I. Enter Old Man

The draft consists of six chapters. It’s the initial draft that Fred and the team has created. Kyrie did most of the inking and Ara did the shadings and other effects. Ingrid did none, as usual. The main plot was written by Fred.

Reading six chapters of a manga should be quick. But with the current members of the team reading it, it took them several hours. At first their ideas are still clashing with each other but eventually Kyrie and Ara piped down and started doing random things while still keeping themselves in track of the chapter scenes.

Their usual numbers on this connecting room (unit7) has been added by one. The added member is Fred’s editor which they refer to as Old Man. As to why: he asked them to drop formality and just refer to him by it, as long as they are doing their job and Fred could pass manuscripts on time. Yes, in the end Fred will be the one responsible for all the team’s misses.

“Phew that was a long run. Fred let me borrow this room I’ll be sleeping here. I don’t have energy left to go to my unit. But remember if you try to do anything funny you will meet your previous world.” Says Ingrid as she lifelessly approach the available bed at the studio.

Ara started tidying up the studio and Kyrie opened the door connecting to her unit.

Having less active people inside the studio, the atmosphere lightened up for Fred. He’s now waiting for the last activity for the day: The deliberation of his first draft with Old Man. The active members left are Fred, Ara and Old Man.

“Uhm, are you sure you won’t be reading it?”

“I’ve been here since you were reading chapter three or four, so I gave the first chapters a quick scan.”

“Uhm… so…”

“Rejected.”

Fred is flat-out rejected.

Flat-out Rejections, these scenes are commonly seen on shoujo manga where either of the female characters, or even males, rejects the other party. The other party could have two options: to keep pushing forward (which leads to more character and plot development for both involved) or to stop (which leads to closure or resolution of his arc and / or start anew.) But this is not a scene from a shoujo manga that just happened, also not boys love novels.

Fred’s Draft 1: “Unpopular Mae’s Struggles to being an Unattainable Flower” is rejected.

“Sigh… Well, I’ve seen that one coming.”

“We could try this out, but it’s not something a serialization that could last long.”

Before them was a different person - or rather, a different entity; a composed Old Man.

None of them were surprised, for this was perhaps and very much likely the real, genuine and authentic self of Old Man.

Often in drunken rage, blind fury - or both, his reliable self was a drastic turn - yet expected, radical enough that one may claim Old Man was the most reliable one on the team when it came to these things, and it wouldn't be without backing

“I will accept your decision, Old Man. But can we please take a quick discussion over the parts that should need improvement if ever?”

“Okay, let’s start with your chapter 1.”

Perhaps Fred have already accepted the fate of the draft. He just opened up so that he could learn too. His drawing skills are given. With sheer effort he had adopted to the drawing style and techniques needed for drawing manga. Old Man has acknowledged that.

The thing that he didn’t excelled with was his writing. During his past life at Mytherion he never excelled at writing literary works. If he never excelled there at first place, what more here on earth? He could always try but writing award-winning level stories won’t take only a span of a few years. One more thing that he needed to consider was the time ratio between Earth and Mytherion.

Fred thought the only way to learn fast is to seek advice and help from an expert: an experienced professional that worked with other authors for years. In short, he should seek help from Old Man.

Old Man is not really the type of ‘These are the kinds of things you should learn from yourself.’-man. If an author needed help, it should be a common thing to support him. Perhaps that should apply to other manga editors too.

“First, the way you arranged the scenes are good, you could have removed Mae’s thoughts at your very first page and have placed it here on the page where the chapter returned to the scene at their clubroom.”

“Yes I’ll take note of that.”

“Also, how could this be too generic of a scene? I think you should read newer shoujo volumes. For reference. This is quite outdated.” Old man pointed out the scene where Mae was late because of ignoring her alarm clock and get her French toast and rushed out of the house.

“Her narration should be good too. But please adjust them if the scenes are about to be changed.” He added.

Ara was taking notes. Fred looked at her and was unsure if she’s taking notes for him or she’s planning to be an author in the near future. He turned pale just thinking about it.

Old man continued

“Starting the timeline with the femMC’s second year is a good move too. You could insert a lot of background arcs in the long run. Answer me, where do you plan to expose the past of either Mae or Shori?”

“Around thirty plus or so?”

“For a series that could range about forty to sixty chapters at max, you could start character background arcs at volume 3.”

“Okay…” Fred somehow looked disappointed about that answer.

“The other scenes here are good, looks like you haven’t declared everything on this ‘Popularity Ranking System’ yet. But you could have added a few explanations about this ‘Takane no Hana’ title. Does it have any perks, like, free meal or free beer?”

“The latter doesn’t sound so reassuring, but for that, I haven’t thought about it yet.”

“Okay let’s proceed to chapter2.”

So far so good…

“This is the part that I want you to consider what you have written.”

“Eh?!” Fred was really shocked. Right after being encouraged by his minimal mistakes, Old Man’s words shattered the mood.

“You could have given a faint scene of Ryuuji’s background. These whole gradeschool – middleschool flashback scenes… Hmmm… You could place this somewhere on chapters where Mae and Ryuuji could find some time to talk alone about their past. You could retain the scene from him being admitted on highschool via his parent’s connections, but you could have replaced the first parts with scenes from his first day of school. You can still keep the scene where he accidentally met Mae at the entrance and mesmerized by her.”

“Wow…” said the shocked Ara. She’s been in this situations with Old Man but his advising still shocks her.

“If you are to remove those scenes, you should also elaborate the reason why Ryuuji have chosen Mae at the first place. This is not a shounen manga where you can just let him say ‘It’s just my gut feeling’. Now let’s proceed to chapter3.”

“Yes!”

“Chieri’s introduction is a given, but her development is too sudden. You could have revealed that she’s a candidate for top 5 vacant slot. What about those under her? By the way, have you considered adding more characters in the near future of the story?”

“I’ve had, on my mind. The top10, the principal, some faculty and their club adviser, and other bottom-rankers that has high-rank-potential. Shiori is one of them.”

“I’ve kinda’ guessed Shiori, with regards to that, I’ve asked you so you could have developed Chieri’s progression towards top5 slot by having her compete with new characters. I’ve remembered you just declared her on the top five slot in an instant around chapter4. You could’ve extended three or four more chapters. Third wheels could have as much development as the femMCs before you sink their ships down.”

“Whoah, that’s harsh. And here I am started liking Chieri’s character too.”

Ingrid is already snoring due to deep sleep. They just ignored it and continued their discussion.

Fred is scratching his head. He’s thinking that Old Man is missing out few shoujo points of the story.

“You must have been thinking right now why I haven’t tackled about the romantic aspect of the manga yet? It’s just the first volume you idiot. Now tell me, around what chapter are you do you estimate to start Mae’s romantic development towards Ryuuji?”

“Around chapter 17? A few chapters after volume 2?”

“You have a hang on those aspects. That’s why I’m helping you with just the minor key points that might affect the long run of your draft. You must have pent-up romantic experiences from your past.”

A critical strike! Fred looked irritated.

“I would really appreciate if you could just focus on giving advice.”

“No, no, don’t misunderstood that. Experiences really teach us things, even in writing fictions too.”

Fred really didn’t had a good romantic experience back at Mytherion. He only loved The Hero, Yuusha, which was the one who have killed him in the end. But what irritates Fred, was not Old Man’s comment about past romantic experiences, but because whenever someone talks with him about his past, he can still see a faint vision of Yuusha that very night.

A vision of Yuusha at the post-events of the long-running Mytherion war.

It stings him that he could still not move on.

“So I’ve got a few more things to discuss, or rather, ask you.”

Fred was brought back to his senses.

“What’s with Ozzy’s character? Why an eight-grader syndrome?”

“I need a support character which could support all other characters, a failsafe. I added his eight-grader syndrome to balance out his god-tier supporting.”

“Well I’m telling you now, a person with an eight grader syndrome will never be popular.”

With that statement, Ozzy’s existence on Mae-SUF was declared as the greatest irregularity that is needed to be changed.

“Last question. What’s with the Yuki-onna getup at the club campaigning arc?”

“Tee-hee~~” then Fred stick out his tongue.

WHACK!!

Old Man hit him with the draft pages. He stood up after, and have them know that’s about all he could discuss.

“The rest of the scenes for chapters five and six are good enough, you might want to lessen Mae saying ‘for peaceful life’ though. But I’ll take your decision to create a new draft. You could contact me once it’s finished. I’m sober, don’t bother walking me home.”

“Uhm… Old Man!!”

“What?”

“Thanks for this night.”

“Just produce something that could be serialized. It’s for the good of both of us. That’s the only way you can sweet-talk me.”

Old Man left the complex. The only people remaining inside the studio are now Ara, Fred, and Ingrid on her deep sleep.

Ara proceeded to tidying up the used tea set at the table and her notes. Fred was still sitting beside the mini table, looking at his draft. He have spent a lot of time, energy and brain cells just to have this draft rejected.

But he did not look dejected. He looked rather a determined. He’s ready to write another draft.

But before that…

“It’s still early and I know you’ve got energy to spare. Would you like to take a quick walk outside?”

Lost with his train of thoughts he heard the voice of the only active being at the room besides him: Ara.