I see how it is. My ineptitude is so clear now. It’s like I’m looking through a fucking telescope! How could I have been so dumb? Why didn’t I just kill them with the poison! Why did I bother paralyzing them? That would have saved so much time!

“I understand now everyone! It makes sense now! It’s because you’re all superior! Better! The epitome of supremacy! This truly is my defeat; you all dying here that is. My daughter really did deserve to die! Right?! How dare she hurt one of your poor boy’s feeling?! I’m sure he cried for days after he realized he was an ugly shit for brains who God wouldn’t even be able to love. For Christ’s sake, he looks like how rotten fish smells; just looking at him is giving me a hernia. MY balls are fucking receding that's how ugly he is. Even though she still deserved to be stoned to death right?!”

“Yes it is true she deserved to die so Charles please let his highness go.” The round-faced ugly ass bimbo bitch yelled at me as she desperately tried to defend her ugly dead blobfish fetus of a son. I really should have poisoned her too, but her reaction is just so satisfying. I wish I could see her son’s but he’s a tad bit... lackadaisical right now. I stepped harder on the king’s face pushing it farther into the fine cuisine he had been eating just a second ago. I had really ruined this quite enjoyable party. Everyone’s so stone cold and reserved for some reason. Oh yeah, I paralyzed them.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Bitch but I’m going to have to decline your most generous offer as I’m going to need to kill this Psycho just like he killed my beautiful Annette. Then I’m going to kill your fugly ass bitch of a son.”

“Please just end this madness sir. The kingdom needs its king.” The butler to the right of me said in a pleading manner. As if I give two shits. I worked ten years to become a servant all just to murder the king and he thinks I’ll just let the king live! Fuck that. I take the steak knife I have been holding and try to drive it into the king's neck. But his shield amulet ignites and blocks it from piercing his flesh.

“”Ah!””

“Oh shut up will you! You goddamn knew that would happen you prissy little fucks.” It’s a good thing I studied like a good little boy and learned about this amulet too. I hear stomping and I realize the guards must have caught on to my diversion being a diversion. The amulet only stops weapons not physical contact. I take the king by his head and lift it up. Drool drips out of his slack jaw mouth.

“Any last words?”

“...”

“OH yeah, you’re paralyzed.”

I snap his neck swiftly and easily. Anti-climatic isn’t it. I hear someone knock on the door and yell to open up.

“One second honey! Dinners almost ready!” Now it’s time for the entre. Wait a second why is everyone’s mouth frothing. My cooking isn’t that bad is it? I Probably should have gone into deeper depth while studying that paralytic potion I chose. They all appear to be going into cardiac arrest. Ah, their lungs must be paralyzed too. Rad.

“Mrs. Bitch, Mr. Butler we seem to be the only ones alive here. Nevermind my dearest Mrs. Bitch, Mr. Butler seems to have killed himself. What a loyal subject. Now it’s just us and soon it will just be you.”

I take a long swig from the kings chalice and wait for the poison to take effect. I take the tray I hid behind the decorative tree and lay on the ground by the door. Now I look like just a random servant who decided to sneak some food at the wrong time. And Mrs. Bitch is the only one alive. Meaning she will look like the one who brutally murdered everyone in this room. Haha nice.

Now my most amazing plan comes to an end as I feel my muscles growing numb and my thoughts get cloudy. Black dots encroach my vision and it’s hard to keep my eyes open. But I wanna see Mrs. Bitch get in trouble so I struggle to stay awake.

When did my life get so fucked my dearest? It doesn’t matter anyway I am to be dead soon and I am sure I’ll be able to join you in heaven, or maybe not but I hope Annette. I really do. Annette, I have killed your killer and my wish of vengeance has come true. Now may we both rest in peace for eternity.

*Boom* the guards break into the room only to find everyone but Mrs. Bitch dead. I mean I’m not dead yet but I’m damn well close so it’s cool.

“Hey boss this one’s still breathing! (‘Speak of the devil’) What?! Bring him here!” What a hassle. Just let me die in peace.

“Who did this!? Who killed the king!.”

Stop yelling goddammit I’m trying to die you asshole! Even though my body is completely limp I manage to say what I need to say through pure will power alone.

“Mr-Mrs. B-Bitch…*augh I’m dead now*” and everything went black.

---

Me: *stares*

Literally the void: *stares*

God: *Rebirth time*

Me again: “Wait n-”

God: *REBIRTH TIME*

---

‘Where the fuck am I? Why is everything squishy?’

“Ugh oooowwww get the fuck outta me!”

“Honey watch your language the children are watching.”

“Shut the fuck up Harold.”

‘Yeah Harold you fucking pussy. If I’m in a uterus right now I’m about to lay some fuckers out.’

“Puuuuuush!”

“I am!”

“AAAAAHHHH- Pop goes the weasel.”

‘Godammit I was fucking born again.’

“Wah wah wah!” I try to cry like a baby would when it’s first born.

“Why is he crying like that nurse is something wrong with him?”

“I don’t know I’ve never known a baby that pronounced that actual wah’s.”

Someone lifted me up and put me in my mom’s arms, but she promptly refused to hold me which I agree with because I am quite slimy.

“What will you name him miss?”

“Tom. Tom Thompson.”

You know I think this is bad timing but I think I have to shit and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be the gross black stuff. Dear god, I must’ve digested a lot in there. Anyways here it comes.

“Wha-EEEW!” The nurse accidentally touched my body and felt the gross slime. Losing her hold on me and I start falling towards the ground. Harold dives for me and his fingers just brush my back. Somehow he spins midair and manages to catch me just before I hit the ground with inhuman speed. He probably used magic or something, it’s not like I give two fucks. I thought that it was a done deal that I would get to rest for eternity when I died. Hence the ‘Rest in Peace’ aspect of dying. But no-! I just had to be reborn.

I grow tired and my eyelids which were already closed close even more slowly as I drift off to sleep. ‘What a shitty day.’

‘I’ll see you someday Annette, someday…’