Chapter 55 · Penny drop

I didn't talk much after that. A few nods and humming but between Zoe and Ruby, I rarely had to talk. They got on well and as I listen I had some time of think about stuff, well... mostly me. It hurt.

The talk had hurt like a hundred wasp stings to the gut. I know Ruby hadn't meant to hurt me, she was just playing around poking fun and to be fair I can't blame her. She was stuck here in a little town where no one went to while I had left for London, the big city.

London never slept yet it feels like that's all I ever did. I never went out or did, well I didn't do anything. A waste.

Ruby. What would she have done? Party, work, learn, study, get new friends and explore all London had. I had wasted it all on nothing.

Well, not a complete waste I guess. I looked at Zoe as she chatted away holding a new drink while Ruby chatted back once or twice having to stop to help other people.

At least I had met Zoe. I wonder. I mean Zoe was nice, no, more than nice and once you got to know her she was so caring and always doing something.

And she was... She was... kind of hot. I mean even I can tell that with my sense of fashion. From her hair to the muscled legs like that of a swimmer, toned yet not bulky. I hadn't asked her if, well she must, right? How could a person like Zoe not have a boyfriend or maybe...

How had Ruby put it 'bat for the other side' so maybe Zoe was with a girl? Would she and Bane be a thing? I tried to picture them together.

I stopped and looked as Zoe finished her second drink. Nope. I just down see them mixing well on a candlelit dinner table.

Was it even ok for girls to be with girls? Story and TV shows always seem to make it so it was a guy and girls that got together and lived happily ever after. What about the bedroom, how would that work would they...

I shook my head. Stop it brain, No dirty ideas today miss.

I picked my drink up and took a sip.

I mean how would you know. I guess you just would right. Like they say in books you get a feeling, oh what was it, they always use that example, oh right butterflies in your chests. I wonder what that was like.

I stopped to think back for a second. I guess the only real time I got a feeling like that was when Zoe and I were sitting in that cafe and I...

Oh.

Oh, am I gay?

I looked at Ruby as she talked and tried to imagine Zoe and her hold hand while smiling.

Like a burning tide, I felt it. jealous. About Zoe.

Oh fuck.

"I have to go," I whispered standing up.

"Pardon?" Ruby asked looking slightly startled at the sudden interruption.

"I have to... I have somewhere..." I stammered as I turned as I felt tears starting to form.

I blindly stumble towards the door only hit something hard and cold. I feel layers of darkness take me.