Rem woke up after a night-long session of beating his evil self to where REM lost his bowel control. Rem sighed. That brat returned nightly with [Desolator Blade] in tow to get his ass booted in increasingly creative ways. Rem wished the kid would learn, but that status quo got to drag per usual.

Tomorrow, Rem planned to ass-shove the bastard with his own [Desolator Blade]. Since he got stuck with this duel, at least he should make it entertaining. Last night battle left Central puking up her gut. Maybe force-feeding that guy poppies until he died was too traumatic for the innocent girl. Rem couldn’t blame her. It was painful, slow, and the mess got everywhere.

Rem sat up, tore off the IV dip, and checked his body. Good, his arm remained bandaged, but it didn’t feel broken anymore. Now he needed to get breakfast and started the induction course for Melody.

That was when he heard the explosion.

…

Rem was impressed.

He planned to do this, eventually. Classically, Superhero needed two things to rise above simple Hercules — dedication to fight for what is right, regardless of obstacles. Second was the power, skill, knowledge, and will-power to back it up.

However, best treat came in three. In this age of the internet, memes, and polarity; justice and heroism must adapt to suit the increasing radicalism. One couldn’t hope to win against the ruthlessness of today by being like Captain Planet. Thus, to revive the trend that died since the last medieval knight of old, Remus Breaker charted an additional rule for the knight of justice.

The third condition for a superhero: they must inspire awes that will whip all who follow them to the radical height, or fear that will shatter the enemies’ spirit into surrendering the moment they strike the three-point landing. One must be notorious to the point of legendary. So infamous that even the most fearless of mob bosses feel existential dread at the mere mention of his idiot son stealing the said man’s car and killing his dog.

A boogeyman the hero isn’t, for he is terror you brought to burry boogeymen scaring children. Men of conviction so haunting the nightmares checked under their bed twice before going to bed.

Witnessing the glory in front of him, Rem admitted that his boss was both almighty and all-knowing. Her vision was far and wide. She was worthy to guide this crusade to chase evil back where it belonged.

Rem coughed and addressed the room with renewing gravity. Nah, forget it, he was playing the judge in a Phoenix Wright game. That was about it.

On his left sat the bandaged prosecutors.

Melody was no longer an immobile sack of potato. However, the past five days had shown her what true victimhood was. Her eyes bruised and sluggish as if she spent several nights warding off an army of politically charged cockroach. She also sported a few more bandages and plasters. For a girl who seemed familiar with fires, Melody’s hair smelled like burnt fish cooked with a flamethrower.

Ebony looked as battered as her daughter. Rem estimated she must weather explosion for at least thrice.

Standing with the prosecutor was the warrior maid. Scathach was dead serious this time. Their master presented herself in all her rock-punk, depressive, and bandaged glory. Gone was the overworked Badger, replacing it was the furious warrior.

On his right, the defendant’s team gathered.

Cytortia was handcuffed and gagged. In front of her stood a nervous elf in a business suit. Rem didn’t know how they got the business suit that fit Luxinna, but he didn’t care. The suit looked great on her.

Out of curiosity, Rem looked at Cytortia’s Status ID presented in front of him.

…

Cytortia

Heavenly daughter of Wood

Stat

Str: 120 [E]

End: 320 [C]

Magic: 425 [C]

Wisdom: 310 [C]

Dexterity: 120 [E]

Skill

Active

Sage Force: Natural Absorbance [A]

Sage Force: Natural Hierarchy [B]

Chaos Immunity [D]

Healing Master [A]

Alchemy [S]

Tactical Retreat [A]

Animal Communication [B]

Passive

Goddess Origin (SS)

Divinity (A)

Wood Affinity (SSS)

…

“[Chaos Immunity (D)],” Rem said. “May anyone inform the court?”

“It’s an ability for degenerate,” Ebony called out.

“Objection,” Luxinna yelled out. “That ability causes the user to be immune to the effect of surrounding disaster. It’s a normal ability.”

“Normal, my ass!” Scathach snapped. “That Skill protects the user from the chaos of her own causing. It’s the ability for the ass of the asses.”

The warrior maid turned toward Rem.

“You only stay chill because you don’t know the pain we have gone through this last three days,” Scathach accused. Everyone, even lawyer Luxinna, nodded. “It must be nice to stay in bed for…”

“Silence,” Rem slammed a rubber hammer on the temporary podium. “Or I will start throwing houses.”

Instant silence.

“Now tell me what happened this last five days that I spent in a coma,” Rem declared. “And bring me the supporting pieces of evidence!”

…

Ebony rolled forth Exhibit A.

Rem founded it profoundly fascinating. The Exhibit was a reddish orange liquid suspended inside a blue gel. Everyone knowing the evidence backed five-steps from the case out of terror.

“What am I looking at?” Rem investigated curiously.

Cytortia stared at Luxinna. Luxinna returned her stare back. After a solid minute under that accusing gazed, Cytortia surrendered and nodded.

“This…” Luxinna began. “is the Sage Force Original Recipe #1. Officially named the Burning Sunshine.”

“Emphasize on burning,” Melody stated.

“Your honor, I suggest we shut the loser up,” Luxinna pointed out. “I also petition to rename Melody as Ms. Fail.”

“I object,” said the none-to-please Melody.

“Objection override,” Rem said. “Continue with the case. Tell me what I am looking at.”

Luxinna waved her hand at the Burning Sunshine while staying as far from the evidence as she could.

“What you are looking at is a mixture of Serene Sunroot and Burning Lemonade in 3:1 ratio, purified to 93% purity, and enhance with [Sage Force] before catalyzed under lightning.” Luxinna described. “The solution could theoretically help heal the user of fire-type Cultivation Technique and heal an internal injury. It is…” Luxinna hesitated. “It is perfectly safe.”

“Safe. My. Ass,” Scathach furiously burst out. “Why don’t you maniacs mention anything about the heat the solution emits?! It cracked the ground by mere exposure and nearly burnt the rest of the house down.”

Rem nodded, gazing at burnt patches of the ground beside Ebony’s smoldering house, so that was the story behind the explosions.

“The house is already destroyed!” Luxinna defended.

“Don’t act sassy with me, you dolt!” Scathach scolded. “The solution’s temperature is so high it melted all the containers. You idiot barely concocted a cold temperature suspensor before the cauldron melted! Do you realize what would happen when that thing leaks!?”

Cytortia’s eyes turned toward Rem for support. Sadly, Rem, despite being mean as hell, was an impartial judge. Luckily, Luxinna excelled at craftily with cleaning up messes.

“But the experiment is a success right!” Luxinna questioned Melody. “You are a fire-type cultivator. You should feel the benefit of Burning Sunshine.”

Melody’s face wrapped into expressions of total accusation.

“Yes, if I can even drink it without dying,” Melody said. “Even Magma is incomparable to that super-heated sludge!”

“Okay, okay,” Rem clapped, shutting down the dissent before things went overboard. “Is that all the evidence?”

“Hardly,” Scathach rose. “Let us produce the crazy goddess most egregious blunder yet. Melody, rolls in the Black Despair.”

…

Melody carted in a jar with a bunch of sealing papers pasted all over it before the jury. Rem knew those handwritings. Scathach wrote those papers, but what got Rem’s interest was the fluid inside the jar. The liquid was pitch black and bubbling with slow and creepy noise. The container sealed away most of the toxic waste’s smell, but Rem could already guess a month-old roadkill would smell better than that abomination.

“This abomination is the Black Despair,” Ebony stood to give her testimony. “The idiot goddess and her accomplices believed buying five kilos of unprocessed Monster cores, enhancing its curses with [Sage Force] and Corpse Mushroom for 24 hours in an airtight seal then adding a corrosive Hesian acid and aging the damn thing for twenty-four hours is sane. This abomination is the result.”

Rem assessed the jar with sagely look.

“Excuse me, but you had to be clear about what it does?”

“Mmmmmmm” Cytortia waved her hand in distressed.

“The defendant said Black Despair is useful for fermentation of multiple useful substances,” the elf lawyer translated.

“I don’t call deadly poison and dark-type medicinal plant useful,” Ebony argued furiously. “Dangerous? Absolutely! Perverted? Maybe! But useful? Who has uses for poison?”

“I do,” Rem raised his hand.

Silence.

Realizing that her argument fell to deft ear, co-prosecutor Ebony switched the method of attack.

“But its side-effects is outrageous!” Ebony spoke. “Scathach lists the damage!”

“Yes,” Scathach stood beside her temporary allies.

“Upon the moment of its unsealing, Black Despair attracted a hoard of ghosts into the area. Every tenant around the area was forced to evacuate on sight. All of us had to deal with the attacking ghost for 48 hours straight!”

“Two questions,” judge Rem raised his hand. “First, why didn’t I hear about this beforehand? Second, isn’t this place is already deserted when we arrived?”

Luxinna rose to capitalize on the situation.

“Your honor, the area is sparsely populated before the ghost hoard arrives, therefore no harm is done!”

“Deserted your ass,” Melody countered. “I will admit this area is close to the black market and slum. But while it might feel empty, we still have communities living here.”

“It is a ghost block,” Scathach admitted. “They dumped the lazy-bums and jobless new-comer like you guys here. Seriously, Ebony, why do you pick this place to set up shop?”

“Shut up,” Ebony cried out. “You are smart enough to understand why I am stuck in this dump! Setting a shop closer to the business-sector is like advertising myself to Jekyll. Anyway, because of these dimwit experiments, this area got even more wasted. To your jackass honor, if that the ghost hoard so dangerous it scared drug dealer and loan sharks away isn’t enough to convince you about the danger of this accursed drug, then nothing could!”

“Both of you cannot answer the first question,” Rem smacked the hammer down. “Where is the ghost?”

Everyone looked at each other.

Seizing rare opportunity, Luxinna went for an all-or-nothing counter.

“Your honor, that would bring you to Horizon Dawn’s pride jewel.”

…

The third artifacts rolled to be judged by the mass.

‘Your honor,” Luxinna said, presenting a red crystal to the audience. “This is Sage Force’s Original Recipe #3, also known as the Ghost Detecting Crystal. It was our solution to the ghost problem.”

Scathach snorted.

“The problems you created.”

“Mmmmm,” said the gagged and handcuffed goddess.

“She wants to say the problem you cannot solve.” Luxinna translated.

Rem smacked the table with his rubber hammer.

“Order!” Rem announced. “Order to court! Now tell me what’s happened?”

Luxinna came out of the podium for her last defense.

“Yes, your honor. Seeing the increasing failure of the prosecution side on the ghost’s issue, defendant Cytortia developed an alternative method when all else fail.”

“You are lucky it worked,” Melody said. “What you guys did is one of the riskiest things I’ve ever see.”

Rem wanted a soft drink.

Today was turning into one celebration of entertainment.

“Interesting, so what was the plan.”

“I have Cytortia’s note right here,” Luxinna showed them the scribble much to Cytortia distressed. The elf glanced at the notebook and sulked. “Your honor, it will take me quite a while to decipher it.”

“Give it to me,” Scathach said, taking the note. “I am familiar with the dolt’s note-keeping.”

Scathach began reading the note.

“The ghost is all over the place. Keep this up, and that demon badger will offer me up as a sacrifice. To counter this, I have a plan. I’ve placed a tub of Black Despair in the designated area. Suspend over the solution is a drilled Angel Tear Stone. Theoretically, Angel Tear Stone’s purifying property will contain the ghost’s malicious influence. Black Despair will draw the ghost toward the crystal, and the Angle Tear stone — with its Natural Absorbance turn to max — will trap the ghosts in one go. To make sure this project works, I secretly prepared 5 kg of Burning Sunshine laced with Holy powder to help ignite those evil spirits. Finally, to tame the ghost traps in the crystal, the crystal shall be boiled with Natural Hierarchy boosted monsters’ blood.”

Scathach finished the narration.

“Impressive,” Rem whistled. “So, use does ‘Ghost Detecting Crystal’ have?”

Cytortia waved her hand and complained through her gags.

“She said she barely tested it,” Luxinna translated again. “But we already see some potential. The crystal works like some sort of warning system. When Scathach started hunting Cy down, the Crystal began vibrating, glowed bright red and started showing a strange vision of an enrage Scathach.”

“Bullshit,” Melody said, turning toward Rem. “You can’t be believing this right?”

“Is the vision created from bloody red smoke?” Rem said, more stone-faced than ever.

“Yes. How did—” Luxinna’s face sank. “The crystal is activating behind me isn’t it.”

Luxinna spun back and watched the video of doom played out. Meanwhile, Rem wrote on a notepad.

The gang and the Solarmaria saw the glowing crimson crystal emitted a cloud of red smoke. The red vapor coiled, creating an image of a massive lizard with wings. The dragon’s eyes quivered drowsily. The message was obvious; this thing was awakening. The images zoomed out. Its axis shifted to present the dragon as a small figurine sitting beneath a town made of red smoke. Finally, the crimson smoke regathered and formed into an image of a drill which morphed into a symbol of a stylistic tiger face encircle by a ring of coiling dragon.

The smoke disappeared but left behind a feeling of dread.

“Hey, that last symbol is the dragon coiling around a tiger, isn’t it?” Ebony said.

“Oh, Fuuuuuuuuck,” Scathach groaned. “It’s them, isn’t it?”

“I knew it,” Melody felt vindicated. “Those bastards have an agenda here. The mayor is an idiot for welcoming those loan sharks.”

Cytortia banged her head on the table and let out a muffled scream.

“Guys,” said the oblivious forest elf. “What’s that symbol? Who are we dealing with?”

In the moves that surprised everyone, it was Rem who answered the question.

“That is Enma Enterprise’s emblem,” Rem answered before standing up and issuing the next instruction.

“Ladies,” Rem looked around. “Well, we seem to lack in gentleman department, aren’t we? Very well, I left behind a written instruction in case anything happens. Now please excuse me while I dig around for any clue regarding a mysterious dragon and a clan of power drunken beast people. Za Wa, I can see you eating Ebony’s cookies under the table, come with me buddy, I need you for today’s ’shopping. And Cy, good job, your merit nullifies your punishment. Court adjourn.”

And Rem coolly walked out, and octopus slithered from its hiding place and leaped on his shoulder. Both of them left, leaving behind five very confuse people.