《In Sign Language, I Hear You》Sign Eighteen
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The palace that people know as a place where chaos, unfortunate and 'calamity' resides has become the peaceful palace that no one never ever thought of, even once, in their life. People start to realize that several months ago, there was no disaster that happened in this extravagant palace. There was no chaotic fight between siblings, there was no dramatic and dreadful 'stress-release' tradition, or horrifying 'pheromone'. There was nothing but peace. Especially in the Dragon Palace where all the state's matters are being done in this place. The main palace, that is the headquarter governor of the Empire of Malum.
There are several things that are changing here. One that is so obvious is how the atmosphere here that once so heavy and stuffy for one to work, becomes so much comforting than before. The tense that always built up in each person, starting to lose gradually. It becomes a kind of conducive workplace that never people here ever imagined about.
The other obvious one is how it becomes so much quiet than before. There were no sounds of people begging and screaming, there was no blood flooded, there was no uncomfortable nausea where people once felt daily. It is now so silent and calming, and it is not because they are not talking, but, it's just that the way they are having a conversation with each other now has changed somehow.
[ Please sign here and here,] said the woman with her well-known sign language. Who is now having a conversation with the well-known wicked prince who is sitting at his desk in his office while signing the document without hesitation.
Even people who work closely with him as his attendant, knights, or even the lady-in-waiting are still not yet familiar with the new daily life in this place. Even though the crown prince never acted as wild as the other imperial children, he was still as wicked as them. In fact, he is more wicker than his younger siblings. The threats that he always showed, it was somehow either silent but deadly or loud with the brute. He might be the most rational leader but the dragon's blood is surely flows inside him. He listens to something that is valuable for him but will just slice someone's throat if he hears nonsense. That is how people that work closely with him, defined him. It is also the reason why everyone who works close to him, will have to pass the hellish training before they get the position. The kind of training that is not only focus on the crown prince's matter such as his safety or his responsibility but also their own safety because the crown prince whom they work with is wicked, and that's matters.
So to see him being this peaceful, they still not yet get used to it.
" This project is ongoing right?" asked him, with his deep voice that is gravelly calm. " Are you supervising this project?" ask him while looking at the woman while using the sign language.
and, Irisha, nodded. [ Yes, Your Grace.] with a confident demeanor and efficiency at work that makes her looks so charismatic in people's eyes. [ I will give you the report per week,]
and the crown prince nodded right away. " Okay," he said. As he then looks at her who is tidying up the document on his table. He takes his time for a while enjoying the scenery of where the brunette hair falls down, and the hand of hers will try to brush it to behind the ear. The scene that somehow makes him questioning, is this woman even realize of what he is doing right now. " Arisha told me something,"
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[ What is it?] asked her after looking at his hand.
" She said that she is befriended with a young man near your neighborhood," he said.
and Irisha takes time for a while before nodding, [ Yes. He is a pastry maker.] and she smiles, [ and Yes, Arisha quite fond of him. She always comes all the way to his bakery to play with him.]
and the crown prince stares at her quite a while- as he is now thinking about something while a lifeless smile that maybe only people who are now getting curious about them know about. "... Really? his name is?"
[ He is, Mr.Larry.] she said while she gives him a sign to wait as she needs to talk with his assistant for a while. They both talk for a while as the man helps her to find documents as they are also having a conversation. Then as a pattern that somehow he realizes, Irisha will always give her lovable smile to anyone. Who then, make the people she talks with, will give her their best smile too.
" What is she searching for?" asked him, to the man who is stiffened as the crown prince now standing and walking toward them. He is not using sign language, as Irisha also is not looking to their way.
" ... It is about the daily report, Your Grace," he said, and the smile of him who was once bright slowly paled as the man now show a very merciless stare. Just like a wild animal who threatens someone who touches his territory. It is surely a real matter to face someone like him in this way, but after several years of works as his close attendant, this much is no problem at all. Especially when he knows, that even the stare is deadly, it will change eventually.
[... why are you standing here?] asked her, as she frowned.
and the crown prince smiled as before and acts like nothing happened, " When Arisha comes from her school?"
and she tilts her head, [ Three hours from now... maybe, is there something wrong?] asked her with her black eyes that are straightly looking at him.
" No, I will come to her when she comes."
[ Why?] she confused.
" I want to play with her."
and she becomes grumpy, [ You are not trying to steal my sister from me, right?]
and he always loves it whenever he looks at it, " Why not? she might love me more than you." and he always enjoys it whenever he teases her. Her gaze is staring at him while sulking. She then chooses to walk away without telling him like before. He then laughs pleasantly and does not care about his surrounding who looks at him. He then just walks behind her who is not looking at him anymore. For awhile he enjoys the walking in the hallway while looking at the back of hers. When people greet her with their bright smile and she will greet them too with her lovely one, sometimes make him thinking why should she did that as it will be better if she does it only while she is with him.
Then, he stopped, as he looks at her who turns back with her sulked and grumpy face.
[...please go first,] she said.
and he looks at her for a while with his smiles widening, " Where are you going?"
[ Working.]
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" What is this working about?"
[ Something.]
and he giggles, as he approaches her and stands closer to her. " Don't be mad."
[ I am not.] she said, as she then turns away to someone who pokes her and wants to talk with her after they greeted him.
She is always surrounded by people. She will then just be immersed in the conversation with them. Her calmness, her knowledge, and her confidence somehow then charm whoever is looking at her. He could not deny it, as he is might be the one who already sees her intelligence other than everyone else. Her stubbornness, her way of solving the problem, or how strong she stands out in a place where people will greatly underestimate her.
He brushes her hair that bothers her again who is now talking and busy. Tuck in it behind her ear from her behind. She just glances at him for a while before continuing the talk with people who seems surprised but trying to be ignorant. He does not even care about them and just ties her hair before he leaves her to continue his own work.
Their habit has somehow become a daily ordinary habit that should be normal, but, people just could not think as it is. To see the wicked crown prince who was once unapproachable with his terrorizing glare, and agonizing pheromone could be so playful, silly, and sweet to a deaf and mute commoner.
Even the noble lady, Lady Cordelia, who is now standing quite far while looking at her, is surprised and shocked. While holding her husband's hand quite strongly without her realization. Her eyes could not turn away from something that makes her eyes slowly sparkle.
"... do you want me to greet her first?" asked him. The first commander of the elite Holy Knight who just got home several weeks ago.
and she shakes her head without looking at him who is now looking at her dearly, quite excited to see her wife who is always emotionless could be so expectant of something. " I will," she said as she slowly loosens her hands and walkaway. Approaches the woman who is having a serious and intense conversation about something that even she could not understand. The way people listen and look at her is so astonishing. In this kind of world that is filled with hierarchy and patriarchy, looking at this woman standing in the middle of men makes Lady Cordelia looks at her in awe.
"... then I will proceed this, Ms.Irisha." he said.
and she nodded, as they then excused themselves. The moment when Lady Cordelia who patiently waits for her- wants to approach her, she sees Irisha turn away to Lady Cordelia.
She smiles while walking to her. [ Is there something I could do for you?] and she is using the hand language that she finds difficult to understand even she already hired someone to teach her for a while.
While shocked, somehow panicked, she tried to show her the hand language that she try to memorize. " Please to meet you, Ms. Irisha. I am Cordelia Farguso, I want to-" as she panicked of forgetting the word she had learned, and it is showing obviously in her face. Yet, she stopped as Irisha lends her a note and pen for her to write down while patiently waiting for her with a very gentle smile. Then Lady Cordelia smiles, as she slowly writes. [ Please to meet you, Ms.Irisha... I am Cordelia Farguso. I am so sorry for this sudden visit, as I am really want to meet you in person. I've sent many letters for quite a while, requesting a meeting with you but... there is no answer- so I selfishly decided to come to you without prior notice. Please forgive me for my rudeness.] and maybe due to the nervousness that she never felt for a long time, she ended up writing a long sentence in one go. She feels so embarrassed after she realized but the woman in front of her, looks so calm as it is not a problem from the start.
Then she looks at her again, while giving Lady Cordelia her note. [ I have some times to talk, but is it okay if my interpreter joins us? ... if you find it uncomfortable we could do it manually like this.]
she thinks while after she read her note, but agreed while nodding. Then, Irisha brings the Farguso's couple to her office and sits down on the comfortable sofa while some maid prepares the tea for them and the other women sit down beside Irisha.
Lady Cordelia could see the different atmosphere in this place in some way, there is something different from what she remembered about the palace. She could not describe it well but she could say that everyone here enjoys their work, and the unique part is how women in this place look so confident enough to stand equally like the men workers. And it is not to the point that it leads them to unhealthy rivalry. They just respect each other whether they are men or women.
[ Thank you. I am so sorry for bothering you.] Irisha said to the maid.
and the maid, smiling brightly. " Please call me again if you need something." and she looks at them. " Please enjoy, and I will excuse myself," she said and Lady Cordelia wondered of when the last time, a maid smiles brightly like she is happy in her whole life? In her memory, either they hide and fake their emotion or choose not to look at her.
"... Please to meet you, Sir and Lady Farguso. My name is Tara, I am Ms.Irisha's personal interpreter. Please just talk comfortably and I will interpret your talk to Ms.Irisha." she said. " But, please... if you find my presence uncomforting you, Please do say so."
and she nodded while looking at Irisha who looks at her, "... I am actually learning about sign language too, but, seems I am not that good enough to do it well. Please forgive me." she said.
and she smiles after Tara talks to her, [ I am already grateful enough to know that they are more people who want to learn the sign language. For people like me, it is really helpful and makes me happy to be able to have a conversation with other people.] she said. Then she looks at her, who seems to have a hard time talking to her. [... Have we ever met before, Lady Cordelia?]
then she looks at her and nodded. " Yes, quite a long time ago. In front of the front gate of the palace, where on that day many people gathered in the first district," she said, as she slowly smile vainly. " I was passed by on my carriage, then looked at you and other woman having a quarrel with a man. They both were fighting about why the woman hired someone like you who he thought as a useless person... because you are deaf and mute," she said, who makes Tara or even her husband uncomfortable to see how she is so blunt while talking about this matter, but Irisha just waiting for her patiently, " I was helped you out from the situation, brought you to my carriage and said to the woman that she should not do that in the first place. Even though I understand her action but, I believed people will just think in the opposite way. The woman seemed angry and asked me to pull up and that was the first and last time we once talked." she said and she's being silent for a while before then speaks again, " ... I was thought that what the woman did to you, defending you in front of people was useless... I thought, she was so stupid to do something like that. As I also thought that, people like you will never be able to live a life as a normal human could do." and Tara somehow reacts by what she said but... looks at Irisha who told her to continue. Then she laughs with a kind of laugh where the tears can immediately fall upon her cheeks. The desperate expression on her beautiful face that she hides, in the emotionless mask of her. She is trembling while trying to hold her own hand, " How could I not think that way when I'm the one who's been told that over and over again? Even on the joyful day when my son was born, they looked at him as he was a misfortune."
" I am so sorry, he is losing his hearing."
" I am so sorry about your baby, Lady Cordelia."
" You should treat your health better in the next pregnancy."
" It is truly a disaster for Farguso family."
and she could not erase all of them even though she know she should. She could not speak up about her pain as she also knows the truth. She knows that the reality she faces justifies her son's disability, and day by day was a hellish moment whenever she saw her son growing without ever once he turned his head to her whenever she called him desperately.
' Please look at me!' as she screams out loud in her heart but her baby never turned his face to her.
' Please turn this way!' but she will just find herself being disappointed again and again.
.... the remorse she feels so unbearable makes her could not even face her son anymore.
" And I feel so sinful whenever I thought of that," she said. " ... I am the one who bring him to this world, but I gave him the life where people will just hurt him more. I give him the life where I bury him by his disability, hide him inside the mansion so no one will know about him." then she frowned, looking at her in a painful expression a mother could feel about her children. "... and I feel so sinful to embrace the dirty feeling about him inside me..."
and the room is so silent after Tara told Irisha about it. Even though the hands are trembling and the eyes are teary, she looks at Irisha straightly without shedding a tear. She holds her emotion so hard and tries to be strong as much as she could. As she might think that, a parent should be a shield for the children so there is no space for them to be weakling. It is what Irisha thought when she looks at her, and yes it is the assumption, but, Lady Cordelia in fact is like her parents back in her previous life.
She thought that once there was no affection in her childhood. She could not remember a single affection that her parents ever gave to her. They were all just gave her high expectations that she should get and they will be disappointed if she could not do that. They never gave her praises for what she had achieved, and just demanded her more and more.
The day when her mother and father divorced, she thought that her mother threw her away to his father. She thought that her mother never once loved her in the first place, and cursed her.
" So why do you give birth to me then? I never asked to be your daughter, it is better if I do not exist with a mother like you!" It was her first explosion. The pain inside her that filled her heart then spilled in front of her mother. Yet, her mother did not do anything nor was angry at her. She just slowly turned her away with an expression that she had never seen before. A lifeless expression that was so miserable in the free-willed and stubborn mother like hers. But, not at that time, she cared about it. Her hatred was too much, she did not even care to know the reason why her mother did that to her.
Same to her father, who then just died lonely without her only daughter beside him. When she died, she did not know her mother's existence anymore.
She knew that her mother was doing the marriage to her father because of a contract and never she love him in the first place. She knew that she was forced to do it and rebelled because of that. She knew she might be holding the suffering inside her by herself because she had her,
" You are still a child, how come she leaves you alone." said someone she could not remember, " Now, you are an adult just let her free, she suffered enough while living here." but when she heard that, her furious was building up as she could not accept it. How could she accept life when she is being treated this way? she is being left out by her own mother and forced to live a life with high expectations. Then they said that her mother suffered enough while she was the one who suffers. She could not understand and did not want to understand it at all. She then just lived her life full of hatred toward her parents.
' but in the end, they are only humans.' and she just realized it after she died and transmigrated in this unknown fantasy world. She becomes deaf and mute without her parents with her. Then she could not stop to think and realized,
' you know the world is harsh so you want me to be as strong as I could be.'
' It's not because I am not your priority, but you just want to provide me a good life.'
And they did. Either it was the wrong choice or not, in the end, they just did what they thought was best for her. And she just realized something she never thought about. She never thought of how she was never starving before, she never experienced lacking of education, she never had to beg in order to live. There was no place for people to disgrace her. Despite what happened in her past, she did live a smooth life that is better in some way than what life she faces right now without her parents.
' They are only human.'
in the end, they were only humans who also try to survive in this harsh world, and until now she feels so sinful with the regrets of why she never tried to understand each other while they could. In the end, she, herself who led them to the bad ending filled with regrets, and wishing for something like,
' If I do this, and not that...'
.... and wondering of something that will never happen in the first place.
[ Thank you.] she said while writing it down to Lady Cordelia. [ Thank you for telling me all of this, you are really a good mother for your son.] and she really did, this is not a mere courtesy. Irisha does think how she is a good mother who realized she is only a human and asks someone to help her in this situation for her children's sake.
As she is the one who knows it better than anyone, how hard it is to tell the pain inside our hearts and seek people for help. It is hard, but this mother did it while trembling and holding her tears as she believes she has to do it for her son. To be strong and stand as a shield even though her heart painfully hurt. In the end, she is just a human who then cries all of her pain out loud in front of her husband who never thought her pain will be this great or even in fronts of strangers like Irisha and Tara. The noble lady who is always depicted and moulded themselves as an elegant woman, does not even care about it at all... because in the end, she is only human.
In the very end, they are all only human.
***
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