding miserably.

"Are you okay? You're still paying the food, right?" Jason asked.

Tonight, I lost a boyfriend and five thousand dollars in my savings.