《From A Delinquent To A God in 10 Minutes》Chapter 10: An Idiot With Too Much Pride
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In a zombie-like state, Kaharu Kahari ran with his fullest capabilities towards that location. The lukewarm wind grazed his skin as he flashed forward, feeling the lack of warmth, signaling a change of seasons that was ahead of them. Kaharu was resistant to the feeling, but his own thoughts and feelings didn't have a large meaning in the situation, he was in essence powerless. He had absolutely no control over himself, nor was he even aware of it. He had a very mild grip on consciousness, it was like he was in a tranquil dream. He barely saw anything, yet he saw something. It was peaceful, without a brain to think about stuff with, he was left with nothing but peace. But it also felt disturbing, something wasn't right about that peaceful feeling. It was a lie.
He neared the school, an empty set of buildings where meaning laid.
His body continued to proceed as it observed something.
…
Kaori had exited the school building, having finished her session of pain. Although she didn't feel that much better on the inside, the crying had stopped so that was good enough for the time. It wasn't like she'd never had that feeling before, either. She knew it well, almost too well. It was like an old friend that in reality was an asshole, but you were forced to hang out with as you grew up. It was unwanted, but unavoidable. At least now it was.
She walked outside of school, quietly being spotted by someone, as she continued to think. Did she actually have anything to be sad about?
Her future sparkled with enthusiasm, she was the smartest in class, perhaps the grade even. Her position in society was virtually guaranteed to be grand and profitable.
Even if that meant throwing away her actual interests, hobbies, and subdued dreams. She had one goal in life, after all, that'd been made clear to her from an early age.
But she couldn't help but think back to the fiction she'd consumed and loved, the lives they all experienced in school and the fun that was had.
She couldn't help but feel her solitude as a tragic sacrifice, and unwanted. A wasted opportunity.
She couldn't help but to wish for something else, something to fill her heart.
She let out a deep sigh as a wobbly smile was put on her face, it was too late for wishes like that to surface. She'd burned her bridges, not even the most disliked and unpopular kid in school wanted to hang out with her. All hope was lost on that front, she was to be left with nothing but studying and education for her whole school life, so that she would get the best preconditions for university and then a proper job.
She took a slight detour from her usual route home, as she went to the forest.
The path was fairly straight-forward as she walked along with it, eventually arriving at a place to look out over a view over the city. She paused there for a moment as she took in the sight, surrounded by yellowing leaves and dying nature.
She took a moment to look down at the ground, with dead, soulless eyes.
Her smile had faded.
...
My body continued running until it stumbled upon a forest, it had been following a person it saw at the entrance of the school.
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The slight humidity left from summer placed itself on my skin as I took a couple of steps forward. After using so much energy, my pace had slowed down considerably and the journey through the bland and uninteresting forest felt like an eternity.
My feet stopped as I reached a large rock, slightly obscuring the view ahead. But I was able to see, and as the sight was put into my mind, my senses returned.
I fell to my knees and arms. On all fours, I stared at the ground as I processed what had happened. My hair was soundly and messily pointing at the ground as I was kept in confusion.
My breakdown had subsided, my mind was clear. I was probably the calmest I'd ever been, no anger, sadness, or regret floated in my head. I was however confused, but the event that didn't compare to the utter pain I'd experienced. I heard some shuffling of gravel in front of me, I had no idea where I was. Everything between the blackout and now was a blank, nothing at all came up. Yet, I was there in the forest I never dared to enter as a kid. I looked up to get details, and caught the sight of a confused girl staring at me.
Her hair no longer hung by her shoulders, it flew freely in the air as she was pausing her movements, staring at me. The view behind her displayed a beautiful picturesque view of the city's port, where hard workers worked to get goods on land and off land. Where the trees quietly shook as the wind blew against them. Where people wearing enviable smiles walked home as they prepared for their afternoon activities.
Naomi Shirazawa looked at me with a confused face as she said
"Kaharu…!?"
Her intonation implied surprise, and I agreed on that note. But, for some reason, I understood why I was there. There was a connection I made, as my confusion took a step back. I rose menacingly as I said with a dark tone
"So you're the reason for my breakdown?"
I started to slowly walk toward her, as a scared face showed itself on Naomi.
She looked at me with a frightened shade over her facial features, she hadn't really thought about the fact that she tried to get close with one of the most dangerous people at school. She had no idea what I was talking about, but tone and posture spoke more than words. She shrunk as I approached her, but was left hanging for a couple of seconds before she noticed my absence. She looked behind her and saw my arms leaning over the railing, and my eyes set towards the port in front of me.
Naomi let out a "huh…?" before she fully turned around, she didn't expect that. She was completely sure that I would do something, everything alluded to it. The expectations Naomi had placed in me shattered as I stood silently, with a faint smile running across my face.
She approached the railing silently, slightly embarrassed at her wrong-doing.
She opened her mouth to say
"Umm---"
"Tell me your story."
I didn't avert my face as I asked, it stood the same as Naomi responded
"What?"
I reiterated
"I said, tell me your story."
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She scratched her head as she thought about the question. She didn't want to reveal too much, because that didn't feel right. There was no reason, so she decided to just kind-of answer the question
"Well, I was born in Yama---"
"Not that."
Naomi started suspecting something I was hinting at, but her confusion remained as I continued
"I saw you in the classroom earlier. You didn't have anybody besides you at all, not physically nor emotionally.
Maybe even I understand why you reached out your hand."
Naomi went silent as she thought about it. It was a strangely direct notion, that I'd been perceptive enough to notice or even care about something like that. It wasn't what I was supposed to do, that was what Naomi thought. It didn't fit my character. Especially the fact that I was standing there, right beside her at that moment. An image of a box bursting showed up.
But that deviation was welcomed, it felt strange, but Naomi didn't want to object to it. Her eyes glimmered slightly so as she looked at my face, there was a thought of potential intimacy that crossed her mind. But it seemed like nothing but a dream as the air blew against us.
After contemplating for a bit, Naomi also turned towards the sight and slowly spoke
"I wasn't popular as a kid.
At first, I was nothing but a plain girl. There was nothing special about me, no negatives to drive people away. Nor were there any positives to gather people around me. But I had an adequate social network, with friends that I hung out with.
But, that wouldn't last…"
Naomi took a moment to pause as she drove her eyes downward. She said
"It turned out that I have a talent for studying.
It's not like I'm actually smart, I can just soak in stuff I read more easily than a lot of people. When my parents found out, they started forcing me to study every day.
I started to rise in the class's rankings, and people reacted. At first, they were a lot more neutral, and everything was still normal. But as I rose, the opinions scattered.
Some hated me, some admired me, some didn't care that much. But one thing remained the same.
I was unreachable.
I was left in solitude. My specialty hadn't brought anything positive, only stress and loneliness.
When I was nothing but a weak light, I was together with everybody in the shadows.
But as my star shone brighter, my light grew stronger and lit a beacon, and it created even darker shadows that I was separate from. Maybe that solitude nurtured this spite I got..."
I stood quietly.
Naomi was about to continue, which surprised me slightly. She spilled her story with such ease, although her eyes carried a heavy burden. I could've never done that.
She'd probably wanted to tell her story for a long time, her body language told me that. She continued with
"My parents… probably didn't mean anything bad with what they did.
They did it with the best of intentions, I'm sure of it! They aren't very smart, so they never got any particularly high-paying jobs. So when they saw my potential, they probably saw an opportunity for success.
But I can't help but think that… everything would've been better without it.
I'm at the top of my class, but at what cost?
I don't know..."
Naomi realized that her ramblings had continued even further, as she looked over at me and covered her mouth in surprise. I felt a strange connection to her story, as I stared vacantly at the port. An unnameable connection had sprung up, as I paused.
I'd been touched by the story I demanded to hear, but I had no clue as to how to respond. My head spun a little as I contemplated it, but I dropped it all. My pride, character, expectations, and presumptions. Everything fell down the cliff in front of us as I confirmed the feeling I'd had after returning to consciousness.
I turned my head slightly toward Naomi as I said
"That's… tragic."
Naomi heightened her senses in surprise, as her eyes drew towards mine. I continued
"I guess when a star shines so brightly, it's hard to get close to it without burning or blinding yourself.
But even if you're a star shining so brightly that the shadows contrast it, you have to know that---"
I drew my eyes towards the darkening sky, where a single star had appeared in the middle. I continued
"there's a whole sky full of stars out there.
Even if you would shine too bright and implode in a hyper-nova, you'd still get thrown through space to a planet, starting from zero. Together with everyone else. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that… you are not alone.
There are other talented people out there, shining so brightly."
I continued thinking, stumbling upon the reason my body had been so stubborn to run after this girl. I was slightly conflicted on how to say anything, but my body reacted again for me as I said
"Also, I probably shouldn't have left you during lunch. I guess I didn't think about my actions, I'm just an idiot with too much pride I suppose. I should've probably thought more about your feelings."
Even in the clearest state of mind I'd been in for a long time, I was unable to be upfront with what I felt. I dodged around the issue with unspecific words, and even though I had a slight urge to do it, I was completely unable to utter the words "I'm sorry". I was so resistant to the idea of it.
But it didn't matter too much, a fire was lit.
Not inside of me, but in Naomi Shirazawa.
She ignored the strange feeling for that moment, as she said
"No, not at all. I was probably the one bothering you."
I agreed with her, she had been the one to bother me. But as I thought about it in hindsight, the change of pace wasn't that bad. We argued a lot, and discomforting silence had been there, but it'd been something unlike the norm.
She continued, as she thought about that morning specifically
"Oh, and I'm sorry for that thing during English class."
I scratched my head as I said
"Whaddya mean? Didya do something during English?"
Naomi smiled widely as she commented half-quietly to herself
"Maybe you are an idiot with too much pride."
As a slight amount of my former self was restored, I retorted with a half-comedic
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
...
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