The fishhook that’d attached itself to Kaharu’s leg earlier suddenly pulled at him. By the devil himself, Kaharu was pulled down into the pool of water in front of him. That was the ideal enemy for Kaharu, but from his state of mind, it might as well had been some god, or even himself.

He slowly made his way home, filled with every emotion one could imagine and every thought that one would want to avoid. It wasn’t very pleasant as his feet lazily took the next step, avoiding effort as motivation was drained. Everything seemed kind of colorless. The sky, the trees, the houses. Despite being a cloudy day, and a gray tone applied to the atmosphere, it was still exaggeratedly without any tone.

There wasn’t any reason to do anything wholeheartedly, or with any effort whatsoever. So Kaharu’s movements were all aided by an odd sluggishness to it. Not like the sluggishness he’d display in the mornings and such, but much more unintentionally and without the underlying energy you could feel to it.

Eventually, Kaharu made his way home, completely wet and dripping from everywhere. Even his precious school uniform being sullied by water from above didn’t faze him, although he gave it a quick disapproving thought as he entered the house.

His mom quickly ran to the hallway as she heard the door open, she said

“Kaharu! You suddenly ran somewhere! What have you done?”

“Nothing special...”

The response echoed with a cold tone as he started walking toward his room, his mom reminded

“Be sure to study!”

“Mmh...”

Kaharu entered his room and laid down on the bed, and he got a look at his calender again. The red-circled thursday caught his eye again, but the sight didn’t do him anything.

He felt nothing special as he stared at it, at all. Even though he was aware of it, he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for it either.

Kaharu had been broken.

The constant pressure from people around him, and the disapproval hadn’t been a problem to him. A mixture of slowly getting used to it and conviction, and belief in himself and his goal had made it possible to bear through it. But the instantaneous shattering of his ideal had broken him. His very fantasies, the ideals that formed inside those fantasies and the hope had been taken away. What was supposed to be something unattainable, and serve as a moral compass for his mind was suddenly attained by him, and then taken away like a punishment from a parent.

Maybe he was paying for his sins, the thought of someone like Kaharu becoming a god would usually be laughed at. But he couldn’t laugh at it, he could barely feel anything at all.

It was all empty, it was all colorless.

He had felt something similar before, around the time he formed his new identity he was now living in. Although it wasn’t as devastating as this had been, it still deeply shocked him. But this was also different in another way, he had nothing to really turn into.

The person he’d become back during that event was now facing the same conflict, but without a clear answer to him.

He looked over to his school uniform proudly hanging on his door, and thought

- I wonder what he would do…

He’d probably make it through this, right. With the mental strength he had, I’m sure.

But I’m sorry… I’m probably not strong enough… -

Kaharu Kahari fell asleep, like that.

…

~Tuesday, the fifteenth of October, 8:32~

Yet another glorious morning had passed as Tsukino Scott entered the school yard. With her hair shimmering in the morning sun, she walked through the school yard with a most noble aura to her. It drew the attention of people, and she showed an excited smile as she walked. School wasn’t supposed to be as fun as it was for her, because despite her interest in mysteries and such, she wasn’t too interest in the subjects of school. She had an innate talent for most things, after all. But her social life had made up for any boredom during class, Tsukino Scott really felt like she fit in, and everything had been a blast because of it.

There was also the mystery of Kaharu Kahari that intrigued her. She’d gotten small pieces for the puzzle through observing his, sometimes weird, actions and lines. But she assured herself that she needed to get closer somehow to get the rest, purely to satisfy her curiosity.

Unlike the previous morning, everyone was present this time. Even the rough-around-the-edges Onata, who took a confident pose with her unconventional skirt hanging more to the side she leaned on. The exchanged greetings as the morning talks began, Tsukino opened up with her activities the day before

“I went to that café you spoke about, Kaori! You weren’t lying, it was super cute! I loved the ‘i7’ pictures they had framed.”

Kaori smiled smugly as grabbed Tsukino’s shoulder and said

“I know right! Yeonpil is super sexy, isn’t he!?”

Tsukino laughed dry as she declared

“Yeah, although I would say that I like Hanguk more.”

“W-what!?”

Asuno bumped in to offer her opinion and said

“Hyungppa is clearly the best.”

Fictional sparks were flying across as an odd territorial tension was built up between them, and without a single word exchanged in search for a resolution, they turned to Onata with expecting looks. Scratching her unknowing cheek, she responded

“I don’t know what y’all are talking about.”

A collective sigh was had as they decided on the ancient rule of ‘Agree to disagree’, and Kaori teased Onata with the line

“Still, I’m surprised seeing you at school.”

“W-what!? Wait----”

The conversation continued, but Tsukino’s attention was grabbed in an instant as she saw something.

Kaharu Kahari was walking, and had passed them, heading toward the shoe lockers. She stared with a terrified face, not because it was Kaharu, but because of his entrance. He had gone past them without anyone noticing anything, his aura had dissipated completely as he slowly made his way to school. He was like any other student, without anything to show his usual off-putting and guarding mindset.

…

Kaharu, walking slower than he usually did, stumbled upon a certain gang in the hallway on his way to class. Kosuto smiled arrogantly as he blocked Kaharu’s way, being reminded of his previous victories. He said

“How about a rematch, sure you wanna settle a score, right? Kaharu!”

“No… I have class.”

Kosuto stood confused at the rejection, a deviation he hadn’t expected at all. He figured that a motivation was perhaps required for a conflict to start. Even though Kaharu’s whole face looked different than usual, Kosuto approached him and tugged his collar, saying

“Down from your previous loss to me, are you? Don’t worry, I’m sure even a useless bastard like you have a sliver of chance winning against me.”

Kaharu looked down at the collar-grab with a neutral face. He didn’t feel anything.

He said

“I’m sorry. I have class.”

Slipping out of the grab, Kaharu proceeded to his classroom in silence. Kosuto looked, frozen, at his own rival’s indifferent walk. Did the loss impact him that much? That felt odd, he’d rebound before during previous losses yet he acted like this now. It didn’t sit well with him at all, he didn’t want to be cause for such a reaction. Was their speech too much? Kosuto fell into deep thought as he walked away in confusion.

Had he done something so severe to Kaharu?

…

Having decided to skip out on another one of the student council’s lunches, Melliacci Tratto walked down the first year hallway with a smile on his face. Despite complaining from his student council president, his morning had passed like a dance. He was interested in seeing his unofficial friend Kaharu. Despite having some complicated thoughts on Kaharu’s behaviour, he felt that something between them clicked. As proof of that statement, he thought back to the evening at the shrine where Kaharu opened up regarding his feelings. They didn’t agree a lot on stuff, and often thought in opposites, Melliacci believed in order, as Kaharu believed in complete individualism, Melliacci believed in conforming, Kaharu believed in reforming. But even that was an oversimplification, Melliacci had loopholes, exceptions and other nuances in his beliefs. And he believed that Kaharu probably displayed the same overlaps, unless he was 100% in his own head.

*Slide*

The classroom door slid, opening up a confusing sight to Melliacci as his eyes were drawn to the oddity in the room. A completely silent and still Kaharu sitting next to a slightly smiling Naomi Shirazawa with a worried backdrop.

“I’ve returned, Kaharu. May I sit?”

“Sure...”

Melliacci understood that something weird was going on as he heard that response and he looked over to Naomi, who shared the confusion. The morning lessons had been similar, ever since he entered the room and sat down.

His eyes were dead. What was usually filled with some sort of glimmer, malicious or not but now it was just hollow, like a blocked-up keyhole, prohibiting entrance to his thoughts and feelings.

But Kaharu felt more hollow than ever before. He looked around with slow movements. He had realized something that made him feel more isolated and removed than ever before that morning when he’d entered school. His looks locked themselves unto Tsukino’s friend-group as it was displayed without color. He realized everyone’s smiles, the things he’d mostly ignore before shines brighter than ever in front of him and reminded him of his lack of everything. He felt more alone than ever, everyone around him were smiling and having a good time as he was left in the dirt with difficult thoughts and lackluster emotions to back him up.

His fantasies and ideals from before, while they may have been false, had at least provided him with something.

The blinding false light he’d had before at least gave him hope, feelings and motivation. Kaharu didn’t care if it was fake or not, he just wanted to be blinded again.

He just wanted to feel something again, to strive for something. At least when he lived in apparent delusion, his anger and goals provided him with a front for reality.

Kaharu’s reality was disgusting to him, something to avoid seeing.

If the lens he used before to see color worked, he wanted to attain it again.

But even with those thoughts, he couldn’t really bring himself to feel or do anything. All that was ahead was reality in its most depressing shape.

His heart had gone cold, it was barely beating as his mood remained the same.

Melliacci picked up on something as he called over Naomi, whom he whispered to

“What’s wrong with Kaharu today?”

Naomi shrugged as she responded

“I don’t know, he’s been like that all day. I’m a little worried.”

Melliacci couldn’t help but agree, what he was seeing was close to the exact opposite of the usual Kaharu. Angry, energetic, forward-looking, prideful, spiteful and engaged. All he saw was a lifeless copy.

Feeling some sort of obligation to do something, maybe out of friendship, maybe out of unintentional rivalry, Melliacci approached Kaharu and whispered

“Let’s go to the roof.”

“What…? You wanna fight?”

“No way, you know me well enough to disconnect me from such desires, don’t you? I just wanna talk.”

Melliacci wanted to make sure that Kaharu was put out of the potential harm of students in case he’d snap or something. So the roof seemed like the best location to go.

Kaharu’s body, for some reason, complied with the request and stood up to leave. Perhaps it was trying to act out of a survival-perspective, with such a state of Kaharu barely being sustainable, or it acted out of pure muscle memory, for having gone to that place so many times. But it carried the lifeless soul of Kaharu up toward the roof he was so familiar with.

…

Kaharu walked forward to the railing of the roof as Melliacci and Naomi took their places in front of the box-like entrance and exit. With a quiet stare out into the barely hot october midday, Melliacci opened up with

“What’s wrong with you? We’re worried, you’re not like yourself. You haven’t tried rejecting me, nor have you tried to argue, nor have you tried to engage in any way!”

Despite the articles of his argument sounding quite bad, they had the best of intentions attached to them. He wanted to see regularity return to Kaharu.

*DOKI*

Kaharu continued as he was slightly surprised by Melliacci’s sudden confession-like statement, his heart beat once to prove it as he thought

-Worried about me…?

Like… they care about me…? -

Silence took hold as Kaharu thought more. Deciding to open up a little bit, Kaharu asked something to the both of them. He said

“What good is strength for...?”

Melliacci was silenced as he thought a little bit. He had the desire to try and appeal with his response, to modify them a little to try and fit in with what he thought Kaharu would like to hear. But he wanted to be genuine as well, so he went by his own feelings as he said

“Let’s see… I think strength should be used to protect what you feel should be protected.

There are a lot of people who want to take away what you have, and I feel like using strength to keep that might be good. That’s very non-specific, but it shouldn’t be used for useless struggles of pride and malicious fights for power.”

*DOKI*

*DOKI*

Kaharu yet again got surprised at the elaborated answer, and the answer resonated a little bit in his own heart as it beat a little bit again. There wasn’t any sugarcoating and it was a subtle way of criticizing Kaharu’s use of strength before, but it also felt kind in a way, and something for Kaharu to react to. The fact that he didn’t mask his thoughts like someone speaking with a stranger would do, and that he spoke as he thought, like someone would do with someone close to one, enticed Kaharu a little bit as his mind activated a little bit more. He decided to ask another question, one that he hadn’t asked himself directly

“What if your dream is crushed right in front of you?”

Melliacci displayed a neutral face as he commented

“Well...”

Naomi got engaged all of the sudden. She’d wanted to pay Kaharu back for his insight the previous day, like she owed him something for his kind words. She thought about her own dreams as she said

“I wouldn’t give up on them.”

Kaharu did a double take as he looked over to the quite-serious Naomi Shirazawa as he asked

“What…?”

“Even if they were destroyed in front of me, I would never give up on them!

They’re almost the reason I exist after all, so giving up on them would mean I quit my own life. Therefore I would struggle all I could to achieve them! Even if I were to die in the process”

*DOKI*

*DOKI*

*DOKI*

Kaharu’s heart beat even harder and as he looked over the almost empty school yard,

he smiled.

His cold heart broke into pieces as it got warmth added to it again. His fishhook got detached and a glimmer entered his eyes again. A feeling was felt again, something he almost found nostalgic.

Thanks to his two psuedo-friends, he found something he could strive toward. He found something he wanted to do, and wanted to die trying. As his eyes were drawn to an ongoing fight in a slightly dark part of the school yard, and an innocent student being harassed by three delinquents and a half-beat up delinquent trying to protect that innocent student, he felt a feeling he last felt only a day earlier. Yet it felt like it’d been so long ago.

Excitement.

With a smile painted on his face, he started rushing towards the box-like exit.

Kaharu realized it, as he stood on top of the roof, that after he’d reached rock bottom, there was only one direction to go:

Up.

…