“So is this a deal or no deal?” Electra asked, as the belts wrapped around May’s waist, pulling her closer to the living book.

“I don’t even know what the deal is,” May blubbered loudly. “Mummy said, ‘if you don’t know the deal, you’ll have to deal with it later.’”

Electra snapped her fingers and the tendril like belts loosened around May’s waist. “Well,” the businesswoman said, wiping her hands together before clomping over towards May in heels. “It’s only the greatest agreement ever: fame, fortune, constant recognition where ever you go, people dressing up as your character for some reason and a name in the book of all-time greatest authors…everything including the kitchen sink”—Electra adjusted her glasses over her faceless face—“But I don’t know why you’d want a kitchen sink with all these other luxuries.”

May gasped. “That does sound good…but…mummy told me that nothing is for free, especially when a contract is involved.”

“Well, you’ll have to write more novels,” Electra said casually. “One every quarter. Oh and one other thing…”

“It will only cost you”—Electra leaned in close, no air escaping her mouthless face—“Your face.”

“Muh-muh-face?” May shuddered.

“You will give up your face,” Electra said, pulling her smooth head away and pacing back to the enormous novel. “But you will gain everything else.”

May’s eyes shifted to the faceless Mena on the floor who shook her head frantically. She looked back at Electra who crossed her arms and tapped her heels impatiently. “So will you do it?”

May raised her finger and opened her mouth, but before she could open her mouth, the faceless Mena screamed, “DON’T DO IT. THAT MEANS YOU WILL ‘LOSE FACE’ OF WHO YOU ONCE WERE.”

But before May could do anything, the tendrils of the novel extended, grabbing Dreama and pulling her into the book. As if the book cover was jaws, it chomped her up and spit out a witch’s hat.

Electra chuckled and uncrossed her arms as it fluttered to the floor.

“No,” May said, her mouth wobbling. “Electra, I can’t believe you. Why did I idolize you so much?”

Suddenly, Electra spoke with Penwell’s voice. “That’s the book industry for you, May. It chews people up and spits them out.”

May grasped her non-existent pearls and muttered to herself. “Penwell. This is all an illusion. I have to break it somehow…”

“Well,” Electra said in her regular husky voice. “Are you going to sign now?”

As her face leered at May with its faceless veneer, May puffed out her cheeks and said, “Yes. I will. But only after I give my seminar. That’s the deal.”

May began to march out onto the auditorium stage, but Electra called after her, “It’s a deal. But to make sure that you don’t run anywhere. I’m sending your own work to watch after you.”

Electra smiled, tossing her lightning yellow ponytail, and casting an electric green fingernail onto May’s book, zapping it with magical energy. Suddenly, it sprouted long legs and began to stomp towards May. May shivered and tried to ignore the fact that her life’s work suddenly had a life of its own and walked out onto stage. She shoved her hands into her pockets nonchalantly, feeling the autograph quill she had in her pocket. She had no idea what she would tell her admiring followers, but as they cheered, she felt compelled to give them a good show. The Faceless Gemini walked onto stage and greeted everyone. They all cheered in their pearl necklaces, thick rimmed glasses and dowdy clothing.

“Welcome all you Florises and Dorises’” Gemini cackled. “To our very first annual Venient-Con, hosted by our authoress of honor, Maylene Cumberson.”

There was another flurry of cheers and May bashfully hid behind the Gemini. “You know,” Gemini said, surveying the crowd. “Going by the fashion sense in the room, it’s hard to believe this is the auditorium. It looks more like our library…”

The room was dead silent, but there was a loud hiss, and someone chucked their copy of “Lamps Shades of Green” at Gemini’s head.

“Owch,” he squawked. “Tough crowd, I’ll show myself oooooouuuuttttt…”

The enormous “Lamp Shades of Green” book extended its tendrils, snatched Gemini, tossed him up in the air with a roar and swallowed him whole. May could only watch in abject horror as it snacked on him too with a loud gulp.

“Sure is dark, cold and wet down here,” Gemini remarked as his voice echoed from the esophagus of the book. “I must be in a dimestore romance novel. Oh, hi, Dreama.”

“Hi professor,” Dreama responded back.

Nobody seemed to care that he was gone, in fact, they cheered. May’s teeth chattered as the book eyed her. The Svetlana on the cover gazing ominously at her with a smirk on her face, and the cartoon heart throbbed on her chest. She knew if she didn’t perform well that she would be next.

“So, uh,” May said, “Lovely weather we’re having. Warm temperature, moderate winds…”

May farted loudly. The only thing worse than making big decisions, was giving speeches in front of hundreds of people. It provoked serious gas. “Uhmmm…”

“Tell us how you got to be successful,” one of the Svetlana’s cried out. “We wish to soak up your knowledge and infinite wisdom and how you write such perfect prose.”

May was dead silent. Her stomach rumbled loudly, and she patted it; it gave her an idea. May boldly stepped in front of the army of Svetlanas.

“When I was a small girl,” May said, trying to look above her audience than at it. “My mummy told me two Mummy Metaphors when it came to writing. The first one is, the best story comes from the gut.”

The crowd was stunned into silence. May was sure they weren’t expecting a gastrointestinal metaphor. Her deep voice rose in confidence. “When I wrote Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green, it came from my tummy. Not my actual one, but my metaphorical one. Everything I wanted in it, came from my instincts and my gut.”

May paced back and forth, trying to choose her words carefully.

“I indeed wanted to be a powerful convenient store owner with a wonderful house husband. And I wanted him to iron the pants I wore in the relationship.”

May straightened her round glasses and gave a confident smile, “That’s where the last name of Irone, came from.”

There were some gasps of awe as May grinned. Things were beginning to click, for them, and for her.

“So you see,” May said, strutting back to the center of the stage. “My greatest novel was also my greatest dream.”

Everyone cheered loudly, but they quickly quieted down as May continued. “But that comes to the other Mummy Metaphor: Better out than in.”

Everyone was silent again. “Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green was like a good meal,” May laughed and rubbed her tummy. “But once I was done with it, it was over for good. It was nothing but a wonderful belch.”

May clutched the air and balled it up into a fist. “You see, I only had that story to tell. But now I don’t want to be world famous. I want to retire and run a nice convenient store with a lovely house husband like my mummy before me. Maybe one day, I’ll get another idea for a book, but that was my final statement for now.”

There were loud hisses coming from the audience and shrieks of pandemonium. May gulped hard but she continued all the same. “I don’t want to ‘lose face’ and become a celebrity. I’ve seen the cost of what fame does to me and other people around me. I simply want to be like my mummy.”

The crowd grew angrier and angrier. Some stomped, some tore up their novels, others fainted, and some were getting ready to bum rush the stage. May heard the clomping of heels as the faceless Ms. Electra came out onto the stage. “She doesn’t mean that,” Electra cried, trying to pacify the crowd, but it was too late. They were all chanting for May’s head.

“YOU,” Electra cried with her hands outstretched. “HOW DARE YOU…”

“Sorry,” May said, puffing out her cheeks with a big smile. “Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green is my first and last novel.”

The large copy of May’s romance novel extended its belts to bind her and eat her, but May removed the quill from her pocket and plunged it directly into the heart on the book cover. Ink began to pour out onto the floor as everything became a swirling and blurry vortex of screaming and white noise.

When May awoke, she found herself standing in the Penwell’s seminar room. She shook her head in confusion. Had she defeated the bad dream once and for all? Or was she in another one? Penwell stood with Poshleen in front of her. Both had smiles on their face but there was something noticeably different about the room. All the mental notes were gone except for May’s and Poshleen’s.

“Congratulations,” Penwell said, a smirk beneath her weary eyes. “You have successfully faced your deepest dreams head on.”

“But-but,” May asked. “Where is everyone else?”

Penwell laughed coldly. “They did not make it, and had to go to the West Wormwood Ward for Magical Mishaps.”

“Why…” May asked nervously. “What for?”

“Oh,” Penwell snickered. “They got lost in their dreams...”