《Sustain》Chapter 32
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It was decided that Ilian would wait until July to test his resistance to the dark strain a second time. This would give them a few more weeks to “dose” him with more of their DNA, in a manner of speaking. And in that time, Adan and Ilian got into the habit of having intimate encounters with one another at least every two or three days.
Adan did worry that Aura would understandably begin to think that he actually did prefer Ilian as a lover. But it didn’t change the fact that all three of them knew that they needed to continue helping Ilian build that resistance. And the sad fact of the matter was that sex between Ilian and Adan definitely had a few less consequences than sex between Aura and either of her male lovers could have
Aura was in a constant fluctuating state due to how intimate Adan and Ilian now were. She did have less worries about having to risk pregnancy just to make sure Ilian had what he needed and Adan did too, so to speak. But she also had the constant fear of losing her own intimate relationship with either of them. It was obvious she was completely in love with Adan and would risk anything and everything to keep from losing any fraction of the affection between them. And she had to admit, if only to herself, that she quite enjoyed her physical intimacy with Ilian as well, and had no true desire to lose it either.
During those weeks, Aura did allow herself nearly as many intimate moments with each of them as they had been having with each other. Of course, anything and everything went during Adan’s and Ilian’s nights together. Aura had to be a bit more careful. Though, nonetheless, her fear of ever being replaced in Adan’s heart, as well as either of their beds, did lead her to giving in to having full intercourse with each of the men more than once over that time period.
July had only started now, and Ilian was deciding on when to conduct the next test of his resistance against the dark strain. That morning Adan was sleeping in after another long, passionate night. And Aura’s insomnia always woke her early in the morning with no chance of falling back asleep anyway. So most days, she didn’t even try to force her brain back to sleep, and just got up to deal with practical things like showers or breakfast, or staring blankly at the TV, at the very least.
Aura had just finished breakfast and was emptying another half a dozen ibuprofen into the palm of her hand when Ilian had now risen from bed for the day and made his way to the dining area.
“Morning” she turned to greet him with a shy smile as she reached for what was left of the drink she had had with her breakfast.
Ilian stepped toward her to give her a soft kiss good morning; another habit he had adopted from she and Adan. But his smile faltered nearly as soon as it touched his lips.
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As she noted his expression change, and his eyes moving to the pills she was about to swallow, Aura furrowed her brow. “Something wrong?”
“You probably shouldn’t take those” he stated warily.
With a look of confusion, she replied, “I’ve been taking them for two months. And you know exactly why I do take them. So why are you now suddenly telling me not to?”
Flashing back to his conversation in the garden with Adan less than a month earlier, Ilian thought a long moment on how he even should answer her question. He swallowed slightly, settling on the truth. “Because there’s no guarantee it will work. And even if it does, it will be painful. And could damage you” he told her with his volume barely above a whisper, his eyes cast down.
Trying not to fly into immediate panic, she managed more words, “what will be painful and could damage me?”
“The miscarriage” he made himself answer, though in a whisper.
“The---” she stammered. The panic attack had no build up then, as she was instantly sent down that dark spiral, hyperventilating as tears rushed to her eyes.
“Aura...” he made some attempt at comforting her as he moved closer, placing a hand on each of her shoulders as she struggled for breath while the tears flowed unhindered over her reddened cheeks, sobs shaking her body.
“You’re telling me I’m—“ the word choked her, which just caused more coughing through the sobs. “I can’t, Ilian... I can’t...” a new wave of sobs choked her words again, her shaking intensified. “You can’t expect me to try to---” more sobbing as he pulled her to his chest.
Making one last attempt at helping her reclaim her senses, Ilian lifted her face and placed his mouth over hers. Instead of kissing him back, she just pushed him away with a look of disbelief.
“You think a kiss will fix this?” she exclaimed, her throat barely forming the words. “Nothing will fix this! I can’t fucking do this!” she immediately moved for her drink again, determined to choke down the pills, pain and damage be damned.
“Stop Aura, please, listen” he pleaded as he reached to stop her hand from shoving those pills into her mouth.
“Listen? To what? I cannot fucking do this, Ilian. I will not!” she was nearly shouting through her tears now.
“Aura, listen” he said more loudly, tightly gripping her wrist that held the pills in shaking hand. “Remember what I was before? I might be able to fix this for you. Just give me a chance before you take that route. Can you do that, please?”
Her breaths only slowing slightly, she made her tear filled eyes look back into his dark pools of brown. “You can’t tell me you know how to perform abortions or some shit, Ilian. Your race didn’t even have---” she just shook her head again, trying to push down another sob.
“I’m sure I could figure out how to do that, if you want me to. But before that, remember what I still am? I might be able to do this an easier way. I mean, look what I did to myself” he reminded her as he gestured to his appearance.
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“What? So you changed your appearance? Not the same thing, Ilian. You’ll just make me stay skinny after I start to show or what? Still not gonna solve the real problem here!”
“I was a healer as well. Back home. I have abilities that you and Adan aren’t even aware of, because I’ve never had to use them here, thankfully. But just give me the chance before you cause yourself any more pain. Please?” he asked her as he softly reached up to brush a tear from her cheek.
“And what are you gonna do? Honestly?” she stated, her tone making it obvious how little hope she had for any other solution at all being possible.
Ilian sighed as he glanced down the hall. “The way your system works is by expelling unfertilized eggs each month, right?”
“Are you really asking me about my period?” she shook her head. “Well, unless I take these fucking pills, I won’t be having that for a while, will I?” she scoffed to try and force the panic attack into a holding pattern, at the very least.
“You also have my DNA in you. Even if I’m not the father” he added upon seeing her widened eyes. “And I think it’s obvious that I have pretty amazing control over my DNA, don’t I?” he gestured to his appearance again. “I can program it to do exactly what I want. Even if it defies the laws of your own. But as I said, you have mine in you now too. And just because it’s in your body, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I can’t control it still, if necessary.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about, Ilian? Gonna make me into a male now or something? Guess that could be one way to solve this problem I suppose, but not quite sure I’d prefer a gender bending mind fuck to a miscarriage. Just sayin.”
“Or I could convince your DNA to get rid of unwanted cells. The way it already gets rid of them when they’re not fertilized. What do you have to lose by at least letting me try? Except possibly a baby you’re not ready to have anyway?”
Aura spent nearly the next full hour in Ilian’s bed. However it was a much less intimate encounter than the last time she had found herself there. This time she just tried to lay still while he held his hands firmly against her abdomen, his dark eyes shut, almost as though in some sort of trance. Or possibly some sort of telepathic communication with the very cells that were now inside her body; including those unwanted ones.
It was once they heard Adan stirring in the next bedroom to go and find his way to a morning shower and meal, was when Ilian finally seemed to mentally return. He moved back from her as he opened his eyes, looking down at her with a soft sigh.
“Gonna take a wild guess and say it didn’t work?” she asked as she began feeling that barely buried anxiety inching to the surface again.
“We should know that fairly soon” he responded quietly.
Aura let out a heavy sigh then as well. Fully prepared to go and down all those pills after all, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. Just as she was about to rise from the bed, still dressed only in her long t-shirt, she felt a sudden and intense wetness rush to her thighs. Though it also wasn’t exactly the sort she normally felt when she found herself in a bedroom with Ilian or Adan.
She tossed the light blanket away to look down at herself, only to gasp in shock and fear at the growing pool of blood between her legs.
Ilian touched her trembling hand gently. “I managed to keep it from being painful, but unfortunately this part is still unavoidable” he told her in a soft, apologetic tone.
Her breath trembling, she just stared down at the blood. “You mean I... It’s... it’s gone?” she whispered hoarsely.
“More efficient and hopefully less problematic than filling yourself with dozens of pills” he answered her as he squeezed her hand gently.
“It’s really gone? I’m really not anymore?” she asked, still staring numbly at the pool of red beneath her.
“That is what you wanted, right?” Ilian asked her as he moved to help her to carefully stand.
“Well, I definitely didn’t want to actually have a baby, so...” she just swallowed as she shakily stood, holding his hand for support.
“Then it is what you wanted, right?” he asked once more, moving to hand her a nearby towel he had taken from the bathroom on their way to the bedroom earlier.
“Of course it’s not what I wanted! But having it... That would be worse, in so many ways” she insisted, angrily forcing back the urge for tears.
It was what she wanted, she told herself again; even if it somehow left her feeling like she had a hole inside; an even deeper one than the one she normally had always felt she had there. Despite that, it was still better than the alternative.
“I think Adan’s probably in the shower now. But I can go get a wet cloth from the sink, so you can---”
“You mean in the bathroom?”
“That is the nearest sink” Ilian stated with a furrowed brow.
“And what will you tell Adan?” Aura returned worriedly as she continued to try and wipe more blood away from her legs and thighs.
“What do you want me to tell him?” Ilian asked cautiously.
Aura sniffled slightly as she looked back at him. “I have no fucking idea” she admitted as she failed to push back the next sob.
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