“So, what’s the plan tonight?” Anticipation fills my voice.

Fenrir grins mischievously at the question. “I found an incredible rarity the other day.”

My eyes light up at this, “Well, come on then! What is it?”

He seems to take great amusement in teasing me with this information. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” No amount of interrogation reveals anything, his mouth is firmly clamped shut. I can only follow his tracks in perplexion.

After we’ve walked for a while, Fen finally narrates in a deep voice. “What are two qualities all manners of species find intriguing? Why of course, it is of strangeness and strength that appeals to everyone!”

Fen and his penchant for theatrics are flaring up again…

Ru sighs beneath his sleeve, while I know Vani has already tuned him out. But but but, my interest is still piqued.

“Now that I have everyone’s attention,”

Nope, you lost everyone’s attention except mine.

“I will soon present to you all, a regal beast in its prime! Prepare yourself to be awed by its imposing and majestic figure.”

My eyes flutter wide at that. O-Oh no. He couldn’t have found Laelap, right? Slowly, I crane my neck towards Nott. His face has grown dark.

I barely contain a groan. Slowing my pace to match Nott, I hiss through my teeth. “Keep it together!”

He glances at me, but just as quickly whips his cimmerian glare towards Fenrir. I feel a shudder run through me. Somehow, he manages to stay silent. However, the dangerous glint in his ice-blue eyes gives me a bad premonition. Fen continues to incessantly chatter on, but I don’t hear him.

Would Nott actually hurt someone over finding Laelap? It’s not as if my friends would tell anyone of her existence. So, he wouldn’t…

Right?

We’re on the outskirts of town, a forest of birch and harthrow trees surround us. We step through, the crunch of fallen leaves and small, scurrying animals echo all around. When we near a dense field of lavender and wildflowers, Fen shushes us to be quiet.

An unmistakable body of a large lion can be seen faintly rising and falling in tune to its sleeping breaths.

Laelap.

My eyes instantly whip towards Nott.

Huh? He looks relieved? A small smile even peeks through. “It’s not her.” He whispers to me.

Huh!? Wait, that means that’s a different Hellion!? They’re not native to this land! Just huh-why-what!?

Ru gasps behind his sleeves in awe, “Fen… For once, your words were not exaggerated.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fenrir pounces on Horusha’s back and ruffles his hair. “My words are never exaggerated!”

“S-Stoppp.”

Vaniriel looks at the sleeping beast with disinterest. “What's so special about it?”

“It’s a Hellion. What about it isn’t special?” Fen gapes at her, even Nott nods in approval at Fen’s words.

Sigh, who would have guessed these two to be crazy animal lovers.

Even though a rare beast in a foreign land is standing right in front of me… Instead of excitement, I’m only afflicted with anguish.

A rustle from the trees averts my attention and out steps another Hellion. Nott abruptly stills.

“Whoa. Another one.” Fen gives a laughing scoff in amazement, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

My hopes are dashed when Nott murmurs Laelap’s name.

Frozen over, all we can do is watch as Laelap pads over to the other Hellion. She nudges the other awake and licks their face adoringly.

“U-Uhhhh…” I can only dumbly manage.

The other beast gets up, its height nearly doubling that of Laelap. The fur is a tinge darker, its claws ebony-black instead of ivory-white.

A male Hellion.

The two encircle their tails and playfully claw at one another. I’m unsure what to do, but it seems Nott is at even more of a loss.

“That is quite adorable, are the two mates?” Horusha looks at the beasts warmly.

Clenching my teeth, I inhale resolve and silently tug the hem of Nott's shirt. “You said Laelap suddenly became rowdy recently. But, she didn't always use to be this way, correct?”

Nott nods his head once, his eyes transfixed on the two beasts.

“Female Hellions generally have a spike in energy when they’re fertile, especially during mating season.”

His eyes dart to meet mine.

“Ever since I saw Laelap, I had the inkling this might have been the case. It’s just,” I pause for a heartbeat, “I thought it was absurd, because what’s the chance of another Hellion being on a continent where Hellions aren’t native to? Let alone a male one near Laelap’s age.”

“Spit it out.”

“Irregular hyperactivity, followed by an abrupt drop in energy -- this is characteristic of a pregnant Hellion.”

The temperature drops ten degrees and my breath mists over.

He grits through his teeth, “So now what? How in Twice are we going to keep a Hellion birth secret!?” It’s low, but it’s enough to catch the others’ attention.

“Nott. Even if you pretend to not know, I'm aware you read most of the same books as me. There's an extremely low chance for Hellion pubs to survive without Human intervention.”

He’s trembling now, but I continue all the same. “We need to hand her over to the National Bestiary Conservatory.”

The swift surge of murkiness shocks me. It feels as if I can barely breathe through the thickness of it. Any remaining light eludes the space around us. Vision of my friends whiffs out like a candle.

A low drawl escapes his throat. “Then you also know that once a beast is under the care of the nation, Laelap will become state property. She’ll be taken away.”

My knees begin quivering, I can barely see through the darkness. It’s as if I’m submerged in an ocean with endless depths, the icy waters slowly creeping into my lungs. “But that's better than having her child miscarried!”

His eyes glint bright like an argent arbalest. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.” I can’t see anything else except frost-blue irises, they’re metal arrows penetrating through the all-consuming darkness. Nott’s voice is full of derision now. “How could you understand anything?”

I'm taken aback. “What are you saying? It was you who said we're childhood friends, of course I understand you.”

He scoffs. “How could a sheltered, immature Human like you hope to understand? Let alone be a friend.”

Rage suddenly bubbles from my core. Even though I subconsciously understand he's just taking his anger out on me, that he probably doesn't mean what he's saying... Even still. I'm hurt by it.

“Understand what, you selfish prince!? Would you rather her miserable, than have her be someone else’s?” I'm shouting back but I'm unsure if my voice carries through. Everything feels muted before him.

His voice reverberates through the darkness like an echo chamber. “What responsibilities could you possibly carry to sound so self-important, so self-righteous! You who has never had to kill a single individual.”

Kill?

The word shrieks through me, I’m unsure if it’s from the sheer force of his Kindred power or the implication of its meaning.

“Then understand this, Human. As soon as I awoke a Kindred, I have always been surrounded by death. There was never-” His voice cracks. He pauses, forcing his voice to hold steady. “Imagine, coming home one day after...” He stops again. Something indiscernible flashing through his eyes. “After so much death. And you find a cub. A small, stupid, disobedient cub. It's... Alive. And it's the only good choice you've ever had. To raise a life instead of taking it away.”

My throat tightens. Not from Nott’s overwhelming compulsion, but because it's the first time I've ever heard how hard his voice could be. How hard he needed it to be.

Gathering all of my strength, I manage to choke the next words out.

“You’re right, I’m sheltered and probably self-righteous! I've never had to go through what you've been through. I'm sorry, Nott, that I've never known all this time.”

His stare seems to go right through me.

“But right now, that doesn’t change anything. She’s important to you. Which is why you have to let her go.”

Either an eternity or a single second passes. It's impossible to discern.

Air slowly blows through, enough so that I can see his face. It’s drawn together like a bow broken. His fingers grip together and let go, grip together and let go, again and again.

Even though he looks like he’s about to cry -- he doesn’t.

“…You imbecile.” His eyes wrenches together and he closes them shut. “Why are you crying?”

“Shut up, you idiot.”

And so, I cry for him instead.