May found herself in a frosty tunnel paved in dark bricks. It seemed awfully familiar to her, reminding her of the tunnel to the Cloud Hall at school. But when she found her legs were no longer broken, she knew this wasn’t the same world at all. There was only one light at the tunnel’s end, a chilling beam of pale blue, and May prayed it wasn’t the end for her. The Goddess of Dreams, otherwise known to the people of Autolycus as the Dreamer of Dreams would not be a happy camper to discuss the sheer amount of kumquats May pilfered before reaching the afterlife.

Still, having no other option, May carefully timed her steps in accordance with the blue light flickering until she reached the end, and there, she witnessed an even stranger sight. The entire Cloud Hall was tinted in a sunken shade of aqua-marine. It was like the Dream Castle languished beneath the waves of the ocean. A brisk chill emanated through the room as May observed all her fellow students. Everyone sat on cloud suspended in the cold air, but their heads were all turned away from her.

“Oh mummy,” May muttered. “I hope this isn’t a ghost story I’m in.”

She caught a glance of Mena and Janus off in the far corner. May breathed out in relief. “Good, my friends are here,” she said, her round face ending with a pair of dimples. “They can pinch me if I’m having a bad dream.”

She pumped herself a cloud from the silver cloud machine, hopped on and soared to her friends, Unfortunately, when she saw their faces, she knew something wasn’t right… or rather when she couldn’t see their faces. “Good morning,” Mena and Janus both said in unison, but they didn’t have any mouths. In fact, they didn’t have faces at all. Their heads were completely texture-less and smooth aside from their hair and ears.

“Is there something on my face?” Janus asked, her voice remaining sweet and innocent.

“No,” May whispered. “Nothing at all.”

“Why aren’t you happy, May?” Faceless Mena asked. “Today is a very special fantastiwastic day for you.”

“What day is it?” May asked nervously.

Before Mena could answer, Gemini and the other teachers stood at the front of the room, and Gemini set off a loud firework. “Your attention please,” Gemini announced. “I’d like to inform you that this is the seventh straight week that our very own Maylene Cumberson is the number one Witch’s Brew Yorke Times best selling author.”

“Bluh bluh bluh what/” May blubbered in her deep voice, but her eyes shone like stars.

“That’s right, MAYLENE CUMBERSON,” Gemini exclaimed in his squawky caw of a voice, “In a fit of inspiration you went from school zero to school hero and wrote one of the most famous books in the world.”

May nearly fell back on her cloud. “What-what was it?”

Faceless Mena leaned on the table, her voice peppy, “Only my second most favorite book series ever: Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green: The Tale of a Convenient Store Mummymatrix.”

“And to honor your prowess to captivate young minds,” Gemini said, pointing his fingers at a blushing May, “We’ve decided to host our first annual “Venient-Con, where you will be signing books and giving inspirational seminars for your millions of adoring fans”—the headmaster held his hands to his faceless face—“Oh, how I can hardly wait. But now for the second order of business, can someone help me find the vandals? I’ve been defaced.”

The room was silent until Gemini added, “Well I thought that was a real zinger. That is all. Carry on.”

Before Janus and Mena could congratulate May, the Terrible Tessellations and Ashlan floated over on their cloud. They too were devoid of a face.

“Sacred bleu,” Laetitia gasped, wringing a copy of Lamp Shades of Green by its cover. “This writing is absolutely faceless.”

“You’re one to talk,” Janus said, her wry voice indicating what her face could not.

“But we ‘ave not come to chew the fat with you peasants,” Laetitia said, “We only wanted to tell Cumquatson here that she eez nothing but a one hit wonder. You will ‘ave your fifteen seconds in zee sun and be completely forgotten. Zere is no way zis filth can last.”

With that, Laetitia looked to her sister and Ashlan. “On three,” she said. “Uno, deus, treux.”

All three of them held their hands where their mouths should’ve been and burst into snobbish laughing.

“I must admit they’ve got excellent choreography,” Janus responded.

But May’s shoulders slumped. Somehow, she had written the book of her greatest dreams in this alternate reality, but she never realized how people would treat her after it became a smash hit. Before her friends could comfort her, a husky and proud voice called her name. “Ah yes, Maylene, darling, it is good to see you for today’s gig.”

May turned and Ms. Electra from the Sunbeam Academy was on a cloud before her. Her hair was in a brilliant, blond streak of lightning and her body was clothed in a low-cut pants suit, the only thing missing was the large amount of work done to her face…because she didn’t have one.

“M-M-Ms. Electra?” May murmured, “What are you doing here?”

The faceless Electra took May by her shoulder and gloated, “How do you not know? Not only am I the headmaster of the fab-u-lous Sunbeam Boy’s Academy, but I’m also a PR maven and your manager.”

“I have a m-m-manager…?” May blubbered yet again.

Electra raised her hand to the galaxies above. “Of course, honey. It was I who initially saw your name up in lights. And now it’s time to write your name on rice…”

“Uh, what was that about rice?” May asked softly.

Electra pulled out a few grains of rice from her pocket. “Why the legal rice to your book—for the book deal of the millennium. Sign this, baby and you’ll be set for life.”

May squinted from behind her glasses, “But I can’t even see the fine print.”

“Take that up with the legal amoebas,” Electra responded slyly. “Unfortunately, they’re not too responsive.”

Electra produced a bright yellow quill from a lightning phoenix and handed it to May. “It’s time to sign, sweetheart. And then you’ll be living in the lap of luxury all your life.”

May shook her head and her stomach gurgled. “Uhmmm…give me time to think, Ms. Electra. Big decisions give me indigestion.”

“Very well, dearie,” Electra said, placing the quill back in her pants suit. “I shall ask you later before the big seminar. We will do business then with a more binding contract.”

Electra turned to leave. “You must handle the autographs now. Girls from Wormwood are all arriving to meet and greet their favorite authoress. The fabulous young woman who managed to make convenience stores into a place of romance, glamour and forbidden passions.”

***

May found herself sitting at an autograph table where an endless line of faceless girls waited to greet and meet her. Many of them dressed like her protagonist, the exotic and foxy store clerk, Svetlana Irone with frumpy businesswoman outfits, round glasses, pearl necklaces and hair tied in messy buns.

At first, this seemed like a dream come true to May. She happily greeted and signed off on their books; many of the girls fawning over her, but as time wore on, everyone blended. Not being able to see their adoring faces, every single person in a Svetlana costume looked the same…May shivered over their smooth, faceless features…Right when she was ready to call for a potty break, disaster broke out.

“Are you kidding me?” one chunky Svetlana said to a skinny Svetlana. “Did you fly in from planet skimpy? There is no way that you have the dowdiness to be a true Svetlana.

“Oh yeah?” The skinny one shouted. “Do your glasses have the pearly strings attached to it? No way sister. I’m the true Svetlana.”

“You are truly not,” a third, large Svetlana boomed, grabbing the thin one by her neck. “You are an insult to Ms. Cumberson’s true concept of Svetlana. She was never some teeny girl looking for attention like you clearly are. You need to be punished, you will face the wrath of the Irone Lady.”

All the large Svetlanas began chanting, “You’re not dowdy, you’re too thin. Let’s beat this phony out of her skin.”

They all took turns punching her and May watched in horror as the tiny Svetlana struggled against the big Irones. “Stop please,” May yelled at the top of her lungs. “That is not what the real Svetlana would do. She loves everyone no matter their size.”

The large Svetlanas stopped causing the skinny one to run off crying, but May couldn’t take it anymore. This wasn’t what she wanted to be famous for.

She took off to the backstage of the auditorium where everyone awaited her.

***

May peered from behind the curtain. There were even more faceless Svetlana’s sitting in all the seats, chanting for her “What have I become?” May blubbered to herself, sobbing and sniffling. “Is this the price of fame? If that’s the case, I don’t want to be famous.”

May felt a familiar hand on her shoulder and she turned around. It was the faceless Mena. “Do you really not want to?” she asked, in a surprisingly empathetic tone for a faceless being.

“I don’t,” May said, sobbing even more into her sleeve. “But I must. I must for you and Janus and the whole world. I know you depend on me to solve the mystery of Penwell. But I don’t know if I can do it.”

The faceless Mena put her hands on her hips. “I may not be the real Mena, and this is all a product of a dream deep within your subconscious. But even I know what an amazing super pal you are. Think of everything you braved to get here…and how you saved my life, and then you’ll be able to face it…something I can’t do right now.”

The Dream Mena giggled at her own joke, and May wrapped her thick arms around her skinny frame. “Oh, I don’t know how to thank you, but what should I call you?”

“Ackkk…” the faceless Mena choked. “Call me, Dreama, the Mena of your subconscious.

“Ah there you are, dear,” Ms. Electra called from behind them. She was flanked by two cronies carrying a giant book of parchment. “It’s time for you to sign.”

May released the Dreama who dropped to the floor gasping for breath. She realized the book they were carrying was her very own Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green book, only in giant sized form. Svetlana Irone, a more exotic version of May, dressed in her signature dowdy outfit, was on the cover complete with a cartoon heart on her chest.

Electra lifted her yellow quill. “Now, I want you to sign this contract and this time…it’s extra binding.” Fifteen Lamp Shades of Green shot open with two enormous belts reaching to grab May, they wrapped around her stomach, ready to drag her over to Electra and make her sign the legal rice once and for all.