《How to God 101》Prologue: How does one get a planet?
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I stared at the giant clock as its arms ticked away, ever so slowly. The passing second hand, moved ever slower, the minute hand seeming like a never moving line.
I moved my eyes away from the minute hand and stared at the hour hand, which stood still for what seemed like hours. My eyes ached, my head throbbed. Slowly I caressed my forehead attempting to alleviate the pain.
Turning my head away from the clock I stared around at the small, dim, white room I sat in, which aside from the chairs for the people in the room to sit and the two doors, one to the entrance and other to the office we'd have our interview in, was void of all but a small fish tank.
Accompanied by a few dozen people, we all waited our turn.
Everyone wore an assortment of clothes, signifying where I they came from, but I couldn't care about, I just wanted time to hurry up.
'Hurry Up for the love of the Universe' was the only thought that crossed my mind. Accompanied with boredom and anger, it was a very unpleasant sensation.
But this unpleasant mood of mine, was disturbed by something even more unpleasant.
'Bob', the annoying asshat who had not shut up since I had sat down in this dull room and waited for my turn. Everyone in the waiting room looked at him and his hyper-active and positive manner in annoyance.
His annoyingly handsome face, his tall stature, his beautiful blonde man, those stunning green eyes, that perfect body, all packaged together with his annoying positivity.
We've been here too long for this guy to make us feel any better.
And the worst part about it all was, that Bob had been here the longest and was waiting his turn.
I was right after Bob, but for crying out loud, how do you stay positive for so long? And why on Satan's Ass is it taking so long?
How long does it take to designate a sector to somebody? Seriously?! I bet if I had this job I'd have already cleared out the waiting room.
As I wondering how much longer it was going to take, I ignored Bob and checked how many people were in line now and I was saddened by the site.
In this tiny room sat 30 grown adults, all waiting their turn, with a gloomy attitude, aside from Bob of course who stood out like a very thick rainbow in a thunderstorm.
Bob: “So you see that's what happened!” he cried out in laughter very loudly as he slapped his knee, jerking me back to attention “Incredible story, no?” he asked the room as he wiped his tears away.
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Every simply sighed and continued to ignore Bob, no one had the energy to listen to him, but Bob would have none of that.
Bob: “Oh come on guys, why you all gotta have a 'loooong' face” he cried out as he mimed his actions “Get it guys? 'looong'?” he would once again mime his actions and then laugh as everyone tried their best to ignore him “Oh come on guys, I was making a 'hoarse' joke” and he once again burst into laughter.
I began to get annoyed, as I was sitting right next to him. His annoying laughter coupled with his terrible jokes were starting to get under my skin.
If you want to make me laugh, at least use a decent joke you know.
Bob: “Fine, fine, I guess you guys 'hoof' had enough of my jokes, right?” and he once again started laughing. I wanted him to stop, but before I could say anything, another pun came out of his lips. “You guys should laugh a little, I know you all 'herd' me”and at this point I had enough but Bob put his finger to my lips “Just take the fun in Markas, just take it in. You know you want to laugh” and as I snapped in anger, the door opened and Bob entered as his turn had started.
I started fuming in my mind.
Not only did he crack a good half dozen terrible horse jokes he also left me in such an angry state. I swear I'll get back at you for this Bob. I swear it on Cosmos.
Nonetheless, I sat still and stared at the white wall for what seemed like years, an occasional thought crossing my mind.
How old was I now? I wonder.
Well compared to other people out there, I shouldn't be quite old. I mean Bob was quite old, and I'm not even sure how he kept his positivity in this job line. No one managed to. Or maybe he was even more stressed than us all and his positivity was a way to vent the stress. Oh well, who knows.
I turned to stair at the clock and the minute hand had not even passed 2 minutes, I groaned in silence. How much time do you need Bob?! Hurry up for Cosmos sake.
I decided to stare at the clock, focusing on the second hands movements, those oh so very slow movements.
I stared at it for so long my eyes began to hurt.
A good four minutes had passed. Incredible was way to describe the patience I had for staring that long, nonetheless, I was slowly losing my sanity.
The silence coupled with my boredom was death worthy. Bob, I miss you and your terrible puns, please come back.
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But he couldn't come back. He was in that room, taking forever and making us all wait.
Sighing I turned toward the fish tank and studied the exotic fish.
It wasn't really exotic, but a goldfish wasn't exactly common around these parts.
Nonetheless I stared at the goldfish, and I stared even further.
I stared at it for so very long.
And the door opened. It was finally my time. I could finally get out of this maddening tiny prison!
So I quickly got up and entered it, coming into a small orderly office.
There he stood.
Master Mrg'luthu, the lord of madness and darkness, whose current job was fitting for him.
He stood their with his magnificent visage, his terrifying frog-human facial features mixed with an octopus was awe inspiring.
I knelt in front of him and waited for him to call me to my seat.
And I knelt there for what seemed like another eternity, but finally his voice ringed through the air.
His deep, dark and powerful voice.
Mrg'luthu: “Rise young one, come and take your seat. We shall begin now” and with that I quickly got up and planted myself into one of the hard metal chairs in front of his desk. He looked at me for a moment with his pitch black eyes before he took out a piece of paper and stared at it “File for;
Name: Markas,
Gender: Male
Race: Newling
Home: None,
Family: None,
Lineage: None,
Pantheon: None,
Age: 92,
Powers: [Lesser Control],
No. of times Power has been used: [1],
And the power was used on a young 'Human' male from the 'Sol' System” and with that he put the paper down and stared at me “Is all this information correct?” I nodded nervously as I stared at him.
He sighed and then put the paper down and picked up another one.
Mrg'luthu: “Hmmm, let us see now, you've been in line for 12 years now and you have applied for a 'God License' and a 'God Apprenticeship', but” he paused and looked at me with pity in his deep, dark beady eyes “there are no planets that can be given to one as young as you, and neither is there any god available to train you either, so you can come back in a few thousand years, alright?” and with that he acted as if the interview was over.
Markas: “Wait, what? That’s it? Nothing? I waited for so long! Please” I begged in a what I admit is a somewhat pathetic manner, but I did not wait this long to be rejected for such a petty reason.
Mrg'luthu: “Alright, calm down young one” he sighed as if he had expected this and pulled out another piece of paper before glancing at me “I've told this to every other young one to come here and all of them have declined as it is very hard to do this” and as he got my hopes up, he dashed them just as fast. Expertly done good sir is the only thought that crossed my mind.
Mrg'luthu: “I can give you a dead planet in some far off system and a 'guide on how to become a god', but that is all, you'll have to figure everything else on your own” I immediately thought 'that was bullshit. There are dozens of gods that could train me, but they all want some experienced god to train, not some brat like me.' He then continued to talk “But just so yo know, if you choose this option and you forfeit at any point, you'll be forbidden from ever applying for a license again” he then put the paper away and acted as if I had already agreed to not do it.
Markas: “I accept” I told him plainly to which he nodded.
Mrg'luthu: “I understand that it was had for you to wait so long for rejection bu-.... wait, did you just say you accept?” he looked at me with what I assume was a surprised look on his face “You do understand that no one will guide you and you will have to give life to a dead planet?! That will take Cosmos knows how long!” he exclaimed in shock “Are you sure about this? There is no going back” he told me plainly in a hard voice as he recollected himself.
I nodded, I will not wait thousands of years when I can just spend that long creating my own planet.
Staring at me for a few moments he sighed and brought out several papers.
Mrg'luthu: “Sign here, and here, and here” he then flipped the page once I had signed where he pointed “And here, here and here” he then proceeded to flip the page once I was done again “Here and finally here” he then took the papers and looked them over and nodded.
He brought his hand into the air and 2 pieces of paper materialised in mid air which he grabbed and stared at before sliding them over towards me.
I stared at the first one, which made me smile in joy when I looked at it.
[God License: Markas
Planet Count: 1
Planet: (DESIGNATE NAME)
System Count: 1
System: (DESIGNATE NAME)]
In joy I then looked at the second piece of paper which I just now realised was a brochure, nonetheless I stared at it and read the name.
[HOW TO GOD 101].
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