The ever-looming threat of responsibilities isn’t something I can claim to have a monopoly on. For everyone, there’s always something. Something that needs done, or sometimes, something that needs not done. Something that you have to force your attention on, even if you’d rather ignore it. Actually, I’d say that I was one of few people that never looked at my responsibilities, my obligations, as something hanging over me. Something driving me forward.

They were natural. From the moment I was self-aware I had instructions to follow. I didn’t question them, and I didn’t despise them. I simply followed them.

For someone like myself, that was perfect. I never had to waste a moment to think. I just had to act. To follow orders. I was able to function at maximum efficiency.

The unfortunate thing is that such an easy arrangement can’t last forever. The longer you live, the more you interact the world, the more responsibilities you’ll find driving you in competing directions.

As a weapon, I was loyal to the institution that created me, as well as the person who they gave me to. Following their orders was to be my only responsibility.

But as a human being, shouldn’t I be loyal to my humanity? On a genetic level, isn’t my primary responsibility the survival of my species?

And as a resident of the Free Cities, isn’t it normal for me to be loyal to my homeland? Isn’t it natural to share some responsibility in making sure it prospers?

Perhaps most importantly, as a friend, isn’t it a requirement to be loyal to those who put their trust in you?

How was I supposed to interpret such a vague sense of responsibility? Orders are simple. Eliminate this target. Keep this person safe. I can invest all of my energy into accomplishing such direct goals.

But friends, they don't give orders. Oftentimes they don’t even give requests. Even if I suss out what they want, how hard should I try? How much should I sacrifice my own well-being for a friend?

How much should I sacrifice a friend for my own well-being?

Do I even understand what a friend is, or am I just playing a childish game?

In a world with so many competing ideas is there truly a correct path?

Simply put, I don’t know what to do.

I might never know.

Something like me was never meant to be in this position. I was never meant to have such pointless thoughts.

I was meant to replicate the combat success they had with Father without the problematic personality he developed. I was given an emotional range to help during combat, but not the depth to understand it.

Follow orders. Protect the mistress. That should have been it.

Yet, like I said, even a doll can’t live without accumulating responsibilities. I found myself making friends, even if I didn’t understand what that meant.

I found myself forced with making a choice. One where I knew the correct answer, but it wasn’t the right one. Such is the eventuality of placing responsibilities above human nature.

Even after making my decision there was no confirmation as to whether I chose right or wrong, just a new list of responsibilities I’d acquired.