《Regulating Miracles》(3-5) Final Protest
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Location: Stairwell, Heading to the Second Basement or the -2nd Floor (This issue has yet to be resolved)
Time: 10:15 AM, January 4th 2108
“Ah, this is ridiculous. Why do I have to walk down five flights of stairs?” Alec had been complaining since we left the office. Actually, he’d been complaining since the day I met him.
“Because Karen didn’t want all of us using the elevator. It always scans its occupants, and Kalder would certainly get suspicious if he noticed all of us heading down to the combat rooms.” I gave an answer that purposely avoided the question he was really asking.
“I know she thinks that’s how it works, but why do I have to take the stairs? I’m the one who has to fight this pointless thing.”
“Well it makes sense for Karen to be taking the new girl around. So it’s the three of them in the elevator.”
“Three?” For some reason it felt odd that Alec questioned why I said three.
Hmm? Why did I say three?
“Ah, my bad. Two. The two of them in the elevator and the two of us taking the stairs.”
“Leading me to my next point. Why are you coming with me?”
“Because this seems like fun, obviously. Don’t tell me you're actually worried about fighting some foreigner.”
“I’m worried. Totally worried.” It didn’t sound like he was being sarcastic.
“Huh? Seriously?”
“I mean, am I supposed to win or lose?”
“What? That’s what you’re worried about? Win. Win you idiot.”
“But if I win she’ll just want to challenge me again later. Honestly, this whole thing seems too much like a gym class for me to enjoy it.” He wasn’t trying to hide the despair in his voice.
“What’s wrong with gym classes?” Everyone loved gym class.
“For someone like you, I’m sure they were great. But I was the one who saw other kids form groups of three, so I had to practice Frisbee with the teacher.”
“Ah, well, sorry about that.” I couldn’t remember one way or the other, but going off the fact that we were in school together, I was probably in one of those groups of three.
“Nah, it’s fine. That treatment helped me get used to how the world worked.”
No, Alec, I don’t think that’s how the world is supposed to work.
“Besides, eventually I realized I could just throw the Frisbees into the woods behind the field and spend the rest of the class ‘looking’ for them. It was a good tactic, I did the same thing during golf lessons. I feel a bit bad about that one though. I usually couldn’t find the things I sent into the woods. I probably cost the school a fortune.”
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“Golf balls aren’t that expensive, I’m sure it was fine.” Out of everything, he picked a strange thing to worry about.
“Golf balls? They wouldn’t let me get out of class to look for golf balls. I was throwing the clubs.”
“Feel bad about it. Honestly, that seems like more work than actual golf. I think you’ve just got motivational problems.” Somehow I ended up playing the straight man in this comedy routine.
“No, definitely not. Even today, I’m plenty motivated. Motivated to lose, so I’ll be left alone.”
“Wouldn’t it be better if you were motivated by more positive things?”
“Who was the one to decide adding a positive was better than taking away a negative? If anything, adding a positive is usually more vague and useless. It might increase your happiness a little bit, but you’ve still got loads of problems to deal with.”
I wasn’t going to admit it to him, but I found myself understanding Alec’s point. In actuality, I think I’m probably worse than him. Rather than adding a positive or removing a negative, I’d be happy with maintaining the status quo.
“That’s hardly a justification to lose on purpose.”
“And what exactly is there to be gained from winning? Pride? Respect? Ha. I gave up on having either of those a long time ago.” Alec paused his descent to take an oddly defiant pose.
“Then maybe just to look cool? You might end up impressing some of the women around here.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a joke or not, but I’ll never ask out any of the women here.”
I can understand not going after anyone in the ARA, but the MID has tons of female employees. Surely some must have interested him.
“And why is that?”
“Think about it. We’d have to see each other every day at work. It would be unbearably awkward after she rejected me.”
He’d already decided he’d get turned down?
“True. Once again I’m amazed by your level of foresight.”
“No, that’s not even the end of it. Even though she never noticed me before, after the rejection she’ll always notice me. And she’ll be extra considerate and nice to me. That will make me misunderstand her pity as the two of us growing closer, so I’ll end up asking her out again. Then she’ll turn me down a second time, only this time she’ll be slightly disgusted with me for having to do this a second time. After that she’ll tell her friends. And soon everyone in the school, I mean ministry, will know me as the creepy kid who keeps asking so-and-so out.”
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“Ah, Three Strike Alex. I forgot about that nickname. The best part was that even after the nickname faded out everyone still thought your name was Alex.”
“Yeah. Even though it was the wrong name I like to consider that short stretch of time as my popular phase.” Alec said something alarmingly depressing while exiting the stairwell.
“It’s about time you got here. What took you guys so long?” Karen was yelling at us from the doorway of the combat room.
“We had to take the stairs, Chief. Of course it took us longer.” It didn’t look like Alec felt like responding, so I gave an answer in his place.
“What kind of nonsense is that? The stairs let you go as fast as you want. I was the one stuck in a slow moving metal box.”
“Then how fast were you assuming we’d go down the steps?”
“Since you were five floors up, around 1.76 seconds sounds reasonable.”
Was she expecting us to jump? And what’s up with that uncharacteristically exact calculation?
“Don’t you think that’s a bit unrealistic?”
“Hey, if you’ve got a problem with that take it up with Galileo, not with me.”
“Can we hurry this up? I’d rather not waste the entire day on the warm up.” Kanon was impatiently waiting for the fight to start. If she classifies this level of conversation as a waste of time she’s in for a rough go of things working in the ARA.
“I guess Cannon’s right. Let’s go!”
Alec moved passed me and sidled up to Karen.
“Deputy Chief, can you pretend I came up with a clever lie to get out of this?”
“Shut up. Just get over there and fight. And I’m ordering you to win. Don’t lose on purpose.” Apparently Alec was predictable enough for Karen to see through his master plan. “If you do, I’m sending Nora on a two-week vacation, and you’ll be doing all of her work while she’s gone.”
“Two weeks? What about one week?” He was considering it?
“Don’t give me a counter offer. Just get over there.”
“Mmh. Fine. Further resistance will only waste more of my energy reserves.” Alec started dragging his feet into the designated combat zone.
If anyone out there is thinking Alec’s ennui is similar to my desire to avoid all work, you’re making a big misunderstanding. Even though it seems like a pain, I would have gladly accepted a duel with the new girl. Sustaining an injury could get me sent home for the day, maybe even the rest of the week.
Alec and Kanon took their stances on opposite sides. Kanon was doing some last minute stretches while Alec stood there with his hands in his pockets. He really needed to work on his posture.
“I must say, the Free Cities seem to be as impressive as I’ve heard. In Japan, all of our augmented combat areas are riddled with equipment to keep the combatants and audience safe, but here it’s all hidden away.”
Kanon had a rather large misunderstanding. Augmented combat zones existed in the Free Cities, but they were probably similar to the ones she’d seen in Japan. The combat zone Karen had brought her to was nothing more than a white circle painted on the ground. It was just a martial arts training area.
“Inari Okami, mother of Kuzunoha, ancestor of my ancestors, I humbly ask for your blessing.” As she finished her stretches Kanon recited a mantra. They’re not particularly common practice in the Free Cities, but apparently foreigners still like to use them in order to help establish a link to the information dimension.
Karen took a position between our two contestants.
“I forgot to ask earlier, but have either of you been treated with Demon’s Blood lately?”
“Nope.”
“I haven’t received any either.”
“Good. Then we don’t have to worry about holding back. This is a one on one duel. Physical contact is allowed. Weapons are allowed. Using your augmentation is allowed. Leaving the designated combat zone is not allowed. There is no set time limit. A winner will be determined when either party admits defeat, or the room’s medical sensors decide one of you is unable to continue. Do both parties understand the rules?”
“I understand the rules.”
“I don’t understand the rules. Let’s postpone this indefinitely.”
“As Deputy Chief Karen Kaldsen of the Augmented Regulation Agency of the Ministry of Investigation and Defense, I authorize this duel. You may begin.”
“But do we have to?”
Alec’s final protest was ignored while Kanon readied her first attack.
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